need witty fortune cookie fortunes

my friend is opening a pan-asian restaurant and we need some original fortune cookie lines, any ideas?

"The bathroom is that way --->"

HELP I'M BEING HELD PRISONER IN A CHINESE BAKERY

i had one once that said "pick another fortune cookie"

THAT WASN'T A FORTUNE COOKIE

I'm watching you

you will meet a blonde midget stranger

This cookie sponsored by rent-o-kill

Enjoy this meal it may be your last

Make my dough punk

Hiya!

Pan-Asian tonight hey? What, couldn't handle another burrito?

Hows my driving? 1-800-555-5555

Chef wanted. [insert restaurant name here].

what're you looking at? tough guy are ya?

Your destiny is to marry a fortune cookie fortune writer named Bill

Confucius say: 14" sweatpants boner- pretty ok.

  On 9/9/2009 at 6:33 PM, Calx Sherbet said:

HELP I'M BEING HELD PRISONER IN A CHINESE BAKERY

 

 

lol i like this one a lot

p.s. fuck you

don't look now but i think that guy is checking you out

meh

  On 9/9/2009 at 6:48 PM, Benedict Cumberbatch said:

I'm watching you

 

 

you will meet a blonde midget stranger

 

 

 

This cookie sponsored by rent-o-kill

 

 

 

Enjoy this meal it may be your last

 

 

 

Make my dough punk

 

 

 

Hiya!

 

 

 

 

Pan-Asian tonight hey? What, couldn't handle another burrito?

 

 

 

Hows my driving? 1-800-555-5555

 

 

 

 

 

Chef wanted. [insert restaurant name here].

 

 

 

 

 

what're you looking at? tough guy are ya?

 

 

 

 

Your destiny is to marry a fortune cookie fortune writer named Bill

these ones sound like the things written on taco bell hot sauce packets. some decent ones in there.

"You are about to be banned from a forum on teh internets."

witty? oh sorry.

god i used to be so creative. i cant believe i cant come up with a damn thing. my brain is all gordoed up these days

have you considered you may be a homosexual?

have you considered you may be a hetrosexual?

in a pastlife you were ugly too

Note to self: get more paper for inner monolo

Note To Bill Self. Bill me later.

Sorry chief, fortunes are for Lifetime Members.

  On 9/9/2009 at 7:04 PM, Adjective said:

Note to self: get more paper for inner monolo

this is some really progressive thinking

  On 9/9/2009 at 6:27 PM, Fred McGriff said:

my friend is opening a pan-asian restaurant and we need some original fortune cookie lines, any ideas?

Once you pop, you can't stop.

  On 9/9/2009 at 6:27 PM, Fred McGriff said:

my friend is opening a pan-asian restaurant and we need some original fortune cookie lines, any ideas?

"Tomorrow will be your worst day, but every one after that will be you best"

  On 9/9/2009 at 6:51 PM, Fred McGriff said:

  On 9/9/2009 at 6:33 PM, Calx Sherbet said:

HELP I'M BEING HELD PRISONER IN A CHINESE BAKERY

 

 

 

lol i like this one a lot

 

p.s. fuck you

 

 

 

what?

oh, and maybe "brought to you by Carl's Jr."

Confucius say: Man who live in glass house, should dress in basement.

"Hello Neo, do you know who this is?"

"NASDAQ 2055.01 + 17.24 0.85%

DJIA 9519.86 + 22.52 0.24%

S&P 1030.17 + 4.78 0.47%"

Ideas:

-Someone's funny grocery list

-A target or something that'd flag the patron for a kill shot

-suicide note

Take this message to old man across the street, note the "strange weather" we're having and walk away. The sparrow mourns for two weeks.

"man this shit is ridiculous... i'm fucking addicted to this whimsical lifestyle where i wake up, thats even if i went to sleep at all cuz so many nights lately i have much better things to do than sleep... and like, man, i'm dancing through the world like "hahahahahahh you white peasants suck at this" and like i'm moving so fast and for-once-in-my-life-not-trying-to-be-anything-other-than-what- the-fuck-i-actually-am that it's fucking fantastic. i find myself truly becoming more and more like the doctor, the kind of comments i make... they come naturally and brilliantly i might add. i'm literally texting myself ~15 one-liners/song-ideas per day and like, man, i dont even have to try... but when i do.. wow."

monosodium glutamate, bitch

your lemony hand towel is also my bum flannel