what's the funniest thing you've ever seen?

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:08 AM, sneaksta303 said:

  On 11/30/2009 at 3:56 AM, Rabid said:

It's too hard to pick a single event IRL, and most of them involve long explanations or in-jokes. On the forums however it would have to be this.

 

You just made me tear up a bit. This was one of my best irl friends. Unfortunately his wife (my ex-g/f), has threatened him with divorce if he has any contact with me, and unfortunately, he has justified this in his mind somehow. I haven't talked to him since the day after his last post here. Gutted. Despite talking to his brother (who I actually was friends with 1st) on the comp, this reminder of his retarded posting hijinks made me really sad. Damnit rabid.

 

err, sorry for fucking up the thread. You may resume.

My apologies man. I remember all of that now, that's really fucked up. Stuff like that is kind of why I voted "Yes" in the single thread.

  Quote

oh lawd, that was a good thread. deserves publishing

I came across it while being lazy in the office and almost burst out laughing. I actually had to run outside where I couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes.

A few years back me and my g/f at the time were hanging out at my house when I decided to take my dog out so he could do his business. She said she would hold his leash while I got something out of my car. A squirrel jumped out of a tree and onto the top of a fence catching my dogs eye. He sits there and watches the squirrel until it jumps onto the ground, at which point he takes off after it like a bat out of hell. His leash was one of those retractable ones that can go up to like 15 or 20 ft. She wasn't paying attention and when I turned around she was being jerked off her feet by my 80lb black lab chasing a squirrel and the leash reaching its full extension. She landed squarely on her face and got drug a little bit before dropping the leash. It was like a cartoon or something lol.

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:15 AM, sneaksta303 said:

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:15 AM, Calx Sherbet said:

oh lawd, that was a good thread. deserves publishing

 

lol almost all of his were fucked up for some reason.

 

Edit: the biggest lol is the thread title. you can see her name in it, innit.

what happened to her?

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:45 AM, Calx Sherbet said:

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:15 AM, sneaksta303 said:

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:15 AM, Calx Sherbet said:

oh lawd, that was a good thread. deserves publishing

 

lol almost all of his were fucked up for some reason.

 

Edit: the biggest lol is the thread title. you can see her name in it, innit.

 

what happened to her?

what do you mean? I'm going to assume they're living happily ever after, i don't know.

  On 11/30/2009 at 4:36 AM, xxx said:

  On 11/30/2009 at 1:46 AM, asymmetrical head said:

"QUE PASA CALABASA!"

I love how this can't work in any other language than Spanish. "What's going on, pumpkin?" just doesn't have that -"Pasa";-"basa" rhyme scheme to make it sing. True lol.

 

One that always sticks out even above childhood stuff and recent is when I was in college and my buddy and I just finished lunch at the campus diner. We were exiting and I followed him. An old bearded guy was trailing me and as I went to open the door, I let him through first as a manner of etiquette. My friend had not turned around so he was unaware that I was not right behind him as before. Since high school, we've been quite farty and always tried to get one on each other. My friend stops and says, "You know what you need?" and then pumped his fist like a locomotive wheel as he crackled off this huge fart. He turns around and the guy is horrified like, wtf is going on? He goes, "oh, I'm sorry about that I thought you were my friend." Meanwhile, I can't get up off the ground because my legs are jelly from laughing.

 

Two years later, my friend had to do some art direction for some play. Guess who he met with? The old bearded dude he farted on who happened to be the chair of the theater department. They didn't discuss it but when they were introduced, the prof. said "I think I might have seen you around" with this little smirk to my friend.

Reminds me of the time at U when my friend and I were quoting pablo francisco outside the ag building. Turns out this teacher was fell in behind us just as I loudly exclaimed, I HATE BLACKS, MEXICANS AND CHINESE PEOPLE!. I turned around and saw her condemning face, at which point i apologized profusely, to no avail. Sigh.

my friend shitting his pants while walking down the street in georgetown. he was drunk, it was about 2 am, and i watched a strange lump form in the seat of his pants. then he turned and looked down, made a face, and sort of wiggled his leg, and a pellet of shit flew out past my head and landed on the sidewalk. i have never laughed so hard.

Scotch tape on the bottom of all four of a cat's paws.

alot of funny stuff is laughing at others misfortunes, so here goes

i was in highschool in the washroom at a urinal. a mentally handicapped kid walks up to a urinal,, he lifts his shirts up and tucks it under his chin and he's doing this no hands thing when his shirts falls down and he pisses all over it. he then tucked his pissed up shirt into his pants and walked out of the washroom.

my friend (the one i ran through a red light with) has a speech impediment called dumbass. i can't go half a day with him without him stumbling over a sentence and catapulting himself into a stampede of unrecognisable (yet rhythmic and well paced) gibberish. and it's the kind of thing that he can't repeat. i wish he could, it's glorious failure at times

  On 11/30/2009 at 6:08 AM, zaphod said:

my friend shitting his pants while walking down the street in georgetown. he was drunk, it was about 2 am, and i watched a strange lump form in the seat of his pants. then he turned and looked down, made a face, and sort of wiggled his leg, and a pellet of shit flew out past my head and landed on the sidewalk. i have never laughed so hard.

hahaha, hard to beat this one.

that is balls to the wall drunken hilarity. i give him +2 for the story

some good lols so far.

i'm also shit at picking my definitive things from memory but here's one that springs to mind...

my grandad (prob 65 at the time) decided to have a go on my skateboard at the top of our sloping driveway, cigarette in mouth, he sets off, leans too far back, kind of manual rolls the length of the drive some 20ft, with hilarious frightened look on his face the whole time... at the bottom he flips off backwards landing flat on his back with a thud, cigarette falls down his shirt causing him to thrash about trying in vain to extinguish it... meanwhile the board shot off at speed into my dad's parked car causing a big dent and my gran is rolling on the floor inadvertantly showing her underwear, laughing uncontollably for at least 10 minutes... it was classic frank spencer style slapstick.

my friend trying to chat up a girl extremely drunk outside a club and wetting himself, the look on his face as he realised it was happening had me chuckling for weeks.

In high school, I went to a friend's house with another friend (the friend whose house I went to is a guy, and I went with a girl). When we got there, he was in the shower, so we waited in his room (connected to the bathroom) while listening to him ignorantly sing the soprano part of some vocal jazz group to an unseen audience. When the water turned off, she turned and looked at me and said with wide-eyed worry, "What if he comes out naked?" I told her to stand where she wouldn't see him walk out, and when he did, his towel was on his head with everything else out for the world to see, and when he saw me, in less than a second, I saw his face change from mild surprise to recognition to total terror as I said, "Don't come out any further," and in one smooth motion, his hands grabbed the ends of the towel and swung it down (in an attempt to cover up) but only managed to cover his knees, took too many steps back, and had to step forward again to grab the door handle to shut the door and scream, "YOU GO TO HELL!!"

I sometimes make stupid things that are kinda funny for me and hillarious for kokoon and his brother.

One time I had a branch in my hand and started swinging it like a wildman grunting and started beating a tree. The strongest swing broke the branch, flying directly into my face and breaking my lip open. Didn't hurt or bleed enough to stop us from loling.

This other time I attacked kokoon's brother with a karate kick. I started in the living room that had a solid wooden floor, whilst my victim stood in the kitchen on slippery fucking floor. I was almost in mid-air when I slipped and fell cartoon-style. Had I seen that from any other pair of eyes than mine that would be as funny as hell.

Handcuffing my drunk, passed out friend (ankles and hands) to the bike racks on a train to Edinburgh on the day before his wedding.

I wouldn't say this is the funniest thing I've ever witnessed, but it's what came to mind. We took my 80 something year old grandmother to a cousin's wedding several years ago. Grandma had Alzheimers and had pretty much lost most of her wits at that point. It was an outdoor wedding in someone's backyard in a very nice neighborhood and one of the neighbors happened to be doing construction. In the middle of the ceremony, after a particularly loud bout of hammering from the nearby construction, grandma calls out "Somebody's getting a spanking!" There were also lots of wild birds singing and later on in the ceremony she yelled out "TWEET TWEET TWEET!" My family and I just about fell apart with silent laughter.

  On 11/30/2009 at 2:36 PM, gaarg said:

This other time I attacked kokoon's brother with a karate kick. I started in the living room that had a solid wooden floor, whilst my victim stood in the kitchen on slippery fucking floor. I was almost in mid-air when I slipped and fell cartoon-style. Had I seen that from any other pair of eyes than mine that would be as funny as hell.

Once I was demonstrating my 7-foot vertical kick to a bunch of people. The ground was wet and slippery so as soon as my foot went up I fell flat on my ass. Had a sore bottom the rest of the day :(

  On 11/30/2009 at 10:50 PM, leprechaun said:

I wouldn't say this is the funniest thing I've ever witnessed, but it's what came to mind. We took my 80 something year old grandmother to a cousin's wedding several years ago. Grandma had Alzheimers and had pretty much lost most of her wits at that point. It was an outdoor wedding in someone's backyard in a very nice neighborhood and one of the neighbors happened to be doing construction. In the middle of the ceremony, after a particularly loud bout of hammering from the nearby construction, grandma calls out "Somebody's getting a spanking!" There were also lots of wild birds singing and later on in the ceremony she yelled out "TWEET TWEET TWEET!" My family and I just about fell apart with silent laughter.

I shouldn't lol but I did because I can relate. My grandma died from that. Was a blessing her leaving us really. Alzheimer's is the devil.

This thread frustrates me, there are so many things I've laughed hard at and now all I can remember is the feeling of laughing and not specifically what it was about.

There was one instance that sticks in mind though. I have a friend who's pretty funny (let's call him Mick Jagger for the sake of this story), mostly because he's a complete wind up. We have another friend who's pretty shy around girls and doesn't like drawing any attention to himself (he can be called Sketch Turner). We frequently go out on long drives for festivals or whatever reason and Sketch is our driver. Mick Jagger loves to embarass Sketch by leaning over and honking the horn at any attractive girl we drive past and points a finger pistol with one hand at Sketch while making some exaggerated "A-OK!" with the other and winking cartoonishly. This usually causes Sketch to facepalm or look away and a couple of times has nearly got us into car accidents. We're pretty used to this behaviour as it happens about four or five times per journey.

Anyway, one time driving about Mick Jagger was calmer than normal and we drove past some questionably young looking girls in slightly revealing clothing, he proceeded to honk the horn about five times and instead of the usual he leant out the window throwing two fingers with both hands at them and screaming "FUCK OFFFFFFF!!!". The sheer spontaneity of this had me laughing for a good ten or fifteen minutes.

You had to be there really, the most hilarious things in my life have been completely spontaneous.

  On 12/1/2009 at 12:41 AM, sneaksta303 said:

  On 11/30/2009 at 10:50 PM, leprechaun said:

I wouldn't say this is the funniest thing I've ever witnessed, but it's what came to mind. We took my 80 something year old grandmother to a cousin's wedding several years ago. Grandma had Alzheimers and had pretty much lost most of her wits at that point. It was an outdoor wedding in someone's backyard in a very nice neighborhood and one of the neighbors happened to be doing construction. In the middle of the ceremony, after a particularly loud bout of hammering from the nearby construction, grandma calls out "Somebody's getting a spanking!" There were also lots of wild birds singing and later on in the ceremony she yelled out "TWEET TWEET TWEET!" My family and I just about fell apart with silent laughter.

 

I shouldn't lol but I did because I can relate. My grandma died from that. Was a blessing her leaving us really. Alzheimer's is the devil.

Yep Alzheimer's is a bitch, but man did it give us some funny family stories. Still, when it comes down to it, I would like my family to put me to sleep rather than go through the slow deterioration she went through.

Thought of another story, this one is about the family dog. We used to have a Maltese named Bouncer and he was dumb as shit (and also the reason why I will never own dogs again). He used to like to chase birds that were flying way up in the sky. We were all hanging out in the backyard one afternoon and there's a low brick wall (about 2ft high) that runs around the pool. Bouncer was roaming around being an asshole as usual when he spotted some birds flying. So he barks like an idiot and starts chasing after them, looking straight up in the air the whole time, and he ran head first at full speed into the brick wall. Part of why it was so funny was that he turned his head to look where he was going at the last second, but it was too late for him to stop or turn. He looked so dazed and cross eyed with his tongue hanging out for a minute or so afterward. We had a huge lol.

i remember in elementary school me and a kid named matt were going to the bathroom (you had to take a "bladder buddy" with you if you were leaving class). matt went in first and burst out laughing. there was this weird kid at a urinal, shitting. matt was standing about three feet from the kid. when you shit, you pee. the kid started peeing and slashed an arc of piss right on to matt's shirt. i started laughing uncontrollably, and the kid at the urinal began to cry.

another time, same period in elementary school, i went into the bathroom and saw the biggest piece of shit i've ever seen just sitting in a urinal. i figure it might have been the same kid. i stared at it, weighing the sides of a moral dilemma i never thought i'd have to face. naturally, being about nine years old, i decided to flush the toilet. the shit just hovered above the drain and caused the urinal to overflow, and i watched as this gigantic fecal missile rode a tidal wave of pisswater around the corner and out the door into a hallway full of children.

argh lol

  On 12/1/2009 at 2:34 AM, zaphod said:

i remember in elementary school me and a kid named matt were going to the bathroom (you had to take a "bladder buddy" with you if you were leaving class). matt went in first and burst out laughing. there was this weird kid at a urinal, shitting. matt was standing about three feet from the kid. when you shit, you pee. the kid started peeing and slashed an arc of piss right on to matt's shirt. i started laughing uncontrollably, and the kid at the urinal began to cry.

another time, same period in elementary school, i went into the bathroom and saw the biggest piece of shit i've ever seen just sitting in a urinal. i figure it might have been the same kid. i stared at it, weighing the sides of a moral dilemma i never thought i'd have to face. naturally, being about nine years old, i decided to flush the toilet. the shit just hovered above the drain and caused the urinal to overflow, and i watched as this gigantic fecal missile rode a tidal wave of pisswater around the corner and out the door into a hallway full of children.

LOL

something super funny happened at the pubtonight butim too drunk to type it so ill do it later