stupid first world problems you're dealing with

Lol

There is no truly quiet spot in and around this city. There are cars everywhere, day and night. There is never a longer period of quietude. It would be halfway tolerable if it was just the cars, but it's these stupid motor bikes that are the icing on the cake. What again was the point of reving your motorcycle engine? Some people seem to be able to drive them in a reasonable way, but there are always kiddies who don't know how to drive them properly and rev the engine. I hope they get injured in an accident where they fall off the bike and then slide over the road and then their skin gets burned away, which may be followed by a slow and painful death (I like that idea). 

^I didn't post that one when I wrote it, seemed unnecessarily cruel.

FWP: I always think I'm shy, so I sometimes talk to people and turns out I'm not that shy, actually (I just keep assuming it because I don't hang out with people much, but that has other reasons). Not sure what to do with that info... confirm it further? I just want sex, but it seems impolite to ask. So I talk about other stuff but I don't care for other stuff as much.

I guess I could do that dating stuff again and hope that it eventually leads to more sex, but I don't want to. It's boring. I guess I will go to the park and talk to random women that walk their dogs and ask them for... sex? But it's too hot and sunny outside. Stupid summer. Gonna bike to the lake instead maybe and swim or something. Luckily I don't need to work right now.

  On 6/17/2021 at 8:23 AM, ooqpoo said:

There's a small mindedness that seeps from unknown sources and thrives in such places.

Yeah I'm very small minded myself. I guess it's this place that made me that or maybe it's something else, who knows. Trying to become less small minded but it's not that easy

i never seen this bug. this is my only pronlem rn

bugs probably deserve their own thred

The bug is in that picture right underneath your text, quick! Before it goes away!

  On 6/17/2021 at 6:47 PM, dingformung said:

i never seen this bug. this is my only pronlem rn

bugs probably deserve their own thred

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Ladybird larvae I think 

I was at the lake and it was beautiful. I asked a topless hippi type girl for rolling tobacco and she was stroking my hand when she gave it to me so I guess I should have talked to her and try to do the SEX etc etc but I wasn't ready bcs I just arrived and when I came back to look for her she was gone... lol, I'm aware that I don't need to type this stuff bcs it is a known fact already. Everything I do is already a known fact (which is another problem).

should hang out at the lake tomorrow to see if she comes back. if she does you just gotta rise out of the water wearing your winnie the pooh costume & ask her if she's ever had pooh in her pants (gotta be able to do the voice tho your you might get arrested)

I think I have multiple cavities and I'm stressing. I already made a dentist appointment for next Tuesday. Stress stress stress. Brush your teeth boys and girls. I'll post an update later.

My pomegranate juice is too sweet and now I don't want any pizza any longer.

  On 6/18/2021 at 8:01 AM, yekker said:

I think I have multiple cavities and I'm stressing. I already made a dentist appointment for next Tuesday. Stress stress stress. Brush your teeth boys and girls. I'll post an update later.

poor mouth hygiene can lead to a particular type of bacteria that can lead to heart disease. i guess it gets inhaled and aspirated in the lungs. 

fwp - 2 social things tomorrow one after the other. it's good but will be draining of the social gas tank and i'm sleep deprived as fuck.

also, yesterday at my first radiation appointment they did a quick "name/DOB/and what part of you are we treating today?" to confirm we're all on the same page.. i gave the correct answer instead of saying "my personality" for a laugh and now i'm just waiting for another opportunity. 

Every bar with outdoor seating was full and too much social interaction today so I was trying find a bar where I could sit alone. So I found a bar with no customers but then the bar owner was super talkative and wants to chat all the time.

Finally two hippies also wandered in and distracted him.

  On 6/18/2021 at 8:43 PM, zkom said:

Every bar with outdoor seating was full and too much social interaction today so I was trying find a bar where I could sit alone. So I found a bar with no customers but then the bar owner was super talkative and wants to chat all the time.

Finally two hippies also wandered in and distracted him.

it's rare to be saved by hippies. 

I need to get some food and some electronic parts but I can only afford one of them.

  On 6/17/2021 at 6:47 PM, dingformung said:

i never seen this bug. this is my only pronlem rn

bugs probably deserve their own thred

Expand  

That's a ladybug larva

  On 6/19/2021 at 3:39 AM, TubularCorporation said:

I need to get some food and some electronic parts but I can only afford one of them.

Buy electronic parts and use as food.

I got my computer back from the shop and I told myself I'd only install one bit of warez software. During installation of it it fucked up and messed up the computer. Having nothing to lose I figured out how to reinstall windows. It worked and I was even able to download the Microsoft office suite, because I'm a FUCKING genius. Anyways I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back and I will no longer use pirated software. I'm a changed man.

I listened to voice recordings of myself and I sound both bored and boring. I bore myself. I don't want to bore others. I will leave them alone. I'll let them be. That's the best I can do. I can't help but feel that if I don't have something to say, then I have nothing to offer others. Yet I know that isn't true. Not saying anything is also an offering. It is a gift to be quiet and still and listening. I am trying to get to a place where I am not so afraid of being boring. Of saying nothing aloud or in writing. Of having nothing useful or interesting to say about anything. Where I'm okay with silence, and relishing it instead of feeling like silence = emptiness = stagnation = death. I try to remind me that there is value in silence, in listening instead of speaking. Of feeling instead of thinking and saying, "I think." And it's a way to remind myself that perhaps one day I can let go of this fear of being boring and dull and useless. I know that my main form of expression has been words and writing, but maybe with more practice in silence, I won't feel so inadequate when it comes time to speak up again.

been going through bottles of mustard like every two days

I can't socialize anymore without making every single interaction at least slightly awkward.

Most of the time I spend with myself is more awkward than the time I spend with other people tbqh.

i don't feel more awkward post covid but i do feel less empathetic

I just have a hard time getting to people.  Even the extraverted people I know are very unresponsive and even when I do get to them they're usually doing some boring shit halfheartedly and seem like they've been drained of the life they used to have.

  On 6/20/2021 at 12:27 AM, Cryptowen said:

i don't feel more awkward post covid but i do feel less empathetic

Same

Probably a short-sighted Dr. Phillesque observation but I noticed that it’s easier for me not to feel awkward and dissatisfied about social interaction when I make the interaction more about the other person instead of what it’s like for me and what I need/want. 
It always feels counterintuitive to me because I feel like I’m increasing the distance between myself and the other when I sort of disconnect my emotional needs/expectations/whatever and make it less likely to have a more profound or meaningful connection but most of the time it opens up this middle ground where I can actually meet the other and then take it from there. 
 

It took me a long time to understand, and I still often have to remind myself/rephrase/internalise what my therapist meant when she tried to convey that it takes a certain amount of narcissism to always feel awkward about interacting with other people. Maybe they feel awkward too and it’s not just about how I feel and then this idea opens up the possibility to turn it around and become a beacon for awkward people and then all of the sudden you feel connected. It’s hit and miss, and ime more difficult with people that I’ve known for a long time because of the tendency to fall back on behavioural patterns, otoh it has greatly improved the relationship with some people I’ve known for decades because the timing was right and they were also examining their own outlook and behaviour. 

Otoh a lot of people are obviously cunts, and I’m a prime example. 

10 days in and my sauerkraut smells like farts. I blame the weather.

EDIT: it's been over two hours since I opened it to check the flavor and my kitchen still smells like farts.  Bad farts.