Forgiveness

  On 5/24/2013 at 6:08 AM, John Ehrlichman said:

holding a grudge against someone is like ingesting poison and hoping the other person will die. ITs hard to let go of, but i try to remember this saying when i find myself holding them

True. I mostly have the capacity to let it fly to the winds and focus on something more healthy. I have a much harder time forgiving myself.

I was reported for harassment at work for saying "if you can't tan you don't have enough melanin in your skin", and my employer took the complaint seriously because apparently any conversation involving skin colour is "serious". I'm white, and the complainant is white... (wtf...)

So now I have this stigma attached to me that I'm some kind of harassing asshole, and I was just talking about the science of tanning.

Am I supposed to forgive this girl for the most heinous act of blatant stupidity and overreaction I've ever heard of? Btw, I'm mid-sr management, so this is a career limiting event.

i think the most confusing bit for me, regarding forgiveness, is when it is denied. i've been told that once a person asks, then it is not important if it is given or not given necessarily. if one is honest and genuine in the asking, then even if the forgiveness is withheld, there is a 'weight' that will be lifted from ones heart parts. i can testify to this

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:38 PM, StephenG said:

I was reported for harassment at work for saying "if you can't tan you don't have enough melanin in your skin", and my employer took the complaint seriously because apparently any conversation involving skin colour is "serious". I'm white, and the complainant is white... (wtf...)

 

So now I have this stigma attached to me that I'm some kind of harassing asshole, and I was just talking about the science of tanning.

 

Am I supposed to forgive this girl for the most heinous act of blatant stupidity and overreaction I've ever heard of? Btw, I'm mid-sr management, so this is a career limiting event.

thats one of those situations where you have to forgive her even though you didnt really do anything wrong. itll help your working situation. you may have said something inadvertently that she apparently found offensive. it actually happens to me all the time. ill be talking to someone and while what i hear is a totally fine conversation what the other hears is something they dont like.

The correct answer was "no", Mr. Troon....

lol.

maybe?

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:38 PM, StephenG said:

I was reported for harassment at work for saying "if you can't tan you don't have enough melanin in your skin", and my employer took the complaint seriously because apparently any conversation involving skin colour is "serious". I'm white, and the complainant is white... (wtf...)

 

So now I have this stigma attached to me that I'm some kind of harassing asshole, and I was just talking about the science of tanning.

 

Am I supposed to forgive this girl for the most heinous act of blatant stupidity and overreaction I've ever heard of? Btw, I'm mid-sr management, so this is a career limiting event.

Fire that pale imbecile.

I generally forgive and forget in the real world (obviously depending on the severity). The confounding factor, however, is that rarely are misdeeds a simple one-off.

The person that knocked on my door this morning at a sociopathically-early hour, for instance. I could let that slide easily if it was a fluke. But the perpetrator is generally a nasty person who has done many many nasty things. So any sort of forgiveness is made redundant by the fact that I just avoid that person as their presence seem drastically reduce my quality of life.

So yeah beyond a point it has nothing to do with forgiveness.

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:33 PM, chimera slot mom said:

 

  On 5/24/2013 at 6:08 AM, John Ehrlichman said:

holding a grudge against someone is like ingesting poison and hoping the other person will die. ITs hard to let go of, but i try to remember this saying when i find myself holding them

 

True. I mostly have the capacity to let it fly to the winds and focus on something more healthy. I have a much harder time forgiving myself.

 

Ah yes. I forgot to mention that forgiving myself is something I find reaallly hard to do. I've sort of accepted that I'm an insensitive bastard, but if I really goof up I'll feel terrible about it for months if not years. The worst is when you actually can't apologize to the other person for whatever reason (the person moves away and loses contact with you, or it's not your place to keep mentioning the bad deed [as in when you realize that girl you just slept with has a boyfriend and she isn't planning on telling him], etc).

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:52 PM, Frankie5fingers said:

 

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:38 PM, StephenG said:

I was reported for harassment at work for saying "if you can't tan you don't have enough melanin in your skin", and my employer took the complaint seriously because apparently any conversation involving skin colour is "serious". I'm white, and the complainant is white... (wtf...)

 

So now I have this stigma attached to me that I'm some kind of harassing asshole, and I was just talking about the science of tanning.

 

Am I supposed to forgive this girl for the most heinous act of blatant stupidity and overreaction I've ever heard of? Btw, I'm mid-sr management, so this is a career limiting event.

 

 

thats one of those situations where you have to forgive her even though you didnt really do anything wrong. itll help your working situation. you may have said something inadvertently that she apparently found offensive. it actually happens to me all the time. ill be talking to someone and while what i hear is a totally fine conversation what the other hears is something they dont like.

 

Yes but going the route of formal harassment instead of saying "hey, that bothers me, please cease this conversation" is malicious and way over the top.

  On 5/24/2013 at 7:14 PM, Candiru said:

 

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:38 PM, StephenG said:

I was reported for harassment at work for saying "if you can't tan you don't have enough melanin in your skin", and my employer took the complaint seriously because apparently any conversation involving skin colour is "serious". I'm white, and the complainant is white... (wtf...)

 

So now I have this stigma attached to me that I'm some kind of harassing asshole, and I was just talking about the science of tanning.

 

Am I supposed to forgive this girl for the most heinous act of blatant stupidity and overreaction I've ever heard of? Btw, I'm mid-sr management, so this is a career limiting event.

 

Fire that pale imbecile.

 

I'd get sued. lol =P

  On 5/24/2013 at 4:22 AM, Zeffolia said:

Forgive but don't forget

  On 5/24/2013 at 5:08 AM, Franklin said:

I don't forgive, but I do forget. If that makes sense.

They both make sense for different circumstances.

The former for instance for me applies to some members of my family, over an incident that my wife and I have moved past. It's like, they've apologized and made up for it, so I've forgiven and actually "forgotten" in one sense, but I'll never completely eliminate the memory. I've forgotten the "hurt" from it, the painful aspect is gone, but I won't be foolish and let anything like it happen again or pretend it never occurred.

The latter is something I haven't had to deal with personally, because I think it applies to heinous acts by people who have no interest in apologizing or making up for it in any manner: murder, massive betrayal, gross negligence, etc. Years ago, my wife was almost killed by a drunk driver who fled from the scene. She's never felt the need to forgive him and I completely understand.

I think forgiveness is a pretty enlightening concept for individuals to undertake, it's a major tenant of both Western and Eastern religions. Within Christianity though, the concept of god forgiving is gray area for me. Personally I find the idea of mass murders and other sinister individuals who "find god" in a evangelical sense, and say they will be forgiven is quite offensive. I think certain beliefs within Buddhism make more sense. I don't relish in the thought of people going to hell or anything, but I just find it baffling when Christians talk about varying degrees of sin being irrelevant because "God forgives all" or whatever. Then again, those are usually the same delusional believers who think accepting Jesus into your heart is the only way to heaven, something that even as a kid I rejected as a concept.

I can forgive, but the seed has been planted.

depends. if the person did something maliciously and intentionally, or if they are just dumb and dont know any better, then probably not. cause the malice warrants an equal response, and the ignorant will never appreciate it.