stupid first world problems you're dealing with

*bucko

I did. Fws: was worth it ;^)

my wireless headphones and new pair of glasses don,t  get on well,but i don,t want to take them off cuz the musics too good (kannon 3 sunn o))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))?

it's so fucking hot outside. walked from front door to car and back. intense pressure of humidity which is rare here but it's already feeling 90+ fahrenheit andsupposed to peak around 100 by 5pm. 

 

i need to go get some food from grocery store but it's too hot to leave. i'm just gonna starve instead. it will be less of a hassle 

ye, i had it up to here with this summer, i'm running around in an oven 8hours at work, it's insane but when i come home, the fan is running, the beer is dope and the songs are cool

it's been 90+ for a week or something. supposed to start to cool down some by thursday. summer sucks. 

 

it's another stressor on the system that i don't need.  wah. 

 

also, re dating site.. woman i've been chatting w/finally sent a picture. .she look slike my ex. 

 

nope!

Edited July 30, 2018 by ignatius

  On 7/30/2018 at 12:50 AM, ignatius said:

summer sucks.

been feeling very socially isolated so far this year

now that i'm not working i sometimes go several day long stretches without even speaking

 

been bored//emotionally dulled pretty much all year as well, except for when i manage to get myself all charged up about my personal projects (and to be fair, i do feel pretty good about the progress i'm making with my health + art stuff)

 

have a lot of "my life is stagnating & my existence is largely superfluous in the eyes of the world" thoughts coming up but i'm trying to pay them no heed

 

i dunno...i guess when it comes down to it what tends to bother me more than anything is the feeling that it really doesn't need to be like this? like i feel like i'm good at things & i have the ability to absorb complex information, and can be really dedicated to things that seem worthwhile, and generally ppl seem to quite enjoy my company & i enjoy being around people. so it bothers me that so much of my adult life has felt like i'm being cast in this role of quiet loner who works generic minimum wage service jobs.

 

this post is kinda vague but i'm in a vague headspace currently. trying to put a live set together for friday that somehow honestly reflects that while also being interesting to listen to

^^ oh wow. tough space to be in.  sounds like you have some place to put that though w/the live set putting together.  pouring it into the music is generally what i do one way or another.  lately been reading books as distraction and just changing my headspace. 

 

good luck.

Summer isn't very idm

Ordered some crucial items for my workstation over the internet. It's been 11 days since my payment. 11 f# days!! How is it possible that it takes 11 f# days to ship a computer case and a cpu fan from the warehouse in Germany? Is this progress? When I was buying my first computer about 20 years ago, I came to the store with a specification list written by my 12 year-old hand and came home the same day with all the parts. In one, f# afternoon, I bought a computer and assembled it. Now I have to wait for a stupid part like I'm living in some remote f# island in the middle of the Pacific?! My workstation is overheating, I should be working on a project already. God dammit! Next, time, I'm gonna take a road trip to the god damn German warehouse myself. Two days if I take the scenic route.

in 1476 i had to wait more than 500 years to get a computer!

  On 7/30/2018 at 5:48 AM, ignatius said:

lately been reading books as distraction and just changing my headspace

i've finally got around to reading On the Road & in some ways it's been really nice because it's v.engaging & i feel a strong sense of connection with Jack Kerouac's views on life. But at the same time it's making me feel even more antsy about the prospect of spending another winter in Montreal, alone, in this weird smelling apartment. At present it feels like my options are

 

A. stay in the city, keep at the grind, hope that things start coming together in terms of building a meaningful social life, or finding work that resonates with me, or pursuing higher education

 

B. go back east where I'm from (very much want to avoid this bcuz i feel like i would immediately revert back to even more of the introverted ambient music dude i was when i left, and probably end up working full time in my step dad's irrigation business like my siblings, and really just kill me now if that's the option)

 

C. go west & seek out the unknown, which likely means spending the winter WWOOFing (if i were to go down this road i'd want to get prepping immediately in order to transfer my lease before the cold hits hard, and still have a bit of money to travel with)

 

D. MYSTERY OPTION (aka doing something wacky like spending the rest of my money on a renewed passport & hitchhiking down to central america)

 

i dunno it definitely feels like travelling to some new location before i run out of money & the winter hits seems like the most open-ended option, but at the same time i find myself dragging my heels out of this fear that i'll just end up in another place with nothing, and at least in montreal i have routines that are producing some results & a few people to talk to & certainly a more active art scene than what i would find out in the boonies. i want to avoid falling into a grass is greener trap

 

but yeah, just gonna work on the live set for now & wait for things to make more sense. there's a lot of retrogrades going on rn

ty for your words

Option D or failing that Option A

  On 7/30/2018 at 6:40 PM, AJW said:

Option D or failing that Option A

tbh this is basically my mindset whenever i'm feeling empowered, except in reverse. basically just, "okay, do everything you can today to make progress on the things you actually care about. don't worry about the future. don't compromise yourself (ie devoting too much energy to jobs that are damaging to my health, or holding off on doing something out of fear). worst case scenario you run out of money & have to hit the road again & do a fresh dice role. you've done that before, and you know it's not as bad as the alternative". it's when i'm fully in the moment that i seem most capable of maintaining a positive world view & actually getting shit done, whereas when i'm all concerned about figuring out my future i tend to fall into these doomy grottos & lose all motivation

 

i mostly blame taking mdma the other day for my current emotional state. thank god my stockpile has run out. it was starting to get to "chasing the dragon" territory again

I rented a van to transport my earthly possessions to a storage. The power steering somehow broke down or went off and while parking and steering hard I busted a tail light from another car. Needed to fill an insurance report on it today. The good thing was that the owner of the other car was really understanding, mostly just saying "these things happen". I thought he would be furious.The rental company guys were pretty mellow also.

Also my first time driving a van so I was a little scared of the whole thing.

 

Funny thing about the insurance form. It had a place to put how many people died in the accident. Not who died, just the kill count.

Something to work on for next time, then.

The sound of 350+ prisoners thumping their cell doors over something that just happened on Love Island is drowning out Evil Dead and also making me not want to live on this planet anymore.

  On 7/30/2018 at 6:33 PM, Cryptowen said:

 

C. go west

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNBjMRvOB5M

still dealing with a nasty scorpion bite, at least the swelling is going down

 

FYI don't put your hands in places without looking

Luckily scorpions don't exist where I live but I just read that due to climate change they start to settle in German cities where they can survive winters in basements.

 

And I'm wondering if summers have always been so hot here or if it's due to climate change. Right now it's 37°C

this morning i seemed to have lost 1st gear in my car.. or at least am having a lot of trouble getting it into 1st gear. sort of grinds and wants to pop out.. so i put it in reverse then back into 1st and that kind of works.. but wtf i don't have time for this shit but it's 14 years old so i guess i should be grateful. 

 

fucking scorpions. ouch. 

 

Cryptowen - re kerouac.. i think i like Dharma Bums better. I've read a bunch of kerouac. Subterraneans is good. i liked Vanit of Dulouz which is basically an autobiography of kerouac about his early days. it's endearing.  there's a sweet sadness to all his stuff i identify with. the "On The Road" movie w/Kristen Stewart as Mary Lou is actually pretty good. she makes a really great mary lou and i had serious doubts. but it captures the friendship and spontaneity of those days i think. 

  On 7/31/2018 at 8:59 PM, ignatius said:

this morning i seemed to have lost 1st gear in my car.. or at least am having a lot of trouble getting it into 1st gear. sort of grinds and wants to pop out.. so i put it in reverse then back into 1st and that kind of works.. but wtf i don't have time for this shit but it's 14 years old so i guess i should be grateful. 

 

fucking scorpions. ouch. 

 

Cryptowen - re kerouac.. i think i like Dharma Bums better. I've read a bunch of kerouac. Subterraneans is good. i liked Vanit of Dulouz which is basically an autobiography of kerouac about his early days. it's endearing.  there's a sweet sadness to all his stuff i identify with. the "On The Road" movie w/Kristen Stewart as Mary Lou is actually pretty good. she makes a really great mary lou and i had serious doubts. but it captures the friendship and spontaneity of those days i think. 

I've listened to enough Car Talk to know that your situation is not a good sign, would get that looked at immediately (and open your wallet, or put on some pretty lipstick).

 

re: you and Cryptowen's convo, I've tried not to overshare on here but I'm w/ you my dudes. Shit's rough, keep your heads up, it ain't easy, etc. clichés but actually heartfelt. 

car talk - yeah.. it's probably the gearbox which depending on car can be reasonable. i have a good mechanic who's fair so at least there's that. i won't be able to get it looked at until next week though.