Post terrible idea for films

  On 7/14/2016 at 3:43 PM, Gocab said:

Eraserhead 2: Look who's talking

Starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley

i laughed so hard i almost choked. thanks

A genius billionaire, a technology mogul lays on a hospital bed, dying from lung cancer, when a time traveller from the future materializes in to the room.

The time traveller explains that it is extremely important that the tycoon won't die just now, therefore they need to take a time travel trip to the past and the Tycoon has to convince his younger self not to start smoking cigarettes ...

^ post #420 omg

Brokeback Mountain (2016)

Completely unnecessary reboot with a bunch of B-list all-female celebrity comediennes.

  On 7/17/2016 at 9:28 PM, fletcher said:

Brokeback Mountain (2016)

Completely unnecessary reboot with a bunch of B-list all-female celebrity comediennes.

HAHAHA! Low one that. The line "Going up Brokeback" should be rewritten as "Going up Sloppyhand"

A struggling IDM artist strives to find him or herself

man drinks too much red bull and flies up into the stratosphere, where he enters an unmanned space capsule.

cast:
kevin spacey ... man

The Inappropriate Nun

A story about a nun who is jaded with the nunnery, frustrated that her "sisters" are a bunch of prudes and dullards. She sneaks out to a night club and gets wasted, and then vomits on the restroom floor. For some strange reason her vomit is glowing green, and is then greeted by three aliens in police uniforms in a corridor the moment she leaves the restroom.

(to be continued)

  On 7/15/2016 at 1:24 AM, keanu reeves said:

The Man Who Disliked The Wire

 

A man is having lunch with a friend. The friend asks if he has seen anything good lately. The man says no. The friend recommends the television show The Wire. It's soooo good. the friend says. The man smirks. Actually, I've watched it. I didn't really like it. The friend is visibly shaken.

Inside Langley, a frantic CIA coordinator paces in a command center. An agent appears before him. We have assets in the area. Should we activate? The coordinator pauses. Do it.

The man who doesn't like the Wire is eating his salad while his friend sits, still reeling from the news. It's suuuuuch a great show man. Hooow do you not like it? The man takes a bite of a tomato. I just don't really like it. Lame writing. Boring characters. Looks bad. Preachy. The friend is shaking his head in disbelief. Another man, sitting at a table next to them, puts his hand to his ear, then turns and looks at the man who does not like The Wire. His expression goes from neutral to cheery. I couldn't help but overhear. You said you don't like The Wire? You mind if I ask how many seasons you watched? Because the first season is kind of hard to get into. The man cuts him off. I watched the entire show. The other man is laughing but also gritting his teeth. See, it's just, if you watch the entire show, you get this beautiful picture of not just this panorama of characters, but the decline of the American city itself. It's not just entertainment, it's actually very important. The man who does not like The Wire nods. I understand, but I don't like it. The other man cannot accept this and scoots his chair closer. Do you, listen, this is probably a weird question, do you know any black people? The man who doesn't like The Wire gets up. I have to leave now.

At Langley, the coordinator is wide eyed. Un-fucking believable. How far away is our drone? Two minutes sir. Yeah. Ok. Eliminate the target.

The man who doesn't like The Wire escapes the drone strike and meets an older man (played by Gene Hackman) who has been on the run for twenty five years after stating that he "doesn't really think Bob Dylan was a good lyricist". They drive to the border and find a camp of people with unacceptable opinions. Eventually the government lays siege and the film ends with a bloody shootout, the compound lit on fire. A parent who thinks "Pixar is really overrated, as a studio" escapes the compound but is shot in the back by police.

FLOL! I can relate.

People Gone Wild III:

3rd part of a trilogy featuring straight on straight multiple gender sex parties but played by non straight sex pests so that people who are straight can say they are cool with others so they can get laid by a gay straight person so they can feel cool so they can do more coke.

Acid: The movie.

Turns out it's not about that acid or even that acid!

It's about boring normal acid.

IN a riveting twist at the end, Ridley Scott prints out 500 sheets of blotters called 'brilliants' but forgets to lay the LSD on the paper and a man dressed in a gay alien suit fucks a pig while saying 'I'm tripping!' in a weird voice before sinking in a vat of acid never to return.

Family Matters: The Movie

Carl Winslow (Sasha Baron Cohen) and his family return in a two hour drama-comedy that sees the family becoming divided apart as Laura (Beyonce) and Eddie (Craig Ferguson) join the Black Lives Matter movement while Carl struggles between his duty of the police force and those he loves. Jaleel White (Jaleel White) returns as the popular "Steve Urkel" taken into a more edgier role as he struggles with adderall addiction and his "open relationship" with Laura and her new beau. Featuring artwork and set design inspired by H.R. Giger. and music by Trent Reznor*

*not actually performed by Trent Reznor

Charlotte's Web: Young, intelligent, havker, ethnic, attractive woman Charlotte (goes by Charlie) uncovers a conspiracy involving various livestock conglomerates replacing animals with what she initially thinks are GMO animals, but twist in the third act, they're actually robots and we're not raising them for food but instead as spies and theyve become independently intelligent and are planning to overthrow the world. Soft reboot of 90's hit The Web.

Han Solo: A Star Wars story

Made for tv adaptation of "Dank Memes: The Musical"

Transformers - An ancient struggle between two Cybertronian races, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, comes to Earth, with a clue to the ultimate power held by a teenager. And then undergo sexual re-assignment surgery.

The Cutting

Lunch is turned upside down when an unassuming plate of cheese battling depression can finally take no more.

Bosco the Wunderhund

A heroic cocker spaniel named Douglas saves the day when he confronts a time traveling German shepherd and drowns him to death..

Shitkicker M.D.

When the Pentagon is attacked by a barrage of deadly missiles, Shitkicker M.D. is sent to defend it, but is killed immediately.

  On 7/15/2016 at 1:24 AM, keanu reeves said:

The Man Who Disliked The Wire

 

A man is having lunch with a friend. The friend asks if he has seen anything good lately. The man says no. The friend recommends the television show The Wire. It's soooo good. the friend says. The man smirks. Actually, I've watched it. I didn't really like it. The friend is visibly shaken.

Inside Langley, a frantic CIA coordinator paces in a command center. An agent appears before him. We have assets in the area. Should we activate? The coordinator pauses. Do it. 

The man who doesn't like the Wire is eating his salad while his friend sits, still reeling from the news. It's suuuuuch a great show man. Hooow do you not like it? The man takes a bite of a tomato. I just don't really like it. Lame writing. Boring characters. Looks bad. Preachy. The friend is shaking his head in disbelief. Another man, sitting at a table next to them, puts his hand to his ear, then turns and looks at the man who does not like The Wire. His expression goes from neutral to cheery. I couldn't help but overhear. You said you don't like The Wire? You mind if I ask how many seasons you watched? Because the first season is kind of hard to get into. The man cuts him off. I watched the entire show. The other man is laughing but also gritting his teeth. See, it's just, if you watch the entire show, you get this beautiful picture of not just this panorama of characters, but the decline of the American city itself. It's not just entertainment, it's actually very important. The man who does not like The Wire nods. I understand, but I don't like it. The other man cannot accept this and scoots his chair closer. Do you, listen, this is probably a weird question, do you know any black people? The man who doesn't like The Wire gets up. I have to leave now. 

At Langley, the coordinator is wide eyed. Un-fucking believable. How far away is our drone? Two minutes sir. Yeah. Ok. Eliminate the target.

The man who doesn't like The Wire escapes the drone strike and meets an older man (played by Gene Hackman) who has been on the run for twenty five years after stating that he "doesn't really think Bob Dylan was a good lyricist". They drive to the border and find a camp of people with unacceptable opinions. Eventually the government lays siege and the film ends with a bloody shootout, the compound lit on fire. A parent who thinks "Pixar is really overrated, as a studio" escapes the compound but is shot in the back by police.

has this been optioned yet?

Ferris Bueller's Day On.

Ferris grows up to be an insurance salesman, gets caught cheating on his pregnant wife, and meets up with Cameron, who is a far more successful private investigator who leaks mad intel to a scorned Mrs. Bueller. 45 minutes into the film, she takes out his knees with a golf club and Cameron slays that pussy in the wreckage of his father's 1982 Alfa Romeo Alfetta. Ferris has to get a new job to pay child support and alimony. Rooney is his new boss. The moral of the story is you don't ever take a fucking day off ever. Teenage rebellion isn't worth the price to be paid and you can't just crash a parade or pretend to be Abe Frohman, the "sausage king of Chicago" without paying a severe penalty. Ferris was playing with fire, that glib little shit. 

not a film but...

hoping sometime in 2017 we get a Matthew McConaughey talk show where he's a character called Matthew McDonaughue and he wears a white wig

Peepee Doodoo Caacaa (rated G)

A 12 year old Freddy Thomas caacaas in his pants on his first date with the dorky-cute girl he's been checking out in class since last semester.  So then she's like, "Whoa, dude- did you just caacaa in your pants?", and Freddy is like, "NO!!!"-- but then right at that point, he starts to peepee in his pants.  The waiter at Olive Garden notices this, and then he starts to doodoo in his own face, cuz he is a super spy sleeper agent who was activated by the smell of pre-teen peepee and caacaa.  Right at that moment, dorky-cute Jenny has her first period and accidentally wipes her blood under her eyes like war paint, which activates ancient DNA in her system, morphing her into a Amazonian princess named Zuku.  Then right at that point a UFO flies into the Olive Garden salad bar, and grey aliens come out demanding that everyone give them their peepee doodoo caacaas.  So then Freddy, Zuku, and waiter Tim have to fight the aliens in a race against time and space to save the people.

• Written & Directed by Marky Allen, grade 3

hot shit right there!

The President, a decidedly unfunny 80s comedy in which a dumb fat millionaire con man gets to "run" the united states, signing documents he doesn't comprehend, being manipulated and puppeteered by an evil Nazi shadow organisation ala Hydra. It ends with the President nuking himself and the rest of the USA by mistake.