live your lives.....

pretty fucking cuntish benebye

BANeboi

banEboi

I've always been suspicious of white vans, and now I downright hate them. Sorry Ward. Also sorry that your thread devolved into a pile of shit.

  ms-dos said:

I had a drug induced suicide attempt just a few weeks ago. Now I can't go a half hour without thinking about how narrowly I escaped death. I constantly walk around Los Angeles with goosebumps and it's delicious.

 

(Took a swan dive from three stories up. I over-rotated and landed on my back. I was walking again in two days!)

That's amazing. Glad to hear that you recovered. How'd you get to that point, if you don't mind my asking?

  ward said:

Well I recieved news on Friday that an old friend had passed away in a 'car accident' and I was quite shocked, but didn't really believe it. Next morning I find out the truth, and I just can't believe it....

 

He had just got a new, good job in London, and he was on his lunch break, walking to the shops or whatever. A white van man had parked his van and forgot to put the handbrake on. The van started rolling to about 40mph, hit a woman in her 30s, who died instantly, and then hit my friend who died in hospital.

 

Can you believe that? 24 years old, lovely bloke, no one could ever say a bad thing about him..

 

My respects go out to the woman's family also, such a shocking way to exit life, out of the blue.

 

I haven't been closed with this lad in a fair few years, but used to spend time with him on a daily basis, he was such a nice guy!

 

bleh

that's pretty awful for everyone involved. i keep thinking about what must be going on mentally now with that driver who forgot to put a parking break on. i'm high right now so that's just where my mind went. i think it's sort of a divine / fate-style way to die though, you know? that no one entered that situation with hate in their hearts, it was just an aligning of planets moment.

  beneboi said:

I guess he never tried looking both ways before crossing the street, eh? I'm sorry but it seems like getting his by a rolling vehicle is probably almost always your own fault.

Jesus christ wtf is wrong with you man... the guy lost his own friend and you are saying its his own fault?! (btw it could have been his fault... but cut the guy some slack he just died!)

  Lascaille said:

That's amazing. Glad to hear that you recovered. How'd you get to that point, if you don't mind my asking?

I took an ungodly amount of mushrooms without a sitter. I had done psychedelics plenty of times before, but nothing prepared me for what happened this time. I suffered extreme depersonalization. My agency shrank away until there was no 'me' in charge of moving my limbs or making me speak. I was being whipped around like a puppet. It was like there were two people inhabiting my body: one that was in charge of moving my limbs and mouth, and one that was conscious of everything that was happening but incapable of intervening to prevent a disaster. I think it was the result of me fighting ego death. I could no longer attribute my actions to my conscious self because I wasn't consciously willing those actions. The cause of my behavior was coming from somewhere outside of myself, which was totally mysterious. It was like watching myself in a movie, where the script had already been written and it was physically impossible to improvise. For about an hour, I understood (in a very profound and immediate way, not intellectually) the subjective implications of determinism. I was simply the result of countless antecedent causes in the universe, and there was no room for free will in my explanation of what was happening.

Something inside of me decided to run into the middle of the street and stop three lanes of traffic. Something caused me to strip off my clothes and mutilate my genitals. And when I didn't feel pain from these things (mushrooms, as you may know, are an incredible anesthetic), I concluded that it all had to be a dream. That would explain why I wasn't in control of my actions. It would also explain a bunch of other hallucinatory phenomena (e.g., extreme time dilation, a hugely warped concept of distance) that I couldn't integrate with what I knew to be true. Yet, everything seemed far too real (although indeed tinged by the drugs) to be entirely the product of my imagination. I couldn't make sense of what was happening. Right before I flung myself off my balcony, I settled on the thought that I was immortal -- frozen in the eternal present, godlike. I barely had a concept of the past. I couldn't see the future. All I had was this moment, which had become darker and more psychologically tortuous than anything I'd ever imagined. My ability to think began to wane like my sense of agency. The things that I was able to conjure in my mind grew fewer and fewer until I was reduced to a baby-like state devoid of language. Without consciously willing myself to do so, I jumped off the balcony and landed flat on my back. I didn't feel the breaking pain like I was supposed to, just an eerie sensation of pressure that ran from my neck to my lower back. I got up and stumbled around the city looking for a familiar face, leaking blood everywhere I went.

Eventually the mushrooms started to wear off and my body went into shock. That's when the police and paramedics converged on me and lifted me into the ambulance.

  ms-dos said:

  Lascaille said:

That's amazing. Glad to hear that you recovered. How'd you get to that point, if you don't mind my asking?

 

I took an ungodly amount of mushrooms without a sitter. I had done psychedelics plenty of times before, but nothing prepared me for what happened this time. I suffered extreme depersonalization. My agency shrank away until there was no 'me' in charge of moving my limbs or making me speak. I was being whipped around like a puppet. It was like there were two people inhabiting my body: one that was in charge of moving my limbs and mouth, and one that was conscious of everything that was happening but incapable of intervening to prevent a disaster. I think it was the result of me fighting ego death. I could no longer attribute my actions to my conscious self because I wasn't consciously willing those actions. The cause of my behavior was coming from somewhere outside of myself, which was totally mysterious. It was like watching myself in a movie, where the script had already been written and it was physically impossible to improvise. For about an hour, I understood (in a very profound and immediate way, not intellectually) the subjective implications of determinism. I was simply the result of countless antecedent causes in the universe, and there was no room for free will in my explanation of what was happening.

 

Something inside of me decided to run into the middle of the street and stop three lanes of traffic. Something caused me to strip off my clothes and mutilate my genitals. And when I didn't feel pain from these things (mushrooms, as you may know, are an incredible anesthetic), I concluded that it all had to be a dream. That would explain why I wasn't in control of my actions. It would also explain a bunch of other hallucinatory phenomena (e.g., extreme time dilation, a hugely warped concept of distance) that I couldn't integrate with what I knew to be true. Yet, everything seemed far too real (although indeed tinged by the drugs) to be entirely the product of my imagination. I couldn't make sense of what was happening. Right before I flung myself off my balcony, I settled on the thought that I was immortal -- frozen in the eternal present, godlike. I barely had a concept of the past. I couldn't see the future. All I had was this moment, which had become darker and more psychologically tortuous than anything I'd ever imagined. My ability to think began to wane like my sense of agency. The things that I was able to conjure in my mind grew fewer and fewer until I was reduced to a baby-like state devoid of language. Without consciously willing myself to do so, I jumped off the balcony and landed flat on my back. I didn't feel the breaking pain like I was supposed to, just an eerie sensation of pressure that ran from my neck to my lower back. I got up and stumbled around the city looking for a familiar face, leaking blood everywhere I went.

 

Eventually the mushrooms started to wear off and my body went into shock. That's when the police and paramedics converged on me and lifted me into the ambulance.

Holy fucking Christ.

:omg:

  ms-dos said:

mutilate my genitals

Which is exactly why I won't do hallucinogens until I'm 35+/too old to care.

  dr lopez said:

  ms-dos said:

mutilate my genitals

pics? :undecided:

Frightening story dos, I'm speechless.

  ms-dos said:

  Lascaille said:

That's amazing. Glad to hear that you recovered. How'd you get to that point, if you don't mind my asking?

 

I took an ungodly amount of mushrooms without a sitter. I had done psychedelics plenty of times before, but nothing prepared me for what happened this time. I suffered extreme depersonalization. My agency shrank away until there was no 'me' in charge of moving my limbs or making me speak. I was being whipped around like a puppet. It was like there were two people inhabiting my body: one that was in charge of moving my limbs and mouth, and one that was conscious of everything that was happening but incapable of intervening to prevent a disaster. I think it was the result of me fighting ego death. I could no longer attribute my actions to my conscious self because I wasn't consciously willing those actions. The cause of my behavior was coming from somewhere outside of myself, which was totally mysterious. It was like watching myself in a movie, where the script had already been written and it was physically impossible to improvise. For about an hour, I understood (in a very profound and immediate way, not intellectually) the subjective implications of determinism. I was simply the result of countless antecedent causes in the universe, and there was no room for free will in my explanation of what was happening.

 

Something inside of me decided to run into the middle of the street and stop three lanes of traffic. Something caused me to strip off my clothes and mutilate my genitals. And when I didn't feel pain from these things (mushrooms, as you may know, are an incredible anesthetic), I concluded that it all had to be a dream. That would explain why I wasn't in control of my actions. It would also explain a bunch of other hallucinatory phenomena (e.g., extreme time dilation, a hugely warped concept of distance) that I couldn't integrate with what I knew to be true. Yet, everything seemed far too real (although indeed tinged by the drugs) to be entirely the product of my imagination. I couldn't make sense of what was happening. Right before I flung myself off my balcony, I settled on the thought that I was immortal -- frozen in the eternal present, godlike. I barely had a concept of the past. I couldn't see the future. All I had was this moment, which had become darker and more psychologically tortuous than anything I'd ever imagined. My ability to think began to wane like my sense of agency. The things that I was able to conjure in my mind grew fewer and fewer until I was reduced to a baby-like state devoid of language. Without consciously willing myself to do so, I jumped off the balcony and landed flat on my back. I didn't feel the breaking pain like I was supposed to, just an eerie sensation of pressure that ran from my neck to my lower back. I got up and stumbled around the city looking for a familiar face, leaking blood everywhere I went.

 

Eventually the mushrooms started to wear off and my body went into shock. That's when the police and paramedics converged on me and lifted me into the ambulance.

Reminds me of a friend. Both of us are quite experienced mushroom men but one night we made the mistake of watching Frailty and he lost it, thought he had died some how and went on a mad quest to find out how he died and where the fuck his body ended up.

He went home eventually, stripped naked (actually ripped all his cloths to shreds) trying to find the wounds on his body. Then he tried to call his house, got a busy signal and was convinced he was trapped in the matrix so he threw the phone at his big screen tv and shattered it. Night ended with him getting a spinal tap, twice! The doctors left his bag of weed in his pocket though, figured he might need it the next day.

He has had several cases involving fungi where he thought he was dead and became depersonalized. Thing with mushrooms is potency can shift wildly from one fruit to the next. His worst experience was with 1 gram, compared to numerous 8-10 gram ones with no issue. He has since overcome that bit of psychological fraying and doesn't go down that road on a trip anymore.

edit: how many grams did you eat?

That's not the usual shrooms experience? oh my

beneboi would have totally flamed you over that story

Psychedelics aren't anything to take lightly, but I don't think everyone needs to avoid them. I was dumb. I took the biggest dose of my life and I did them alone. My twenty previous trips were mostly wonderful.

Genitals are doing okay, guys. I have a little scarring on my shaft and my balls were bruised for about a week, but I was able to have a life-affirming wank just two weeks after the incident.

  ms-dos said:

Genitals are doing okay, guys. I have a little scarring on my shaft and my balls were bruised for about a week, but I was able to have a life-affirming wank just two weeks after the incident.

Phew.

  Drahken said:

He has had several cases involving fungi where he thought he was dead and became depersonalized. Thing with mushrooms is potency can shift wildly from one fruit to the next. His worst experience was with 1 gram, compared to numerous 8-10 gram ones with no issue. He has since overcome that bit of psychological fraying and doesn't go down that road on a trip anymore.

 

edit: how many grams did you eat?

~7 grams. And it was only the second time I had tripped since going off SSRIs, which were probably mitigating the effects of my tryptamines and phenethylamines over the last seven years.

I don't want to say goodbye to psychedelics, but my brain probably won't allow me to make peace with them for quite some time. I'm terrified of the thought. The nightmares and sleeping problems are becoming a problem now, but I don't trust myself with an ambien prescription!

Oh yeah, and before I went insane I decided that nobody can touch Autechre, and that most of the tracks on EP7 are a deep, metallic blue.

The synesthesia was almost overwhelming this time. Totally beautiful. Colors paired with sounds. Sound became a sculpture that I could hold in time and thoroughly look over with my mind's eye from lots of different perspectives. But then, as if someone threw a switch, the trip became almost entirely psychological. I've never experienced anything like it.

Man, I think I remember reading about this in the paper. Small world.

Sorry to hear about your friend, it was an awful way to check out.

Like I said, potency varies greatly! Aborhts (the tiny tiny under an inch size mushrooms that don't fully mature) can have the same active compound levels as a full size fruit. In my days as a farmer I always pulled those out and kept them aside.

  Drahken said:

Like I said, potency varies greatly! Aborhts (the tiny tiny under an inch size mushrooms that don't fully mature) can have the same active compound levels as a full size fruit. In my days as a farmer I always pulled those out and kept them aside.

That's absolutely true. And until now, all of the uncertainty about the dose and strength was exciting for me. You didn't really know how far you were going to go, even if you had already tried some from the same harvest. It was like opening a pack of very special baseball cards that could kill you.

fucking jesus, im glad to hear you made it dude. sounds heavy

Fuck you beneboi, you're a stupid cunt.

Oh and now you're banned. Good.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend ward, I've lost two friends in the last 2 weeks also, in similar tragic accidents, and it's a horrible experience.

sorry about your friend Ward....

I apologize on behalf of Texas for the way that shit-head, who is no longer here! was acting.....

I am glad to be living my life....