stupid first world problems you're dealing with

stretch some.. quads, hamstrings etc. slowly. 

No sleep since Friday???  Shit man, I realize it's obvious advice but... do whatever you can to get some sleep.  Any time in life I came close to losing my mind it was prompted by a lack of sleep.  I feel like getting a good sleep is more important than exorcize or eating healthy... not that those things aren't also extremely important.

I don't know how to fall asleep, though.  I can't stop thinking all the time and I need to turn it off.

I wish I could have opted out of life.

Masturbate until exhaustion?  Sounds like joke advice, but I think that's one of the most effective methods of making sleep happen...

I haven't done that in quite a while and I don't want to start again.  It feels unhealthy.

Well I mean... stop once you're exhausted, then sleep.  No need to resume when you wake up or whatever.

  On 2/23/2021 at 1:15 AM, toaoaoad said:

Healthier than drinking. 
 

Have you ever tried any deep breathing practices? Tons of resources out there (youtube etc) 

Read a boring book?  Get some puzzle games on your phone? 

Haven't tried breathing exercise but reading and puzzles aren't really helping.  My brain is really trying not to be distracted by anything right now and it's an extremely difficult battle to fight.

I'm just fixating exclusively on things that are out of my control, and this is exactly why I was drinking.

  On 2/23/2021 at 12:15 AM, drillkicker said:

I haven't done that in quite a while and I don't want to start again.  It feels unhealthy.

yeah tbh i've always gotten weird vibes from porn/masturbation, as a concept. like it's one of those things that feels like it should be innocuous, but it isn't somehow. And not, like, in a catholic guilt kinda way. It just makes me feel physically unfocused for a day or two afterwards. So I generally try to avoid it. I had a period a couple years ago where I didn't have sex (with another person or solo) for like 10 months. By the end of it I felt like I had turned into a computer. Pretty sure it only ended because a girl made the first second & third moves on me.

I mean the no-fap crowd kind of goes too far with it as well, though. Becoming neurotically obsessed with spiritual purity can be just as damaging as endlessly indulging your vices, for a certain kind of person.

  On 2/23/2021 at 1:28 AM, toaoaoad said:

@drillkicker

That's where the breathing could definitely help. To whatever degree possible, try to make peace with the fact that you can't stop your thoughts, but focus on your immediate physical experience of being in your body, breathe deeply and slowly, and observe the thoughts as they come and go. The experience you're having right now will not last forever, just like every other experience you've ever had. 
Also definitely make sure you're sufficiently hydrated, that's always number one for me. 
You will get thru this.

 

 

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This actually helps a lot.  Thanks for saying that.  I spend too much time inside my head.

https://www.tuw.edu/health/effects-of-meditation-on-the-brain/

  On 2/23/2021 at 12:04 AM, drillkicker said:

I don't know how to fall asleep, though.  I can't stop thinking all the time and I need to turn it off.

I wish I could have opted out of life.

My mind goes through increasingly erratic intervals of thoughts when I lay down to sleep and I've learned that I can't have silence or else it becomes deafening.  Music doesn't work for me because I become to engaged and don't want to sleep, same with movies(unless it's a movie I've seen numerous times).  What works for me is a single persons voice talking a lot.  Standup comedy works some but what works the best is listening to a mega nerd. 

One example I can give is Sean Caroll on youtube.  His "biggest ideas in the universe" series.  I like this series inparticlar because he also uses a chalkboard of sorts to draw on that I can zone to if I'm not ready to close my eyes yet.

example:

Anton Petrov is another youtuber that can talk forever and usually has a calm voice that I can find rest in.  He also has a bunch of 2-3 hour videos that accumulate all the short videos he's done in the past to one long vid.  Example:

Hope this can assist you some, sleep is so precious.  

I'm not sleeping again tonight.

I need a drink

I got confused with what time it was and showed up half an hour late to work. Fortunately it doesn't really matter if I'm late as I work alone. Was wondering why it felt like I had extra time before the job today, lol!

  On 2/23/2021 at 4:30 AM, cloud capture said:

My mind goes through increasingly erratic intervals of thoughts when I lay down to sleep and I've learned that I can't have silence or else it becomes deafening.  Music doesn't work for me because I become to engaged and don't want to sleep, same with movies(unless it's a movie I've seen numerous times).  What works for me is a single persons voice talking a lot.  Standup comedy works some but what works the best is listening to a mega nerd. 

One example I can give is Sean Caroll on youtube.  His "biggest ideas in the universe" series.  I like this series inparticlar because he also uses a chalkboard of sorts to draw on that I can zone to if I'm not ready to close my eyes yet.

example:

Anton Petrov is another youtuber that can talk forever and usually has a calm voice that I can find rest in.  He also has a bunch of 2-3 hour videos that accumulate all the short videos he's done in the past to one long vid.  Example:

Hope this can assist you some, sleep is so precious.  

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I have a kitten and the guys upstairs also have a new kitten and they both met today. They were together for about 5 minutes when one of the guys says that's good for today. They barely sniffed each other, how are they supposed to bond if they see each other for such a short time? It's kind of frustrating. They were being waaaay over protective.

  Quote

Anal Slut Machines

hey i remember that chapter from Anti-Oedipus

A substantial portion of my youtube recommendations involves the Mudvayne - Dig video.

fuck university, fuck my course and fuck online learning

Every time I try to do shit with people they always cancel last minute.  I wish I could just be happy without any other people.

Every time I plan to do things with people I get this really mild throat thing.  It appeared again this morning, I guess because I made plans to hang with this lady from the apps who plays guitar, and another who was going to take some promo shots for me (I've come down with the throat thing every single time I've planned to do anything with her, like clockwork).  The question is: can I be seen at a clinic without them insisting I get a Covid test first.  Because if they do that, the thing's going to disappear like it always does.  FML.

  On 2/25/2021 at 4:19 PM, drillkicker said:

Every time I try to do shit with people they always cancel last minute.  

this phenomenon gets even worse once you have kids. before the pandemic when we used to go hang out with other people who had kids, there was usually a 90% chance whatever plans we had would get cancelled because someone's kid was having a fit, got a minor scratch on their arm, or some other kid issue that would derail everything. 

This is my life so far in 2021

Why do I hate life so much

The city is tearing up the train tracks in front of my building. The jackhammer shakes me whole apartment. This is going to be a long day.