Epic Orgasm Thread (NSFW, probably)

Shit, guys, I've been fapping for hours and I'm just about done! Goddam, I'm so close, but I need to put it somewhere inconspicuous (and typing this with one sore hand isn't easy). I can't put it in a sock or towel, my wife will find it in the laundry . . . dammit, I can't hold out much longer!

How about the cat litter box?

i must be a little confused... you need to put your semen somewhere inconspicuous?

  On 10/25/2009 at 1:52 PM, karmakramer said:

i must be a little confused... you need to put your semen somewhere inconspicuous?

No, my collection of carefully hidden archives of internet porn.

YES, MY SEMEN. And hurry with the suggestions, running low on time here.

hunch over and spunk into your own mouth.

She'll smell it on my breath, that and aiming isn't precisely a science when it comes (ha-ha) to things like this, and I don't want to make a mess.

edit: butt

You mean her butt? She won't go for that, but I'll give you credit for an answer she won't see coming! (ha-ha)

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:06 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

You mean her butt? She won't go for that, but I'll give you credit for an answer she won't see coming! (ha-ha)

what about a stranger's butt?

jizz into a saucepan, then put it on a hob and boil all the jizz away

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:38 PM, Super lurker ultra V12 said:

what about a stranger's butt?

I don't know any strangers.

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:44 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:38 PM, Super lurker ultra V12 said:

what about a stranger's butt?

I don't know any strangers.

just go outside and look for one

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:42 PM, ezkerraldean said:

jizz into a saucepan, then put it on a hob and boil all the jizz away

What's a hob?

  On 10/25/2009 at 1:58 PM, Plum said:

hunch over and spunk into your own mouth.

  On 10/25/2009 at 1:59 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

She'll smell it on my breath, that and aiming isn't precisely a science when it comes (ha-ha) to things like this, and I don't want to make a mess.

c'mon dum dum it's obvious! you simply smear faeces onto your face. your wife won't smell shit (apart from the shit of course)

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:46 PM, Super lurker ultra V12 said:

just go outside and look for one

I can't! What if a stranger sees me?! I might get kidnapped and never get the answer I came here for!

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:47 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:42 PM, ezkerraldean said:

jizz into a saucepan, then put it on a hob and boil all the jizz away

What's a hob?

(is it a britishism then?)

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:48 PM, Plum said:

c'mon dum dum it's obvious! you simply smear faeces onto your face. your wife won't smell shit (apart from the shit of course)

But then she won't recognize me. She'll think I'm just some crazy, dirty hobo with priapism.

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:51 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:46 PM, Super lurker ultra V12 said:

just go outside and look for one

I can't! What if a stranger sees me?! I might get kidnapped and never get the answer I came here for!

hmm,, just open a window and dump the load outside then

Don't you have a pet or something that would work as a receiver?

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:56 PM, Super lurker ultra V12 said:

hmm,, just open a window and dump the load outside then

You're suggesting I abandon the offspring of my narcissism outside the window like some teenage tramp prom queen's former fetus? My sperm deserves better than that!

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:57 PM, Squee said:

Don't you have a pet or something that would work as a receiver?

a golden receiver

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:57 PM, Squee said:

Don't you have a pet or something that would work as a receiver?

It's a beagle, thank you very much; they're completely different.

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:59 PM, Plum said:

a golden receiver

I'd have to go find one, and walking isn't exactly going to be an option.

just no helping some people.

The thought of cumming on a bald eagle made me laugh.

  On 10/25/2009 at 3:01 PM, Plum said:

just no helping some people.

I'm grateful for the ideas, I just need to find the perfect one . . . actually, the cat litter box is looking better and better.

  On 10/25/2009 at 3:02 PM, Squee said:

The thought of cumming on a bald eagle made me laugh.

Me too, you bastard! I almost lost the payload right then!

  On 10/25/2009 at 2:59 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

You're suggesting I abandon the offspring of my narcissism outside the window like some teenage tramp prom queen's former fetus? My sperm deserves better than that!