Anxiety

I have practiced zazen meditation for a year now. And by practiced, I mean spending at least an hour a day sitting in a contorted posture in front of a wall, just following my breath. What that has lead to isn't some pure space of non-movement, which I was infatuated with at some point, but actually, it has lead to the complete opposite. When I have exercise and important movement to attend to, I fall into it completely and let the body do its thing. I can't say what it is exactly what I do when I engage in conversation or engage meticulous movement, which has been a prime problem before. What happens is that I act completely without anxiety and I have nothing to worry about. There's just been a complete removal of a ton of internal opposition.

 

HOWEVER - I still get panic attacks. For about a period of 8-10 months, I didn't have any panic attacks at all, and I thought I had found a cure. But they started coming back, without notice. Anyway, when I have them, I'm not the person that is having the anxiety. It's a bodily response, and I'm completely ignorant of that response. i'm not trying to fix it. I just let it happen. And the truth is, I have understood that the panic attacks are part of an experiental system from which there are extreme highs, and with that, there are occasional extreme lows, and I wouldn't take them away for anything. It's like being ready to sail when there's a storm, instead of taking shelter.

Edited August 11, 2012 by chimera slot mom

  On 8/11/2012 at 12:25 PM, chimera slot mom said:

It's like being ready to sail when there's a storm, instead of taking shelter.

 

That's a good analogy, I like that.

 

I deal more more so with social anxiety, especially around strangers where I'll get incredibly paranoid and hyper-aware of my surroundings. It's debilitating, especially in environments where I don't have a chance to get to know people and feel comfortable in their presence.

 

Drug/supplements (I think i've mentioned them somewhere on watmm before) I use are Phenibut and Kratom . Probably only useful for those, like me, who find SSRIs ineffective or counterproductive. Although both should be used sparingly.. as they definitely have withdrawal/hangover after effects depending on dose. They do work however, even if it's like putting a band aid on the problem.

 

Recently I have been taking 5-HTP as a antidepressant alternative, as I'm feeling a bit lost after graduation. I might be helping a bit with general depression and lack of motivation, but I've got to give it a longer trial

 

Y0303, I would think Adderall would increase anxiety.. Isn't it meant to alleviate ADHD? Never seen it prescribed as an anxiolytic

Relevant: "Heavy teenage cannabis use linked with anxiety disorders in late 20s."

 

http://ndarc.med.unsw.edu.au/news/heavy-teenage-cannabis-use-linked-anxiety-disorders-late-20s

^ hah, I started smoking pot heavily as a teenager because of anxiety.

 

viscosity - phenibut and kratom are both excellent at removing anxiety, and I am glad you are being careful with them. Phenibut in particular can have terrible, terrible side effects if taken daily for a long period. I use it sparingly (2x/week max), and I love it. It does require self control though. I buy a bag of kratom about 3x a year. It's great too, but the hangovers can be brutal if you don't stay hydrated. I just started taking Picamilon yesterday (in caps I've put together with a bit of 5-htp and l-theanine as well). So far I like it. =]

yeah i started smoking weed heavily because of anxiety and depression as a teenager too but now, in my late 20s, it does seem to be getting worse. huh. oops.

 

actually the last time i smoked i got about as close to a panic attack as i've ever come without having one. it was nice to know that i can sometimes ward them off i guess.

what are you doing about your anxiety now, as a late-20 something?

 

exercise is the king of stress relievers, if you're not already working that route...

  On 4/8/2012 at 9:30 PM, Hoodie said:

  On 4/8/2012 at 9:18 PM, marf said:

  On 4/4/2012 at 2:46 PM, AcrossCanyons said:

Visited the doctor today and he told me to have a paper bag by me incase I feel it coming on but other than that just said to let him know if it happens again. I didn't mention the depersonalization.

a paper bag? is he 90 years old? how does hyperventilating on carbon dioxide help with anxiety?

 

coupled with the fact the doctor "shrugged it off," i think you should go find a second opinion.

 

 

I've had hyperventilation panic attacks before. And it actually helps breathing through a paper bag.

 

My aunt is a nurse. She work in the reception at the hospital. She told me they have so many patients that has had hyperventilation attacks everyday. It's actually a very very common thing. There's no real "cure", so all they can do really is referring you to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Which I hope they did?

Edited August 11, 2012 by Npoess

  On 8/11/2012 at 7:58 PM, Npoess said:

  On 4/8/2012 at 9:30 PM, Hoodie said:

  On 4/8/2012 at 9:18 PM, marf said:

  On 4/4/2012 at 2:46 PM, AcrossCanyons said:

Visited the doctor today and he told me to have a paper bag by me incase I feel it coming on but other than that just said to let him know if it happens again. I didn't mention the depersonalization.

a paper bag? is he 90 years old? how does hyperventilating on carbon dioxide help with anxiety?

 

coupled with the fact the doctor "shrugged it off," i think you should go find a second opinion.

 

 

I've had hyperventilation panic attacks before. And it actually helps breathing through a paper bag.

 

My aunt is a nurse. She work in the reception at the hospital. She told me that they have so patients that has had an hyperventilation attacks everyday. It's actually a very very common thing. There's no real "cure", so all they can do really is referring you to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Which I hope they did?

I didn't get referred to anybody, just told to return if they persisted. I haven't had another one since thankfully. I actually think I'm starting to suddenly feel better/less depersonalized... I had a moment a few days ago where I was just hit by reality and felt euphoric for a while and really "there". It's faded but I think I'm feeling better than before. Really strange. I've stopped smoking weed (altho have had md a few times since I started this thread). I'm continuing to exercising quite regularly and I've also just been accepted for a job which is a massive relief as not having one is the source of many of my problems and I now have a lot to look forward to - perhaps any combination of these things has helped.

  On 8/11/2012 at 7:51 PM, luke viia said:

what are you doing about your anxiety now, as a late-20 something?

 

exercise is the king of stress relievers, if you're not already working that route...

well i'm on meds, i have stuff that's co-morbid with the anxiety or whatever. but yes, i'm exercising and that helps a lot. or some, anyway.

cool, glad to hear something is helping (at least to a degree).

  On 8/11/2012 at 7:41 PM, luke viia said:

^ hah, I started smoking pot heavily as a teenager because of anxiety.

 

viscosity - phenibut and kratom are both excellent at removing anxiety, and I am glad you are being careful with them. Phenibut in particular can have terrible, terrible side effects if taken daily for a long period. I use it sparingly (2x/week max), and I love it. It does require self control though. I buy a bag of kratom about 3x a year. It's great too, but the hangovers can be brutal if you don't stay hydrated. I just started taking Picamilon yesterday (in caps I've put together with a bit of 5-htp and l-theanine as well). So far I like it. =]

 

Picamilon is something I've been interested in, something like Phenibut but safer and less potent. Will probably order that with some Galantamine for lucid dreaming.

 

Agree that exercise is always a great way to vent. Any kind of cardio especially, getting the heart rate up and getting rid of that restless feeling

I'd call 1-800-273-TALK (8225) if you're having an attack (if you're in the states), or even just right now if you're worried about what to do about addiction. They're a suicide hotline but they deal with a whole bunch of other stuff, too. They're professionals, so they'll probably have the best advice and resources.

 

edit:

you can also chat with someone online, which might be easier for you

Edited August 12, 2012 by gmanyo

about once month i freak out for 48 hours, its a feeling of impending doom, like the government or some people who hate me are going to come and lock me up or harm me, i dont know why or what for but im sketchy as fuck for that period and i cant sleep, i usually destroy all of my electronic data, change all my passwords, deactivate facebook and not bathe.

 

if there is such a thing as technology overload, i have it.

 

this just being one of the many periods of paranoia, i have a default level of anxiety that far exceeds most people ive met, where is the reboot brain switch?

 

edit: i think a lot of this comes from having just too much of myself on the net, recently going through all of my online passwords i found that i have over 500 accounts out there from being online since 1998, i try to clean it up the best i can but fuck its crazy. Wish i could undo it all

Edited August 13, 2012 by kaen

I'll contribute, mainly because I had a bit of a baddy today that was a slow-growing, lengthy anxiety where I was sat at my desk convinced my coworkers were against me.

 

I was stuck inside for a year because of the anxiety, switch in depression meds made me have a breakdown and lock myself in a bathroom naked and yelling for my Dad, talk about an embarrassing scenario... Every night for 9 months after I'd wake up and stand over the sink for 3 hours trying not to be sick, my main massive phobia. Been on meds for derpression since I was 10 and 6 changes in it hadn't got to anything this bad so it was scary as hell, parents thought I was dying as well which didn't help.

I'd go to the doctors and freak them out because they had no idea what was going on when I'd be sitting sobbing then suddenly say "oh I feel much better now I cried"

 

So gradually I worked my way out, carried a bottle of iced water with me to the park outside my house and just hold it against my face or rinse my mouth out due to inability to swallow. Taking the cats with me helped, and now if I panic I load up the youtube and find some kittens purring to take my mind off it all.

 

Then 7 years later I've learned to drive, got a job, moved into the city away from my family and generally forced myself to stop living like a recluse from the fear.

 

A month ago they came back with gusto, and the main tube panic attacks meant me stripping my clothes off and shaking, going blind and numb and making whining noises. Even after I came out the other end of them I'd be depersonalised and couldn't string a sentence together so luckily got signed off work to pull myself together, given beta blockers and anti nausea tabs which I take only if I feel I may not be able to cope. Today was a long afternoon of dread though which subsided once I left work, funny that!

 

Otherwise, iced water and kittens are still a saviour. The psychologist woman said find something that makes you so happy it's impossible not to smile and feel good and safe.

The fact you know its a panic attack doesn't help much anymore, but someone's hand to crush while I ride it out helps.

  On 8/13/2012 at 6:11 AM, kaen said:

edit: i think a lot of this comes from having just too much of myself on the net, recently going through all of my online passwords i found that i have over 500 accounts out there from being online since 1998, i try to clean it up the best i can but fuck its crazy. Wish i could undo it all

 

i know this feeling all too well. i don't like that all these little pieces of myself are out there.

  On 8/13/2012 at 11:15 PM, glittablitz said:

 

 

sounds like you have made a real difference. I know that my issues tend to come back when I get "comfortable" and have stopped attempting to get better. All of a sudden my old bad thinking habits are back. You don't say what changed in the years it took to improve, but maybe checking all the areas for relapse would help!

  On 8/13/2012 at 11:15 PM, glittablitz said:

I'll contribute, mainly because I had a bit of a baddy today that was a slow-growing, lengthy anxiety where I was sat at my desk convinced my coworkers were against me.

 

I was stuck inside for a year because of the anxiety, switch in depression meds made me have a breakdown and lock myself in a bathroom naked and yelling for my Dad, talk about an embarrassing scenario... Every night for 9 months after I'd wake up and stand over the sink for 3 hours trying not to be sick, my main massive phobia. Been on meds for derpression since I was 10 and 6 changes in it hadn't got to anything this bad so it was scary as hell, parents thought I was dying as well which didn't help.

I'd go to the doctors and freak them out because they had no idea what was going on when I'd be sitting sobbing then suddenly say "oh I feel much better now I cried"

 

So gradually I worked my way out, carried a bottle of iced water with me to the park outside my house and just hold it against my face or rinse my mouth out due to inability to swallow. Taking the cats with me helped, and now if I panic I load up the youtube and find some kittens purring to take my mind off it all.

 

Then 7 years later I've learned to drive, got a job, moved into the city away from my family and generally forced myself to stop living like a recluse from the fear.

 

A month ago they came back with gusto, and the main tube panic attacks meant me stripping my clothes off and shaking, going blind and numb and making whining noises. Even after I came out the other end of them I'd be depersonalised and couldn't string a sentence together so luckily got signed off work to pull myself together, given beta blockers and anti nausea tabs which I take only if I feel I may not be able to cope. Today was a long afternoon of dread though which subsided once I left work, funny that!

 

Otherwise, iced water and kittens are still a saviour. The psychologist woman said find something that makes you so happy it's impossible not to smile and feel good and safe.

The fact you know its a panic attack doesn't help much anymore, but someone's hand to crush while I ride it out helps.

 

have you tried antidepressants? Sounds like you could use 'em.

  On 8/15/2012 at 6:19 AM, lumpenprol said:

have you tried antidepressants? Sounds like you could use 'em.

Yeah been on em since I was 12, after therapy since I was 10. Was diagnosed with depression at 4 years old. Kinda sucks!

 

 

  On 8/14/2012 at 6:33 PM, A/D said:

  On 8/13/2012 at 11:15 PM, glittablitz said:

 

sounds like you have made a real difference. I know that my issues tend to come back when I get "comfortable" and have stopped attempting to get better. All of a sudden my old bad thinking habits are back. You don't say what changed in the years it took to improve, but maybe checking all the areas for relapse would help!

 

I just got fed up of being so crap at life, it's no way to live, and people have overcome much worse. But nothing solid seems to trigger the relapses. Not even comfort in life! (lucky for me)

Edited August 15, 2012 by glittablitz

  On 8/15/2012 at 1:27 PM, glittablitz said:

I just got fed up of being so crap at life, it's no way to live, and people have overcome much worse. But nothing solid seems to trigger the relapses. Not even comfort in life! (lucky for me)

Word, that worked/is working for me too. (Though be aware of the mental strain that comes with beating yourself up. You probably know this already) I guess I've also read stuff about neural pathways being carved into the brain - reactions to certain stimulae - that can only change after a long time of constant effort. It doesn't sound like you're in danger of giving up, but here's another vote not to! I wish I could be of more help. Feel free to vent on here though, sometimes it does wonders.

  On 3/26/2012 at 8:52 PM, AcrossCanyons said:

Prior to this event I've experienced what seems to be described as "depersonalization" for at least 5 or 6 years. I feel floaty/spacey often if not 100% of the time. (I also can't remember if I've never felt like this/I often think to myself "is this how everybody feels?/is this how I'm meant to feel?")

 

 

I experience this as well, nearly 100% of the time. What answers did you end up with for those two questions?

  On 8/15/2012 at 5:07 PM, flurobox said:

  On 3/26/2012 at 8:52 PM, AcrossCanyons said:

Prior to this event I've experienced what seems to be described as "depersonalization" for at least 5 or 6 years. I feel floaty/spacey often if not 100% of the time. (I also can't remember if I've never felt like this/I often think to myself "is this how everybody feels?/is this how I'm meant to feel?")

 

 

I experience this as well, nearly 100% of the time. What answers did you end up with for those two questions?

Wish I could say. I'm still not sure... I think I feel a little better now than I did before, but honestly I can't really say. It's not something that can easily be measured. I'm just trying to live positively.

  On 8/15/2012 at 1:27 PM, glittablitz said:

  On 8/15/2012 at 6:19 AM, lumpenprol said:

have you tried antidepressants? Sounds like you could use 'em.

Yeah been on em since I was 12, after therapy since I was 10. Was diagnosed with depression at 4 years old. Kinda sucks!

 

 

ah, although I don't know the details and am not a professional, that sounds pretty criminal. Monkeying with brain chemistry at such an early age just seems highly suspect to me...My dad did the same, got my bros and sis on adderall and antidepressants at about the same time...I don't really talk to him anymore. Think he's a nutty control freak.

  On 8/11/2012 at 7:47 PM, disparaissant said:

yeah i started smoking weed heavily because of anxiety and depression as a teenager too but now, in my late 20s, it does seem to be getting worse. huh. oops.

 

here is another one lots of people in that situation, i guess.

 

interesting study, but here is the thing (as always):

 

  Quote

Professor Patton, lead investigator of the 2000 stories cohort, said that the findings could be explained by lasting changes to brain function caused by introducing cannabis at a time when the brain is developing rapidly. Equally it could be that the very factors which predispose people to use cannabis early also predispose them to common mental health problems.

 

= we don't know shit

 

i really find it crazy that so many people take meds and at such a young age. i never did and really would do everything not to do. taking these meds is a high risk and probably the main thing that keeps being "sick" alive. despite in very serious situations, when they are the last opportunity, like for a psychotic break.

Edited August 16, 2012 by tokn

  On 8/16/2012 at 10:19 AM, lumpenprol said:

  On 8/15/2012 at 1:27 PM, glittablitz said:

  On 8/15/2012 at 6:19 AM, lumpenprol said:

have you tried antidepressants? Sounds like you could use 'em.

Yeah been on em since I was 12, after therapy since I was 10. Was diagnosed with depression at 4 years old. Kinda sucks!

 

 

ah, although I don't know the details and am not a professional, that sounds pretty criminal. Monkeying with brain chemistry at such an early age just seems highly suspect to me...My dad did the same, got my bros and sis on adderall and antidepressants at about the same time...I don't really talk to him anymore. Think he's a nutty control freak.

 

Yeah, one of those things that they decided it was definitely a chemical imbalance due to family history and therapy having no effect, since my life's always been perfect really. I'm giving CBT another shot soon, and counselling to get over the emetophobia which is holding me back from basically everything. Though I think they started me on amitriptyline as a temporary thing, it ended up carrying on and 11 years later I've found one that pretty much works!

  On 8/16/2012 at 11:41 AM, glittablitz said:

I'm giving CBT another shot soon, and counselling to get over the emetophobia which is holding me back from basically everything.

I had this so hard when I was a kid. I got it after a particularly shitty case of the stomach flu at age 4 or 5 or something. I was afraid of other sicknesses as well after that, almost to the point of hypochondriasis. Still afraid of vomiting, but not nearly as much. But seriously, vomiting is like, the worst thing ever. Everything about it feels horrible, from the stomach pain to the gut tingling to the bad taste...

 

I'm probably not helping.

Edited August 16, 2012 by gmanyo