Need a shit

anything by Simply Red.

Protective strip from a maxi pad

floss

shirt button

i remember back in the 70's we'd have these exercises where we would be dumped in the middle of nowhere and left to fend for ourselves - usually in groups of 6 or 7. They were interesting times where lessons were learned, maryjane was compulsory and some things were best left unspoken. Things would get real hazy real quick on those trips. To higher your status within the group you would have to catch a goat and wipe your ass on its face. It was extremely difficult to catch a goat with a shitty ass. So what we would do is, we'd catch the goats beforehand, tie em to a tree or something and then wait to shit. I have incredible memories of men in the distance, running towards me, smiling and holding a shitty goats aloft like trophies. We would often forget what we were doing, even that we were in a training exercise, and days would be spent solely hoarding goats.

paper money, give it a rinse after and immediately spend it on toilet paper. the amount of paper money you need to wipe decides how much toilet paper you end up buying

i wonder if laxatives + a tampon up there would do the job for you

scoot your butt around the rim of the toilet

I once wrote an essay on how clean breaks could save trees and prevent us from wasting paper. I think our planet would be healthier if rich people did not wipe that much. Perhaps the amazon rainforest would still be untouched if it was not for toilet paper.

hairdrier til it dries then hammer and chisel.

I DROSP A NUCLKEAR BOBM ON IT !!!

i haven't had toilet paper in about a week

i've been just saving the napkins from fast food, saving my poop for a friend's house, or timing my showers right

i was just at the store yesterday too to by koolaid

can't stop laughing.

btw ordinary tissues are great in a pinch.

Big Mac

sometimes i cover my hands in gob and, with my left hand, vigourously smudge any leftover poo all around my bumcheeks, sharply smacking at them now and again while the first 3 fingers of my right hand repeatedly push anything else back up my tight bumhole. i gauge when the process is complete by measuring the turgidity of my penis. i then wipe my hands on the toilet roll and unwind by petting my cat or preparing a healthy salad.

have you ever tried to light the toilet after a particularly thick scented deposit?

  Adjective said:

i haven't had toilet paper in about a week

i've been just saving the napkins from fast food

hmm, i recently saw a woman in a Chinese take-away place ask for napkins and explained why, "So I can wipe my face and hands when i've finished eating.". at the time i wondered if she didn't have any at home, or if she planned to eat Chinese take-away on a park bench, but now i'm wondering if she actually planned to use them as toilet paper cause it was a bit suspicious the way she explained what she was going to use them for.

  Gary C said:

I've used a sock before and, rather than having to deal with the shame, I threw it out of the window... it landed on the roof opposite. Good times.

  Fred McGriff said:

scoot your butt around the rim of the toilet

lmfao this thread wins

a shammy leather

oh yea, when i was looking after cats recently, one of them threw shit out of the litter tray (to show that it needed cleaning). well i stood on it with one foot, i pulled the sock off and it stayed attached, it was like brown Plasticine. then i threw away both the socks, is that weird?

"The Frog" radio controlled car.

I wonder why nobody's come up with reusable toilet paper - I mean, aside from the sanitary reasons, couldn't they find a way to come up with some durable wipes that you could dump into a special chemical bath, dissolving all the poo, and then extract the wipes to be run though the washer or something?

Or better yet, why not something analogous (ha) to the sanitary gel that evaporates as you use it? Imagine lathering up your ass with some foamy gel, and feel the cooling evaporating feeling as the shit just floats away.

sounds like that poo-gone or whatever it's called off the film Envy.

  tauboo said:

oh yea, when i was looking after cats recently, one of them threw shit out of the litter tray (to show that it needed cleaning). well i stood on it with one foot, i pulled the sock off and it stayed attached, it was like brown Plasticine. then i threw away both the socks, is that weird?

depends on if you're a matcher or not

i don't really try to match my socks, i just grab whatever. i mean worst case scenario is that it causes a conversation.

but if you're all about matching them in appearance, as well as fit, then you have to start with a new pair cause you'll never match that single sock.

all my socks are exactly the same