How do you get over a break up. 9 years. First day alone.

er isnt living with the person going to make it difficult to like break up or w/e

9 yrs is a good one tho i guess u can feel lucky that u had that lovely relationship and some people never do :s

u should do really petty passive aggressive things to annoy her

Give yourself to WATMM. Immerse yourself. Let us be your loved one. The real world had its chance and blew it. We all float down here.

plum is back!

hi

  On 2/2/2013 at 10:29 PM, acroyear said:

In November, her mother died. She has barely any family. And I keep hurting her. Not on purpose, mostly because I drink, and I'm an "artist". Save your insults. I expect those. I just wasn't expecting this.

sorry for your situation and everything but from what you've shared so far(not much i know), it seems like she deserves the sympathy more than you...

can you expand on the "i keep hurting her" part? are you abusing her physically or mentally? cheating on her? ignoring her grieving? just not being there for her when she needs you most?

Time to heal and some stability in your routine will reveal the big secret that hollywood is keeping from you; it's not the end of the world. You can have a fine life without that woman smack dab in the middle of it. Now is the time to make some big self-affirming plans and go through with them.

Of course, I know you aren't going to listen to this because she is in your apartment and you can't think about anything else. The truth is that it's not necessarily going to work out. Just because you have sex doesn't mean that you are back together, and just because you want her doesn't mean that you can have her. Just saying so you can be prepared for that. That type of expectation that ignores this is the most dangerous thing in the world.

Anyway, this is life and it's a bit messy. I would strongly advise you to rethink your behavior. Take it easy on the drinking, try to look at it from her perspective and cultivate some compassion. If the love is genuine, it can help you to let go.

  On 2/3/2013 at 6:44 PM, acroyear said:

Overwhelmed by the generosity of this forum. Thank you ALL so much. I'm eating breakfast with her now ... She's just so beautiful. I don't want to lose her.

Glad to hear you might be working it out.

My advice is that if you know what you did to hurt her, stop doing that ASAP and stop it for good, then show her you've made a choice and you're continuing with that change for her.

She obviously has to love you to spend 9 years with you.

You just need to treat her right... how you would want to be treated if you were in her position. It sounds to me like you know what to do. So do it.

Even if she leaves you for good, you now know what you can fix to make sure you don't have this happen again.

Relationships are hard. If you want them to last, you have to want the other person to be happy and you have to make that a priority, whether you are an "artist" or not.

You can still be an artist and live a healthy lifestyle and not hurt your partner.

I honestly don't mean to be hurtful, but it sounds like she had good reason to leave you.

If she ( or anyone else in your life, for that matter) is important to you, you just do what you gotta do to make it work.

The longest relationship I've had was four years, so I can't imagine the pain you're in at nine. Although, If you love her as deeply as you say you do, you'll change your habits for the better. Not just for her, but for you as well. It sounds to me that you're already better than I am at keeping a relationship together, though. Not sure if I could add anything else.

Anyhow, this is what I'm trying to do right now. I've mentioned it before, but I was dating this girl that told me I was drinking too much and became a total asshole when I was drunk. So I took some time off from the drinking to clear my head, and I'm trying to think more positively. I actually listen to her when we talk, and I'm trying to show her that.

She had mentioned she needed more music to practice flute on, so I wrote her some on score paper and sent it to her. I can only hope this helps. I don't think she wants to see me, though. It's been rough.