Are my Roommates Stealing my Food?

  taxman said:

poison yourself a little bit every day until you build up a tolerance. then poison your food so that you can eat it and live while your housemates can not. weather or not you tell them of these new and dangerous circumstances is up to you. i guess it depends on how much you need housemates.

haha exactly

Iocaine powder.

They are totally stealing your shit. They also text me at night with a picture of them eating your favorites while I text "lol."

Easy solution.

Plus, since when is Kirkland brand "gourmet"?

p.s.

Enjoying tuna as I type

=3

Since they changed the dress code to top hats & monocles at Costco.

  autopilot said:

Since they changed the dress code to top hats & monocles at Costco.

I say, Caruthers, do you know what's very, very funny?

  autopilot said:

Since they changed the dress code to top hats & monocles at Costco.

Yes. Where've you been, Yegg?

Here is the result of the theft. The foodstuffs look messy on my shelves, but at least their safe from thieving hands.

Somebody is definitely stealing your food. On the last page, the food shelves were full!

Better not post anymore pics, or your private stash might be next!

  OneToThirtySix said:

Somebody is definitely stealing your food. On the last page, the food shelves were full!

 

Better not post anymore pics, or your private stash might be next!

Haha! I wasn't clear. I moved the food from the public shelves to the shelves in my room. That'll teach them buggers who's a what's-it!

Spices and all.

That'll show em.

place a single hair on top of each stack of food containers

if you return and the hair has been disturbed, you have a thief...

  Quote

Does anyone have any techniques that will definitively tell if they're taking my food or should I just keep an eye on it? I'm so tired of living with cavemen, but the rent is cheap.

Put poison in some of your food and mark it so you don't accidentally eat it. If you wake up and one of your roommates is dead then you've:

Found out that someone was in fact eating your food.

Successfully terminated the problem.

  Quote

poison yourself a little bit every day until you build up a tolerance. then poison your food so that you can eat it and live while your housemates can not. weather or not you tell them of these new and dangerous circumstances is up to you. i guess it depends on how much you need housemates.

Fuck. I'm a little late here. That's an even better idea.

  Capsaicin said:

place a single hair on top of each stack of food containers

 

if you return and the hair has been disturbed, you have a thief...

...or a slight breeze.

  autopilot said:

  Capsaicin said:

place a single hair on top of each stack of food containers

 

if you return and the hair has been disturbed, you have a thief...

 

...or a slight breeze.

you could tape it to the food, or use heavy hair, or be careful not to breathe on it

You could put blood on the bottom of their shoes and when you think they've stolen something call CBS and borrow some CSI "make-the-blood-glow" juice and follow the footprints like in the first Ocean's Eleven.

lol

I'VE GOT IT ! POISON THE FOOD !

THEN IF ONE OF YOUR ROOMMATES DIES THEN HE WAS THE THIEF

HAY GUYS POISON IT

  melotronic said:

thanks for the picture. made things a lot clearer in my mind

eat it

I opened a jar of pasta sauce and used some refilled it a bit with water and put it back in the cupboard. Not refrigerated. I swished a bad roommates tooth brush in the toilet. Bless me father for I have sinnned

my roommate stole one of my cans of tuna and thought it'd be a great idea to stick it under the table where no one could see it - and have it sit there for days until the cat found it.

and yes my old place smelt that bad - that the cat had trouble finding tuna

classy innit?

There are some very potent flavourless psychedelic chemicals you should be using in a situation like this.

Really, you ought to alter their brain chemistry forever.

  essines said:

you have an ironing board, fag

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

UPDATE!

They will rue the day!

I have rid the apartment of all of the perks that I've been providing freely. Jose, unemployed roommate #2, can't keep the doggy gate up at the end of the hall. The dog, Oreo--owned by unemployed roommate #1 Carlos, shits and pisses on my nice rug that I bought for the tile hallway outside of my room. I washed the rug and put it in my room. It's nice to have it in my room! I think it will stay much cleaner, and it provides a great way for me to wipe my feet as I walk into my room. I'm the only one who cleans the floors in the apartment. The same went for the bathroom as I removed the plush bathroom mats that were oh-so-comfortable to rest feet on whilst pooping. It looks a little strange, but they're under my feet now while I WATMM.

I provided a wash cloth for the kitchen. It's nice to have a little cloth to wipe your hands with while cooking and doing dishes, I think. The roommates always manage to stink it up by midday, and I can't validate my effort to walk it to my hamper and replace it daily anymore.

The sad thing is that my roommates probably won't even notice the changes.

I just hope my ironing board will secure me a career so I can buy my own place in the next couple of years.