Post terrible idea for films

Colonoscopy, an adventure into the depths of the human bowels:

2hrs 59 minutes of colonoscopies of famous actors and actresses showing 0 irregularities in their large intestines or rectum.

Only commentary throughout the movie is a doctor trying to guess what the actors/actresses ate the night before.

Jack It

In a futuristic dystopia everyone is "jacked into" the Fun Zone, a virtual world where masturbation is illegal. It is up to the Rub Outs, an elite hacker team, to bring masturbation back and save everyone. In the "climax" of the movie the protagonist hacks into the mainframe and broadcasts himself masturbating live direct to everyone's feed, causing everyone to realize what they are missing and free themselves from the system.

Hacking In Progress

in painstaking detail the audience discovers how long it actually takes to hack into the FBI's 'mainframe' and with hilarious consequences finds a bunch of encrypted files about fuck all, with encrypting consequences.

The credits are encrypted with base64 which is fucking funny if you think about it.

Luckily the dog makes it out alive.

Person - A film about a person doing things

  On 10/7/2015 at 6:30 PM, hoggy said:

Person - A film about a person doing things

Person 2 - A Sequel

A film about a person standing, shot with a wide angle lens and copious amounts of lens flaring

Fade in to a macro of an active clothing dryer vent outdoors. Lint at the lip of the vent is violently fluttering in the warm breeze generated from within the dryer.

An arduously slow zoom-out reveals an approaching feral cat. For one reason or another the cat decides it is a good idea to lick the swiftly fluttering chunk of lint and a large portion of it gets stuck on the cat’s tongue.

The rest of the film consists of the cat tediously attempting to remove the lint from its tongue. It is not revealed whether the cat succeeds in this or not.

At some points the lint ends up on the cat’s back. It tries to get rid of it but the lint once again finds itself on the cat’s tongue and it continues to lick with a slight increase in the bluster and chaos of its licking pace. This segment occurs with tense sound effects and music which starts with great immediacy and stops just as suddenly and awkwardly as it began.

The films ends in an instant after nine aggravating hours with no fades or credits.

It is entitled “Nine Hours, Nine Lives”.

The cat is actually two costumed actors and the dryer vent is the size of a garage door. The head is played - and the tongue puppeteered, with an astringent attitude of haste - by Meryl Streep, and the hind quarters is Danny DeVito, wearing cheap fur coat and a tail with a small bell on the tip. He’s also eating a sandwich during the whole nine hours. The sandwich happens to be cut into nine, roughly cubic, slices. He takes small bites with his little finger extended. The sandwich is cucumber.

Dance Up/Off/Out

A film length version of this nightclub advert, starring Tom Hardy as this guy

A Bulgarian Film

An aging porn star (Srdjan Todorovic) who's struggling to provide for his family agrees to make a film that, unbeknown to him, contains themes of synchronised dancing, throat singing, cocktail mixing and may end with his death.

  On 10/7/2015 at 10:43 PM, MDM Chaos said:

Dance Up/Off/Out

 

A film length version of this nightclub advert, starring Tom Hardy as this guy

 

But this is a good idea! I would definitely

Colin Firth in a biopic of Thomas A. Hendricks, the vice president of Grover Cleveland. The film will take place in 1885 when he was vice president for five months before dying. The film mostly consists of him quail hunting without ever shooting a bird and eating nut pudding by the fireplace while he scribbles into a scroll.

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Starring tom Hardy and The Cat...

This Autumn......

Last Post Info

in IMAX 3D

Meta

A film consisting entirely of reviews from random youtubers explaining what they thought about it/ why they hate it.

  On 10/7/2015 at 4:51 PM, peace 7 said:

Con Cumsequences

 

That kid who played Anakin stars as Inmate #5478509. He's in prison for an armed jaywalking he didn't commit, so he starts to masturbate daily to make prison wine from his semen. His Chinese bunk mate (played by Michael Jordan with tape on his eyes) always says after the ejaculation ritual: "Ooooh, you do daaat?" Eventually they get saved by a cool helicopter.

 

Rated G-X (for general audiences but shows real ejaculation footage)

i want this in 3d lol

Married: THe MOvie

Audience members are forcedto marry and report back in 12 years while richard Linklater stands, naked and drunk holding a gun at you.

Magic Mike Excel

Channing Tatum stars as a stripper studying to be an accountant. Despite it having no relevance to the plot whatsoever he strips and dances around like a twat to shitty music while creating spreadsheets and pivot tables. The climax of the film involes a powerpoint presentation of a stationary company's annual expenditure.

  On 10/9/2015 at 7:16 PM, fenton said:

Married: THe MOvie

 

Audience members are forcedto marry and report back in 12 years while richard Linklater stands, naked and drunk holding a gun at you.

The rock.

Documentary.

This is a six hour single take still macro shot of a rock. Voiceover and soundtrack by Sting.

  On 10/9/2015 at 7:54 PM, MDM Chaos said:

Magic Mike Excel

 

Channing Tatum stars as a stripper studying to be an accountant. Despite it having no relevance to the plot whatsoever he strips and dances around like a twat to shitty music while creating spreadsheets and pivot tables. The climax of the film involes a powerpoint presentation of a stationary company's annual expenditure.

lol!

  On 10/9/2015 at 8:03 PM, triachus said:

 

  On 10/9/2015 at 7:16 PM, fenton said:

Married: THe MOvie

 

Audience members are forcedto marry and report back in 12 years while richard Linklater stands, naked and drunk holding a gun at you.

 

Good video hope it didn't take them like 4 or 5 hours to string together tho.

The bus date montage from 40 Days and 40 Nights in real time.

12 years the movie

Don't worry it won't be 12 years long! Just 12 hours, yes the sped up real time footage of a film crew making a film over 12 years in just 12 hours.

12 hours? Yes just 12 hours.

Notting Pig 3D

It's the film event that everybody's been waiting for! What? The biopic of David Cameron hashed into the plot of Notting Hill!

Starring Hugh Grant as the foppish Eton stud muffin and Miss Piggy as the (now living ) pig he fucked in the face.

The climax of the film features them in the rain and the line "I'm just a man standing in front of a pig waiting for it to blow me"

12 Hours A Slave

A well to do white man finds himself locked out of his home one night in Boston. He stumbles in the dark and accidentally ends up on a steamer bound for Georgia. The slave drivers on board inform him that he is free to go when they reach the shore. He panics, sure that they are going to persecute him, and devises a plan with the slaves to revolt. This ends up getting all of the slaves killed. The man then begs a plantation owner to "give him a chance" as he stands upon an auction block, pushing aside a mother and her child. He works the fields despite the plantation owner telling him multiple times that he can leave, then offers his services as a mediocre violinist. The film is coming to an end after only a thirty minute run time. The man, sure that he will die in captivity, sings an old negro spiritual, pushing aside the actual slaves, begging jesus to let his people go free. A cop arrives with the man's wife and she tells him it's time to come home. He waves, teary eyed, at the confused slaves. I will never forget you, he says.

Pokemon: Stop (2018)

R I 3hr 23m I Horror/Political/Docudrama I 23 Oct 2018 (Aus)

On the night before Halloween, a social outcast hacker (played by a CG Robin Williams) plants a virus in Nintendo's Pokemon: Go server, infecting all the Pokemon with a mean and devious streak. They begin indoctrinating children and convincing them to do horrific things to each other, themselves, and their parents. It is up to a local lawncare business owner (played by Shia LeBouf) to stop the violence, sodomy, and suicides. Can he overcome his crippling ennui and find hope for a better tomorrow by saving the children of the world?

Eraserhead 2: Look who's talking

Starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley

The Man Who Disliked The Wire

A man is having lunch with a friend. The friend asks if he has seen anything good lately. The man says no. The friend recommends the television show The Wire. It's soooo good. the friend says. The man smirks. Actually, I've watched it. I didn't really like it. The friend is visibly shaken.

Inside Langley, a frantic CIA coordinator paces in a command center. An agent appears before him. We have assets in the area. Should we activate? The coordinator pauses. Do it.

The man who doesn't like the Wire is eating his salad while his friend sits, still reeling from the news. It's suuuuuch a great show man. Hooow do you not like it? The man takes a bite of a tomato. I just don't really like it. Lame writing. Boring characters. Looks bad. Preachy. The friend is shaking his head in disbelief. Another man, sitting at a table next to them, puts his hand to his ear, then turns and looks at the man who does not like The Wire. His expression goes from neutral to cheery. I couldn't help but overhear. You said you don't like The Wire? You mind if I ask how many seasons you watched? Because the first season is kind of hard to get into. The man cuts him off. I watched the entire show. The other man is laughing but also gritting his teeth. See, it's just, if you watch the entire show, you get this beautiful picture of not just this panorama of characters, but the decline of the American city itself. It's not just entertainment, it's actually very important. The man who does not like The Wire nods. I understand, but I don't like it. The other man cannot accept this and scoots his chair closer. Do you, listen, this is probably a weird question, do you know any black people? The man who doesn't like The Wire gets up. I have to leave now.

At Langley, the coordinator is wide eyed. Un-fucking believable. How far away is our drone? Two minutes sir. Yeah. Ok. Eliminate the target.

The man who doesn't like The Wire escapes the drone strike and meets an older man (played by Gene Hackman) who has been on the run for twenty five years after stating that he "doesn't really think Bob Dylan was a good lyricist". They drive to the border and find a camp of people with unacceptable opinions. Eventually the government lays siege and the film ends with a bloody shootout, the compound lit on fire. A parent who thinks "Pixar is really overrated, as a studio" escapes the compound but is shot in the back by police.