Aphex Twin Not feeling the music as i used to

About 6 years ago (i was 15) i had this tiny, neat looking white device from creative which could store up to 1gb of music. I can remember it pretty vividly. Inside it you would find an horrible rip (128kpbs) of Black Dog Productions' Bytes, an 808 State compilation called 808:88:98, Amon Tobin's Supermodified, µ-Ziq's Lunatic Harness and B12's Electro-Soma. I had no clue that there was something called IDM or a man called Richard D. James, well known as Aphex Twin. In fact, before these discoveries music was all about rap for me, and would oscillate between truly glorious sounds coming from few collectives in my country and groups as The Pharcyde or De La Soul, to consumable pop rap of groups as G-unit, for instance, which i would know primarly by means of TV or friends. I was never a rock fan, and curiously, i am still not as of today. I find it too annoying. But as i was saying, i had just discovered electronic music. As far as i can remember, my uncle had suggested Amon Tobin (or was it 808 State? i can't really remember), which got me exploring allmusic.com and somehow getting to the so called IDM and ambient techno. Something must have happened then, because i started experiencing what i now feel as musical emotion. This music was really expanding my mind and senses, i could feel that, but wasn't thinking whether it was good/bad, should stop/continue that way. It just sounded perfectly good. At that time, there weren't enough records in my tiny mp3 player that could match all the fingers in my hands, but they felt imense to me. It was pretty much everything i needed.

The reason why i am writing this: during these last years i have collected about a thousand records, mainly electronic music, a lot of jazz and classical, virtually no rock. I love all of them, even tho i would need thousands of hours to give them a decent listen. I guess they all have a distinct and genuine sound and aesthetic to it, which i always look for. Altough i just don't download and store everything i see, i keep discovering new artists pretty frequently and getting new records every week. And i am sure i want to keep these as bad as the older ones.

But i just can't feel all this music the way i did with those records stored in my small creative device. I love the music i listen to nowadays, but seems like i can't hold it in my memory like i used to. Might seem contradictory, but sometimes i just don't remember what i was just listening to, altough i can remember i was definitely loving the shit out of it.

Is it a matter of age - my age and how i grew up listening/viewing music? Or is it a matter of age - this period we are living in, where it gets easier everyday to have more, more and more of everything? Or is it plain psychological?

Sometimes I find myself being strictly selective with what i listen to, in order to have the maximum time possible, while others i just don't care and act all naturally, and avoid being too rational about it. The truth is i always end up thinking about this.

I write this hoping that some of you might share the same thoughts, and possibly have suggestions on how to deal with this simple (?) questions...

Shit, i am too young to be thinking about this...

This is the date you turn into a conservative, its all downhill from here.

  On 12/23/2011 at 3:58 AM, YO303 said:

This is the date you turn into a conservative, its all downhill from here.

Altough i can't believe you have read the whole thing so quickly, i can't deny there is some truth in your argument...

Do something different, something new (to you). Set some new limits for yourself, maybe even pull that mp3 player back out and see if you appreciate music more when you can't carry your whole library around.

Being able to remember music has a lot to do being exposed to the particular pieces of music more regularly, and it makes perfect sense that this would occur when using a device with such limited space.

didn't read the post. but yeah if you put on 808 state's Ride;;.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuoX3vGtQkY

yeah, i have seen it happen (with friends and family) it really sucks because i still have child-like wonder, everybody else around you just turned into wine drinking political snubs.

Most of my friends want to go to political rallies and shit, i just want to go to the club and dance all night long.

Also, if you analyze shit too much, and especially if you compare yourself to someone else (including past selves) you are bound to be less happy. Well, that's how it works for me, anyway, and it took me a long time to realize that. I still forget sometimes.

  On 12/23/2011 at 4:03 AM, YO303 said:

yeah, i have seen it happen (with friends and family) it really sucks because i still have child-like wonder, everybody else around you just turned into wine drinking political snubs.

 

Most of my friends want to go to political rallies and shit, i just want to go to the club and dance all night long.

now this is talking.

i wonder if i will still have idm and dance music exploding in my speakers in 20 years. i sure hope so

  On 12/23/2011 at 4:05 AM, sweepstakes said:

Also, if you analyze shit too much, and especially if you compare yourself to someone else (including past selves) you are bound to be less happy. Well, that's how it works for me, anyway, and it took me a long time to realize that. I still forget sometimes.

this actually turned on some lights for me this precise moment. i guess i am just too rational about it sometimes. today it must have reached a new highest point, so i wrote all this...

There is going to be a moment in your late 50's where you'll want to relieve your youth, so you will pretty much go to the attic and undust AFX's SAW I, listen to it and cry about how shit your life is.

Yeah, I think everyone feels that way from time to time. I certainly do, especially these last couple years it got really bad. I would beat myself up about not living in a cool town, being fat, getting married too young, not having a cool enough job, not making enough money, not having enough friends, not being disciplined enough to buy a Machinedrum because I've wanted one for like 10 years now, etc. It's endless, there's so much shit to feel insecure about, and the more you look for it, the more you can find.

The best way for me to cope with that was to just write it out. I always learn something when I write, at least when I feel like I can keep writing and I'm not interrupted. But I treat my writing kind of like taking a crap. I mean, I don't throw it away or anything but I almost never read it later, because I know it's just me rambling and getting shit off my chest.

Oh yeah, meditation helps too. I can't seem to make that a daily habit like I wanted to, though. It's kind of like the opposite of writing but they both seem to lead to a certain similar calm if you let them. A sort of settling.

that's an early mid life crisis i gotta say.

baldie h ot sauce. git laid. git large.. ride..

Welcome to clinical depression.

maybe ur dying

  On 12/23/2011 at 3:58 AM, ruiagnelo said:

during these last years i have collected about a thousand records, mainly electronic music, a lot of jazz and classical, virtually no rock. I love all of them, even tho i would need thousands of hours to give them a decent listen. I guess they all have a distinct and genuine sound and aesthetic to it, which i always look for. Altough i just don't download and store everything i see, i keep discovering new artists pretty frequently and getting new records every week. And i am sure i want to keep these as bad as the older ones.

I see a couple things here. It seems like you have materialized music, maybe its become too object oriented for you and the sentiment of owning things physically is backfiring on you mentally or poisoning the well. Many times people stop making thoughtful choices when they give themselves too many options, either that or the choices they make have no real nerve.

It also sounds like you're just collecting music as a habit, just going through the motions of your routine acquisition. I think passion and hobbies are delicate as hell and can self destruct without warning and the best way to salvage those interests is probably putting the dust cover on them for awhile.

Find an interesting new life experience. Go somewhere cool by yourself, stay in a hostel, and explore the location. You're out of your comfort zone now. Go out, get kinda drunk and meet people. Fun times. This can be worthwhile and can get you out of your rut.

And when you do this, find a new artist with a deep, rich discography that will be your soundtrack for the trip. That way, the music will be tied to the memory of this cool weekend you had for yourself. All of this may sound stupid, but it worked for me.

My first experience in this music was back in 1993. My interest never waned... but that's just me.

I have a friend who back around 1999 had the same interest as me in this music. He now listens to Zack Brown Band, Dave Matthews, and the like. We're still good friends though.

  On 12/23/2011 at 3:58 AM, YO303 said:

This is the date you turn into a conservative, its all downhill from here.

  Quote

that's an early mid life crisis i gotta say.

  Quote

Welcome to clinical depression.

  Quote

maybe ur dying

Your interest in music is one of many personality changes you have had since your first musical experiences when you were 15. We all move on, we all evolve socially, we all have different priorities, etc.

I feel like I've had a very similar evolution of music listening as you have. Back in the late 90s when I 'discovered' idm and went online to find music and message boards, everything seemed pretty magical. The majority of the 2000's were pretty much music discovery and constant listening, and I also had a kind of very immersive period where I awaited new ae albums, new boc, and all that. It was a totally different thing. Today I make tunes and I feel I get enjoyment out of music, but it's not the same. I think it's a little bit of naivitee that's left me, but I also notice when I download songs from early 2000's that I haven't heard in years, I can barely remember them. My memories have sometimes fooled me into thinking it was a golden age, but now 10+ years after I realized I had remembered the details wrong. My mind had created shit.

There are a couple other things that changed, 1. my taste changed, and to find novel music is a big thing. It could be you are actually a bit tired of whatever you've been listening to. Second off, experiences that are unrelated to music also helps, at least in my case. Things I can tie it to. And lastly, my timespan for nostalgia seems to be about 10 years, and so anything before 10 years ago, or after, aren't as emotionally powerful when I think about them. And that line also seems to be moving. If it is the case that are you having some nostalgia about the past, and it's cluttering your enjoyment of the future, realizing that can help. 2005-2010 for me is too recent to be nostalgic about, but in a few years I think they will be.

So, I dunno if any of this even applies to you but it sounded to me like we've had many of the same thoughts, and this is the system I've come up with.

  On 12/23/2011 at 4:05 AM, sweepstakes said:

Also, if you analyze shit too much, and especially if you compare yourself to someone else (including past selves) you are bound to be less happy. Well, that's how it works for me, anyway, and it took me a long time to realize that. I still forget sometimes.

  On 12/23/2011 at 7:37 AM, Enter a new display name said:

Your interest in music is one of many personality changes you have had since your first musical experiences when you were 15. We all move on, we all evolve socially, we all have different priorities, etc.

Well said,

Explore some genres you've never bothered with, find some new hobbies to get into, explore new places and crowds etc... just do whatever you can to seek new things and spice it up a little, keep the old stuff, but keep taking in new things... and if doing that becomes too tedious and overwhelming then well, perhaps as was suggested you may be clinically depressed and need a bit of help to feel the fire again, many people do from time to time, no fault in it at all.

You'll probably never feel the same excitement ruiagnelo, but you can hopefully you can still enjoy music. For a couple of years I just sat down and analyzed everthing I heard, envisioned the tracks in an arrangement view, how the sounds were made, what could've been better, what sounded wrong. I listened to everything but the music itself. The whole listening experience turned into a sonic where's waldo. Because of this I hardly listened to music for years, because it gave me no pleasure, it was draining. I think the break did me good, I'm back in business, listening to music and not caring how it was crafted, but the excitement is long gone. cool story bro.

  On 12/23/2011 at 9:07 AM, Gocab said:

You'll probably never feel the same excitement ruiagnelo, but you can hopefully you can still enjoy music. For a couple of years I just sat down and analyzed everthing I heard, envisioned the tracks in an arrangement view, how the sounds were made, what could've been better, what sounded wrong. I listened to everything but the music itself. The whole listening experience turned into a sonic where's waldo. Because of this I hardly listened to music for years, because it gave me no pleasure, it was draining. I think the break did me good, I'm back in business, listening to music and not caring how it was crafted, but the excitement is long gone. cool story bro.

I couldn't disagree more.

Obviously as you get older you become less amazed by new music because you've heard most of it before really.

But I still get that amazement and excitement from things that are amazing and exciting,

A new Autechre will probably always have me feeling like a kid at Christmas and a new discovery is and always will be a real treat.

Maybe you're exaggerating or depressed.

maybe.

good point, maybe I should buy a record player and go back to collecting vinyl. I see these top 100 album lists and I think fuck me, I don't have time to delve into 100 albums, let alone sift through the shit I download to find out what is actually worth listening to. the best music grows on you, and if I have to dedicate time to the 1200+ potentially interesting albums released every year I fuckiasf.,-m *cuts*