Forgiveness

do you tend to forgive people rather easily? are there people that you have vowed, never to forgive?

sometimes, as i sit and think of the people that i've emotionally or physically wounded, or that have emotionally or physically wounded me, in my past, it is almost as though they beckon to me, to either ask for their forgiveness or to give mine.

Forgive 'em, but make a mental note that they're cunts.

There's an old saying down in Texas -- I, I believe it's here in Tennessee too -- "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Can't -- can't get fooled again." - george hw bush

There are people out there that I won't forgive.

But usually, I forgive people. I'm not a pushover and I have a strong presence so when people cross me it's almost undermining to my being to forgive them, particularly when the person doesn't believe they did anything wrong.

There's a time to forgive and a time to go postal.

When people say to "turn the other cheek", it's really just a warm fuzzy thought that instills weakness in people. Make people think they are doing the right thing as they're getting screwed. But if someone does something that really pisses you off and you realize it's only short term, then forgive.

i guess i forgive everyone except satan

i've held grudges for over 10yrs

i've forgave others tho

depends on the crime

I don't usually forgive people but I don't usually dwell on shit either. once in a blue moon i'll think of something someone did to me when I was 5 and my grudge will still be fresh as a cold cucumber. people talk about forgiveness like it has an on button and I just don't comprehend the brain action of it.

Forgive but don't forget

i kinda give everyone one chance. a get outta jail free card so to speak (unless they really piss me off). but after that i wont forgive them ever again. and i do make it clear to them of my position. so if they betray me again i cut contact with them completely. this includes everyone, even family.

as for me asking forgiveness: im not lying but i have never wronged someone. at least not intentionally. so i have never actually needed to ask for someones forgiveness. and i plan on keeping it that way.

Intentions don't matter when you wrong someone. You have no doubt wronged many people through inaction or obliviousness, and ignorance of the effects of your actions in no way absolves you from responsibility.

/paternalluke

To the people that hold grudges: what good does it do you to feel anger and pain after ten years? Can't you forgive the offender for being a dumbass and finally just go on your merry way? It seems like such unnecessary baggage. Certainly retaining your anger for years isn't going to make the other person act nice toward you, and if they try to fuck with you again, and you've forgiven them, you can still be discerning about interacting with them without holding on to shitty feelings, can't you?

is it my imagination or do others experience a distinct pause in space-time when forgiveness is performed, whether it be given or received or queried? i feel as though there is something rather spooky about it, not unlike the moment before and after someone has died, or before physical violence, or the moment when extreme anticipation has guaranteed satisfaction, but has not provided it quite yet, or directly before and after an automobile accident. it is air pressure, maybe gravity, maybe something more..

I don't forgive, but I do forget. If that makes sense.

holding a grudge against someone is like ingesting poison and hoping the other person will die. ITs hard to let go of, but i try to remember this saying when i find myself holding them

im forgiving to a fault. my ex cheated on me and i told her i was sorry. i don't even know.

Depends on the person and what he/she did. But no, I generally don't easily forgive people. An apology from their end might speed things up, but not much. Again, it depends on the action.

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:26 AM, luke viia said:

Intentions don't matter when you wrong someone. You have no doubt wronged many people through inaction or obliviousness, and ignorance of the effects of your actions in no way absolves you from responsibility.

 

/paternalluke

true true, just because im not aware of something i did, or the chain of events of something i did doesnt clear me from the responsibility. but if i never knew about it how can i forgive? if someone came up to me and said "hey, you did _______ and it pissed me off" then i would explain the situation and say sorry. unless they continue to be a dick, then i say "fuck you and im not sorry anymore."

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:30 AM, luke viia said:

To the people that hold grudges: what good does it do you to feel anger and pain after ten years? Can't you forgive the offender for being a dumbass and finally just go on your merry way? It seems like such unnecessary baggage. Certainly retaining your anger for years isn't going to make the other person act nice toward you, and if they try to fuck with you again, and you've forgiven them, you can still be discerning about interacting with them without holding on to shitty feelings, can't you?

i agree that holding a grudge is not healthy at all and if you are someone that holds grudges then you should forgive or get forgiveness to relieve yourself of the burden. cause that shit can lead to physical and mental ailments.

I believe I should forgive everyone for everything, but whether this actually happens is a different matter.

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:30 AM, luke viia said:

To the people that hold grudges: what good does it do you to feel anger and pain after ten years? Can't you forgive the offender for being a dumbass and finally just go on your merry way? It seems like such unnecessary baggage. Certainly retaining your anger for years isn't going to make the other person act nice toward you, and if they try to fuck with you again, and you've forgiven them, you can still be discerning about interacting with them without holding on to shitty feelings, can't you?

i wish i could let some stuff go. i think if i were happier in general maybe i could. but then if i were happier in general maybe i wouldn't have that stuff to begin with?

from my personal experience, i never got an apology that i can remember, for something important. never. not one. i've given plenty that i can recall. if i ever thought about something i said/did and realized that it was kind of shitty, i gave the apology. even if it wasn't asked for. and sometimes i even gave one and later thought 'maybe i shouldn't have apologized for that'. but i don't recall getting an apology from any of the people who did any of the things that ever stuck with me the most. they just roll right along like it aint no thang. that's the part that i hate the most. it seems like these are the kinds of people who get to be most successful in pretty much all ways.

This is the kind of thing that can really eat you up inside (I know from personal experience) but over time you have to let go of your pain.

When someone has wronged me (either out of malice or ignorance) and not shown any remorse I find it best to avoid them.

I haven't really wronged many people (that I'm aware of) but th things I have done do bother me sometimes.

At the end of the day it's human to make mistakes, you either accept and move on or it eats away at you.

Anger against those who have hurt you can be self destructive and is best let go. So let it go.

Do I forgive? Yes always, I can't stay angry at people (just not in my nature).

PS I think motivation makes a big difference.

  On 5/24/2013 at 3:57 AM, luke viia said:

Forgive 'em, but make a mental note that they're cunts.

 

There's an old saying down in Texas -- I, I believe it's here in Tennessee too -- "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Can't -- can't get fooled again." - george hw bush

one of my faves, my fav is "now watch this drive"

forgive em fuck em who cares im sure its more about yourself than the person youre forgiving anyway

hm dunno, if it's a big hurt i prefer to actively forget the person than forgive.

  On 5/24/2013 at 7:30 AM, Frankie5fingers said:

 

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:26 AM, luke viia said:

Intentions don't matter when you wrong someone. You have no doubt wronged many people through inaction or obliviousness, and ignorance of the effects of your actions in no way absolves you from responsibility.

 

/paternalluke

 

true true, just because im not aware of something i did, or the chain of events of something i did doesnt clear me from the responsibility. but if i never knew about it how can i forgive? if someone came up to me and said "hey, you did _______ and it pissed me off" then i would explain the situation and say sorry. unless they continue to be a dick, then i say "fuck you and im not sorry anymore."

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:30 AM, luke viia said:

To the people that hold grudges: what good does it do you to feel anger and pain after ten years? Can't you forgive the offender for being a dumbass and finally just go on your merry way? It seems like such unnecessary baggage. Certainly retaining your anger for years isn't going to make the other person act nice toward you, and if they try to fuck with you again, and you've forgiven them, you can still be discerning about interacting with them without holding on to shitty feelings, can't you?

i agree that holding a grudge is not healthy at all and if you are someone that holds grudges then you should forgive or get forgiveness to relieve yourself of the burden. cause that shit can lead to physical and mental ailments.

 

lol thank you for being so civil after I came at your post like the most serious dad ever. And you're right, I also expect people to be up-front when they feel offended. They just... aren't. My girlfriend seems almost completely incapable of expressing her anger and just shuts down (as in, she gets quiet) when I've offended her, so it's up to me to have a bit of intuition about it. The easy way out is of course to just say "well tell me when you're offended!" (which I do tell her all the time) but she struggles with it and I care for her so I try to keep that attitude at bay and be aware of my actions hurting others even if no one is vocally protesting. cheers.

  On 5/24/2013 at 7:58 AM, MisterE said:

 

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:30 AM, luke viia said:

To the people that hold grudges: what good does it do you to feel anger and pain after ten years? Can't you forgive the offender for being a dumbass and finally just go on your merry way? It seems like such unnecessary baggage. Certainly retaining your anger for years isn't going to make the other person act nice toward you, and if they try to fuck with you again, and you've forgiven them, you can still be discerning about interacting with them without holding on to shitty feelings, can't you?

i wish i could let some stuff go. i think if i were happier in general maybe i could. but then if i were happier in general maybe i wouldn't have that stuff to begin with?

 

I guess I do kinda take it as "everyone can do it, so why not?" but plenty of people struggle with forgiveness... I was raised Lutheran so forgiveness was seriously drilled into me, and it's done me very well in my ability to get along with everyone I meet. It seems like a totally rational, common-sense act to me, but you're right... it can be really damn difficult to pull off if you feel deeply wounded.

  On 5/24/2013 at 1:57 PM, RichieBees said:

 

forgive em fuck em who cares im sure its more about yourself than the person youre forgiving anyway

 

wise words IMO