Things people write on Facebook

The title and description say it all.

There are a few people who write insanely funny and/or idiotic shit on Facebook, mostly "friends" I had back in elementary school or junior high. Because I grew up around meth heads and bible baptists, the subjects range from wishing Obama would die to drunken pics taken on their snowmachines.

One of these folks, in particular, is comedy gold. Here's his latest:

  Quote

man... lifted for 2 hours and shot ball for 2 1/2 hours yesterday. My range was on and had plenty of drive to carry past the exhaustion point over and over. Had a drunk person pass my way and tried to talk to me two different times (my balling time was between 5:45pm-8:15!). This guy kept on rambling on about "its all about the crossover" and talked about Allen Iverson's. He says he watches m

e all the time down the street and i could go pro lol. I told him i actually fashion my playing style off of AI, including crossovers and pull-up shots. He wanted a demonstration and moved to check me lol. I told him i pretty much blow by anyone i want to. Did my double from left (faint driving left, crossover to right, cross back over to left) and blew by him (he didnt even move lol). He kept on getting close while talking and had to maintain space (just in case he wanted to punch me and jack my car that was bumping - i do keep a sizeable fold-up knife behind my hoop for cases like this) but he eventually left. Then some drunk chick came my way. Looked like she really pissed her jeans REALLY bad cuz her entire inner thigh area was wet lol. Then she had to ask the infamous question.... "can you dunk"? Gahhh! "No, but i used to when i was younger...." Actually solidly grabbed my rim last week, hoping to consistently get above the rim again after strengthening the legs more and stay 156lbs and under...

Keep in mind, like me, he's in his mid 30's.

On to my facebook... If I see another "50 shades of grey" related post today im gonna delete my account

  On 7/1/2012 at 7:19 PM, The Overlook said:

The title and description say it all.

 

There are a few people who write insanely funny and/or idiotic shit on Facebook, mostly "friends" I had back in elementary school or junior high. Because I grew up around meth heads and bible baptists, the subjects range from wishing Obama would die to drunken pics taken on their snowmachines.

 

One of these folks, in particular, is comedy gold. Here's his latest:

 

  Quote

man... lifted for 2 hours and shot ball for 2 1/2 hours yesterday. My range was on and had plenty of drive to carry past the exhaustion point over and over. Had a drunk person pass my way and tried to talk to me two different times (my balling time was between 5:45pm-8:15!). This guy kept on rambling on about "its all about the crossover" and talked about Allen Iverson's. He says he watches m

e all the time down the street and i could go pro lol. I told him i actually fashion my playing style off of AI, including crossovers and pull-up shots. He wanted a demonstration and moved to check me lol. I told him i pretty much blow by anyone i want to. Did my double from left (faint driving left, crossover to right, cross back over to left) and blew by him (he didnt even move lol). He kept on getting close while talking and had to maintain space (just in case he wanted to punch me and jack my car that was bumping - i do keep a sizeable fold-up knife behind my hoop for cases like this) but he eventually left. Then some drunk chick came my way. Looked like she really pissed her jeans REALLY bad cuz her entire inner thigh area was wet lol. Then she had to ask the infamous question.... "can you dunk"? Gahhh! "No, but i used to when i was younger...." Actually solidly grabbed my rim last week, hoping to consistently get above the rim again after strengthening the legs more and stay 156lbs and under...

 

Keep in mind, like me, he's in his mid 30's.

^ that (Spacey) character was in his mid-40's, at least.

  On 7/2/2012 at 3:18 AM, usagi said:

I didn't do the blurring btw

bummer...

"used to work with this guy

god I love his body"

there is this girl, studying architecture and also from the same year i am, which writes cryptic, pseudo-philosophical but unquestionably teenage like messages mixed with daily activity status and a love for Linkin Park on her wall, using pretty much all the characters the keyboard has and where to put the words inside like [ ] _ _ - - .

It's creepy

I won't dare to translate because they would lose all the the heavy laughing potential.

I am yet to see anyone reply to them...

Also she is 22 and uses those thick hipster black glasses that hide pretty much almost all her small, pimply, child like face. It looks horrible

Aren't you guys friends with these people?

i have a text file called "robert is an idiot" that contains maybe three years of gems from a former college roommate. one of my favorites was his inspirational quote after watching the shawshank redemption:

  Quote

proof that rodney king is a great writer: get busy livin or get busy dyin. words to live by.

I killed all of my ironically hilarious nonfriends....so here is this:

I was minding my own business skinny dipping when mall security ordered me to drop the change & come out of the fountain. That's just rude.

A very openly gay and outspoken friend of mine decided to share his thoughts on Magic Mike, a bit graphic but I lol'ed.

"I'm a respectable Gay. Instead of paying $10 to see Magic Mike in a public forum, I will stream double-penetration gay porn at home. This way I can avoid the judgement, crowd, loss of money, pointless movie plot, and lack of penis/ass/gay sex that going to the theater would provide."

just about everyone on my contact list was moaning about not having instagram for a few hours

real post:

"was gonna post but instagram isn't working. Sorry Facebook, I don't like you no more"

  On 7/2/2012 at 4:12 AM, verticalhold said:

just about everyone on my contact list was moaning about not having instagram for a few hours

 

 

real post:

 

"was gonna post but instagram isn't working. Sorry Facebook, I don't like you no more"

you then proceeded to promptly unfriend them all right? cause that would be the proper response... fuck I hate the way Instagram makes every hipster think they're a professional photographer.

I hid everyone that either posts too much superfluous crap or I just plain don't like to read whatever they post.

fukin lol

there was a huge broke up yesterday of this sweet couple, which they immediately took to facebook, and now it looks like a graveyard of broken hearts. and it annoys me to no end. i get the idea of kathartic aspect of public venting, but i'd rather agonise an extra day than make everyone else suffer trough all those great thoughts like 'never make plans, never say never, never say always'. ugh.

i am a heartless bastard.

oh, and there's always that person commenting under the change of relationship status writing 'where's the HATE button'. fuck you, guy. there should be a 'fuck you, guy' button.

  On 7/2/2012 at 4:18 AM, xxx said:

This happened once

wowzers

I'm having a cable guy situation going on now! A dude that I used to hang out with in high school contacted me and I thought "Oh, this dude is cool!" But now he contacts me all the time and asks if I want to hang out and crap! Glad I have kids because that's the only excuse I can come up with for not hanging out with him!

  On 7/2/2012 at 5:38 AM, ghOsty said:

  On 7/2/2012 at 4:12 AM, verticalhold said:

just about everyone on my contact list was moaning about not having instagram for a few hours

 

 

real post:

 

"was gonna post but instagram isn't working. Sorry Facebook, I don't like you no more"

 

you then proceeded to promptly unfriend them all right? cause that would be the proper response... fuck I hate the way Instagram makes every hipster think they're a professional photographer.

the (fw) problem is that they are good people in real life, but total fuck buckets on Facebook

I've blocked instragram.

Bam.

I was part of the Craptions elite from cracked.com, so I have a bunch of them in my feed. The only Americans in my feed. Their posts are a bit more clever than average. Not much insane/embarassing stuff there.

Also friended with Lustmord:

that's about how crazy it can get on my feed

  On 7/2/2012 at 9:28 AM, triachus said:

I've blocked instragram.

 

how does one do that?

  On 7/2/2012 at 9:31 AM, verticalhold said:

  On 7/2/2012 at 9:28 AM, triachus said:

I've blocked instragram.

 

 

how does one do that?

When your hover above a post, you get this arrow on the top right, click and you can see Hide Story, Report Spam, (Un)Subscribe to Name, yadda yadda. But you can also get a Hide All From Instagram or Twitter option and the like.

  On 7/2/2012 at 9:36 AM, triachus said:

  On 7/2/2012 at 9:31 AM, verticalhold said:

  On 7/2/2012 at 9:28 AM, triachus said:

I've blocked instragram.

 

 

how does one do that?

 

When your hover above a post, you get this arrow on the top right, click and you can see Hide Story, Report Spam, (Un)Subscribe to Name, yadda yadda. But you can also get a Hide All From Instagram or Twitter option and the like.

neato thanks

  On 7/2/2012 at 8:25 AM, asymmetrical head said:

I'm having a cable guy situation going on now! A dude that I used to hang out with in high school contacted me and I thought "Oh, this dude is cool!" But now he contacts me all the time and asks if I want to hang out and crap! Glad I have kids because that's the only excuse I can come up with for not hanging out with him!

Watch out for any medieval dinners

Does anyone know how to globally hide friends' activity on non-friends' posts? It's annoying, and also embarrassing when I go to reply and realise that I don't actually know the person who made the post..

don't have many friends on facebook (as irl) but the few I have go on my ballsacks, I instablock every content from guys that place themselfes before a vacation backround.