How do you get over a break up. 9 years. First day alone.

I just lost my girl. It's been 9 years and music isn't helping.

Fuck. That sucks. Sorry. :(

I guess, think about what you can do now that you couldn't over the last 9 years? I certainly miss being single from time to time.

relate something bad with her

i hear bad poetry and self-harm are a good start.

that really sucks man. damn

Edited February 2, 2013 by sergeantk

Find a new person to be interested in. The only way im able to move on and forget about her is to find someone else

She's down the street living in my apartment. I can't be near her right now. She is the only thing I want right now, but she hates me. I'm ok, I'm not looking for sympathy, and I'm not suicidal, or stupid. I just don't know what to DO.

  On 2/2/2013 at 10:22 PM, acroyear said:

She's down the street living in my apartment. I can't be near her right now. She is the only thing I want right now, but she hates me. I'm ok, I'm not looking for sympathy, and I'm not suicidal, or stupid. I just don't know what to DO.

 

We're gonna need some more information if you're expecting some actual advice.

Ok. Here's more: her mother died months ago. At age 56. She has no brothers or sisters.

In November, her mother died. She has barely any family. And I keep hurting her. Not on purpose, mostly because I drink, and I'm an "artist". Save your insults. I expect those. I just wasn't expecting this.

what she doing in your apartment bro?

Anyone else? Thank you @sweepstakes and @logatght

 

She lives there. All of her possessions are there. I could never kick her out.

Thank @tauboo

crying will help to purge some of the feelings inside.

things to do today: do the normal things that keep your mind as occupied as possible by things which are not obviously destructive (drinking, etc)

 

things to do later: get your shit together and get her back. if she's dealt with your ass for 9 years, (given the information we have thus far) you likely ain't gonna find anyone else better for you. how to do this? you know how you've wronged her it seems, so without getting into details, do whatever you can to stop doing those things.

 

a bit vague, but i'm going with what i know.

Why do you drink so much?

I have not cried yet. I can't right now but I will later. Thank you @lucy

Don't have sex with her. Maybe pack a backpack and take a bus to a city, and wander around downtown at night, eat some thai food by yourself. Read a newspaper and have a cup of coffee. Rent a room in a cheap hotel and watch a stupid movie. And even though you will feel it is necessary...resist the reflex of everything you do or see reminding you of your loss. Crying it out doesn't actually work, it just feeds itself. You need to go back to the basics. Just simple mundane shit, don't try to go out of your way to have fun. Just strive for calm stability.

It's just frightening. I can't get her back. I want her, but it's over.

Thank you @salvatorin. Great advise, and exactly why I asked.. I'll try.

I'm overwhelmed. Thank you all for even speaking to me. I'm just really hurting

OK, a couple more thoughts. One somewhat harsh.

  On 2/2/2013 at 10:29 PM, acroyear said:

I keep hurting her. Not on purpose, mostly because ... I'm an "artist".

I watched a video yesterday on that very topic. It kind of stung me because I have been such a dilettante for as long as I can remember but it's something to think about. This might not be what you mean by "artist" but it's an excuse I use often for foolish behavior. Anyway, here it is, take it or leave it:

So if you're not totally sure that it's too late, it might be worth examining whether you're hiding behind this as an excuse not to be as complete and awesome of a person as you can be. And even if it really is over, this is probably something to think about if there's any truth to my interpretation of your words so that you don't make the same mistakes again.

As far as what to do right now? Jeez, anything man. I second keeping occupied. Do something physical. Just go bowling for the rest of the day. Maybe if you keep that up you will eventually become an awesome bowler.

 

And I'm with Salvatorin... take care of the basics. Eat right, get some exercise, take your vitamins, spend some time outside around nature, maybe animals. And I think eventually music will help you heal - it's been a while since I had my last real wicked breakup but I know that music pretty much kept me from offing myself. Although unlike Salvatorin I'd say don't shut yourself off, go be around people or at least living things. It might seem like the constant reminders of your girl make you feel more alone, but being locked in a hotel room with only yourself, your memories, and TV will feel profoundly alone. Remember that the most vicious criminals in prison get locked up in solitary confinement. That's the last thing you need right now.

"Crying it out doesn't actually work, it just feeds itself."

 

Obviously going to be different for different peeps but if he's getting overwhelmed by emotion he's going to need to let it out at some point.

  On 2/2/2013 at 11:00 PM, sweepstakes said:

OK, a couple more thoughts. One somewhat harsh.

  On 2/2/2013 at 10:29 PM, acroyear said:

I keep hurting her. Not on purpose, mostly because ... I'm an "artist".

 

And I'm with Salvatorin... take care of the basics. Eat right, get some exercise, take your vitamins, spend some time outside around nature, maybe animals. And I think eventually music will help you heal - it's been a while since I had my last real wicked breakup but I know that music pretty much kept me from offing myself. Although unlike Salvatorin I'd say don't shut yourself off, go be around people or at least living things. It might seem like the constant reminders of your girl make you feel more alone, but being locked in a hotel room with only yourself, your memories, and TV will feel profoundly alone. Remember that the most vicious criminals in prison get locked up in solitary confinement. That's the last thing you need right now.

yeah you're right, what I really meant was that you should get out and see that the world still exists. Be around people, see that everyone is still out there living, moving, breathing, eating, laughing. It isn't over, and the basic things of life still must and are being attended to. you can eat a nice meal, hear a nice concert, watch a movie. you can do these things for yourself.

exai will be out in a few days