How did you change your life?

hearing the smiths for the first time. because i realized, immediately, that i don't ever want to be someone who likes the smiths. i have worked very hard to stay on that path.

i'm not sure I've really "changed my life" in any willful way, it's more been rolling with the punches and ending up in somewhat unexpected places.

mostly my life feels uneventful, but if I bullet point the events in my life post-university it's fairly dramatic

- upon graduation took a 6 month backpacking trip to Europe; during the trip I had a drug overdose and subsequent nervous breakdown

- took me about 4 years to get my mental shit back together; was seeing a shrink and taking meds. Could only work part-time.

- found that the overdose had changed my musical taste; I only really liked electronic music (I had been going through a jazz phase before the overdose, but after couldn't stand the sound of the human voice, horns, etc...quite strange).

- since I was fucked up mentally, decided to go back to school to study computer graphics.

- met a girl at school and eventually started dating her; she turned out to (likely) have had mutiple personality disorder due to childhood abuse. I didn't really understand it at the time. I broke up with her one evening and she killed herself.

- the company I was working for had a crisis in their china office so I volunteered to go over and correct things. The previous managers had been siphoning money into a secret account and doing other nefarious things; the first things I had to do after getting off the plane was to trick people into going with me to the police station, etc. Eventually got that studio up and running again, but grew disenchanted and decided to leave and start my own business.

- during this whole time got really into sleeping with hookers, was spending a lot of money on it every year. But eventually, somehow "came out the other side" of that phase, managed to find a good girl and settle down

- now happily married, we have one kid and another on the way.

- thinking about closing my business and...becoming a farmer?

A few things I've learned along the way -

- depression is a sneaky bastard that will probably stick around and color your life forever; though it is possible to treat it in various ways, each comes with its own cost

- sex is probably better therapy than any med or shrink (but this may only be true in my case)

The big question I'm mulling over these days is, how much am I willing to sacrifice for my future health? Living in Shanghai has really taken a toll on my health and now that I have kids, I want them to grow up healthy and happy. At the same time, I've poured a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and *money* into my business, so it feels like admitting defeat to contemplate walking away from it (don't see any buyers on the horizon).

Has anyone here ever walked away from something they put a ton of time, money, and energy into?

  On 2/2/2014 at 2:51 AM, lumpenprol said:

Has anyone here ever walked away from something they put a ton of time, money, and energy into?

Drinking seriously... hardly have the taste or time for it anymore.

I think in my mid-20's I had a really naive attitude towards work, in general, that changed a lot when I was laid off and basically unemployed for a few years. I came close to having to live out of my car so many times over those years that I sort of gained a new perspective. Whatever allusions I had about job safety or comfortability kinda went out the window. Subsequently, I hustle a lot harder and I'm working towards building my own business.

  On 2/1/2014 at 6:58 PM, MadameChaos said:

I got a bike

I decided to grow a third arm on my lower back.

I stopped working in very high end dining and got a job I enjoy greatly

That and lots of LSD in my youth.

I realize I don't like my job situation because it's frustrating at times and unrewarding, but also comfortable and often easy. Since I tried all options of making it better, I decided to take take classes and I'm in the process of pursuing a new career (got an interview on Monday actually). I've spent years being broke or being unlucky with certain things despite working hard, but I also have friends, a partner, a cat and dog, and plethora of other good things in life.

I've realized that I can't have it all but that nobody really can. Some things simply take time, or can be done in terms of it being over a lifetime, just not all at once. Life is too short to focus on the negative. While there's individual traits you can not (and sometimes should not) change, there's always ways to improve yourself and be a better person.

Little things I try to do or at least work on:

  On 2/2/2014 at 3:41 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

 

  On 2/1/2014 at 6:58 PM, MadameChaos said:

I got a bike

 

watmm hitting that midlife crisis hard.

  On 2/1/2014 at 6:59 PM, StephenG said:

I traded in rampant alcoholism for occasional drunkenness.

Keep it up man. Baby steps, right.

  On 2/1/2014 at 11:48 PM, LimpyLoo said:

A/D I know I've said this before but you are one of the nicest people I have ever encountered.

Tru dat. I'm not as nice as I used to be, but I admire those who can maintain being nice in the face of negativity. Takes a lot of strength.

I guess it's good to make at least a change or two to overall lifestyle every year. For instance, I've been taking almost all coffee black since last September. Also trying to avoid internet pr0n like the plague - I've come to the realization that there's nothing to be gained from it except computer viruses and a fucked-up perspective on life. I can't speak for everyone tho.

  On 2/1/2014 at 9:35 PM, Goiter Sanchez said:

When I was on the cusp of turning 21 I decided to sell my sizable video game collection as up until that time I was invested in it, both financially and emotionally, to an alarming degree and knew that if I continued on that path it would end up a breeding-ground for regret, which terrified me.

I made over 4K selling it on eBay and then turned around and spent nearly the same amount on physical copies of Warp/Skam/Rephlex albums (I was just then getting heavily into left-field electronica), which is a trade that I still stand behind as it ultimately inspired me to learn piano and start producing my own music years down the road.

Around the same time period I visited a gay bar by myself which represented the beginning of a fairly substantial period of self-discovery. I had never even been to a club or bar on either end of the spectrum so it was most certainly a 'baptism by fire' sort of idea.

I went through highschool knowing I was gay but acting completely asexual. I didn't feel like there was anyone I could talk to about it within my social sphere (a notion that I would soon learn was egregiously inaccurate) and felt plenty of unrequited longing for certain people and certain philosophies pertaining to stepping outside of one's comfort zone. So going to that bar, sitting awkwardly in the corner and eventually working up the courage to dance with another man to 'Hung Up' and 'Call On Me' represented far more than the sum of it's parts.

 

During this period of fledgling romances, break-ups, flings and general emotional tumult I was listening to 'Surfing On Sine Waves' loads which has resulted in said album, hilariously, bringing back all that torrent of memories and feelings whenever I put it on!

 

So to sum it up 04/05 was a definitely a major personal tectonic shift.

respect. especially for mustering the courage and determination to do it at 21, that is really something.

I have wasted so much time in limbo, just coasting along, not knowing what the fuck to do or how to do it, not getting any real help or perspective from anybody, certainly not the usual entities or institutions that people rely on - family, friends, country, religion, society, work, uni, whatever - and it weighs on me every day how much time I've lost. I'll never get those years back, supposedly the best years of a person's life. it's hard trying to move on when that's weighing on you. you start to feel like you just belong in the shithole you're in and can't do anything about it.

That happiness is not some vague promise that exists in the future, but rather an outlook that one has (or doesn't have) regarding the ever-shifting present moment.

That was my big revelation.

wow, thanks guys you guys are nice too.

I should probably be a dick more. It would be more true to myself. I have a lot of shit hidden away. But I also know I'll be happier if I'm good to people in the long run, which is confusing.

Lump, I'm thinking about doing the same thing, actually. I've built up a good freelance position over the last 7+ years and I could see it being financially viable to have a family and stuff. But as much as I love things about it it's not my future. So I am actually planning to move and have a farm with my girlfriend next fall. A recently legalized farm. I think and hope it'll be more sustainable and centered than what I'm doing now.

  On 2/2/2014 at 5:22 AM, usagi said:

I have wasted so much time in limbo, just coasting along, not knowing what the fuck to do or how to do it, not getting any real help or perspective from anybody, certainly not the usual entities or institutions that people rely on - family, friends, country, religion, society, work, uni, whatever - and it weighs on me every day how much time I've lost. I'll never get those years back, supposedly the best years of a person's life. it's hard trying to move on when that's weighing on you. you start to feel like you just belong in the shithole you're in and can't do anything about it.

 

this is a myth. Maybe it used to be true ~100 years ago, but nowadays, most people's best days are ahead of them.

hope so. trying to make the most of it.

  On 2/2/2014 at 8:22 AM, Joseph said:

 

  On 2/2/2014 at 5:22 AM, usagi said:

I have wasted so much time in limbo, just coasting along, not knowing what the fuck to do or how to do it, not getting any real help or perspective from anybody, certainly not the usual entities or institutions that people rely on - family, friends, country, religion, society, work, uni, whatever - and it weighs on me every day how much time I've lost. I'll never get those years back, supposedly the best years of a person's life. it's hard trying to move on when that's weighing on you. you start to feel like you just belong in the shithole you're in and can't do anything about it.

 

this is a myth. Maybe it used to be true ~100 years ago, but nowadays, most people's best days are ahead of them.

 

I can relate Usagi. Feels like I haven't made any real progress in life since graduating from uni two years ago.

But the job I've held since 2006...same boss I've had all this time is gonna quit in two months, and so will I. But where to go next based on what obscure skill set I have...that'll be a challenge. All I know is I'm not gonna stay once he leaves.

  On 2/2/2014 at 5:49 AM, A/D said:

wow, thanks guys you guys are nice too.

 

I should probably be a dick more. It would be more true to myself. I have a lot of shit hidden away. But I also know I'll be happier if I'm good to people in the long run, which is confusing.

 

Lump, I'm thinking about doing the same thing, actually. I've built up a good freelance position over the last 7+ years and I could see it being financially viable to have a family and stuff. But as much as I love things about it it's not my future. So I am actually planning to move and have a farm with my girlfriend next fall. A recently legalized farm. I think and hope it'll be more sustainable and centered than what I'm doing now.

that sounds great, I'd get put to death if I did such in China, but I admit I've thought about it just for personal consumption. Over this Chinese New Year I've been spending lots of time at my family-in-law's house in the country...really loving it so far. We should keep in touch. I've been surprised how little info there seems to be on the web regarding city folks who want to relocate to the country. For example, at my family in law's house, they just throw plastic waste in the river or on the ground, they don't care about it and treat it the same as biodegradable waste. Of course it doesn't biodegrade and just ends up looking filthy, but it seems I'm the only one who cares.

So I've been looking online for resources about what to do with plastic waste in the countryside with no recycling program. Do you burn it? Apparently not, because that releases dioxins. Do you make your own mini-landfill? I guess so. But I've been wondering if it's possible to make your own DIY trash compactor and turn it into "bricks" that you could then cover with stucco or something and make little houses out of. You'd think with all the hippies out there that there would be all sorts of tutorials on the web but so far I haven't see any. Kind of interesting.

That time I heard Rhubarb on a Salad Fingers episode and then googled Aphex Twin.

Seeing as it's already been mentioned, I guess I might as well chip in with the first hand account...

Yeah, transitioning is a good one. (Have you ever noticed how many transgender women have revolutionised the computer industry? Presumably other industries too.) Realising at some point that happiness was attainable, I leapt at the chance to attain it and never looked back. So I ended up a year or two later at the point where my body was pretty much fixed, and I was no longer constantly depressed, maybe even "normal", whatever that is... But I felt like I'd missed out quite a bit on the years between what were essentially my two puberties. I'd spent a lot of that time trying to ignore meatspace, and focusing a fair amount of it on making music in the form of tracking. Something nice and abstract to focus on, to ignore the pain. So I felt like I had catching up to do, and I'd learned how to set a goal and reach it, so I just kept on doing that. Set goals like making music for documentaries, short films and the like. That's pretty easily doable with a good few years of practice making music and with a good work ethic. Work out what you want to do and how to achieve it, how to get from where you are to where you want to be. Break big, insurmountable seeming, tasks down into lots of little ones, and recurse the process, until you know all the little, easy things you need to do, then get on with actually doing them. It's not that difficult, it just takes time and effort.

I now know the difference between hating your body and hating yourself. I know how to spend countless hours practicing something. I know how to set and attain goals. This is all useful. I'd say I'm doing better than most people I went to school with, from the little I hear of them. Most people don't seem to love their lives half as much as I now do.

Oh, it also helps to spend less time trying to educate bigots online (which I used to do a lot of on Reddit), and more time focusing on doing what you love, such as making music or writing. So I'll probably go back to the EKT and YLC subforums again now, where I'm getting (and hopefully giving) some useful feedback about something I enjoy doing.

  On 2/2/2014 at 1:07 PM, ZoeB said:

Seeing as it's already been mentioned, I guess I might as well chip in with the first hand account...

 

Yeah, transitioning is a good one. (Have you ever noticed how many transgender women have revolutionised the computer industry? Presumably other industries too.) Realising at some point that happiness was attainable, I leapt at the chance to attain it and never looked back. So I ended up a year or two later at the point where my body was pretty much fixed, and I was no longer constantly depressed, maybe even "normal", whatever that is... But I felt like I'd missed out quite a bit on the years between what were essentially my two puberties. I'd spent a lot of that time trying to ignore meatspace, and focusing a fair amount of it on making music in the form of tracking. Something nice and abstract to focus on, to ignore the pain. So I felt like I had catching up to do, and I'd learned how to set a goal and reach it, so I just kept on doing that. Set goals like making music for documentaries, short films and the like. That's pretty easily doable with a good few years of practice making music and with a good work ethic. Work out what you want to do and how to achieve it, how to get from where you are to where you want to be. Break big, insurmountable seeming, tasks down into lots of little ones, and recurse the process, until you know all the little, easy things you need to do, then get on with actually doing them. It's not that difficult, it just takes time and effort.

 

I now know the difference between hating your body and hating yourself. I know how to spend countless hours practicing something. I know how to set and attain goals. This is all useful. I'd say I'm doing better than most people I went to school with, from the little I hear of them. Most people don't seem to love their lives half as much as I now do.

 

Oh, it also helps to spend less time trying to educate bigots online (which I used to do a lot of on Reddit), and more time focusing on doing what you love, such as making music or writing. So I'll probably go back to the EKT and YLC subforums again now, where I'm getting (and hopefully giving) some useful feedback about something I enjoy doing.

Cool that you found out you can be "normal". I feel my path was similar. Spent most of my 00s being isolated and working on music, being online, reading, learning stuff, and became out of touch with meatspace. Learned a bit later that I can be somewhat normal as well, I just needed to spend some mental capacity on other people, both their persons but also just the technicals like how to speak and think about situations. I guess I learned to take it easy and not be so serious about stuff. I found it very hard to feel empathy. I used to feel just frustration and irritation with other people all the time, and since I gained some skills on the PC, I used it as a shield of some sort. I was alone and not social for my entire life, including childhood, so in my mid 20s it was difficult to learn all that stuff, but I had people who seemed to care and not mind me for who I was, and that helped me to respect and care for them back.

I also learned that I can create things and other people can like it. Like I have the power to create something and it can have some impact on the world, however small. It was powerful to me because all through childhood and teenage years I was meant to feel like I was nothing. I had no power to create and so I didn't take any of my thoughts seriously. I came halfway now, I do take my art and ideas seriously, but only within the context that all humans can be creative, and many are, and we all create our own worlds through our art, with their own goals and dreams behind them.

All that said, I still feel like I'm not 100% adjusted to daily drama or conflict. I still think a lot, too much probably, and it can have averse effects on how I function and perceive the world. It's not easy to take it easy all the time, I feel like I have automatic engines of frustration or anger that take over automatically, alhough I'm a lot more aware of them now I guess

troon posts

Growing up, my dad was an enormous source of negativity that really messed up the way I relate to people. At times, he was quite funny and charismatic, which could draw you in, but hurt you that much more when he was was cruel. He was seriously angry, drank a lot, was a ticking time bomb, and I was afraid of him. When my parents divorced, it split my family in half and I felt like my world had become smaller, less supportive, and far less reliable than I thought it was. For a while I felt completely unlikeable and basically isolated myself from my friends and lost many of them. This feeling has affected my relationships and caused trust issues where I always expect the worst from people. So I haven't spoken to my dad in over 7 years and he hasn't made any attempt to contact me either.

But now I am 26 and when you spend enough time away from your family doing your own thing and recover from your public school "education" you actually develop your own world view completely independent of your upbringing and whatever was forced upon you at a young age. I stick up for myself now and realize what I have to offer my friends and could even see myself getting married at some point in the kind of distant future.

Salvia

when I was young, I guess I looked rather androgynous, probably up until puberty. One time, like when I was 9 or 10, I was finishing up washing hands in a public bathroom. Another kid about my age came in. He looked at me surprised and told me that girls are not allowed in the boys bathroom. I didn't say anything and just left. I was so weirded out by that, and I had no idea why he would think that way. But before that, adults like my grandparents and aunts and uncles would love to crossdress me. Like one time, I was probably around 7, they were passing down the clothes my older female cousin had to me. Some of them were clearly girl's clothes. I also enjoyed it to some degree, but also felt ashamed of it. That whole experience and looking androgynous probably made me now want to do hormonal therapy pre-puberty. Also I remember I was super curious what it is like to be a girl. I also thought how it's impossible for me to find out because YOLO.

  On 2/2/2014 at 9:32 AM, lumpenprol said:

  On 2/2/2014 at 5:49 AM, A/D said:

wow, thanks guys you guys are nice too.

 

I should probably be a dick more. It would be more true to myself. I have a lot of shit hidden away. But I also know I'll be happier if I'm good to people in the long run, which is confusing.

 

Lump, I'm thinking about doing the same thing, actually. I've built up a good freelance position over the last 7+ years and I could see it being financially viable to have a family and stuff. But as much as I love things about it it's not my future. So I am actually planning to move and have a farm with my girlfriend next fall. A recently legalized farm. I think and hope it'll be more sustainable and centered than what I'm doing now.

 

that sounds great, I'd get put to death if I did such in China, but I admit I've thought about it just for personal consumption. Over this Chinese New Year I've been spending lots of time at my family-in-law's house in the country...really loving it so far. We should keep in touch. I've been surprised how little info there seems to be on the web regarding city folks who want to relocate to the country. For example, at my family in law's house, they just throw plastic waste in the river or on the ground, they don't care about it and treat it the same as biodegradable waste. Of course it doesn't biodegrade and just ends up looking filthy, but it seems I'm the only one who cares.

 

So I've been looking online for resources about what to do with plastic waste in the countryside with no recycling program. Do you burn it? Apparently not, because that releases dioxins. Do you make your own mini-landfill? I guess so. But I've been wondering if it's possible to make your own DIY trash compactor and turn it into "bricks" that you could then cover with stucco or something and make little houses out of. You'd think with all the hippies out there that there would be all sorts of tutorials on the web but so far I haven't see any. Kind of interesting.

Time to get involved with the government, who are serious about the environment.

  On 2/2/2014 at 9:32 AM, lumpenprol said:

So I've been looking online for resources about what to do with plastic waste in the countryside with no recycling program. Do you burn it? Apparently not, because that releases dioxins. Do you make your own mini-landfill? I guess so. But I've been wondering if it's possible to make your own DIY trash compactor and turn it into "bricks" that you could then cover with stucco or something and make little houses out of. You'd think with all the hippies out there that there would be all sorts of tutorials on the web but so far I haven't see any. Kind of interesting.

maybe this is up your alley - this guy is about to open source the blueprints for this project: http://www.preciousplastic.com/