How do you get over a break up. 9 years. First day alone.

for 9 years you shared your life with someone, what you need to do is figure out how to get back to your whole 100% self as you were before this relationship. When you do regain that half of yourself back, you can only relish the good times, remember the lessons learned, and get back to YOUR life. Be positive, and thankful for what you had, but don't lose sight of who you are as a sole human. Time will help, and best of luck.

acroyear, I don't know you but I sincerely hope you feel a bit better soon. sounds like a shit situation man, my thoughts are with you.

Yeah that sounds rough, to say the least. I don't really have any advice to give, as I literally have no relationship experience. But just remember that this community whom you've probably never met before in person is willing to listen and offer support.

I might recommend watching some Louie (Louis C.K.) tonight. Not sure why I suggested it lol

time is the only thing that will help. sucks to hear but it's the truth. try to focus your pain into something creative. make it mean something and make something meaningful.

This happened to me 6 months ago. It fucking sucks and only time will help, but being around friends /family might help. try to think of a few things to do to treat yourself in the short term, whatever you're into. it sounds stupid but your favourite foods/drinks/movies etc can perk you up a just a little. take a couple of days off work soon too just to catch your breath. go to your favourite places.

 

I think moving onto the next girl is bad advice cos a) you might yet salvage this one and b) it is a good opportunity to take a hard look at yourself and sort some shit out. (I needed to do this)

 

After a few months you stop checking their instagram etc (or at least less often) and start realising the shit they held you back from and what you projected on them that was never there (there is always something). My girl was fucking selfish and a useless communicator and I never realised in like 10+ yrs.

 

I have been concentrating on exai coming out personally so I will probably crack when it finally does. <half joke>

 

Also I found I now feel way more alive and present and more empathic to others suffering (obviously not in a totally good or comfortable way) - long term relationships can have a strange dulling affect on your senses.

  On 2/2/2013 at 10:45 PM, Lucy Faringold said:

crying will help to purge some of the feelings inside

 

i remember a friends father giving me this advice, word for word, as we watched Phantom Menace.

watch gore

  On 2/3/2013 at 6:50 AM, logakght said:

watch gore rainbows

I'm going through something sort of similar. I don't really know. Being around friends has probably saved me a few times, I am grateful for them. It's also been a good opportunity to get back in touch with a lot of feelings and bad patterns. Find a reason to keep moving. Realize the pain you feel is normal and necessary. Observe it and respect it without becoming it. Try new things. Play the kazoo. Talk to anyone you can.

 

Be well man. Keep coming back.

Hope you feel better soon, man. I can't even imagine being through with someone after such a long time let alone being with them for that duration.

not sure if you get along with your parents, but if you do, could spend more time with them. I had a time in my life when I crashed and burned, and moved back in with my parents. It was certainly much better than the alternative of stewing in my mental juices all alone...

  On 2/3/2013 at 9:05 AM, lumpenprol said:

not sure if you get along with your parents, but if you do, could spend more time with them. I had a time in my life when I crashed and burned, and moved back in with my parents. It was certainly much better than the alternative of stewing in my mental juices all alone...

This is almost probably a better solution than calling up a friend and doing the same with them, even if it doesn't seem like one.

your an artist right? Get drawing.

 

Edit,

just dont draw her

Edited February 3, 2013 by feltcher

Rough spot. Even if you would want to get over her, she's still living in your apartment. And she hasn't got much else to go to.

 

Which is of itself quite noticeable, btw. Most women are very conscious about relationships and their situation after a possible end of their relationship. How often are they already seeing other men even though there's still some kind of relationship? Women can treat men like they treat dogs. It can be painfully obvious. And it's even more painful when you see how often this is the case.

 

...ehm, in other words: maybe a tiny bit of temporary misogyny might help.

What took place that was tragic enough to end the relationship? Given her situation and yours? Why is it things are so dam bad they can't be worked out like adults?

 

Perhaps its too soon to talk about it.

 

Or Perhaps I'm just so inexperienced I have no clue what I'm talking about.

Good questions though.

Overwhelmed by the generosity of this forum. Thank you ALL so much. I'm eating breakfast with her now ... She's just so beautiful. I don't want to lose her.

awesome dude!

We're going to the aquarium in Baltimore. I need to feel something larger than us. Perspective may help. Thank you all so much

  On 2/3/2013 at 9:41 AM, goDel said:

Rough spot. Even if you would want to get over her, she's still living in your apartment. And she hasn't got much else to go to.

 

Which is of itself quite noticeable, btw. Most women are very conscious about relationships and their situation after a possible end of their relationship. How often are they already seeing other men even though there's still some kind of relationship? Women can treat men like they treat dogs. It can be painfully obvious. And it's even more painful when you see how often this is the case.

 

...ehm, in other words: maybe a tiny bit of temporary misogyny might help.

 

what the fuck even is this

Yesterday you had lost her forever and now you're having breakfast together? What's going on?

She lives with me. We aren't rich, so that's what happened. This is hard to explain.

  On 2/3/2013 at 7:09 PM, Lucy Faringold said:

what the fuck even is this

  On 2/3/2013 at 9:41 AM, goDel said:

misogyny

(although I agree that women sometimes feel like they deserve a free pass on being shitty, but really guys are just as shitty, just in a different way)

 

Anyway, it sounds like things are looking up. One more kind of shitty thought.

  On 2/3/2013 at 6:44 PM, acroyear said:

She's just so beautiful.

This probably isn't enough for the long haul. I hope that there's other things about her that you appreciate, especially mental or spiritual things. The kinds of things that make a relationship a partnership. If she's just a pretty face/ass/bosom to you, well, I don't think that's gonna cut it for either of you. I'm not saying you're making a mistake by getting back with her necessarily. Just saying that (as I'm sure you know) it would be very wise to take care to keep your dick from clouding your judgment as much as you can. Possibly not the best time to make this point but I think it needs to be made.

 

Take care, dude, and good luck.

Edited February 3, 2013 by sweepstakes

easy answer with alcohol,

 

saner answer keep being busy.

I'm pretty sure relationships that have had financial problems have been worked out many times before. Be glad you guys don't have kids to add to the burden, then again that might keep one pushing harder.