is this reaction out of line or am i a bitch?

  On 10/23/2012 at 6:35 PM, Godwin Austen said:

I agree with the above (edit: Pierlu and Don Manager). If plans are set and someone changes his mind by not going it's a good thing to talk to your 'team' first. Maybe they'd like to invite someone else instead of you selling that ticket to someone they don't even know. Some people can be quite sensitive about who comes along with them. Especially if they share the same hotel room. Cancelling the trip is not a bad thing, everyone had to do it at least once, but it's not clear to me why would you decide to go to a festival and didn't know the lineup. I know that some people don't care what kind of music they hear, but something tells me you're not that kind of person. And judging by your later decision when you saw the lineup, even more so.

 

I might be jumping to conclusions too fast here, but it seems that you both didn't play exactly 'by the book'.

 

I'd suggest the same as someone above did. You should try to talk to them in a manner of your original post. If it turns out grim, then you know it's not about you cancelling and not taking drugs, but it's the people who are not exactly sensible.

in the facebook post i made, i said that i was looking for someone to sell my ticket to. and anyway, the person i'd sell it to wouldn't be sharing the same hotel room with my friends.

also, let me make this clear: the event is less than an hour away from where we live. this is not me cancelling on a trip. the only reason they're getting a hotel room is so they can get wasted and not have to drive back and forth. i'm totally ok with that but i just feel like i have better shit to do.

last year's line up and the las vegas line up was great, so i bought the ticket assuming i'd get my money's worth. if there were artists that i actually cared for (diplo, crookers, mstrkrft, etc) i would make the sacrifice with my schedule and go. however, this is not worth it. end of story. i can go next year. i'm not missing out.

I don't know your friend at all to judge him, but is he one of those "I'M GONNA GET YOU FUCKED UP TONIGHT!" Type of friends and if you don't drink or do drugs they try to force it upon you and get all stupid upset when you keep refusing?

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:44 PM, Hoodie said:

they all wanted to take mdma as well, but i said i didn't want to. my best friend said he was disappointed in me for this.

Sounds like a dickhead.

  On 10/23/2012 at 6:57 PM, GORDO said:

If you had already made plans with them, cancelling without even telling them first is kindof dickish, because you know, they may have been making plans accounting for you and such. Also there's people that don't like last minute changes, however small they are.

 

So you post on fb that you want to sell your ticket, what if you don't find a buyer? you go with the original plan? you go to your friends and say "I don't really want to go but, can I still stick around with you if I have no other choice?"

yeah, i would've just gone if i didn't find a buyer. i'm not gonna waste $140. or maybe i would've tried to sell it for less. who knows. i did find a buyer within an hour of posting it though, so that hypothetical is not an issue.

having all your mental faculties about you and not seeing hours of trance dj's is reason enough not to go, let alone the $140 price.

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:53 PM, azatoth said:

Just take MDMA

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:06 PM, asymmetrical head said:

I don't know your friend at all to judge him, but is he one of those "I'M GONNA GET YOU FUCKED UP TONIGHT!" Type of friends and if you don't drink or do drugs they try to force it upon you and get all stupid upset when you keep refusing?

he didn't used to be like that. however, lately he does it. for instance, our group of friends was hanging out and he asked me how much mdma i wanted for the festival. i said i'm not planning on rolling. he said yeah you are. i said no i'm not. he said, again, yeah, you are. and then he said something about how i'd regret it if i didn't, idk i don't remember exactly. but yeah, it REALLY pissed me off that he was acting so controlling. i made a compromise and said i might take an edible. i don't even want that. i hate doing drugs in public. i have social anxiety when i'm sober, you know? i don't mind house parties and stuff, but that's not a public event. you can hide away if you need to.

It seems to me that both of you are a little wrong in you approach.

You certainly could have let him know that you didn't really want to go and that if you found a buyer for the ticket, then you would sell it to get the money back and the time you would have spent at the festival.

He definitely shouldn't have blown up at you.

You should each listen to each others sides and understand that the 2 of you should communicate with each other better.

If one of you can't see the others point of view, then that is a real problem that could be the precursor to not necessarily the end, but possibly a paring down of your friendship.

COMMUNICATION is key.

You guys should talk like the friends you claim to be. Only true way to solve the problem is to be open wit him yo.

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:12 PM, Hoodie said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:06 PM, asymmetrical head said:

I don't know your friend at all to judge him, but is he one of those "I'M GONNA GET YOU FUCKED UP TONIGHT!" Type of friends and if you don't drink or do drugs they try to force it upon you and get all stupid upset when you keep refusing?

 

he didn't used to be like that. however, lately he does it. for instance, our group of friends was hanging out and he asked me how much mdma i wanted for the festival. i said i'm not planning on rolling. he said yeah you are. i said no i'm not. he said, again, yeah, you are. and then he said something about how i'd regret it if i didn't

That is the sign of a dick right there, and someone to be avoided. This personality type will always drag you down.

  On 10/23/2012 at 6:56 PM, Hoodie said:

and i'm not unreliable. at least, i don't think i am. i do change my mind sometimes and sometimes i run into circumstances where i can't do things with him (i live with my mom and sometimes she doesn't allow me to go places). however, i'd say i'm there when it matters most. take last week as an example. he called me 15 min before i had class to tell me he forgot his student id at home and needed it for a test in 15 min. i immediately drive to pick him up, drive to his place and drive back to campus to drop him off. i was 10-15 min late for my class, but it was worth it to try and help him out.

[...]

i'm not fucking married to him. i don't have to consult him for every decision i make. i was going to try to see if i could find a buyer for the fucking ticket first before committing to not going, but two mutual friends found my post on the event's facebook wall, so i decided to post it on my wall to prevent confusion. that's why i didn't tell him. also, i knew he'd berate me for even thinking about not going, as he dles think i change my mind too much. can i help it that i found out a ticket i bought two months ago doesn't fit into my plans for next month? i'd rather have a free weekend to focus on school, because the weekend before i'm going on a trip to see eleminop.

All right. It seems that you're reliable only when you feel like it. But that does not count as reliable. Same with the ticket. You felt like buying it to him, but you cannot count on that for the 26 bucks you're not sharing for the room. They are two completely different things.

It seems like you wanted to adjust your plans for your own private motives. You had made plans together and then you're changing your mind all by yourself without even telling him. Probably he was counting on you for something (probably he likes your company and he'd be glad to share the festival with you) but you turned him off without even telling it to him just because you want to do something different. You can do whatever you want, don't misunderstand me, but you cannot expect people reacting well when you act that way. I think there's a little bit of confusion on your part so you cannot really be surprised when he gets pissed off.

what I am trying to say: do whatever you want, but take the consequences of what you do without being surprised. You acted a little selfish and people got pissed off. If you don't care about him/them, do nothing. If you care, talk with him, try to understand why he got pissed off and if you want, try to change your behaviour next time. Nothing had happened if you told your friend you would have gone by yourself and that you'd meet at the festival. He'd be already on his own way and now he would not be pissed off with you.

2 cents

Dude was being a spazz, tell him to fuck off and be done with it. Money saved, potentially prolonged and dramatic friendship wind-down nipped in the bud, free time acquired, happy hoodie.

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:44 PM, Hoodie said:

here's my situation: there's an electronic music festival coming to my city. i bought a ticket at the beginning of the summer, because i planned on going. my best friend is going and three of his other friends are going. they're all getting a hotel room. the plan was, i'd go with them and also help pay my share of the hotel room. they all wanted to take mdma as well, but i said i didn't want to. my best friend said he was disappointed in me for this.

 

anyway, the line up for the concert came up and it was a bunch of trance djs that i have no interest in seeing. as i have a very heavy workload from school and research, i decided that taking a weekend out to go to a festival that has no musicians i like wouldn't be a good decision. also, the ticket cost $140. it just didn't seem worth it to me. so, i went on facebook and posted that i was interested in selling my ticket. the day after, i got these texts from my friend:

 

"Dude wtf

 

I'm not even gunna try and rationalize with you on this one. I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. The lineup is no reason not to go. But yeah, if you really ditch edc, it'll definitely be one of the biggest fuck-ups on your part thus far. And that's all i wanna say"

 

(i didn't respond because i don't know what to say.)

 

i'm not sure how to take this. i'm hoping you guys can help me. i just don't understand why he's so mad at me. he didn't even ask why i didn't want to go. he just went off on me. i'm really upset because i feel like the message is disrespectful, as i try to be a very good friend and help him whenever i can. we've known each other since middle school and have been through a lot together, so to have him act like this toward me is very hurtful. this isn't the first time he's said stuff like this either. he got mad at me for "disrespecting his home" when i left a bag of chips open this summer.

 

i realize that i can be a forgetful doofus and break things, but he's not perfect either. he left my car's window down when he helped me parallel park on the side of a road, for example. it was open for several hours (during the night, by the location of a college party), but i don't hold it against him.

 

then again, maybe i am an unreliable fuck up? i'm really not sure. i'm hoping another opinion can help me decide how i should proceed. part of me never wants to talk to him again because i feel like he doesn't hold a high opinion of me and it would be degrading to talk to him again. another part of me feels like he is probably stressed with school/work and maybe took it out on me. i just wish he would've talked to me about it instead of blowing up at me. we have a long history behind us and have a lot of the same friends, so that needs to be taken into consideration as well.

 

i don't know how to proceed. i don't even know what to say to him, because i think he'll take anything i say as stupid. help.

don't worry about it. i do this kind of thing all the time...well, i used to anyway - these days i just flat out refuse to even entertain the idea of anything i haven't come up with myself and like, actually really want to go to. i still get asked if i want to come to this-or-that-night or get tickets to some random festival i've never heard of and i never feel bad about saying fuck no. i think it's gets easier as you get older...people stop being so bothered by your refusal and just go and have a good time without you (fine by me - don't want to get in the way of anybody having fun...just don't want to be made to feel bad that i don't particularly want to have their kind of fun) and i guess get used to you saying no/not turning up. lol i sound like a right boring bastard. hell maybe i am, don't care really.

Stop hiding behind the social anxiety argument it just makes it worse.

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:38 PM, BCM said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:44 PM, Hoodie said:

here's my situation: there's an electronic music festival coming to my city. i bought a ticket at the beginning of the summer, because i planned on going. my best friend is going and three of his other friends are going. they're all getting a hotel room. the plan was, i'd go with them and also help pay my share of the hotel room. they all wanted to take mdma as well, but i said i didn't want to. my best friend said he was disappointed in me for this.

 

anyway, the line up for the concert came up and it was a bunch of trance djs that i have no interest in seeing. as i have a very heavy workload from school and research, i decided that taking a weekend out to go to a festival that has no musicians i like wouldn't be a good decision. also, the ticket cost $140. it just didn't seem worth it to me. so, i went on facebook and posted that i was interested in selling my ticket. the day after, i got these texts from my friend:

 

"Dude wtf

 

I'm not even gunna try and rationalize with you on this one. I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. The lineup is no reason not to go. But yeah, if you really ditch edc, it'll definitely be one of the biggest fuck-ups on your part thus far. And that's all i wanna say"

 

(i didn't respond because i don't know what to say.)

 

i'm not sure how to take this. i'm hoping you guys can help me. i just don't understand why he's so mad at me. he didn't even ask why i didn't want to go. he just went off on me. i'm really upset because i feel like the message is disrespectful, as i try to be a very good friend and help him whenever i can. we've known each other since middle school and have been through a lot together, so to have him act like this toward me is very hurtful. this isn't the first time he's said stuff like this either. he got mad at me for "disrespecting his home" when i left a bag of chips open this summer.

 

i realize that i can be a forgetful doofus and break things, but he's not perfect either. he left my car's window down when he helped me parallel park on the side of a road, for example. it was open for several hours (during the night, by the location of a college party), but i don't hold it against him.

 

then again, maybe i am an unreliable fuck up? i'm really not sure. i'm hoping another opinion can help me decide how i should proceed. part of me never wants to talk to him again because i feel like he doesn't hold a high opinion of me and it would be degrading to talk to him again. another part of me feels like he is probably stressed with school/work and maybe took it out on me. i just wish he would've talked to me about it instead of blowing up at me. we have a long history behind us and have a lot of the same friends, so that needs to be taken into consideration as well.

 

i don't know how to proceed. i don't even know what to say to him, because i think he'll take anything i say as stupid. help.

 

don't worry about it. i do this kind of thing all the time...well, i used to anyway - these days i just flat out refuse to even entertain the idea of anything i haven't come up with myself and like, actually really want to go to. i still get asked if i want to come to this-or-that-night or get tickets some some random festival i've never heard of and i never feel bad about saying fuck no. i think it's gets easier as you get older...people stop being so bothered by your refusal and just go and have a good time without you (fine by me - don't want to get in the way of anybody having fun...just don't want to be made to feel bad that i don't particularly want to have their kind of fun) and i guess get used to you saying no/not turning up. lol i sound like a right boring bastard. hell maybe i am, don't care really.

I'm the same way. My sis was like lets go see Shpongle with some of her friends and I'm not all that into them so I said no and she kept insisting saying I never go out with her. In the end I recommended movies so we did that.

dude. shpongle.

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:47 PM, dr lopez said:

dude. shpongle.

And phutrepremative. But like I have said I have yet to really dig either and didn't really feel like spending the $35 to go see a band I won't really enjoy. Actually my sis was paying but I didn't want her to pay XD

Dude sounds like a fucking asshole. I wouldn't feel bad about canceling.

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:51 PM, patternoverlap said:

Dude sounds like a fucking asshole. I wouldn't feel bad about canceling.

Deep down inside there's just a little helpless child that needs some loving.

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:46 PM, ZiggomaticV17 said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:38 PM, BCM said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:44 PM, Hoodie said:

here's my situation: there's an electronic music festival coming to my city. i bought a ticket at the beginning of the summer, because i planned on going. my best friend is going and three of his other friends are going. they're all getting a hotel room. the plan was, i'd go with them and also help pay my share of the hotel room. they all wanted to take mdma as well, but i said i didn't want to. my best friend said he was disappointed in me for this.

 

anyway, the line up for the concert came up and it was a bunch of trance djs that i have no interest in seeing. as i have a very heavy workload from school and research, i decided that taking a weekend out to go to a festival that has no musicians i like wouldn't be a good decision. also, the ticket cost $140. it just didn't seem worth it to me. so, i went on facebook and posted that i was interested in selling my ticket. the day after, i got these texts from my friend:

 

"Dude wtf

 

I'm not even gunna try and rationalize with you on this one. I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. The lineup is no reason not to go. But yeah, if you really ditch edc, it'll definitely be one of the biggest fuck-ups on your part thus far. And that's all i wanna say"

 

(i didn't respond because i don't know what to say.)

 

i'm not sure how to take this. i'm hoping you guys can help me. i just don't understand why he's so mad at me. he didn't even ask why i didn't want to go. he just went off on me. i'm really upset because i feel like the message is disrespectful, as i try to be a very good friend and help him whenever i can. we've known each other since middle school and have been through a lot together, so to have him act like this toward me is very hurtful. this isn't the first time he's said stuff like this either. he got mad at me for "disrespecting his home" when i left a bag of chips open this summer.

 

i realize that i can be a forgetful doofus and break things, but he's not perfect either. he left my car's window down when he helped me parallel park on the side of a road, for example. it was open for several hours (during the night, by the location of a college party), but i don't hold it against him.

 

then again, maybe i am an unreliable fuck up? i'm really not sure. i'm hoping another opinion can help me decide how i should proceed. part of me never wants to talk to him again because i feel like he doesn't hold a high opinion of me and it would be degrading to talk to him again. another part of me feels like he is probably stressed with school/work and maybe took it out on me. i just wish he would've talked to me about it instead of blowing up at me. we have a long history behind us and have a lot of the same friends, so that needs to be taken into consideration as well.

 

i don't know how to proceed. i don't even know what to say to him, because i think he'll take anything i say as stupid. help.

 

don't worry about it. i do this kind of thing all the time...well, i used to anyway - these days i just flat out refuse to even entertain the idea of anything i haven't come up with myself and like, actually really want to go to. i still get asked if i want to come to this-or-that-night or get tickets some some random festival i've never heard of and i never feel bad about saying fuck no. i think it's gets easier as you get older...people stop being so bothered by your refusal and just go and have a good time without you (fine by me - don't want to get in the way of anybody having fun...just don't want to be made to feel bad that i don't particularly want to have their kind of fun) and i guess get used to you saying no/not turning up. lol i sound like a right boring bastard. hell maybe i am, don't care really.

 

I'm the same way. My sis was like lets go see Shpongle with some of her friends and I'm not all that into them so I said no and she kept insisting saying I never go out with her. In the end I recommended movies so we did that.

oh yeah totally, i do other stuff with my friends but its just the whole "dude, let's go to this rave and do a load of Es" shit that to be honest, i'm just not into anymore. i mean i am 35 so i guess it's kind of sad to still be into that stuff anyway, but a few of my friends (admittedly a couple of years younger) still are. i dunno, i like staying in lol. or going out for a nice few ales in a nice pub then coming home, putting some tunes on and getting stoned...still end up dancing about like an idiot - just in my living room instead of some club, fuck-knows-where, that's going to take me 3 hours to get home from.

I don't think you did anything wrong, at all. You could have maybe softened it a bit by letting the guy know personally before you posted on facebook -- not because that's the objectively correct thing to have done, but because this guy sounds like a fucking emotionally immature little tweaker.

I know I'm probably the least "cool" and "hep" "cat" on this "groovy" message board, but choosing to get work done for school instead of listening to some shit music on shit drugs with shit company is a pretty admirable decision.

You bought the guy Amon Tobin tickets and this is what he's acting like? He's a baby. Don't waste your time until he grows the fuck up.

Just be confident... Give him a look and he will calm down immediatelly. Maybe they just don't respect you because you don't make it so.

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:53 PM, BCM said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:46 PM, ZiggomaticV17 said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:38 PM, BCM said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:44 PM, Hoodie said:

here's my situation: there's an electronic music festival coming to my city. i bought a ticket at the beginning of the summer, because i planned on going. my best friend is going and three of his other friends are going. they're all getting a hotel room. the plan was, i'd go with them and also help pay my share of the hotel room. they all wanted to take mdma as well, but i said i didn't want to. my best friend said he was disappointed in me for this.

 

anyway, the line up for the concert came up and it was a bunch of trance djs that i have no interest in seeing. as i have a very heavy workload from school and research, i decided that taking a weekend out to go to a festival that has no musicians i like wouldn't be a good decision. also, the ticket cost $140. it just didn't seem worth it to me. so, i went on facebook and posted that i was interested in selling my ticket. the day after, i got these texts from my friend:

 

"Dude wtf

 

I'm not even gunna try and rationalize with you on this one. I'm generally just done dealing your adversity and lack of dependability. The lineup is no reason not to go. But yeah, if you really ditch edc, it'll definitely be one of the biggest fuck-ups on your part thus far. And that's all i wanna say"

 

(i didn't respond because i don't know what to say.)

 

i'm not sure how to take this. i'm hoping you guys can help me. i just don't understand why he's so mad at me. he didn't even ask why i didn't want to go. he just went off on me. i'm really upset because i feel like the message is disrespectful, as i try to be a very good friend and help him whenever i can. we've known each other since middle school and have been through a lot together, so to have him act like this toward me is very hurtful. this isn't the first time he's said stuff like this either. he got mad at me for "disrespecting his home" when i left a bag of chips open this summer.

 

i realize that i can be a forgetful doofus and break things, but he's not perfect either. he left my car's window down when he helped me parallel park on the side of a road, for example. it was open for several hours (during the night, by the location of a college party), but i don't hold it against him.

 

then again, maybe i am an unreliable fuck up? i'm really not sure. i'm hoping another opinion can help me decide how i should proceed. part of me never wants to talk to him again because i feel like he doesn't hold a high opinion of me and it would be degrading to talk to him again. another part of me feels like he is probably stressed with school/work and maybe took it out on me. i just wish he would've talked to me about it instead of blowing up at me. we have a long history behind us and have a lot of the same friends, so that needs to be taken into consideration as well.

 

i don't know how to proceed. i don't even know what to say to him, because i think he'll take anything i say as stupid. help.

 

don't worry about it. i do this kind of thing all the time...well, i used to anyway - these days i just flat out refuse to even entertain the idea of anything i haven't come up with myself and like, actually really want to go to. i still get asked if i want to come to this-or-that-night or get tickets some some random festival i've never heard of and i never feel bad about saying fuck no. i think it's gets easier as you get older...people stop being so bothered by your refusal and just go and have a good time without you (fine by me - don't want to get in the way of anybody having fun...just don't want to be made to feel bad that i don't particularly want to have their kind of fun) and i guess get used to you saying no/not turning up. lol i sound like a right boring bastard. hell maybe i am, don't care really.

 

I'm the same way. My sis was like lets go see Shpongle with some of her friends and I'm not all that into them so I said no and she kept insisting saying I never go out with her. In the end I recommended movies so we did that.

 

oh yeah totally, i do other stuff with my friends but its just the whole "dude, let's go to this rave and do a load of Es" shit that to be honest, i'm just not into anymore. i mean i am 35 so i guess it's kind of sad to still be into that stuff anyway, but a few of my friends (admittedly a couple of years younger) still are. i dunno, i like staying in lol. or going out for a nice few ales in a nice pub then coming home, putting some tunes on and getting stoned...still end up dancing about like an idiot - just in my living room instead of some club, fuck-knows-where, that's going to take me 3 hours to get home from.

lol fucking introverts.

I hate clubs so much. You know how hard it is to be 18-21 and not want to go to clubs and still be social. Just not big on going out to get fucked up in public or hit on chicks. Most of my joy comes from chillen at home, with friends whether it be laughing our asses off at stupid shit or listening to some tunes whilst high having bad ass discussions..

Tell him your honest reason for posting on facebook and send him this: