I farted on a kid at best buy

your so ghey. fred mcgriff. you, are so gay loL

I used to work at a museum as a security guard. I'd go into work hung over as fuck, and be stationed at some remote gallery, busting ass. On several occasssions visitors would enter the gallery, get a whiff and quickly leave. I remember this happening in an Islamic art section once, and the Impressionist galleries another time.

  takeshi said:

I've been there before. I always do something stupid like eat a big bowl of chili before a date.

Anyone ever had a female fart on you while you're sexing her doggystyle? I had this happen to me and the female turned around and looked at me with a "what just happened?" expression on her face. Needless to say that ended sex for the night because I was afraid of getting blasted again.

solution: insert finger in anus

  lumpenprol said:

  takeshi said:

I've been there before. I always do something stupid like eat a big bowl of chili before a date.

Anyone ever had a female fart on you while you're sexing her doggystyle? I had this happen to me and the female turned around and looked at me with a "what just happened?" expression on her face. Needless to say that ended sex for the night because I was afraid of getting blasted again.

 

solution: insert fist in anus

fixt

  tauboo said:

i take it you you were certain it was a bum fart takeshi?

I assumed so. It's possible it was queef.

  lumpenprol said:

  takeshi said:

I've been there before. I always do something stupid like eat a big bowl of chili before a date.

Anyone ever had a female fart on you while you're sexing her doggystyle? I had this happen to me and the female turned around and looked at me with a "what just happened?" expression on her face. Needless to say that ended sex for the night because I was afraid of getting blasted again.

 

solution: insert finger in anus

Well I know that now but I was young and inexperienced at the time.

  IRARI said:

  Fred McGriff said:

  IRARI said:

  kakapo said:

I saw a man wash his penis (uncircumsied) in the public basin today. He then dried it in a Dyson Airblade. I didn't stare him down.

 

sometimes fathers bring their little girls into the men's room

that happened one time when i was at steak-n-shake... [athf]

don't pull your penis out unless you really need to[/athf] imo

 

the last time i had steak n shake i had to roll down the window on the way home and projectile vomit. that was 10 years ago.

 

that's all well and good but i like steak-n-shake because they give you the option of ordering a red bull as your drink

classy

I'm so proud of my daughter, she's only 4 and a half and this morning she counted down to her fart.

About 10 years ago I was walking on a fairly wide sidewalk behind a women's university. It was fairly empty which was odd (it was in Seoul after all). About 70-100 meters behind me there were two (presumably) university students. I let loose a daisy chain (short quick farts on consecutive steps) for about 4 or 5 steps and continued walking. After about 20 seconds the two students walked through that area and I heard a loud "OH" of disgust. One of the happiest memories of my early days in Seoul.

do you guys find farts and poop this hilarious cause you all have kids?

high horse alert!!

THere's nothing funny about it. This is serious biznizz

  Fred McGriff said:

high horse alert!!

wait no i forget your MO sometimes and it's not high horsey

i thought you were referring to my comment, but it was a genuine serious question albeit high horsey

I don't find poop particularly funny.

BUt a good fart anecdote once in a while...

Like my ex-wife, once we were having dinner at my mom and step-dad's place. They're very "proper", so dinner is very quiet. In the middle of a deafening silence, my ex lets out a very short but very audible high pitched "PARP". Her face turned bright red, and I had to excuse myself to go laugh for about 5 minutes.

  chenGOD said:

I don't find poop particularly funny.

BUt a good fart anecdote once in a while...

 

Like my ex-wife, once we were having dinner at my mom and step-dad's place. They're very "proper", so dinner is very quiet. In the middle of a deafening silence, my ex lets out a very short but very audible high pitched "PARP". Her face turned bright red, and I had to excuse myself to go laugh for about 5 minutes.

you might have made it look like it was you

I used to always take the heat when my mom farted in mixed company (she farts a lot)

  tauboo said:

  chenGOD said:

I don't find poop particularly funny.

BUt a good fart anecdote once in a while...

 

Like my ex-wife, once we were having dinner at my mom and step-dad's place. They're very "proper", so dinner is very quiet. In the middle of a deafening silence, my ex lets out a very short but very audible high pitched "PARP". Her face turned bright red, and I had to excuse myself to go laugh for about 5 minutes.

you might have made it look like it was you

How very antiquated of you.

i'd take the heat for anyone. it's the right thing to do. after a fart, everyone should be claiming it imo

It reminds me: when I watch TV and release a juicy fart, I absolutely have to tilt my head above my legs so I can smell the result, as that gas rises to the sky. I mainly do it for the curiosity and the pride of the act.

only when you're watching TV?

The way I sit down on my couch is preferable for smelling my own farts, rather than in upright position. It also works on my office chair, but I am less likely to fart while browsing WATMM.

*jots it down*

  Fred McGriff said:

i'd take the heat for anyone. it's the right thing to do. after a fart, everyone should be claiming it imo

Women's rights. They have a right to be proud of their gas as anyone. I dream of a world where one day there will be no discrimination between a black man's and a white man's fart.

good work, fred. sometimes i have to fart on my technicians. i'll rip a fat stanky and yell at them "CATCH ME A SNAKE, BITCHES!"

i nearly shat on myself the other day though...