Robert Christgau shitting on albums

I should have made this thread a bit broader to encompass music critics saying ridiculous/mean things in general.  This is one hell of a sentence:

  Quote

a self-important threshing machine thrashing all stringed instruments down onto the same low level alongside that draggy sub-voice as it attempts futile eagle and dove swoops around the mono-beat

- Julie Burchill from NME shitting on Siouxsie's highly influential first album.  It's crazy how many music journalists write as though they're mocking Pitchfork.com.  This one was written before 1980, so obviously that's not what they're doing. 

I appreciate Christgau's importance, but every time I see a negative review he's written it really, really feels like he's totally missed the point of the album. It feels like he knows a lot about music, but still uses that knowledge to try and justify his own taste. Which means he's not actually any better than anyone else.

I mean fucking hate music reviews anyway. But people who become minor celebrities because of it can fuck right off.

I don't get him or why he's famous. I mean, here is his review of Hot Rats by Frank Zappa:

  Quote

Frank Zappa: Hot Rats [Bizarre, 1969]
Doo-doo to you, Frank--when I want movie music I'll listen to "Wonderwall." C

Not only is it unfair, it's also lazy. Hot Rats is a pretty influential album, and if you wanted to actually know anything about it you'd leave that review with nothing. Only "Robert Christgau doesn't like it". No analysis on why or what it is or what it's supposedly missing.

Personally I've always kind of liked the Allmusic reviews. I don't always agree with them, but in most cases it's clear that the reviewer has put in the work to properly review it, and maybe have something actual to say about it.

If you want something entertaining though, I'd recommend this guy, because he's hilarious.
https://www.somethingawful.com/your-band-sucks/mars-volta-amputecture/

He's probably not being entirely serious, of course, but what are music reviews even for, if not to entertain me? And provide me something to do with my eyes while listening to something in the background?

  On 3/7/2021 at 9:39 PM, purlieu said:

It feels like he knows a lot about music, but still uses that knowledge to try and justify his own taste.

I have yet to get that sense from anything he's written that I've read.  I just see snarky ridicule with little justification, and a penchant for catchy zingers... which work well as quotes.  I think that must be a big reason why he has the status he has.  He's like the original bitchy reviewer, the archetype for all other bitchy too-cool-for-school reviewers to follow.

  On 3/8/2021 at 3:16 PM, ArtificialDisco said:

I don't get him or why he's famous. I mean, here is his review of Hot Rats by Frank Zappa:

Doo-doo to you, Frank--when I want movie music I'll listen to "Wonderwall." C

lol this is exactly what I'm talking about.  What the fuck kind of review is that?  Why does it even exist?  It's just puerile and pointless.  It's like he's realized he can just say whatever bullshit he wants and it'll be accepted.  Fucking Christgau...

he's a worthless piece of shit, even in the already low-bar world of music critique.