Mental Illness Megathread

  On 6/5/2018 at 10:13 PM, cloud capture said:

There's no way I can put the whole truth about myself here and hit the post button without deleting it, which I do about 90% of the time when I post on a message board.

 

I will confess something. I was prescribed Haldol as a teenager. It made me a zombie and sucked the creativity out of me. I took the entire bottle and I had a string of seizures and almost died. So they took me off of it and never followed up. After a near fatal accident a decade ago I now yearn to find the silver-lining in everything I encounter. That's as good as it can get from my perspective.

 

Obel, I moved far away and started fresh. I also can't see ever having a long-term friendship or relationship with someone. I am content and find happiness alone. You aren't alone in those aspects. And the majority of people will not understand this reasoning. Another truth might be that I am barely holding on to my grasp of reality.

 

I am not going to delete this, here goes

Yep I can relate to this stuff. Thanks for sharing

  On 6/5/2018 at 10:13 PM, cloud capture said:

There's no way I can put the whole truth about myself here and hit the post button without deleting it, which I do about 90% of the time when I post on a message board. 

 

I will confess something.  I was prescribed Haldol as a teenager.  It made me a zombie and sucked the creativity out of me.  I took the entire bottle and I had a string of seizures and almost died.  So they took me off of it and never followed up.  After a near fatal accident a decade ago I now yearn to find the silver-lining in everything I encounter.  That's as good as it can get from my perspective.  

 

Obel, I moved far away and started fresh.  I also can't see ever having a long-term friendship or relationship with someone.  I am content and find happiness alone.  You aren't alone in those aspects.  And the majority of people will not understand this reasoning.  Another truth might be that I am barely holding on to my grasp of reality.

 

I am not going to delete this, here goes

 

I dunno, you're still here so I dunno if you should figure it's like I AM ROCK I AM ISLAND, maybe you just are SUPER EMPATH mode and this mode of communication is quite fulfilling to you, and like a real life relationship would feel all hyperreal (.org), but in a way not saying anything bad about your character traits

Edited June 5, 2018 by Ragnar

greatest achievements in the last 100 yrs of pychiaty are water and a regular exercise routine

FUCK YOU I WILL NOT DRINK YOUR DAMNED WATER

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithia_water

 

  Quote

 

A recent review of epidemiological studies of lithium in drinking water reported that 9 out of 11 studies found an association between higher levels of lithium in local water and “beneficial clinical, behavioral, legal and medical outcomes.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/14/opinion/sunday/should-we-all-take-a-bit-of-lithium.html

^interesting (I've seen that info at some point before) but this line stood out to me and I'm a little out of it today, help me out:

 

  Quote

When the data from the Japanese study was reanalyzed in a second publication, the authors concluded that those people with higher levels of lithium in their water supply had lower levels of “all-cause mortality.”

Does that mean lithium can make you live forever??? I mean cool if so but um...

  On 6/6/2018 at 2:00 AM, auxien said:

Does that mean lithium can make you live forever??? I mean cool if so but um...

God I fuckin hope so, I’ve taken enough of the stuff to demolish an army of slugs.

I think they are referring to suicides in regards to “all-cause mortality,” because they mention it in the original study.

  Quote

 

Suicide rates were inversely correlated with the lithium content in the local water supply.

I was diagnosed Bipolar I in like... 2003, but honestly I think I outgrew it.  The whole time I was with my last girlfriend (11 years or so) I was pretty even keel, though there were occasional moments where that *other* frame of mind appeared, and each time I would just say no to it.  Like... the mental switch would present itself to me, and then I would make a concentrated effort to remain "normal".  That's my take on it anyway.  There was a period where she worked on a cruise ship for 6 months, during which time I made a lot of music obsessively, which would occasionally result in periods of euphoria and weirdness.  That still happens very occasionally, but it'll only last for an hour or two.  I think if I were isolated those bipolar symptoms would come back in full force.  I'm just too focused on various projects for that to happen right now.  I really think I've just channeled all that mental illness into making music, and that's kept it at bay.

  On 6/6/2018 at 3:14 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

I was diagnosed Bipolar I in like... 2003, but honestly I think I outgrew it. The whole time I was with my last girlfriend (11 years or so) I was pretty even keel, though there were occasional moments where that *other* frame of mind appeared, and each time I would just say no to it. Like... the mental switch would present itself to me, and then I would make a concentrated effort to remain "normal". That's my take on it anyway. There was a period where she worked on a cruise ship for 6 months, during which time I made a lot of music obsessively, which would occasionally result in periods of euphoria and weirdness. That still happens very occasionally, but it'll only last for an hour or two. I think if I were isolated those bipolar symptoms would come back in full force. I'm just too focused on various projects for that to happen right now. I really think I've just channeled all that mental illness into making music, and that's kept it at bay.

Fuck I hope I get to a point where this happens. I though I had done it with stand up comedy but everything came rushing back. Still, comedy is a nice thing to have.

Became depressed about 2 years ago, ended up in break up of marriage (it was coming anyway) and referral to mental health team. Had 1 session, I had good idea of the cause and the trigger, no biggie, sorted me right out.

 

Have now met a new bird, head over heels with her tbh.

 

Letter came through the door Friday confirming cognitive development session. Has screwed with my head a bit, opened up some old wounds.

 

New bird is a bit of a diamond though, thank fuck!

Must be tough suffering from regular anxiety/panic attacks. I had one once after a night out in London (alcohol and ecstasy consumed) I was travelling home the next day after crashing on a mates floor. I hate travelling on the Underground at the best of times, even if I'm skipping on sunshine I get on the tube and I go a bit weird. I had a major panic attack, the feeling of being crushed, suffocating and being buried alive, hyperventilating and a feeling of wanting to break out of the carriage at all costs. Horrible situation, can't imagine that on a daily basis.

Edited June 6, 2018 by beerwolf

lol I saw a counselor and they’re sending me to the hospital

no lol

this thread is sad

in the emergency department secretly using my phone. shh don’t tell

  On 6/6/2018 at 11:20 PM, MIXL2 said:

this thread is sad

Do you exercize? No? Just do it!

Keep us posted Sadie, love a bit of drama.

  On 6/7/2018 at 12:53 PM, Obel said:

Keep us posted Sadie, love a bit of drama.

Got out of the hospital. It was a shit hospital. They decided to stop letting me do makeup halfway through my stay. I met a couple cool trans dudes who helped me out.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

As I've stated on here a number of times, I've lived with depression and anxiety forever. Sometimes it's not so bad, sometimes it's nonexistent, and sometimes it's absolutely crippling. Right now, I don't know how I feel. I'm not paralyzed by it, and I'm not in constant pain, but lately I'll just take a breath and be overcome by the feeling of being afraid or worried and aware of a feeling of hopelessness. Currently the thing that I feel every day is, "I'm tired of being overweight, broke, and lonely." I recently eliminated carbs and sweets from my diet and have lost 13 pounds (in a little over a month!), so that's a solution to one of those feelings, but the rest seems so out of my control. I'm pretty aware of these issues and it bothers me, but it's a different feeling of depression or anxiety than I have dealt with in the past.

I think I can definitely say that I am scared.

I have only ever been officially diagnosed with depression but I have social anxiety as well. It's hard for me to make new friends. I keep myself pretty guarded. Even on the internet where I tend to just lurk in online communities without getting involved too much. Shit, I've been here for years and still don't know a single one of you.

 

It sucks because I get lonely sometimes but I just can't get over the hurdle and out of my comfort zone. I tried once to become active with an online community but literally after my first topic (which was sort of cheeky but was all in good fun) I was called a cunt and ridiculed. Ever since then I sort of shut the door and view things from a distance. I've come a long way since then and I'm much less sensitive now but I still have a long way to go.

 

One of these days I'll get sick of being this way but not until I'm ready. This post probably comes across as whiny but it felt good to get it out.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Frank Poole

^^Sadie glad you didn't have to stay there for too long and found some friends while you were in it. 

 

^flim, not a good thing that it's changing in ways that scare you. Definitely try to keep track of it somehow if possible (personal notes, private journal, sharing regularly with a friend/confidant)...sometimes treating it as objectively as possible can help (in my experience)...people online offering you suggestions isn't necessarily helpful, I know, but I hope you find some productive way of dealing with it.

 

Frank, not whiny in the least. Online communities are very often like that, WATMM as well as any other. Real people is always best, imo...I know that's usually not as easy, perhaps feels impossible at times, but an hour of active, engaged, real human interaction is worth a hundred of online communication, imo. My non-professional opinion, some random yahoo on a music forum, so ya know, disregard what I say as you see fit, no harm done :) I know it's not easy getting over that hurdle as you said, but it is possible. There's tons of ways of meeting local people and making friends in non-creepy ways...often they're very nerdy ways, but nonetheless it's possible dude. I hope you try to more. Online communities are always around too of course, some less toxic than others. 

  On 6/21/2018 at 6:37 PM, Frank Poole said:

I have only ever been officially diagnosed with depression but I have social anxiety as well. It's hard for me to make new friends. I keep myself pretty guarded. Even on the internet where I tend to just lurk in online communities without getting involved too much. Shit, I've been here for years and still don't know a single one of you.

 

It sucks because I get lonely sometimes but I just can't get over the hurdle and out of my comfort zone. I tried once to become active with an online community but literally after my first topic (which was sort of cheeky but was all in good fun) I was called a cunt and ridiculed. Ever since then I sort of shut the door and view things from a distance. I've come a long way since then and I'm much less sensitive now but I still have a long way to go.

 

One of these days I'll get sick of being this way but not until I'm ready. This post probably comes across as whiny but it felt good to get it out.

 

Yeah man I'm the same. I know exactly where you're coming from, specifically with the comfort zone thing. With me it's weird because I like being around people and always enjoy it, but getting myself to get out there and meet new people is the hard part. Bit paradoxical. Also that "one of these days" thing is you making an excuse for not just doing it now, one of these days will never arrive until you push it. That day could be today, but you're not making it that way because you're scared. I am too, but I just want you to know you're not alone in feeling like that. 

Well,, I was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome as a child. It's relatively mild (no coprolalia for example, not everyone is affected in that way), but was pretty intense when I was young - I would get sudden compulsions to flex certain muscles as hard as I could until they cramped, couldn't stand the feeling of skin-on-skin contact or most fabrics, had tics where I'd have to make clicking noises with my throat, roll my eyes, and other strange behaviors. I was home schooled for a few years because I couldn't handle being in the classroom, but being so isolated from my peers at a young age just compounded the social anxiety and depression I was developing, and made it much harder to adjust when I ultimately returned to public school. I'm much more functional now (Tourette's usually becomes more manageable with age), but I am still affected by certain tics on a very regular basis and retain a lot of strange textural sensitivities. Never been on any medication for any of this, for better or worse.