Jokes

so the dalai lama walks into a mcdonalds and says 'make me one with everything'

why are gays always the first to leave a hotel?

'cos they got their shit packed the night before

"Dr, would you kiss me?" says the patient.

"No", says the doctor. "You are a very beautiful

woman but it's against my code of ethics.

"Please, just one kiss", she asks again.

"It's totally out of the question" he replies.

"Strictly speaking you shouldn't even be sucking my cock."

  assegai said:

What do you tell a woman that has two black eyes?

 

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Nothing, you've already told her twice

How do you start a dishwasher?

Why are women like ovens?

q: how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw a lightbulb?

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Chickens."

"Chickens who?"

"How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb so they can cross the road to get to the bar to meet the Irish man?"

german jokes:

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.

So a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender calls his psychiatrist to report that he is hallucinating again.

How do you brainwash a blonde?

A rigorous schedule of psychologically breaking down their confidence and resistance to outside suggestion.

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his drinking is destroying his life and the lives of his family also.

  Funktion said:

A man walks into a bar.

 

His alcoholism is destroying his family.

This made me laugh hardest so far, and I have no idea why.

  kaini said:

german jokes:

 

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

 

 

So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.

 

 

So a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender calls his psychiatrist to report that he is hallucinating again.

 

 

How do you brainwash a blonde?

A rigorous schedule of psychologically breaking down their confidence and resistance to outside suggestion.

 

 

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his drinking is destroying his life and the lives of his family also.

they're funny if you imagine dieter from saturday night live telling them.

  Funktion said:

A man walks into a bar.

 

His alcoholism is destroying his family.

haha german jokes

http://www.anenglishmanscastle.com/archives/000463.html

  Quote

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell

pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

lol

my favourite at the minute is kind of hard to explain:

whats green and invisible

*Holds out hand palm upwards*

WHY DOES SNOOP DOG ALWAYS CARRY AROUND AN UMBRELLA?

:teeth: :grin:

This thread

added spoiler tags and another comic

LOL

A gnome walks into the forest, points his finger to the ground and says: "That's snow"

jokes that only work when telling to somebody in person

what does a 4 year olds cock smell like

*test breath on freinds face*

what does a four year olds cunt smell like

*shove fingers under freinds nose*

what rhymes with piss?

THat german joke site was amazing. The bitter comments from the germans were the best part.

  Quote

One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.

 

One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"

 

His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"

  OneToThirtySix said:

  Funktion said:

A man walks into a bar.

 

His alcoholism is destroying his family.

This made me laugh hardest so far, and I have no idea why.

yeah me too, but then I'm German. :embrassed:

Actually, I haven't heard the name "German Jokes" for these around here, and I haven't heard anyone telling jokes like these either. Typically German jokes are probably less funny ones about blondes or all kinds of minorities (though they're usually told ironically so the people laugh about it in that "wow man that's so politically incorrect haha, how outrageous" kinda way ... so they're even told by the minorities themselves in a Stockholm-syndrome-y sense. The younger Germans are getting off on that Chuck Norris shit and other memes off the German part of the internet (ugh). One my gf told me:

How does one call the adipose tissue around the labia?

  Capsaicin said:

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added spoiler tags and another comic

yes

LMFAO @ capsaicin