live your lives.....

i feel bad that ward's thread has turned into a discussion of the effects of psychedelic mushrooms

  ms-dos said:

  Lascaille said:

That's amazing. Glad to hear that you recovered. How'd you get to that point, if you don't mind my asking?

 

I took an ungodly amount of mushrooms without a sitter. I had done psychedelics plenty of times before, but nothing prepared me for what happened this time. I suffered extreme depersonalization. My agency shrank away until there was no 'me' in charge of moving my limbs or making me speak. I was being whipped around like a puppet. It was like there were two people inhabiting my body: one that was in charge of moving my limbs and mouth, and one that was conscious of everything that was happening but incapable of intervening to prevent a disaster. I think it was the result of me fighting ego death. I could no longer attribute my actions to my conscious self because I wasn't consciously willing those actions. The cause of my behavior was coming from somewhere outside of myself, which was totally mysterious. It was like watching myself in a movie, where the script had already been written and it was physically impossible to improvise. For about an hour, I understood (in a very profound and immediate way, not intellectually) the subjective implications of determinism. I was simply the result of countless antecedent causes in the universe, and there was no room for free will in my explanation of what was happening.

 

Something inside of me decided to run into the middle of the street and stop three lanes of traffic. Something caused me to strip off my clothes and mutilate my genitals. And when I didn't feel pain from these things (mushrooms, as you may know, are an incredible anesthetic), I concluded that it all had to be a dream. That would explain why I wasn't in control of my actions. It would also explain a bunch of other hallucinatory phenomena (e.g., extreme time dilation, a hugely warped concept of distance) that I couldn't integrate with what I knew to be true. Yet, everything seemed far too real (although indeed tinged by the drugs) to be entirely the product of my imagination. I couldn't make sense of what was happening. Right before I flung myself off my balcony, I settled on the thought that I was immortal -- frozen in the eternal present, godlike. I barely had a concept of the past. I couldn't see the future. All I had was this moment, which had become darker and more psychologically tortuous than anything I'd ever imagined. My ability to think began to wane like my sense of agency. The things that I was able to conjure in my mind grew fewer and fewer until I was reduced to a baby-like state devoid of language. Without consciously willing myself to do so, I jumped off the balcony and landed flat on my back. I didn't feel the breaking pain like I was supposed to, just an eerie sensation of pressure that ran from my neck to my lower back. I got up and stumbled around the city looking for a familiar face, leaking blood everywhere I went.

 

Eventually the mushrooms started to wear off and my body went into shock. That's when the police and paramedics converged on me and lifted me into the ambulance.

WTF

i've never done pychedelics cause i'm afraid to lose control of myself and get myself into something as fucked as your story

some people are not meant to do them....

I am....

never gotten myself into trouble and have had some amazing experiences....

someone make a new thread if we are going to talk about bad tripping....

  LOL Alzado said:

i feel bad that ward's thread has turned into a discussion of the effects of psychedelic mushrooms

yeah. sorry for hijacking the thread. but to keep things relevant: life is a pretty good thing and sometimes drugs are too.

also, this thread has made me an even more paranoid pedestrian. it makes me want to roll around town in one of those big, metal hamster balls from american gladiators.

  ms-dos said:

  Drahken said:

Like I said, potency varies greatly! Aborhts (the tiny tiny under an inch size mushrooms that don't fully mature) can have the same active compound levels as a full size fruit. In my days as a farmer I always pulled those out and kept them aside.

 

That's absolutely true. And until now, all of the uncertainty about the dose and strength was exciting for me. You didn't really know how far you were going to go, even if you had already tried some from the same harvest. It was like opening a pack of very special baseball cards that could kill you.

Very well put hah!

  abusivegeorge said:

Fuck you beneboi, you're a stupid cunt.

 

Oh and now you're banned. Good.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your friend ward, I've lost two friends in the last 2 weeks also, in similar tragic accidents, and it's a horrible experience.

;s shit, sorry dude...hope you're dealing with it well, i'm glad i have good friends around

ms-dos, nice story.. (well i mean good read) i've done shrooms a few times but never so intensely, but i could imagine how everything felt...

thanks to all other comments, but my thoughts go out to all his close friends and family, couldn't imagine what i'd be like if i had just lost a close friend, someone you spend every day in the present with...

  ward said:

Well I recieved news on Friday that an old friend had passed away in a 'car accident' and I was quite shocked, but didn't really believe it. Next morning I find out the truth, and I just can't believe it....

 

He had just got a new, good job in London, and he was on his lunch break, walking to the shops or whatever. A white van man had parked his van and forgot to put the handbrake on. The van started rolling to about 40mph, hit a woman in her 30s, who died instantly, and then hit my friend who died in hospital.

 

Can you believe that? 24 years old, lovely bloke, no one could ever say a bad thing about him..

 

My respects go out to the woman's family also, such a shocking way to exit life, out of the blue.

 

I haven't been closed with this lad in a fair few years, but used to spend time with him on a daily basis, he was such a nice guy!

 

bleh

Last year a friend of a friend was killed by a hit and run. They found the murderers about almost month after. The fuckers were trying to repaint their car. The dude was in his mid 20s. His parents were devastated. It's pretty freaky to think that every now and then someone is just killed out of the blue like that.

I did have a similar urge as beneboi's. I wondered to myself "couldn't he see the speeding car coming? Why didn't he get out of the way?" But I think what beneboi forgot is that sometimes people are just a little spaced out, or sometimes people don't know how to react and freeze, or just that people in general don't have crazy ninja abilities like they do in the movies.

One time I mistook an ambulance for dub sirens in the Prince Jammy track I was listening to. I walked right across the street unaware, forcing the emergency crew to slow to a stop.

Headphones can be a little dangerous in the city.

How could this van have created the momentum to run people over and kill them with no driver. Only vehicle ever to do that was Christine.

silent killer

horrible dude. sorry for your loss.

horrible for everybody involved. fucking handbrake.

somebody post that video of the cop making that mistake on youtube.

LUCK

wow ward thats really shit... sorry man

ps: thanks for the mushroom story (whoever posted it) .... i just came home and ate a handfull before logging in

sorry ward ):

sorry dos ): though i'm very glad you're still here . . i found a similar state of mind a few months ago and ended up leaving my house and girlfriend on my bike. turned out to be really good for me. i hope something comes out of it for you.

sorry ward. strange how life can take a complete turn like that.

and ms-dos, i had a very similar experience with a load of shrooms as well. managed to get by relatively unscathed, but realized that it could have gone far worse (stopping traffic and being out of control mentally). finally the cops picked me up and spent the rest of the trip in the tank. i was very lucky and learnt a valuable lesson, no insane amount of shrooms in a strange place without a sitter and i can't really chalk it up as a bad trip either. mushrooms seem to be slightly unpredictable when compared to acid, that has more "lucidity", imo.

glad you're ok.

wow, dare i say epic thread...

sorry about your friend, ward, thanks for sharing a tough story.

bye, beneboi, you did come off as a cunt often enough, but i'm sorry to see anyone go.

ms-dos, i loled at "life-affirming wank" and wonder why almost all "bad" mushroom trips involve stripping of clothes...i have friends who have done similar things.

I've never had a bad trip myself, but hearing what you went through is enough to reinforce my rule of not taking large doses of anything...

how about you imagine you are walking down a hill with your earphones in on the pavement and all of sudden you have a tonne and a half van hitting you at 40 miles an hour from behind. is that your fault?

there was this dude who was joking around with some friends online when *whoomp* - he got slammed by a ban. What a horrific sight, had to turn away...

we arent supposed to be living around these giant machines called vehicles

we are supposed to be living among the trees in perfect balance with nature

by sucking minerals out of the earth, throwing them into factories and getting vans and cars and trucks, we are going against what nature initially intended. in fact, nature gave us the choice to destroy itself, and we are going down the path that has chosen to destroy itself, which we inevitably will do, and so its no wonder nature seems to be coming down on us so ever powerfully. it created us, and if it needs to, it will take us out of the picture. its as simple as that