squarepusher The holy union of bathroomery

Boot your mp3 player, put some good track on your ears. Sit down on the toilet. Take a shit and a piss as the song climaxes. Next song(s) you take a wank and cum as it climaxes. Now you've got all three outputs in one flush and you feel all emptied out, bliss!

batcock photoshop in your earlier thread was done on the toilet during some comedic diarrhea

best i've done is take a shit, get high, take a shot, and then jack off to POV porn on the toilet while smoking a clove or pipe. end with a long hot bath with cig, a few more hits from the sprite bottle bong, and a glass of scotch with Three Amigos playing on the laptop, laying on the toilet.

  On 9/21/2009 at 7:36 PM, impakt said:

Boot your mp3 player, put some good track on your ears. Sit down on the toilet. Take a shit and a piss as the song climaxes. Next song(s) you take a wank and cum as it climaxes. Now you've got all three outputs in one flush and you feel all emptied out, bliss!

That sounds pretty good, just blow your nose after for extra bonus points

Yeah, just wanking on the toilet is pointless. It has to be part of "the trifecta" as you call it. And like thehauntingsoul says, blowing your nose is also worth it!

Its hard to wank on the toilet because you can't really lean back comfortably.

That being said, I've done it before.

It helps if you have a wall-mounted toilet with no "back".

pathetic / hilarious

Don't diss it if you haven't tried it!

Getting a boner on the toilet makes me want to shit more, then I have to lose the boner to squeeze the shit out or I have extreme dick pain from muscle pressure where I am contracting my abdomen.

I have a problem with my dick being so big it has to rub up against the inside of the toilet all the time. Really nasty and filthy.

Yeah I get that too, espeically if I need to shit in a public place I'm all like "but what if somebody elses dickend has been rubbing just here too, and what if they have aids" and I freak out in my own head a little bit.

  On 9/21/2009 at 8:54 PM, impakt said:

I have a problem with my dick being so big it has to rub up against the inside of the toilet all the time. Really nasty and filthy.

lol I have this alot too

  On 9/21/2009 at 9:44 PM, thehauntingsoul said:

  On 9/21/2009 at 8:54 PM, impakt said:

I have a problem with my dick being so big it has to rub up against the inside of the toilet all the time. Really nasty and filthy.

lol I have this alot too

psh right. i seen it. looks like an inverted elevator button.

Thats cuz your mom was right beside us and she is revolting

  On 9/21/2009 at 9:50 PM, thehauntingsoul said:

Thats cuz your mom was right beside us and she is revolting

you wouldn't be able to say that to her face.

Anyhow, I just had a shit. I had been holding it in for a while, knowing from the feeling in my bowels that it was going to be a rather loose and hot. I hate those shits, as I often times have to use a helluva lot of toilet paper, which I don't like doing for several reasons.

So, after the pressure became to much, I excused myself from the conversation I was in, and proceeded to squat properly on the toilet (which is like the kind in germany with the ledge that the poop lands on. i dunno how to explain) and out came a slithery snake, about 2 inches wide, and at least a foot long. Part of me was relieved, as that most likely meant at least a SEMI CLEAN BREAK. No. The first wipe was the worst, as apparently a collection of shit snot had collected around my bung, leaving the toilet paper looking like someone shit sneezed on it. It took 5 more times of wiping and getting the TP wet to properly clean myself. fuck. I feel better now though yay!

5 wipes is nothing mate, I've probably been up to 45 at the very least with my hairy ass.

  On 9/21/2009 at 10:10 PM, impakt said:

5 wipes is nothing mate, I've probably been up to 45 at the very least with my hairy ass.

oh trust me I am not complaining a bit. I should have been more clear. I was expecting much worse from my pre-shit jitters.

45 wtf?

Shave your asshole.

I've done that at one point, but then I have to keep shaving it cause the stubs itch like a bitch. And I'm too lazy for regular shaving, so that's a no go.

Can't you shave it then cream it?

i take my roomate's head shaver to my ass. lol he doesn't know lol.

Thats fucking disgusting lol

Cream it, wtf? I'm a beast, cream doesn't work on me.