Fart Chamber

It may upset the purists but this is definitely worth looking into, Kakapo. Let's embrace innovation here. We need to foster a culture of creativity and not be shackled by any preconcieved ideas about what is and isn't a natural fart. It's an age old debate which may never be resolved and in the meantime there could be competitors who come along and produce the ultimate fart chamber, trumping all the competition.

  On 12/17/2010 at 7:03 PM, kakapo said:

I don't know how people feel about synthetic farts, but couldn't we use some kind of molecular prining technique to analyse and then artifically reconstruct the fart. You wouldn't even have to fart when you enter the chamber, you could choose from a database of memorable farts. You could even have special editions available for purchase, perhaps of famous people. I have a feeling this fart simulacrum would have been much approved of by Baudrillard, what with him being French and everything.

well it can definitely be used for to lever out sensory adaption. artificially change the smell of the fart every say 2 minutes and the subject would never have the opportunity to get used to the odour of the gas.

  On 12/17/2010 at 7:35 PM, dese manz hatin said:

  On 12/17/2010 at 7:03 PM, kakapo said:

I don't know how people feel about synthetic farts, but couldn't we use some kind of molecular prining technique to analyse and then artifically reconstruct the fart. You wouldn't even have to fart when you enter the chamber, you could choose from a database of memorable farts. You could even have special editions available for purchase, perhaps of famous people. I have a feeling this fart simulacrum would have been much approved of by Baudrillard, what with him being French and everything.

well it can definitely be used for to lever out sensory adaption. artificially change the smell of the fart every say 2 minutes and the subject would never have the opportunity to get used to the odour of the gas.

That's the principle behind everlasting suffering in hell. Satan mixing it up when you've gotten used to red hot pokers up the anus. If anyone knows how to build a solid fart chamber hes your best bet.

there could even be a compromise with the natural-fart purists.

just get the machine to memorise different types of one persones farts. then let the machine run them in a random order. for example at one point the subject would be breathing a rotten egg type, then the other second it will change to grilled chesse sandwich and before he can even start thinking about adoptping to that one it will already have changed to a mixture of thai food & beer. and so on. limitless potential.

I don't know, maybe I'm with the purists on this one. It is after all called f-art, not f-cience. Can the mystical and cosmic mystery of the fart really be reduced to a simple chemical equation?

On the other hand, it could be taken even further. If we have some idea of a persons last meal and their metabolism, perhaps we could come up with a decent approximation of the resultant fart. We could then come up with synthetic farts of famous historical figures. A cake engorged Marie Antoinette. Floral with spiced fruit undertones. Jesus at the last supper. A deceptively simple but robust piscine quality. We could even do series with different themes, such as Farts of Death. Saddam Hussein on the scaffold prior to his hanging, I bet he was trumping away. A convulsing JFK with half his head missing, his body going into farty shock.

Sorry, I feel a bit guilty about taking the purity of the fart chamber and imbuing it with this rampant commercialism, but I think we could make a lot of money here.

well, as horkheimer and adorno already stated it 60 years ago: enlightenment and instrumental science itself result back in mysticism. the fart chamber is just at the very end of a long process that wanted to turn away from ancient mythology and, in the end, returns back to it in its purest and highest form.

  On 12/17/2010 at 8:05 PM, kakapo said:

I don't know, maybe I'm with the purists on this one. It is after all called f-art, not f-cience. Can the mystical and cosmic mystery of the fart really be reduced to a simple chemical equation?

 

On the other hand, it could be taken even further. If we have some idea of a persons last meal and their metabolism, perhaps we could come up with a decent approximation of the resultant fart. We could then come up with synthetic farts of famous historical figures. A cake engorged Marie Antoinette. Floral with spiced fruit undertones. Jesus at the last supper. A deceptively simple but robust piscine quality. We could even do series with different themes, such as Farts of Death. Saddam Hussein on the scaffold prior to his hanging, I bet he was trumping away. A convulsing JFK with half his head missing, his body going into farty shock.

 

Sorry, I feel a bit guilty about taking the purity of the fart chamber and imbuing it with this rampant commercialism, but I think we could make a lot of money here.

I would hire the best tabloid editors with the sneakiest paps, and get them to compile an approximate dietary plan for as many celebrities as possible. Then use a painstaking distillation process to condense the essence of, say, Hilary Duff's buttmusk into a highly concentrated liquid that the user could purchase online or at any nearby bodega, in the form of a disposable vaporizing spray bottle containing, say, approximately 50 fartsworth for use at their convenience. I would eventually roll out a consumer version that's just slightly cheaper and contains 25 or 20 fartsworth. And of course, for the holiday season, you could buy a sampler pack, just three to five fartsworth of five different celebrities. So you could gift the essence of rear ends of your favorite Friends to your old college roommate; delight your Italian nana with the Sopranos cast's noxious excresence of basil and meatball; or transport your young daughter into the fantasy of being Hanna Montana, having run, jumped and thrusted your way across the stadiums of America, infusing the nubile dew of your erotically perspirant vulvae and immaculate taint glands into the patent leather, spandex, lace, denim and satin of your various on-stage getups, thereby adding unimaginable complexity to the Taco Bell- and Dorito-fueled pooties you shamelessly loose beneath the din to which you lip sync for your screaming, clueless fans.

that was poetry.

It's beautiful reading and also shows us how far we still have to go as a species. Let us all quietly acknowledge to ourselves that there is no Chambre Du Farté yet; i can only imagine Saddams sweet cheddar guff or Hilary Swanks buttmusk. Until these things are a solid reality we need to do everything in our power to survive. I am almost crying here.

let's get this idea to at least 400 pages you lazy cunts!

I personally love farts and farting, case in point I just let one rip...

since I have not offered anything to this thread yet, I would like to say that Charles Nelson Reilly really has the lock down on this and we need more of his ideas, and the ultimate design from his end. Encey and Adjective have the aesthetics covered. Encey should definitely write all of the literature on the gloriousness that is the FART CHAMBER. Rambo should be the foreman and head the marketing campaign. Fred should oversee everything in the process.

Here are some horrible precursor ideas that I have found during my short stint in google image searching on the subject of fart chambers and fart huffing:

great inventions start with dreams, dreams turn into ideas, ideas become thoughts, thoughts become actions, action build fart chambers

i am excited to start thinking about the fart chamber again...

in my department where i work there are people who work on fragrances to cover up bad smells in products, perhaps they could be swayed to contribute to kakapo's synthetic fart idea, instead synthesizing fart chemical libraries, to be put into a machine where you could dial in any fart variety you wanted...

oh, see, this is progress!

we could find the molecular opposite of a fart, and spray it in the air as a fart-neutralizing chemical.

BLASPHEMY!

  On 12/18/2010 at 12:51 AM, Capsaicin said:

we could find the molecular opposite of a fart, and spray it in the air as a fart-neutralizing chemical.

science doesn't work like that

  On 12/17/2010 at 6:33 PM, Fred McGriff said:

  On 12/17/2010 at 2:41 AM, fiznuthian said:

i would construct a room similar to the way i would construct a laminar flow hood for sterile tissue culture work..

 

the idea is that you have a blower (squirrel cage are used for hood systems, but there's different types) that forces air from outside of the room through a HEPA filter, which forces near sterile air into the room.. then you need an exit, some kind of vent. using another blower to pull air out of the room would be optional, a good one forcing air in should be sufficient to force unclean air out of the room..

 

should make for a solid fart-free environment

 

 

aren't you describing... an anti-fart chamber?

ah, yes. i am.

i severely misread your first post..

in that case there's only one true way to test your fart toxicity theory...

you need to stick a rubber hose up your butt,

then breathe deeply.

this remotes the gas expansion variables from your equation, no loss of fart whatsoever.

now all that's needed is to increase your fart-mass.

may i suggest:

+

also consider vegetarianism.

anyone who has chose the path or knows a vegetarian knows their farts can be deadly.

watch it with the butthose,

you may cum stupid hard.

  On 12/18/2010 at 12:03 AM, Charles Nelson Reilly said:

i am excited to start thinking about the fart chamber again...

 

in my department where i work there are people who work on fragrances to cover up bad smells in products, perhaps they could be swayed to contribute to kakapo's synthetic fart idea, instead synthesizing fart chemical libraries, to be put into a machine where you could dial in any fart variety you wanted...

a farthesizer?

somebody call roland, right now.

*designs, patents FARP synthesizer*

I'd wear this in a fart chamber:

the air you breath doesnt get turned into farts wtf the fuck are you on fred mgriff

where are we at on this? testing in a wind tunnel?

  On 12/19/2010 at 10:31 PM, Velazquez said:

I'd wear this in a fart chamber:

The Sartorialist just posted what I might wear in a fart chamber blizzard in teh dead of winter:

  On 1/19/2012 at 9:01 PM, Velazquez said:

where are we at on this? testing in a wind tunnel?

lol

I think I would dress like Ryu in a fart chamber, and stand next to the vent and have my hair blow while I don't give a fuck.