Mental Illness Megathread

  On 10/17/2018 at 10:22 PM, marf said:

the meds help a great deal, but it's like eating life with a balloon on your tongue.

That is a spot on analogy. I'm glad I finally found myself a treatment with no "balloon-tongue" side-effects.

Got ADD, Anxiety, on the autism spectrum and I've had depression episodes. Lately all of this has been a lot better now that I know the source of most of my problems (narcissistic/abusive parents).

What a way to introduce myself.

  On 10/27/2018 at 6:20 AM, Decoy Blimp said:

Got ADD, Anxiety, on the autism spectrum and I've had depression episodes. Lately all of this has been a lot better now that I know the source of most of my problems (narcissistic/abusive parents).

 

What a way to introduce myself.

take two aphex ep's and call me in the morning

thx xxx

Ive recently realized I live in a state of background anger at the wrongs done to me in my youth. I think that forgiveness and knowing all beings suffer is the key to moving on from the state of victim personality that I grasp onto. My history is me, but it isn't. Forward is what matters. 

quit puffing weed and wanking to porn 

easy grade A

Yeah I just got rid of it, dumb post. 

  On 10/27/2018 at 10:48 PM, Brisbot said:

Yeah I just got rid of it, dumb post. 

I liked the post that you deleted, it had a positive vibe which is rare on WATMM and usually results in instant ban

LOL I have that exact thing.There's the me who is really well intentioned and nice pretty much all the time, then there's the other guy who kicks in sometimes who is a bit of a prick and sabotages shit. He's the guy who posts on WATMM and talks to people via text. I think the internet is a doorway to our inner pricks in that way, it's a direct link to what we're thinking. In real life I'm the facade, which might be why life is so fucking miserable. Maybe I should just tap into my inner prick and be happy at last, laughing at this shit life.

I held off posting this for some reason, but I find trip reports interesting and I value the intuitive knowledge to be gained by psychedelic research despite its reputation and risks. It provides insight into ourselves and perspective on reality which might otherwise be unobtainable.

tbh my k-hole experiences have always had this recurring feeling of being stuck wherever it is I was dosing, as if I was on a set and everything had this fake quality to it, everything around me was just a prop of the real thing. I would feel like I had passed on.. but isolated in a sort of purgatory, I felt I was trapped in that reality forever and the universe was the confines of the room I was in. frightening, but ketamine has a way of dampening fear to an extent, as if the feeling is separate from me. it makes you forget phobias or that you ever had them to begin with. if it wasn't for that positive afterglow, I probably would have lost interest in it much sooner. Early on I did have some amazing spiritual moments like I had communed with some form of god.. but those were uncommon and fleeting.

my most interesting psychedelic experiences were in combination with a tryptamine like DMT. here I would see intense visuals like the hidden structure of reality was unveiling itself to me, "the mind revealing itself to itself," I would feel otherworldly entities toying with me, and they had sense of humor about it, making life just a trifling matter, I would feel lighthearted and at peace. I had trips where I was possessed by entities that were speaking through me some alien dialect, where humans were being abducted as the next evolutionary step in mankind and I could see my family beckoning me to join them in their pods, or my body was falling apart cube by cube after being examined and probed.

Dangerous, especially since in many of these trips I would try to fight it off and would come back to reality with my shit destroyed. If I had a proper sitter, perhaps I could have avoided all that.. but I think it was worthwhile.. unbelievable and amazing that we are capable of such vivid, fantastical imagery.

So, I’m considering learning how to grow mushrooms and using them as part of a weekly or monthly routine, moderate doses.. nothing out of control. I would seek inexplicable realms of consciousness and transient truths. Grow myself spiritually. Break my usual thinking and creative processes and get a fresh outlook on life.

well DMT extraction is simple enough.. I would imagine someone having loads of excess tree bark in the fridge before dumping it out of paranoia. easier then attempting to start a grignard reaction with nonexistent chemistry background.

I would just feel safer knowing I grew it myself. Shrooms is much more manageable, while similar to DMT, minus the intensity. I'm not trying to scare myself straight. I'd like to find some legitimate use out of using it responsibly, like a small annual hiking trip.

Wanted to create a separate thread for people to share scars and experiences. Was reminded by that thing about the BFI and scars in film. Thing is that many of mine are self inflicted.. so this list may be best to stick in here.

I have a few superficial scratch-scars from High School-era when I was experimenting with cutting myself using semi-sharp, somewhat dull glass.

I have a couple of small nicks on my face, above my left eye-brow and below my chin. This was during my time at college. Allegedly I had run into a fence or fell during a black out. Excessive alcohol consumption.

Middle of my left forearm. Still in college, I had cut myself with a box cutter after a drunk argument

with an ex-girlfriend. Woke up to a bloody mess and had to rush myself to the hospital, got about 13 stitches.

Middle of left forearm. This was less then an inch above my previous cut. I was staying at an inpatient hospital. Despite the hospitals best efforts, I broke a disposable Gillette and cut myself again. More stitches.

2 boxer's fractures. I broke both my pinky fingers (5th metacarpal bone) near the knuckle. I was boxing a concrete wall of the inpatient hospital after almost a month sobriety.

Broken ulna on left arm. I have a long vertical scar from surgery requiring a plate and a few screws. I had slammed my arm on a refrigerator.

Zone 2 tendon laceration of pinky on right hand. I was playing with a wet carbon steel knife. I admit I was slightly disassociated during this. This area is notoriously difficult to operate on. Deemed "No Mans Land" by surgeons, my little finger does not 100% straighten or curl anymore.

I'd say in nearly all of these cases I was taking something. Mostly prescription drugs besides the alcohol: Effexor, Ativan, Seroquel, and Dexedrine. I do have some family history of depression and suicide, my sister was also a cutter in the past.

Hopefully this is the end of this list. I've never been suicidal. Although cutting was cathartic

at the beginning, most of these accidents were reactionary or completely accidental.

Making my zine and having a personal project to focus on has been very helpful for my mental health over the past couple of years.

Also been attending a mindfulness group for about 9 months now - helpful in some ways and a bit fluffy in others but generally useful.

Mindfulness is the big buzzword in mental health right now and I can see its benefits

there's variations of a full body-scan muscle relaxation method that's rrrrrrockin in a really chilled, subtle & quietly effective way

the more you do it the easier it becomes, unless you absolutely positively have to batter some cunt

also, don't try & snort lines of Olanzapine unless it's cut w/Quetiapine &/or Haloperidol, pref all 3, proper retardis time-travel alchemy + you get to dribble involuntarily gratis

*marks thread as solved

Sertraline 3 months on has had a profound and powerful psychological effect on every aspect of my life. I'm fit and healthy, I dropped out of my shitty job to focus on becoming a wedding/jazz lounge pianist, I barely even use the internet or watch tv any more, I'm eating 80 percent vegan, 20 percent fish. It fundamentally changed my deep seated mental attitude towards my own ability to succeed in life.

Unexpected beneficial side effects, I like, love and relate to other people with ease, it almost completely removes the negative side effects of musical performance anxiety, and it has made me more fluently generous with money and belongings for some reason.

forgot to mention Lamictal and Propranolol were some of the first prescription-psyche meds I tried along with the Effexor as a teenager. I distinctly remember the 'brain zaps' I would get withdrawing from it. Wonderful substances, probably did miracle work on my developing adolescent brain

  On 12/4/2018 at 3:48 PM, messiaen said:

Sertraline 3 months on has had a profound and powerful psychological effect on every aspect of my life. I'm fit and healthy, I dropped out of my shitty job to focus on becoming a wedding/jazz lounge pianist, I barely even use the internet or watch tv any more, I'm eating 80 percent vegan, 20 percent fish. It fundamentally changed my deep seated mental attitude towards my own ability to succeed in life.

  On 12/4/2018 at 3:50 PM, messiaen said:

Unexpected beneficial side effects, I like, love and relate to other people with ease, it almost completely removes the negative side effects of musical performance anxiety, and it has made me more fluently generous with money and belongings for some reason.

This is great to read. Congrats man, glad everything sounds rosy.

  On 6/5/2018 at 3:24 AM, Sadie said:

Couldn’t find one, so here goes! Warning: talk could become candid and triggering. Proceed at your own risk.

 

Got a mental illness? What’s it like? Are you okay right now? What drugs are you on?

 

I have bipolar disorder and it’s pretty awful. I’ve been hospitalized 11 times for suicidal problems and even though I made it through college my life is sort of a mess in general.

My mother has bipolar disorder, currently well surpressed by pills. Depression is a pretty well known case. Manic phases are pretty ridiculous. Completely out of order, no sleep, she meets Jesus, she is an artist and has an artists name, she's da boss in all pubs, it's a different person (not likable) and really really weird. Last time (which I know of) years ago.

  On 12/4/2018 at 6:36 PM, Obel said:

 

  On 12/4/2018 at 3:48 PM, messiaen said:

Sertraline 3 months on has had a profound and powerful psychological effect on every aspect of my life. I'm fit and healthy, I dropped out of my shitty job to focus on becoming a wedding/jazz lounge pianist, I barely even use the internet or watch tv any more, I'm eating 80 percent vegan, 20 percent fish. It fundamentally changed my deep seated mental attitude towards my own ability to succeed in life.

  On 12/4/2018 at 3:50 PM, messiaen said:

Unexpected beneficial side effects, I like, love and relate to other people with ease, it almost completely removes the negative side effects of musical performance anxiety, and it has made me more fluently generous with money and belongings for some reason.

 

This is great to read. Congrats man, glad everything sounds rosy.

Thanks dude. I don't think I actually realised I was depressed until I wasn't.

Begins at

One of my friends and teammates at work took her life on Wednesday. We have a really close team of about 15 and there was not 1 single person that even had a shred of a clue that she was going through anything, let alone something that dark. It’s such a shock and watching the ripple of devastation run through is horrible. Shit is no joke. Take care of each other and be kind. You never ever know what someone is going through...

mental illness thread wow i have lots of these

  On 4/2/2021 at 8:13 PM, cyanobacteria said:

mental illness thread wow i have lots of these

marxism being #1