why my life has gone to shit

  weed said:

yeah i thought i was going to share an apartment but it looks like i'm getting my own place now.

 

its either between a studio for 957 or that one apartment for 1085 (my parents will rent it in there name and let me live there) since she wont technically rent to me.

 

so we'll see come saturday

 

*shrugs*

Is your rent more than 33% of your income monthly (after taxes)? If it is, you're paying too much and need to find lower rent somewhere else within reason so your commute to work is not so bad.

my commute to work - bike

my work isnt too far from my house atm.

both places i'm looking at are within walking distance from my work.

i wish i could split the rent.

be sure to let us know how you get on.

You can go up to 40% I say if you don't have a car.

why invest so much into a forum

cuz i love you guys

  no weed said:

we'll start off with a few reasons

 

joyrex changed my name

i have to take a lady to court

i have an 1,073.15 outstanding balance on my credit card

i have 3 bills sitting on my desk:

#1 - for 11,544.31

#2 - for 1,509.53

#3 - for 1, 250

i work 5 to 4 days a week getting paid the least out of everyone at my job (i'm making 9.50 an hour and most people make 11-15)

beneboi has completely shut me out of his life

i found a great one bedroom and we went through everything until she asked to see my pay checks and she stopped the whole process and said "oh you need to be making at least 2,500 a month to be able to rent this" (i only make 1000 or less monthly)

i have 30 days to do 30 AA or N/A meetings

i have to go twice a week to another alcohol program that i have paid over 700 dollars too

i have 160 hours of community service to do by sept 20something

i have no positive reinforcements in my life

my headphones went missing about a month ago

i am very lonely and i use alcohol in place of that

 

those are just a few of the reasons my life has gone to shit : i hope you enjoyed that short story.

i know i did.

the key is drugs

today @an AA meeting (which i don't really enjoy actually..i totally prefer NA) they were going to give me a free AA book, and my reaction literally was like EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and everyone laughed. AA today was mostly about this "higher power" and see, i cant stand this shit. i want to hear about your experiences, not your fucking relationship with god.

i'm going to NA from now on

going back tomorrow - i feel like walking there this time...take a few hours of my morning and reflect on the choices i've made in the past and how i can improve daily.

*sigh*

this is going to take some fucking will power

apparently the higher power isn't god, it's something you look to for inspiration etc.

well in AA they were all were pretty set on this higher power as - teh god

but i have and still am trying to replace the word with sean booth or music or mother nature

its just hard because in my mind -we are the highest power

:)

i'm at least giving everything a shot though.

also, there are other self help groups for alcoholism that branched off of AA beacue they felt the whole religious stigma was too much. look for one of those.

weird that higher power voltage thing. just tell them "God" is an upgrated version of santa claus : never existed & was only created in order to make people behave & fear the power of Thor, Odin, Jesus etc....

AA person : "so god"

-brooke intruputs-

OHHH HEY KHOV TOLD ME TO SAY THAT GOD IS AN UPGRATED VERISON OF SANTA CLAUS : NEVER EXISTED AND WAS ONLY CREATED IN ORDER TO MAKE PEOPLE BEHAVE

all AA takes out their secret hidden bottle

*drinks*

lol

sadly i might have to ask the court for an extension and my reasoning might be religion(but im going to try really hard to get these 30 AA/NA meetings underway within these 30 days)

i used to have to go to 5 AA classes through my alcohol class that i pay for but an agnostic/atheist took them to court so we didn't have to do it anymore.

essines - i havent been able to find any of that around here.

most meetings take place at churches ( i thankfully found one that doesn't take place at a church ..i think i should consider myself lucky)

didn't realise AA was so religious in tone, i thought it was just about not drinking and stuff

i think the mandatory 12th step is that you find god or some bullshit like that.

also, i can't believe that you're a chick on a message board with 98.4% males and you're asking how to solve money problems. can someone say ez solution?

  theSun said:

i think the mandatory 12th step is that you find god or some bullshit like that.

NO

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

weed-notice the phrase "...God, as we understood him." don't let them badger you into god being jesus christ, because they swear that's not what it's about. it's about admitting powerlessness and giving your addiction(s) over to something that is NOT powerless.

i met a guy in rehab whose "higher power" was his shotgun. another guy's was his daughter. it's a symbol of something that is not powerless.

this is as i understand it, i had a really hard time with the religious aspects of the 12 step program when i went through it. out of one side of their mouth they'd say it's not a christianity-based program, and then every night there would be a speaker talking about getting your relationship with jesus right to maintain sobriety. out of the other side of their mouth they were treating everyone in there like drug-addled criminals, even those of us who checked ourselves in.

detox was fun though. methadone, tv, cheez & crackers and apple juice.

Being an alcoholic is something I'll never understand. It's a drink.

the fact that they use God and all that fun stuff is really annoying.

  essines said:

the fact that they use God and all that fun stuff is really annoying.

true.

the first thing i did when i got out was search for a non-religion based program. but i live in a small town in southern minnesota, and here it's AA or nothing. i chose not to do opiates anymore, and no program.

all that program is telling you is that your life is out of your control and you need to pass over control to what you think is a magic happy spiritual entity. it's shifts responsibility away from the user.

the real problem is much more specific and based on your own experiences and psyche. this is just another brand of dualist bullshit that hurts society more than the truth.

but hey this program has a 5% success rate and that's better than 0% so go for it!

up again early today

going to walk there in about an hour.

i'm fucking tired, thank this god they speak of for free coffee @the meetings

lol

this is fucking retarded already.

abusivegeorge halp!

what is fucking retarded?