Panic attacks

  On 8/9/2010 at 1:40 PM, Lube Saibot said:

  On 8/9/2010 at 12:39 PM, disparaissant said:

for me there was a fair bit of depersonalization but i also feel like im not breathing right, or if i am, im not getting enough oxygen, and all i can really do is sob uncontrollably. it's pretty much impossible for me to do anything while im having one.

 

This thread is good for realizing I'm not some odd man out (i.e. total head-case). I've only just started having them, they're pretty bad, am on Xanax now and not having any but i feel like I just went down a notch from an evolutionary point of view. With is retarded and ignorant, i know. I know now at least.

there are basically two kinds of people in the world:

nutcases who realize they are nutcases

and

nutcases who don't realize they are nutcases

just keep that in mind and you'll be fine :)

i don't ever feel normal really. my life is absolutely chock full of anxieties and fears. some days i can't leave my room for fear of what i look like.

i never feel attractive although most people find me attractive and interesting, so my body language never speaks properly. i'm getting better but still can't get laid.

i'm starting to realize that i'm just fucking weird, i dream too much and i think too much and i have strange habits and strange obsessions..

most days i swing somewhere between thoughts about maybe i should just kill myself finally, to

hey, maybe i am useful after all.. and so i work constantly on improving my physical self to

benefit others because i am strong and useful.. but then the next day i come to the conclusion

that i am useless and wouldn't mind dying again.. should i just get a fucking gun and do it? i don't know, but hey she's real nice maybe i should chase after her..

oh yeah, i'm so fucking depressed all the time she'll never hold interest in me.. guess i will just go to sleep and wait until tomorrow because my heart almost explodes everytime i pick up the phone.

i know my problem is i have no self-worth and never make decisions in my best interest..

i'm so sick of being disabled by fear and my mind painting everything black.

i just want to feel normal. :(

why can't i seem to learn how to socialize like most people?

do i have a mental disorder?

are there support groups for people with zero self-worth, zero self esteem, and altruistic obsessions that go neck deep in the mind?

Last winter for several months, almost everyday, along with cluster migraines and crippling fatigue. It was a good time.

Riding the subway was hell. I've never felt claustrophobia before. Now I get it.

  On 8/9/2010 at 2:07 PM, disparaissant said:

there are basically two kinds of people in the world:

nutcases who realize they are nutcases

and

nutcases who don't realize they are nutcases

just keep that in mind and you'll be fine :)

I prefer nutcases with a sense of humor. Those who are in denial frequently go out of their way to make life miserable for the rest of us..

I find St. John's Wort preety good for anxiety and general well being-ness. apparently it's very good for ex-potheads, like myself.

i wouldn't trust anything prescription, really.. there's usually a whole load of negative side effects with them, plus they make you feel like too much of a zombie, and really tired, from what i hear. some fresh air out and away from the hundreds of all consuming idiots and their cars is always good, too. never tried Xanax or Soma or anything like that before.

You weak ass pussies and your panic attacks. Man up and deal with it

  On 8/9/2010 at 5:11 PM, azatoth said:

You weak ass pussies and your panic attacks. Man up and deal with it

lol, i hope you start getting them when you grow up, too.

it's not something i'd normally wish on anybody, but you can have one, for at least 5 minutes.

would love to see how you'd deal with it better.

i ate 1.0 grams of mushrooms two hours ago.

they do make you feel stronger, inside and out.

I often have anxiety, i've had strong panick attacks a couple of times and in the past months i've been getting this surreal feeling about live and it creeps me out, i've been sick for 3 years so yea i've had a lot of experience with this kind of stuff..

I'm still not healthy but you know we cant stop living because of it but it sure makes life much fucking harder..

  On 8/9/2010 at 5:52 PM, fiznuthian said:

i ate 1.0 grams of mushrooms two hours ago.

they do make you feel stronger, inside and out.

i think its my problem that i benefit from, its just hard.

its hard to sit in front of my house and have thoughts like,

if i die right here i become more now than i started,

just more for mother Earth to feed on.

emotionally it doesn't sit right to know you can die so fast and be consumed.

but at the same time its a great place to stand,

to realize you are more than what your mind thinks you are,

to remember you are a collection of millions of individuals too,

and its not just you but its them who try so hard every day to bring more to the others.

cause you know, its not just the city that is me,

theres millions more too..

its just hard and doesn't sit right to think that way even though its the truth.

  On 8/9/2010 at 5:11 PM, azatoth said:

You weak ass pussies and your panic attacks. Man up and deal with it

fuck you.

it is not easy to have a mind that devours itself everyday.

What is there to really panic or feel anxiety about? Nothing. Nothing at all.

  On 8/9/2010 at 6:07 PM, azatoth said:

What is there to really panic or feel anxiety about? Nothing. Nothing at all.

i know this, it is true.

its not like we sit around all day freaking out all of the time,

its just that although there exists an axiom at times we can not see it..

for some of us this is true more often than not.

im glad that you are able to be happy most of the time,

but suffering is real too and most of the world has no other

choice to but find a way to deal with it.

and then to varying degrees..

a war-torn starving child knows more about this than I do.

its a fucking panic attack man, it just makes you want to cry and you don't know why..

kind of like your mother died but she didn't. you know, wtf man. why is this happening.

what a bad joke nature, god damnit. its not funny anymore.

Step outside that mindset and observe it from another angle. Especially with the help of psychedelics your metacognitive awareness improves.

Shut the fuck up azatoth.

  On 8/9/2010 at 6:18 PM, azatoth said:

Step outside that mindset and observe it from another angle. Especially with the help of psychedelics your metacognitive awareness improves.

yes that is what i am doing today.

i'm about to go swimming and ate another stem..

i go to work in four hours.

its because mushrooms are a step above us as a species i think...

they're the primary decomposers and the cycle that makes more life..

they know what we need and see things, but without brains and consciousness and none of this at all.

hey who needs fucking panic attacks anyway

4-PO-DMT is a normative order and here to tell me something.

it is the molecule that disrupts my mind's daily self-destructive cycle against itself.

so yeah, today is another day to condition myself and make me more me.

i'm going to do yoga by a pool, do a fucking ton of jumping jacks, pushups, and curlups until it hurts really good.

then jump in the water and think about not drowning rather than drowning.

it feels good to be worth something.

i've been on a real sun kick lately, staying out in the sun for extended hours eating mushroom capsules daily to ward off skin cancer

and drinking a fuck ton of water and eating ridiculous phytonutrient vegetables and fruit all day every day non-stop..

i could really worship the sun you know.. its heat on my skin stimulates my mind too..

the sun really calms the beast and shuts her the fuck up.

dear god i'm not even burning

and my skin has never been so clear, healthy, and pleasant to touch.

thank you doctors for never telling me this

years ago you pieces of shit..

hey all you have to do is eat FOOD FROM THE EARTH.

it has nutrition and protective compounds...

and happiness can be found in cowshit with some good ole' exercise..

and that fungi help restore order on this planet and they can restore you too..

yeah they never told me any of this..

i just saw a TV ad last night talking about anotther drug causing suicide risks, skin disorders, pulimanary disorders you know i really don't have any idea what the fuck that AD was on about...

thank GOD THE DOCTORS GAVE ME THAT ONE FOR 2.5 YEARS. LETS JUST ADD IT TO THE LIST OF BULLSHIT THAT HAS DESTROYED ME FOR FIFTEEN.

and not one mention of good exercise, good sex, good food, and some FUCKING MUSHROOMS TO HELP ME STAY ALIVE.

thank you you pencil pushing fucks

  On 8/7/2010 at 7:13 PM, kakapo said:

I get a sort of equivalent at times when I'm having a complicated migraine, almost always in conjunction with vertigo. Because I get some forewarning I very quickly learnt to head them off through clearing my head and concentrating on my breathing, so I've not had a full blown one since my teens.

I'd like to qualify my earlier statement. Just as there is 'good' and 'bad' AIDS, i.e. there's the homosexual and African version and then there's the version that good people get through no fault of their own such as dodgy blood transfusions, there's also 'good' and 'bad' panic attacks. My panic attack type symptoms are as a direct result of an inherited neurological condition, and not an indication of any underlying psychological weakness. I'd like to disassociate myself from the limp wristed whingers in this thread.

i dont know if should drive anywhere guys,

me and my roomate got pulled over by a cop going to get a drink from the DRINK MACHINE two nights ago..

obviously guilty of trying to get a drink..

and she took my roomates lisence for being 2 days expired..

dear god we're breaking the law!! its so fucking wrong!

here let me grow some vegetables in my neighbors lawn so i can eat, and get arrested for using the dirt below me to keep myself alive out in the good old sunshine..

HEY DONT GO THERE, I'LL SLAP SOME HANDCUFFS ON YOUR ASS

you're not supposed to be on my property!

jesus fucking christ man no wonder i'm so mental... nothing but people telling me you CANT DO THIS, and YOU SHOULD EAT THIS FUKCING PILL IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER

getting pulled over by police for trying to get to work too fast... on a road you have to drive on to get there... or you can't EAT ANYTHING

and then getting arrested for smokign some pot I grew myself, or eating an apple i picked from a public tree, because it wasn't my land..

jesus fucking christ people what are we doing, this artificial universe we have made to support ourselves as people working against us daily, making us suffer..

its fucking awful man, eating deep fried food and racking up debt to some CONCRETE DIETY through a box in front of where we live...

its really just not working for me any more.. i'm goign to put up with this shit for a little longer until i get where i need then I am having none of it..

none of it.

and don't you fucking tell me i won't grow our own food and live off of our land someday, like its some kind of writeoff hippy utopia.

i'll starve off my random plants and maybe a few bugs i can eat for a few days just to avoid having to hear another lifeless phone call from a call center ever again.

fucking television, i'm real glad i have refused to own one or watch TV entirely for the past 2 years..

i smashed my cellular phone into my houses sidewalk for similar reasons, and i'm temped to do the same again. took all of a week and my mother bought me another one saying she can't stand me being without one even though she NEVER CALLS.

if i want to talk to someone i will find them, that may mean i will have to walk.

fuck yo i might have to WALK TO MY FRIENDS

and miss out on the "yo where u at" and "what are you doing?" phonecalls and "lol, i just woke up" text messages and instead be more like wow, am I SO GLAD TO SEE YOU FELLOW HUMAN I JUST WALKED 8 MILES TO SEE YOU. :) its real nice to actually see people anyways.. i don't know where the rest of me goes when i talk on the phone.

everyone before us no did it for the entire time our species has been on EARTH,

and god damnit i'm going to do it to because none of this is natural, none of this is necessary for happiness, and none of this makes any fucking sense whatsoever..

going to go get me a fucking carrot and trip balls at the pool then go to work and think about how i'm going to grow my own food some more..

then eat more mushrooms to keep the AIDS and cancer at bay

  On 8/9/2010 at 6:19 PM, chassis said:

Shut the fuck up azatoth.

*farts*

  On 8/9/2010 at 6:42 PM, kakapo said:

  On 8/7/2010 at 7:13 PM, kakapo said:

I get a sort of equivalent at times when I'm having a complicated migraine, almost always in conjunction with vertigo. Because I get some forewarning I very quickly learnt to head them off through clearing my head and concentrating on my breathing, so I've not had a full blown one since my teens.

 

I'd like to qualify my earlier statement. Just as there is 'good' and 'bad' AIDS, i.e. there's the homosexual and African version and then there's the version that good people get through no fault of their own such as dodgy blood transfusions, there's also 'good' and 'bad' panic attacks. My panic attack type symptoms are as a direct result of an inherited neurological condition, and not an indication of any underlying psychological weakness. I'd like to disassociate myself from the limp wristed whingers in this thread.

That's bullshit doubletalk. Anybody can say that. Psychological weakness = neurological condition, within the confines of your logic at least. Within the confines of real logic, neurology has SQUAT to do with panic attacks. Neurological conditions rarely fuck with your mind, they fuck with your five senses and motor functions. Then again you say "bad AIDS, the homosexual kind" while ironically still using that MasonicBoom avatar so I'll just assume this is your hipster troll post of the day.

  On 8/9/2010 at 7:09 PM, Lube Saibot said:

  On 8/9/2010 at 6:42 PM, kakapo said:

  On 8/7/2010 at 7:13 PM, kakapo said:

I get a sort of equivalent at times when I'm having a complicated migraine, almost always in conjunction with vertigo. Because I get some forewarning I very quickly learnt to head them off through clearing my head and concentrating on my breathing, so I've not had a full blown one since my teens.

 

I'd like to qualify my earlier statement. Just as there is 'good' and 'bad' AIDS, i.e. there's the homosexual and African version and then there's the version that good people get through no fault of their own such as dodgy blood transfusions, there's also 'good' and 'bad' panic attacks. My panic attack type symptoms are as a direct result of an inherited neurological condition, and not an indication of any underlying psychological weakness. I'd like to disassociate myself from the limp wristed whingers in this thread.

 

That's bullshit doubletalk. Anybody can say that. Psychological weakness = neurological condition, within the confines of your logic at least. Within the confines of real logic, neurology has SQUAT to do with panic attacks. Neurological conditions rarely fuck with your mind, they fuck with your five senses and motor functions. Then again you say "bad AIDS, the homosexual kind" while ironically still using that MasonicBoom avatar so I'll just assume this is your hipster troll post of the day.

I'm sorry that your flawed personality doesn't have the cachet of being an actual disease, just another invented one. Still, no need to get hysterical about it.

Upon reconsidering, fuck this thread.

  On 8/9/2010 at 6:18 PM, azatoth said:

Especially with the help of psychedelics

pretty much the exact opposite of what you need for panic attacks.