I farted on a kid at best buy

what about the security cameras? i'd hate to have to explain to my loved ones why i'm on tape farting in a kid's face

If he was subtle about it, the camera wouldn't have shown Fred doing nothing other than turning around when they ran away in horror. Unless, it was a camera like this:

wow that's quite the blast

I've been in a apartment house where the bathrooms are shared (like there are several bathroom/shower stalls in this large hall), and I was just takin a piss when suddenly someone walked in very quickly, sat down on the toilet next to mine, and just let all hell break loose into the toilet, I mean at least 30 full seconds of continuous diarrhea...I found out it was a woman when she started moaning very loudly several times. I was almost in the Joyrex situation of suddenly bursting out laughing, but I contained it until she left. I caught her walking down the hall, it was this ho Japanese chick.

  Salvatorin said:

it was this ho Japanese chick.

ho or hot?

hot, sexy, and smelling of not-fully digested intestinal contents

  Salvatorin said:

hot, sexy, and smelling of not-fully digested intestinal contents

we also would have accepted ho

Fucking lol at this thread.

am i allowed to have that alien avatar?

We are all one here capsaicin, avatar away.

I farted on an entire family once. I was riding my bike at the beach and they had fanned out across both bike lanes, blocking my path through. Even if they didn't speak english (they were a latin family), they could clearly see the bike symbols painted on the path. Once I got around them I stood up on my pedals and zigzagged across the path, cropdusting those fools. And my stomach was FOUL that day.

I'd really like to get together with a couple of people, eat some some really hard to digest food, go to one of those horrible trendy clubs where no one's actually having a good time and let loose a gas attack. WATMM Passive-Aggressive Fart Club anyone?

  maantecaaa!!! said:

Fart Club

you live the life i can only dream of mcgriff

  maantecaaa!!! said:

I farted on an entire family once. I was riding my bike at the beach and they had fanned out across both bike lanes, blocking my path through. Even if they didn't speak english (they were a latin family), they could clearly see the bike symbols painted on the path. Once I got around them I stood up on my pedals and zigzagged across the path, cropdusting those fools. And my stomach was FOUL that day.

 

I'd really like to get together with a couple of people, eat some some really hard to digest food, go to one of those horrible trendy clubs where no one's actually having a good time and let loose a gas attack. WATMM Passive-Aggressive Fart Club anyone?

oh snap, ive done this. shitty club, terrible music - its time to get on down and fart on the dancefloor. parp and move on. the best is watching someone from afar doing the whole 'im dancing your way if youre dancing my way' shit but then attempting to express 'what is this terrible smell, it certainly wasnt me' through the medium of dance-orientated body language alone.

  Fred McGriff said:

Yeah that's right. I was in the checkout line at best buy, purchasing "Gran Torino" and "Funny Farm" on DVD for my dad for father's day, waiting while some crusty old biddy was dictating her address to the 13 year old mexican checkout girl to join the rapid rewards membership or whatever. a kid and his mom are behind me arguing over a pack of sugarless gum. shut the fuck up kid, your mom doesnt want to buy you the gum. the kid wants the gum so baaaad though and because it's sugarless he should have it. you know what i did? I farted on the kid. farted on him and his mom. smelled like shit. their conversation came to an immediate hault and they retreated over to the next checkout line. as I was checking out I looked across the register and saw the kid there in the other line and i stared him down till he looked away. I wonder if that was something totally new for him, farting and not being ashamed of it. farting on a stranger and then following up with a stare down. and then i walked out with my head high.

 

edit: less paedo

I hate to be a downer but my opinion is that your ass has to be touching someone in order to fart "on" them.

I know this because I fart on my girlfriend all the time.

  maantecaaa!!! said:

I farted on an entire family once. I was riding my bike at the beach and they had fanned out across both bike lanes, blocking my path through. Even if they didn't speak english (they were a latin family), they could clearly see the bike symbols painted on the path. Once I got around them I stood up on my pedals and zigzagged across the path, cropdusting those fools. And my stomach was FOUL that day.

maantecaaa!!!

that's fuckin' awesome! i love doin' shit then stare people down... i do it all the time at work!

  IRARI said:

you know how if you don't cum for a certain time, you cum harder when you finally do let rip?

i wish farts were that way, like you could not fart for a while and then all of a sudden kaboom

farts are this way. during an all-night fooling around session with this girl, i had lots of gas, must have held in 20 big farts, then when she finally falls asleep i sneak to the bathroom and let out one 30 second continuous fart

looking back i am lucky one didn't slip

  scones to die for said:

  maantecaaa!!! said:

I farted on an entire family once. I was riding my bike at the beach and they had fanned out across both bike lanes, blocking my path through. Even if they didn't speak english (they were a latin family), they could clearly see the bike symbols painted on the path. Once I got around them I stood up on my pedals and zigzagged across the path, cropdusting those fools. And my stomach was FOUL that day.

maantecaaa!!!

braaap!!!

  jefferoo said:

  Fred McGriff said:

Yeah that's right. I was in the checkout line at best buy, purchasing "Gran Torino" and "Funny Farm" on DVD for my dad for father's day, waiting while some crusty old biddy was dictating her address to the 13 year old mexican checkout girl to join the rapid rewards membership or whatever. a kid and his mom are behind me arguing over a pack of sugarless gum. shut the fuck up kid, your mom doesnt want to buy you the gum. the kid wants the gum so baaaad though and because it's sugarless he should have it. you know what i did? I farted on the kid. farted on him and his mom. smelled like shit. their conversation came to an immediate hault and they retreated over to the next checkout line. as I was checking out I looked across the register and saw the kid there in the other line and i stared him down till he looked away. I wonder if that was something totally new for him, farting and not being ashamed of it. farting on a stranger and then following up with a stare down. and then i walked out with my head high.

 

edit: less paedo

 

I hate to be a downer but my opinion is that your ass has to be touching someone in order to fart "on" them.

I know this because I fart on my girlfriend all the time.

i fart in your general direction!

when you're in bed talkin' with your girl, cut loose in the sheets then pull them over your girl's head!

I wanna fart in publico now.

  jefferoo said:

I hate to be a downer but my opinion is that your ass has to be touching someone in order to fart "on" them.

I know this because I fart on my girlfriend all the time.

:omg:

  Charles Nelson Reilly said:

farts are this way. during an all-night fooling around session with this girl, i had lots of gas, must have held in 20 big farts, then when she finally falls asleep i sneak to the bathroom and let out one 30 second continuous fart

 

looking back i am lucky one didn't slip

I've been there before. I always do something stupid like eat a big bowl of chili before a date.

Anyone ever had a female fart on you while you're sexing her doggystyle? I had this happen to me and the female turned around and looked at me with a "what just happened?" expression on her face. Needless to say that ended sex for the night because I was afraid of getting blasted again.

i take it you you were certain it was a bum fart takeshi?