is this reaction out of line or am i a bitch?

Biggest net lol I've had in a while, lol.

lol

Blowing up over something like a music festival is kinda a dickish thing to do, imo. I could understand if you suddenly backed out of an event which meant a lot to him, but a music festival is pretty difficult to commit to going to. Hell this year I had to leave Bangface early because of family matters, wasn't exactly happy about it but more important things are going to take priority over events like that. I sort of get the feeling that this guy doesn't really see beyond doing anything with himself besides getting fucked and might be guilt tripping you to do the same in order to avoid isolation and not have to take on adult responsibilities (sorry if that's an unfair assumption btw, you obviously know him better than anyone else here, I'm just merely speaking in comparison to other people I know who have done similar things). If he's not willing to accept you have other priorities and is giving you shit for making a sensible decision, I'd say he's not being much of a friend.

love makes people angry - you sure he's not in love with you? (serious question).

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:58 PM, Kanakori said:

Just be confident... Give him a look and he will calm down immediatelly. Maybe they just don't respect you because you don't make it so.

that's definitely an issue i need to work on. the problem is, whenever i try to be assertive, he always shuts me down. and if i show disagreement, he says i'm being an emotional woman and that i need to calm down or that i need to stop being argumentative. if i let shit go, then i'm being submissive and he keeps acting disrespectful towards me. idk wtf to do. he's like a brother to me. i love hanging out with him. i can talk with him about stuff that i never bring up with other people and we love the same movies, music, shows and we have the same weird sense of humor. i want to keep on being friends with him, but i'm getting so sick and tired of being treated with rudeness. i'm not constantly treated rudely, but i barely ever talk down to him (in fact, i can't even remember the last time i did), so i think he should return the favor.

also, pierlu, i guess i could have mentioned to him that i wasn't going to go. the problem was that i wasn't only going with him, so i made a facebook post so everyone i was going with would know. this is what i said:

"So, I've decided not to go to EDC. Line-up isn't worth the price for me. If anyone knows someone that will buy a two-day ticket for $141, please message me. Thanks ♥"

and admittedly, i guess i avoided telling him directly because i knew he'd blow up at me and i didn't want to have to deal with it. it's much easier to ignore people than engage them in conversation when you know they're just going to get mad and yell at you.

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:34 PM, BCM said:

love makes people angry - you sure he's not in love with you? (serious question).

he's into guys, so no.

here's what I think:

you and your friend are coming at this from two completely different directions:

1. he probably likes hanging out with you, you agreed to do it which made him happy that it was going to be a fun group. He likes going to these types of large events and doing drugs in public (seemingly as long as others do too). He probably mentally separates the little things you do for him (like the ID thing) and the other things like planning a fun event. He may take it personally when you decide to either not hang out with him, and when you decide to not do drugs with him. Sometimes people think that maybe you've got something "better" to do, more important to do, and they are being left behind. when it comes to drugs sometimes people worry that when you choose to not do it you are kinda "growing up" and leaving them behind. He might also be upset that you may not be having as much fun as you could--but this is from his perspective, as in he would have more fun if he were to take drugs... but that's not necessarily the way you would feel.

2. You seem to like this fellow but there are attachments that are either changing OR were never as solid as he thought in the first place. You value slightly different things, have slightly different motivations and interests (studying for tests, not liking huge events w/ drugs/ no interesting artists etc) and perhaps expressed those differences in a public, non-personal way.

I think you should have a conversation and perhaps apologize for not going to him first before trying to off-load the tix. then have a conversation about your diverging interests when it comes to doing drugs in public spaces, of valuing school at least slightly more than artists that you're not interested in etc. That you obviously like hanging out with him hence the other concerts and things you've done for him (the ID thing plus whatever else), but in this instance you've changed your mind.

If he can't understand that immediately he likely will in a short period of time. If he doesn't feel better about it after a week he's likely got more serious problems which I could guess at but would need more info.

people get more easily upset when they have something and then it's taken away from them. Hence his over-reaction when he finds out you're not wanting to go after you agreed.

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:37 PM, Hoodie said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:34 PM, BCM said:

love makes people angry - you sure he's not in love with you? (serious question).

 

he's into guys, so no.

touché

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:38 PM, Franklin said:

here's what I think:

 

you and your friend are coming at this from two completely different directions:

 

1. he probably likes hanging out with you, you agreed to do it which made him happy that it was going to be a fun group. He likes going to these types of large events and doing drugs in public (seemingly as long as others do too). He probably mentally separates the little things you do for him (like the ID thing) and the other things like planning a fun event. He may take it personally when you decide to either not hang out with him, and when you decide to not do drugs with him. Sometimes people think that maybe you've got something "better" to do, more important to do, and they are being left behind. when it comes to drugs sometimes people worry that when you choose to not do it you are kinda "growing up" and leaving them behind. He might also be upset that you may not be having as much fun as you could--but this is from his perspective, as in he would have more fun if he were to take drugs... but that's not necessarily the way you would feel.

2. You seem to like this fellow but there are attachments that are either changing OR were never as solid as he thought in the first place. You value slightly different things, have slightly different motivations and interests (studying for tests, not liking huge events w/ drugs/ no interesting artists etc) and perhaps expressed those differences in a public, non-personal way.

 

I think you should have a conversation and perhaps apologize for not going to him first before trying to off-load the tix. then have a conversation about your diverging interests when it comes to doing drugs in public spaces, of valuing school at least slightly more than artists that you're not interested in etc. That you obviously like hanging out with him hence the other concerts and things you've done for him (the ID thing plus whatever else), but in this instance you've changed your mind.

 

If he can't understand that immediately he likely will in a short period of time. If he doesn't feel better about it after a week he's likely got more serious problems which I could guess at but would need more info.

 

people get more easily upset when they have something and then it's taken away from them. Hence his over-reaction when he finds out you're not wanting to go after you agreed.

dude, thank you so much for this advice. i feel like you really understand where i'm coming from (you're a therapist though, right? so that's not totally surprising, lol). i think i will have that talk with him.

and thanks for everyone else who gave me advice too.

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:54 PM, Obel said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:50 PM, sirch said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:48 PM, Joyrex said:

Sounds like you need to find new and better friends.

 

this

 

No, not this. You have no idea what these people are like. You talk as if you've never had a day where you've been shitty with someone.

 

Perhaps her friend was having a bad day? Maybe Hoodie can be a bit of a bitch (not saying she is!)?

It's not as if (if I read things correctly) she bailed at the last minute, right? I also read this as being more than her friend having a 'bad day' (perhaps he didn't take his MDMA), but a condemnation of her decision not to attend based on the reality she really didn't want to go, and had more important things to attend to.

I think it's reasonable to give someone advance notice that you've changed your mind, and if they were truly your friend, they would respect your decision, or at least speak to you in person about it instead of attempting to publicly shame you.

Just buy an inflate a date, tape a picture of your face on it, he can take that to the trance show.

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:46 PM, Joyrex said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:54 PM, Obel said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:50 PM, sirch said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 5:48 PM, Joyrex said:

Sounds like you need to find new and better friends.

 

this

 

No, not this. You have no idea what these people are like. You talk as if you've never had a day where you've been shitty with someone.

 

Perhaps her friend was having a bad day? Maybe Hoodie can be a bit of a bitch (not saying she is!)?

 

It's not as if (if I read things correctly) she bailed at the last minute, right? I also read this as being more than her friend having a 'bad day' (perhaps he didn't take his MDMA), but a condemnation of her decision not to attend based on the reality she really didn't want to go, and had more important things to attend to.

 

I think it's reasonable to give someone advance notice that you've changed your mind, and if they were truly your friend, they would respect your decision, or at least speak to you in person about it instead of attempting to publicly shame you.

i gave three weeks advanced notice.

and he didn't publicly shame me, sorry if i wasn't clear on that. he texted me that message.

Again, I think you need to find better friends, specifically ones who will respect your decisions, as well as accepting the fact you defer to your mother's concern for you.

yeah this 'friend' of yours sounds like a major cunt who should be dealt with appropriately, by keeping them at arm's length

edit: sorry for the harshness but if i got a passive aggressive text message from one of my 'friends' like that, i'd seriously wonder to myself why i was friends with them

Normally I restrain myself from getting involved in other people's conflicts, but sounds like he's taking your refusal personally, even though you're uninterested in the event itself rather than having something against him.

You're busy with school, the tickets are expensive, and none of the gigs particularly interest you. It's not because you dislike your friend. Of course, he needs to understand this.

Just my two pennies.

A lot of the time most people just feel offended, especially when they are close to you, if you don't tell them what you are doing ahead of time when it involves them. They see it as inconsiderate. It also aggravates people when they hear about someone's plans that affect them from another source other than their close friend. A lot of people feel like they should be one of the first to know in these types of situations.

I am surprised anyone would deal with this type of behavior on any level. If one of my friends did that to me, I would cut them off immediately. I would never speak to them, ever. I would delete them from my Facebook, and delete their phone number from my phone. I would write a letter to their family, employers, and coworkers telling them how much of a piece of trash they are. How dare you? All of my friends do exactly what I tell them to, and respond to my emotions and actions exactly how I want them to. I vetted my friends before considering them a friend. Who doesn't do that? Stay away from these people all together. If they turn on you mid-friendship? Destroy their lives.

*is a sociopath*

  On 10/23/2012 at 9:47 PM, thanks robert moses said:

I am surprised anyone would deal with this type of behavior on any level. If one of my friends did that to me, I would cut them off immediately. I would never speak to them, ever. I would delete them from my Facebook, and delete their phone number from my phone. I would write a letter to their family, employers, and coworkers telling them how much of a piece of trash they are. How dare you? All of my friends do exactly what I tell them to, and respond to my emotions and actions exactly how I want them to. I vetted my friends before considering them a friend. Who doesn't do that? Stay away from these people all together. If they turn on you mid-friendship? Destroy their lives.

 

 

*is a sociopath*

... i don't get what you're trying to say here. do you think i'm a sociopath for being upset that he said this to me?

no i am saying that i am a sociopath.

i do not think that is what you are saying

He's mocking some of the responses, not you.

Communication is key as plenty of people have said. If that doesn't work, that's the point you walk away.

hey wisp, can i be your friend?

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:37 PM, Hoodie said:

  On 10/23/2012 at 7:58 PM, Kanakori said:

Just be confident... Give him a look and he will calm down immediatelly. Maybe they just don't respect you because you don't make it so.

 

that's definitely an issue i need to work on. the problem is, whenever i try to be assertive, he always shuts me down. and if i show disagreement, he says i'm being an emotional woman and that i need to calm down or that i need to stop being argumentative. if i let shit go, then i'm being submissive and he keeps acting disrespectful towards me. idk wtf to do. he's like a brother to me. i love hanging out with him. i can talk with him about stuff that i never bring up with other people and we love the same movies, music, shows and we have the same weird sense of humor. i want to keep on being friends with him, but i'm getting so sick and tired of being treated with rudeness. i'm not constantly treated rudely, but i barely ever talk down to him (in fact, i can't even remember the last time i did), so i think he should return the favor.

 

also, pierlu, i guess i could have mentioned to him that i wasn't going to go. the problem was that i wasn't only going with him, so i made a facebook post so everyone i was going with would know. this is what i said:

 

"So, I've decided not to go to EDC. Line-up isn't worth the price for me. If anyone knows someone that will buy a two-day ticket for $141, please message me. Thanks ♥"

 

and admittedly, i guess i avoided telling him directly because i knew he'd blow up at me and i didn't want to have to deal with it. it's much easier to ignore people than engage them in conversation when you know they're just going to get mad and yell at you.

 

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:34 PM, BCM said:

love makes people angry - you sure he's not in love with you? (serious question).

 

he's into guys, so no.

This will lead to problems in any relationship.

its pretty amazing how quickly an internet website ie: facebook has caused so much extra drama in people's lives that would't have been there minus said website

  On 10/23/2012 at 8:01 PM, spratters said:

 

lol

in other news, the EDC line-up gives me an air conditioning headache