Post terrible idea for films

Panzer Panini

The story of a bionic sandwich yearning to become a simple bowl of potato salad.

lol

After seeing his safari mate get decapitated by the swift kick of a giraffe, a nature documentary filmmaker takes a sabbatical in Las Vegas, where he takes to selling fake Rolexes. He ends up doing this for years, ends up getting married and having kids. One year for Christmas, his daughter gets a giraffe stuffed animal and this stirs something inside him. 

He feels he must kill every giraffe on the planet, and after several failed attempts at gaining traction with his local congressman, he decides to take matters into his own hands. A long road through hellfire and carnage awaits, but a patriot must protect his country. 

A Head Without an Eye

Pricky the Elf saves the whole village by staging a puppet show using his own mutilated penis.

Jude, Where's my harp?

In 872AD, Stephen Loxley was travelling to Canterbury Cathedral to play Harp for an Easter celebration and on the way his cart and wagon were ambushed, he was beaten up and left for dead in a ditch.

He awoke days later, with his harp missing!

Follow Stephen on his travels to Canterbury.  Will he get there in time? Will he find his harp?

A documentary about Ulillillia but half of the runtime is comprised of interviews of locals talking about a flood and drawn-out clips of people stripping buildings.

Reboot of Leaving Las Vegas starring Jim Lahey as the self destructive drunk and Randy as the kid turning tricks on the streets.

Whiplash except it's about 19 year old Venetian Snares going to community college in rural winnipeg to learn how to program his drum tracker. When he fails to figure out the bpm tpb controls early on J.K. Simmons throws a box of timbits at him & says "hey c'mon now bud, stop screwin' around" in a thick canadian accent

It's a dark comedy remake of The Shining, starring Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, Mark Wahlberg, Rihanna, and Andy Samberg. Wahlberg and Rihanna are a typical missmatched couple, trying to solve their failing marriage. Andy Samberg is Wahlberg's retarded brother and all three decide to be the caretakers of a luxury resort in Hawaii due to general covid shutdown. Mark Wahlberg is trying to use this isolation time to buff up his muscles to be more like his idol, The Rock. He spends his entire days lifting and doing cardio, while Rihanna is bored out of her mind, singing "ELA ELA ELA ELA", her voice echoing the empty halls of the resort, driving Mark Wahlberg mad. Samberg is left to his own imagination so several trivial shenanigans ensue, pouring hot oil to the already burning steroid-fuelled fire of Wahlberg's. All this time, Samberg is in contact through "The Shining" of the mind with Dwayne Johnson, actually making Samberg not retarded anymore, but extremely smart and witty. Rihanna is very happy about this fact, and she begins to fancy Samberg over Wahlberg, which makes Wahlberg very jealous and furious, throwing tantrums, etc. So Samberg contacts Dwayne who has to swim across the ocean to reach the resort and help Rihanna and Samberg, making him even more buff, greatly offsetting the divide of muscle density between Wahlberg and Dwayne. The final showdown is imminent...

the ulillillillia documentary except it's filmed like uncle boonmee who can recall his past lives

i'm specifically picturing the scene where the guy describes how he became a monkey ghost, except it's uli talking about degreasing a cheese pizza for the first time

A huge big budget production movie. A serious Nolan type thing with a Zimmer soundtrack and A-list actors. Super well done drama and action that really has the audience on the edge of their seats. But all that is just for the absurd ending to which the whole movie has build up to. The hero and the antagonist are fighting the big last fight but then suddenly the hero farts and looks straight into the camera and says "LOL FART" and the end credits roll up super fast with benny hill sax theme playing up sped up and the lights turn instantly back on in the cinema.

Transformers: Terraformers

Two hours of the life of Transformers on the farm. Tractors, dump trucks, and corn.

Transfarmers

Two hours of the life of two post-op transsexual  farm owners. 

Tron Farmers

It's the film Tron but set in the game Farmville.

Top Gun 2½
 

a film adaptation of cormac mccarthy's blood meridian, except it's called bud meridian and it's about out of shape millenial men in their early 30s talking about video games & superhero movies for 90 minutes (while also riding across the mexican desert on horseback committing acts of ultraviolence)

  On 11/20/2020 at 10:57 PM, Cryptowen said:

a film adaptation of cormac mccarthy's blood meridian, except it's called bud meridian and it's about out of shape millenial men in their early 30s talking about video games & superhero movies for 90 minutes (while also riding across the mexican desert on horseback committing acts of ultraviolence)

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So basically WATMM the movie.

Freaky Friday except it's Tim Burton & Timbaland swapping brains, and then each getting sent back in time to try to try to recreate the other's oeuvre from memory

Planet Who?

Feature length documentary following Mike Paradinas as he pursues his long held dream of walking for Margiela during Paris fashion week.

Half of the film is Lara Rix-Martin in Warhammer 40k cosplay in Waitrose, child in one hand, mobile in the other, as she gets increasingly exasperated with various fashion PRs.  "Yes, Paradinas, let me spell that for you."  The remainder is montage shots of Mike working out in a home gym to a motivational Planet Mu soundtrack.  

game idea: it's like that Don't Shit Your Pants game where there's a guy standing in his living room & you have to enter very carefully worded text commands or else he'll shit his pants. except it's called Don't Be Evil and you're an employee at Google

  On 11/15/2020 at 2:17 PM, Cryptowen said:

Whiplash except it's about 19 year old Venetian Snares going to community college in rural winnipeg to learn how to program his drum tracker. When he fails to figure out the bpm tpb controls early on J.K. Simmons throws a box of timbits at him & says "hey c'mon now bud, stop screwin' around" in a thick canadian accent

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flol

PRICKLY JOE

Joe is a hedgehog looking for worms to eat but he has a problem.... the garden where he lives has just been turfed over with synthetic grass!

Joe dies a slow, painful death of starvation, over the 3hr30 minute runtime.

    Quote

Smoke

A Brooklyn bacon shop is the center of neighborhood activity, and the stories of its customers.

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it's like that band the mars volta, except it's The Marge Volta. Everyone in the band plays sampling keytars loaded with pitched samples of marge simpson doing that concerned/exasperated hhmmmm noise that she does

Large Vulva, a film about Michelle Obama and her struggle to prove her biological sex without compromising her public image.