Need a shit

I ate about 500g of stuffed pasta... and now ready to pass the stuffing.

:omg:

what do you mean by no shit tickets? are you out of toilet paper? that is awful. one time i spent a week in south bend during the dead of winter and had to drive to burger king whenever i had to shit because the plumbing was off or frozen or whatever

Last year when I was a bit unstable I went for weeks using things like newspaper and the mail, a threatening TV License reminder letter made for a particularly satisfying wipe. Got painful though and went back to proper toilet paper.

I could've tried waiting 'til I go to work, but that's an hour away.

I'm typing as I shit. I found some rough-looking kitchen towel, but I'm not sure whether it'll flush. I may have to jump in the shower afterwards.

  Iain C said:

Last year when I was a bit unstable I went for weeks using things like newspaper and the mail, a threatening TV License reminder letter made for a particularly satisfying wipe. Got painful though and went back to proper toilet paper.

Do I recall you wiping on Maddie's face?

The initial log is out of the way, but I'm waiting for more. I've got a bit of a headache now too; pasta overdose.

Post turd showers are the balls.

I had an annoying rich ass friend who would only ever wipe with scented wetnaps.

The paper flushed. Crisis averted, for now.

I'm going to steal a roll from work because this isn't over yet.

I have got the CRAZIEST idea (American, I know):

GO BUY FUCKING TOILET PAPER!

  Gary C said:

  Iain C said:

Last year when I was a bit unstable I went for weeks using things like newspaper and the mail, a threatening TV License reminder letter made for a particularly satisfying wipe. Got painful though and went back to proper toilet paper.

 

Do I recall you wiping on Maddie's face?

 

I worked through an entire copy of the Daily Sport from back to front, ending with a front-page picture of Maddie. I hadn't realised I'd done it until I gave the paper the customary inspection.

  Joyrex said:

I have got the CRAZIEST idea (American, I know):

 

GO BUY FUCKING TOILET PAPER!

this might work.

i would try repainting the toilet first thought, see if that helps

  Fred McGriff said:

  Joyrex said:

I have got the CRAZIEST idea (American, I know):

 

GO BUY FUCKING TOILET PAPER!

 

this might work.

 

i would try repainting the toilet first thought, see if that helps

Nah, you have to replace the toilet, install a pressurized bidet (so you can blast the shitbits off your browneye), and rig up an MP3 player in the seat - THEN buy toilet paper.

we should resurrect my thread about alternatives to toilet paper. i recommend using either a sock or a slice of bread.

Banana leaves...

flexible metal spatula

3 sea shells?

never wipe imo

It's like with hair, eventually it will naturally wash itself.

cat pelt

Welcome Mat.

the cardboard roll of a finished toilet paper tube.

also, i feel a little knock knock knockin on heaven's door right now but because i'm extremely perceptive with my bowels i know that this shit is not ready.

  Fred McGriff said:

the cardboard roll of a finished toilet paper tube.

 

also, i feel a little knock knock knockin on heaven's door right now but because i'm extremely perceptive with my bowels i know that this shit is not ready.

The last resort....

the qusetion being how many flat edges can you make before thumb space becomes premium.

1st class stamp

errant confetti

lol advanced wiping

I've used a sock before and, rather than having to deal with the shame, I threw it out of the window... it landed on the roof opposite. Good times.