I farted on a kid at best buy

  IRARI said:

Fred how many people total have you ever farted on

Oh shit, we'll be here for hours.

A+ thread. Will read again.

buying groceries today, there was a kid (like 10 years old) in front of me, buying normal groceries (sort of, lots of burger buns and chocolate). i thought he was just helping his dad in front, so when i saw the next costumer thing go down, i started putting my groceries on. the kid stared at me and pushed a bag of burger buns at my coffee. i retreated. then when he stepped forward to pay i said "i didn't realise the kid was on his own" aloud (i was very sleepy), he heard and looked a bit sad, the woman behind me muttered "maybe he isn't actually a child", i said he had kids clothes, then she pointed out his pirate bag and agreed that he was a kid. but anyway, he was happy when he got extra stickers when he asked for them

ugh

  tauboo said:

buying groceries today, there was a kid (like 10 years old) in front of me, buying normal groceries (sort of, lots of burger buns and chocolate). i thought he was just helping his dad in front, so when i saw the next costumer thing go down, i started putting my groceries on. the kid stared at me and pushed a bag of burger buns at my coffee. i retreated. then when he stepped forward to pay i said "i didn't realise the kid was on his own" aloud (i was very sleepy), he heard and looked a bit sad, the woman behind me muttered "maybe he isn't actually a child", i said he had kids clothes, then she pointed out his pirate bag and agreed that he was a kid. but anyway, he was happy when he got extra stickers when he asked for them

 

ugh

Wat da fauk

Weve got a serious issue to address here; (yeah thats right semi colon)

did it make a fart sound?

  Etch said:

  Babar said:

  dese manz hatin said:

joyrex on a posting spree

 

errr. That's a mcgriff thread. But i understand mistake ; everyone is wearing sligthly different versions of this ET/frog/lizard monster as avatar. That's really confusing, and i'm against it

 

Did you just whine?

  The Pod said:

  tauboo said:

buying groceries today, there was a kid (like 10 years old) in front of me, buying normal groceries (sort of, lots of burger buns and chocolate). i thought he was just helping his dad in front, so when i saw the next costumer thing go down, i started putting my groceries on. the kid stared at me and pushed a bag of burger buns at my coffee. i retreated. then when he stepped forward to pay i said "i didn't realise the kid was on his own" aloud (i was very sleepy), he heard and looked a bit sad, the woman behind me muttered "maybe he isn't actually a child", i said he had kids clothes, then she pointed out his pirate bag and agreed that he was a kid. but anyway, he was happy when he got extra stickers when he asked for them

 

ugh

 

Wat da fauk

forget i said anything

i should have farted.

edit: actually i shouldn't have cause this kid was buying stuff himself, and being quite reasonable

  Coalbucket PI said:

Weve got a serious issue to address here; (yeah thats right semi colon)

 

did it make a fart sound?

YES - I would love to know that you farted just like that Japanese girl I posted a video of in the other thread - long, loud, and shocking. And his mother retched at the smell/sound of it.

Please make it so!

I think it would be best if it was one of those ones that made a sort of sighing sound that you wouldnt think too much about until you smelled it and put 2 and 2 together

usually the smelly ones are silent, just sayin'

it was a PFFFFFFFFFT sound. I gassed him.

Also I just shat out my cheesesteak like 2 mins ago. If my laptop was working I'd be out on my balcony now. keeeeripes!

was it a compound fart? were there distinct movements, like a symphony?

no it was just an air release. no symphony.. more like drone. almost positive the kid was close enough to hear it though.

Ace thread, Fred!

I think this is in order:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSZJJc3T1RQ

(I don't know how to put the video in the post though)

  gaarg said:

Ace thread, Fred!

 

I think this is in order:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSZJJc3T1RQ

 

(I don't know how to put the video in the post though)

Like this:

(youtube)QSZJJc3T1RQ(/youtube), but using [ ] instead of ( ).

Or those Leslie Nielsen farts...

OH MY LOL, I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE

fooling has taken place in this thread...

*looks for mushroom*

:sick: derf ssorg saw taht :tide

  Braintree said:

  gaarg said:

Ace thread, Fred!

 

I think this is in order:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSZJJc3T1RQ

 

(I don't know how to put the video in the post though)

 

Like this:

 

(youtube)QSZJJc3T1RQ(/youtube), but using [ ] instead of ( ).

 

thanks, dude!

couple of weeks ago some strutting dickwad barged past me as i was walking down the street. little did he know that he was heading for a shit cloud i had dropped 5 metres back. pwn.

if you're like me you're afraid to fart for fear of shitting your pants

if so, go down to eddie's trick shop and get you some liquid ass:

I love farting in public places like malls and shops, and knowing people behind me are walking through my ass air.

  tauboo said:

  The Pod said:

  tauboo said:

buying groceries today, there was a kid (like 10 years old) in front of me, buying normal groceries (sort of, lots of burger buns and chocolate). i thought he was just helping his dad in front, so when i saw the next costumer thing go down, i started putting my groceries on. the kid stared at me and pushed a bag of burger buns at my coffee. i retreated. then when he stepped forward to pay i said "i didn't realise the kid was on his own" aloud (i was very sleepy), he heard and looked a bit sad, the woman behind me muttered "maybe he isn't actually a child", i said he had kids clothes, then she pointed out his pirate bag and agreed that he was a kid. but anyway, he was happy when he got extra stickers when he asked for them

 

ugh

 

Wat da fauk

forget i said anything

 

i should have farted.

 

edit: actually i shouldn't have cause this kid was buying stuff himself, and being quite reasonable

you obviously should have made a sexual advance towards this child

Fred was a tissue needed? Did we have residua? (A precatuionary dab with a scrunched tissue would surely have resulted in your immediate arrest)

Also to achieve the 'pffft' effect, did you lift and separate subtly with one hand or do you have no butcheeks?

Edit - Or was this a fabled 'Steamer'

put one foot-forward and ease it out without too much pressure.

Yes, you have to be very careful with the pressure you apply - too much, and you WILL turn heads with that racket