"Go Get Help. Please. I Think I Shit Out My Intestines"

  On 5/13/2010 at 12:32 AM, oscillik said:

  On 5/13/2010 at 12:23 AM, Boxing Day said:

I was once waiting in line for the bathroom at a MacDonalds.

 

One of these Kids ---> was waiting behind me.

 

Finally my turn , i wanted to shit so bad , sat down , relaxed my bowels and let my anus puke digested food.

4 Minutes later i start hearing banging on the door , i was like "Busy , Oqupado , go away" , all of the sudden that kid with progeria enters the bathroom (i was still shiting) , he starts screaming "MY TURN!!!" , I was like "fuck off wiggle". (The Door was open , so everyone was watching this)

I stand up , dripped a little liquid shit on my pants (this really pissed me off) , i grabbed the kid by his big alien head and pushed him out of the bathroom.

Cleaned myself , washed my hand , got out , fucking police waiting for me , they accused me of assault (+ the fucking wiggle had a seizure) , spend the day in jail , was released because the charges were dropped.

 

So yeah , that was the weirdest thing i have heard in a bathroom , a progeria kid screaming "My Turn"

twice in the space of 1 minute you've made me flol.

well done sir

If that kid with progeria has to really go so bad to try and pull you out of a toilet then how come hes not wearing a fucking diaper

Worst thing I ever heard in a toilet was heavy breathing and a skin flapping sound followed by a splater noise, My best guess is that the other person was shooting up on heroin and I had a wank cus I was trying to scare the junke away by trying to sound like a cottager

Another Joyrex creative writing assignment.

i went into the bathroom and these two teenagers were in there and one of them said, "how long can you leave a tampon in?" and the other said, "like a few hours" and the first one said, "oh, i've had this one in for like a few days. lol whatever."

That first post was quite possibly the greatest thing I've read in recent memory. Real life lolz abound. Well done. Please post an update as soon as you hear. I imagine this guy will have his resume out there as soon as he is better.

this one time in about 1993, i was camping in the north west highlands of scotland in glenuig. on a campsite no-less... your organised affair with no fires and no laughing after 9pm and the kind of shite you get with proper campsites.,

last day there, went for a (solid) shite in the two cubicle shed on the site. the adjacent cubicle was already occupied.

... by a man with some serious multi textured effluence who was groaning and swearing and pebbledashing the pan, loudly.

for the duration of the expulsion of my log i had minor difficulties due to convulsive giggling at full public volume at the predicament of the occupant of the next stall.

he threatened me with imminent violence, but my mirth continued on the basis that i knew he would be in there longer than i would.

as far as i know, he's still there.

good times.

"Someone's in here"

to put it in context the guy sounded a little special and emphasis on SOMEONE

bathrooms, what a nightmarish place at times

  On 5/13/2010 at 2:08 AM, Calx Sherbet said:

bathrooms, what a nightmarish place at times

However a neverending source of humor

  On 5/13/2010 at 2:29 AM, Mesh Gear Fox said:

  On 5/13/2010 at 12:30 AM, Enter a new display name said:

  On 5/13/2010 at 12:23 AM, Boxing Day said:

I was once waiting in line for the bathroom at a MacDonalds.

 

One of these Kids ---> was waiting behind me.

 

Finally my turn , i wanted to shit so bad , sat down , relaxed my bowels and let my anus puke digested food.

4 Minutes later i start hearing banging on the door , i was like "Busy , Oqupado , go away" , all of the sudden that kid with progeria enters the bathroom (i was still shiting) , he starts screaming "MY TURN!!!" , I was like "fuck off wiggle". (The Door was open , so everyone was watching this)

I stand up , dripped a little liquid shit on my pants (this really pissed me off) , i grabbed the kid by his big alien head and pushed him out of the bathroom.

Cleaned myself , washed my hand , got out , fucking police waiting for me , they accused me of assault (+ the fucking wiggle had a seizure) , spend the day in jail , was released because the charges were dropped.

 

So yeah , that was the weirdest thing i have heard in a bathroom , a progeria kid screaming "My Turn"

So you're not only awful on the internet, but also in real life. Interesting...

meh I don't blame him at all. would have been really irritating.

i can't really think of a more understandable time to overreact, lol

no toilet paper once and all i had was a plastic baggy in my pants so i used that to wipe my ass.

this thread makes my tum-tum hurt.

Some hella lols in here. Well done!

I'm sure I could remember something funny or awful that happened to me but all I can think of at the moment is a story my friend told me.

He was at the old movie theater in my home town once and had to take a piss. He goes to the bathroom, which was relatively tiny, with 1 stall and 1 urinal. He steps up to the urinal to piss and soon realizes that there is a dude in the stall who apparently didn't realize my friend had entered the bathroom. Hence, he thought he was alone.

The guy grunts and says to himself in a strained, almost "sweaty" sounding voice, "Uggghh. I'm takin' a shit."

As I recall, buddy almost lost it but managed to sneak out quietly.

  On 5/13/2010 at 7:38 AM, jefferoo said:

Some hella lols in here. Well done!

 

I'm sure I could remember something funny or awful that happened to me but all I can think of at the moment is a story my friend told me.

He was at the old movie theater in my home town once and had to take a piss. He goes to the bathroom, which was relatively tiny, with 1 stall and 1 urinal. He steps up to the urinal to piss and soon realizes that there is a dude in the stall who apparently didn't realize my friend had entered the bathroom. Hence, he thought he was alone.

The guy grunts and says to himself, "Uggghh. I'm takin' a shit."

 

As I recall, buddy almost lost it but managed to sneak out quietly.

lol why would you say that?

I say "Uggghh. I'm takin' a shit." quite often when I'm dropping Cosby's off at the pool by my lonesome

  On 5/12/2010 at 11:05 PM, Joyrex said:

 

The smell was, to put it in the nicest terms possible, quite possibly the worst smell I have smelt since I worked in the funeral home industry...

Wait a minute now. Let's hear some more about this.

Joyrex's story reminds me of a series of pics that used to be hosted on rotten.com. They featured a weightlifter who had a sudden anal prolapsus during a performance : the insides came outside. But maybe xxx will enlighten us on this strange case. Anyway it was a pretty awkward situation for the guy as he couldn't move and had to stay on stage until the paramedics come.

at the movie theatre here, my friend went to the bathroom and went into one of the stalls, and there was a guy in the stall right next to him. this guy was grunting and groaning and then just drops a sloppy load of shit into the bowl. the second after that clearly audible shit was unleashed, my friend in the next stall got a text message, and the tone he set on his phone was the sound of Mario going down a warp pipe. he said the timing couldn't have been better, and holding back the laughter was near impossible. i wonder what the other guy was thinking

looks like the "beef" you get on taco bell products.

  On 5/13/2010 at 12:32 AM, Boxing Day said:

  On 5/13/2010 at 12:30 AM, Enter a new display name said:

 

So you're not only awful on the internet, but also in real life. Interesting...

 

 

Bathroom time is private man , i don't want no fucking kid screaming while i take a shit.

Try locking the door next time?

  On 5/12/2010 at 11:05 PM, Joyrex said:

I heard this ungodly groaning and then this wet splattering sound, like someone had dumped a bucket of wet clay into the toilet.

  wheightlifter at rotten.com said:

He remembers a loud popping, splattering noise then a fierce stabbing pain and then not being able to move from the squat position.

  On 5/12/2010 at 11:05 PM, Joyrex said:

More groans and grunts, followed by more splatters, then a huge gag-cough that made me jump a bit since it was so sudden and loud.

  wheightlifter at rotten.com said:

The unfortunate competitor, who expressed a plea to remain anonymous, remembered to surgeons that he was " stuck" at the bottom of a personal best attempt in the squat lift when he "sort of pulled his stomach in and pushed extra hard, at the same time as trying to complete the lift."

link to rotten (obiously nsfw)

It has to be a rectal prolapse.

holy fukin shit, I've seen this on dogs, but on a human it's whole new holy fuk.

pop

  On 5/13/2010 at 8:02 AM, jefferoo said:

  On 5/12/2010 at 11:05 PM, Joyrex said:

 

The smell was, to put it in the nicest terms possible, quite possibly the worst smell I have smelt since I worked in the funeral home industry...

 

Wait a minute now. Let's hear some more about this.

Yes, when I first moved to Texas I was going to be a funeral director, and my friend at the time who put me up until I found a place of my own was a funeral director (said it would be a "great career"), and in exchange for room and board, I had to help out at the funeral home. I think I'll save those for my new blog.

  On 5/13/2010 at 8:24 AM, Calx Sherbet said:

at the movie theatre here, my friend went to the bathroom and went into one of the stalls, and there was a guy in the stall right next to him. this guy was grunting and groaning and then just drops a sloppy load of shit into the bowl. the second after that clearly audible shit was unleashed, my friend in the next stall got a text message, and the tone he set on his phone was the sound of Mario going down a warp pipe. he said the timing couldn't have been better, and holding back the laughter was near impossible. i wonder what the other guy was thinking

FUCKING LOL - see, situations like that are so unique and special, it's frustrating since you know if you tell anyone, they'll immediately think "bullshit".

  On 5/13/2010 at 5:19 PM, Joyrex said:

I think I'll save those for my new blog.

 

DOH! NO PERMISSION! What a tease!

ORLY? you can't see it?