Hello I am moving to Sweden help me do Swedish things

In order to acclimate to your frigid Nordic culture I am going to need to learn a very specific set of skills. I assume many of you are from this collectivist island nation because you produce 90% of the world's terrible electronic music. So if you can advise me on these and other matters of your culture that would be super good of you to do thanks.

 

1. Enjoy wearing red pants literally all of the time.

 

 

2. Enjoy terrible electronic music with tracks like "We're Sitting on Ventrillo Playing DoTA" literally it is called "We're Sitting on Ventrillo Playng DoTA" this is a ridiculously popular song in your island nation.

 

 

3. Enjoy shoveling bulging cans of rotting fish into my gullet.

 

 

4. Never come within five feet of a stranger, ever.

 

 

 

 

5. Never smile at any living human, ever.

 

 

"I AM NOT FROWNING THIS IS HOW I EXPRESS JOY WELCOME TO SUNNY SWEDEN."

Edited February 6, 2013 by No Don't :(

the only thing on that list that's not an exaggeration is the bus thing. the only other thing you need to know is winter is hell, summers are amazing. and keep away from the northern parts of sweden if rotting fish/basshunter isn't your thing.

Edited February 6, 2013 by data

all my hoes be up in oland. makin good moonshine

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last summer was shit tough

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How is Sweden an island nation exactly? You might need to brush up on your geography.

  On 2/6/2013 at 1:59 AM, No Don't :( said:

In order to acclimate to your frigid Nordic culture I am going to need to learn a very specific set of skills. I assume many of you are from this collectivist island nation because you produce 90% of the world's terrible electronic music. So if you can advise me on these and other matters of your culture that would be super good of you to do thanks.

Welcome to Sweden, which is not an island nation! I will be your tour guide. First, I will address your attempts to predict swedish habits. I have experience of most cities and have lived both in the capitol, small towns as well as our version of the projects.

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1. Enjoy wearing red pants literally all of the time.

This is not true; Sometimes we wear green pants. No, not really. This happens when you are in your early 20's and haven't fallen into a subculture trap like the other smalltowners, but heard about the hipster thing and want to try it out.

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2. Enjoy terrible electronic music with tracks like "We're Sitting on Ventrillo Playing DoTA" literally it is called "We're Sitting on Ventrillo Playng DoTA" this is a ridiculously popular song in your island nation.

Going to a party? There will always be one guy/girl who enjoys even weirder (and cooler) music than you do. But expect to hear shitty music. Basshunter is virtually dead here, but most people enjoy the same pop that you get bombarded by on the radio, except that there are a lot of swedish artists (who sing in english), such as Robyn.

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3. Enjoy shoveling bulging cans of rotting fish into my gullet.

No one does this. Ever. But I have never gone far up north.

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4. Never come within five feet of a stranger, ever.

This is true. Swedish people are incredibly insecure around strangers. If you approach people on the street, you are either A: trying to sell something or B: trying to rob/rape them or C: suffering from a mental condition.

 

The most interaction you are going to experience in your daily life is saying hi to the cashiers as you buy your groceries. This means that the trained super-helpfulness of serviceminded storekeepers provide a jarring contrast to the daily life of a Swede.

 

This changes completely when you go out drinking. In bigger towns, you will have the greatest fun with people who you are never going to meet again. If you are going to a small town, you're going to have a really hard time if you're not patient or lucky.

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5. Never smile at any living human, ever.

Swedish people in the wild are strange, serious creatures. They know how to pull off an awkward smile, but look carefully and you will notice an air of mild discontent at everything in the universe. This is because swedish lives are very important and there are a lot of things to do in order to maintain the perfect Svensson lifestyle; which is a circus of middle-class routines masked as upper-middle class routines. This involves reading murder novels, having some form of wellness hobby, redecorating your home every weekend, being the most exotic cook and hiding the fact that everything you own is mortgaged.

 

Another thing to point out is that swedes from every walk of life are the most content when they are somewhat melancholic. Genuine happiness is seen as some form of mania.

 

Like I said earlier, we let it all out when we go out drinking. The viking genes take over. You will see the most embarassing things.

 

Some other things to keep in mind:

 

Don't discuss politics. Especially not immigration policies.

 

Systembolaget is the government's attempt to regulate alcoholism, which means you can only get booze from its chain of stores between 10-6pm on weekdays. It's ridiculously overpriced. Be out in time.

 

Tobacco is also expensive.

 

Maintain a sense of neutral, masked self-importance, but be friendly. We don't bite, we are too civilized for that.

 

Swedish bitches are super easy when they are a little tipsy.

I learnt all my knowledge of Sweden from pornography - they seem a friendly bunch.

  On 2/6/2013 at 1:59 AM, No Don't :( said:

 

Norway too?

 

 

I endorse these habits actually - I'm too friendly not to smile but holy fuck do I hate talking to strangers, especially the bus crowd in Austin - which consists of either reluctant necessity users like myself or utterly insane locals, the latter of which always want to talk to me.

Do this and you'll be fine...

 

 

hmm..

 

Why does that bus stop pic seem so familiar?

Is Finland as much of Scandinavia as Denmark?

 

Also, what's up the Faroe Islands - they're like Iceland's zitty, way less cool cousin that goes to medieval fairs and listens to Dragonforce and shit.

 

If you haven't seen Fargo DO IT ASAP - Swedish-American stereotypes are among my favorite don't cha know

 

 

  On 2/6/2013 at 8:14 PM, joshuatx said:

Is Finland as much of Scandinavia as Denmark?

 

Also, what's up the Faroe Islands - they're like Iceland's zitty, way less cool cousin that goes to medieval fairs and listens to Dragonforce and shit.

 

Finland is kind of odd in the Nordic context, with having a completely different language than the rest of the Nordic countries. And I would say that some of the points in the OP are way more Finnish than Swedish, which I see as far more positively inclined than the melancholy and grumpy Finns. But on the other hand all the countries are somewhat similar culturally since there is a lot of shared history between all of these countries, even if they don't like to admit to it.

So in the summer does it ever get hot or at least a little warm. How cold does it get in the winter. Im curious because we have no sessions in california, gets a little chilly in the winter and a little warmer in the summer

It can get pretty hot, but usually it's around 20-25 centigrade in June-August, sometimes it's around that for longer and can sometimes get over 35 centigrade. During the winter it is usually somewhere between -5 to -10 centigrade but can also go well under -25, especially in the northern parts of the country. It's not like it's perpetually cold here, there's this thing called the Gulf stream that warms up this place.

a year typically ranges somewhere between -10° to 25° (14-77 fahrenheit). It does get hotter than that at times, but most importantly there are a lot of cold spikes in northern and/or windy parts. The last couple of winters have been the coldest in a long, long time.

Edited February 6, 2013 by chimera slot mom

No, don´t :)

last summer was quite shit, the highest measured temp was around 33c / 90f though.

 

oh and try to avoid talking to a swede about the weather because once they get started there's really no stopping them.

Edited February 7, 2013 by data

  On 2/6/2013 at 8:51 PM, azatoth said:

 

  On 2/6/2013 at 8:14 PM, joshuatx said:

Is Finland as much of Scandinavia as Denmark?

 

Also, what's up the Faroe Islands - they're like Iceland's zitty, way less cool cousin that goes to medieval fairs and listens to Dragonforce and shit.

 

Finland is kind of odd in the Nordic context, with having a completely different language than the rest of the Nordic countries. And I would say that some of the points in the OP are way more Finnish than Swedish, which I see as far more positively inclined than the melancholy and grumpy Finns. But on the other hand all the countries are somewhat similar culturally since there is a lot of shared history between all of these countries, even if they don't like to admit to it.

 

 

I suppose Finland is also close to the Baltic countries and Russia as well, after all Norway and Sweden are basically the same peninsula. It's a Uralic language and I randomly remember it was one of J.R.R. Tolkein's favorite languages. They were notably neutral during the Cold War too, neither joining NATO nor the Warsaw Pact, and their complicated changes in alliances during WWII is fascinating.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grS992T46Hc

 

 

LOL swedes are so watmm

Edited February 7, 2013 by fiznuthian

  chimera slot mom said:

Sometimes we wear green pants. No, not really. This happens when you are in your early 20's and haven't fallen into a subculture trap like the other smalltowners, but heard about the hipster thing and want to try it out.

 

Well, that's just great.

 

I already went and bought some-odd pairs of cherry-red H&M pants, Yankees ballcaps, and Converse to fit into your culture.

 

  chimera slot mom said:

Like I said earlier, we let it all out when we go out drinking. The viking genes take over. You will see the most embarassing things.

 

Drinking sounds like the most important social activity in your sunny peninsula. As a non-drinker I'm afraid I will never encounter a Swede in his true form.

 

  chimera slot mom said:

Swedish bitches are super easy when they are a little tipsy.

 

Yes but how is it to mack on Scandinavian dudes.

 

  On 2/6/2013 at 11:35 PM, data said:

oh and try to avoid talking to a swede about the weather because once they get started there's really no stopping them.

 

Is it just me or do you people tend to be brutally honest about most things above and beyond what you would expect elsewhere.

 

For example I ask a Swedish fellow if a new outfit makes me look fat he will respond with "You would not need a pair of pants to make you look fat because the times in which you are not fat are more unique."

Edited February 7, 2013 by No Don't :(

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