stupid first world problems you're dealing with

  On 5/25/2021 at 5:58 AM, J3FF3R00 said:

I’ve considered this and I usually try this strategy but it is really really really really difficult to on this trip because she has insulted my dead father twice… once in front of other family members at a dinner table, after which I humbly said “my dad wasn’t all bad and I loved him”. Following that (which happened after the cucumber incident, for the record), things progressively got worse, I assume primarily because I challenged her by standing up for myself when I got my feelings hurt. Given that, it feels like I have been killing her with kindness by being passively agreeable… to no avail, obviously. 

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oh fuck. that's a really difficult dinner table moment for sure. ugh. she sounds awfully challenging.  i think you're doing amazing then.  i mean..  my ex and i have gotten up and left her parents house to 'go get some air' a few times after moments not even half as tough as that.  i think there was even an intervention type situation at one point.. her sister is a clinical social worker so is good at taking things apart for people when she is up to being the therapist... other times the words "you need therapy, mom" have come out of more than one mouth.  thankfully, all the cousins and aunts and uncles talk on the phone and there's enough opinions about things that once some shit gets out in the open they can all way in and that usually means at least one person says "you're wrong" and causes some reflection.  you need an ambassador.. mediator. .middle child or someone like that. 

jeez man.. hang in there. at some point the pressure is going to require an outlet. 

  On 5/25/2021 at 6:29 AM, drillkicker said:

I'm on the other end of this rn and it feels pretty good.  Almost makes up for still being out of work.

I'm glad I took the high road and just didn't respond, but BOY did I wanna go off on this fucking idiot.

I left her my number on a dating site months ago. I assumed she wasn't interested. Then she suddenly messages me out of the blue "hey it's xxxx from dating site, how's your day going?"

So we did the getting to know you thing for a week and a half, sending each other several paragraphs daily.

When I suggested we meet for a drink, I get hit with that...

  On 5/24/2021 at 7:27 PM, J3FF3R00 said:

Update… 2.5 days to go. 
This week has been loaded with so many micro-aggressions that I’ve lost count. MIL (Mother In-Law) clearly sees me as competition for some unknown reason and is doing so much passive aggressive stuff, it’s absurd. I’ve basically resorted to complete withdrawal as almost anything I say gets  thrown back in my face because she interprets everything I say or do as a threat to her dominance. I could give you a laundry list but it would basically be me giving you all a textbook TLDR.

Two things I will mention:

1) she is pretty much zero help with the baby unless she can weaponize it in some way to try and prove some kind of point (which is usually something completely benign) so we’re having to do more way more work now that she’s visiting

2) she refuses to take off her shoes in the house because she sees it as me being irrational. We don’t have a housekeeper (she does) and my wife doesn’t clean at all so I’m the one who has to sweep/vacuum/clean the floors. Our house is pretty small and the yard is overrun with burrs, foxtails, black dust from the highway and cat shit from about 8 or 9 strays that use our yard as a litter box… oh yeah, and I also saw her walk in some human shit (long story).That all quickly gets all over the floors and ends up in bed on our feet. Please, if you don’t mind, take off your shoes at the front door. Not the most unreasonable request, is it?? Nope. She wears her dirty shoes in and I feel like a dick to have to keep asking politely but to her it’s me being oppressive or something so she either refuses or gives some performative “oh! Whoops! I’m wearing my shoes indoors! I’m breaking all the rules, I guess!” Or something like that. Then she drips water and drops tomato slices on the floor and marches all over them with her dirty shoes and I have to mop the damn floor. That and there are fuckin burrs and grass all over the damn rug. Then the act of me cleaning is interpreted by her as aggressive. WTF?? Someone please shoot me in the damn face please. 
 

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i'd have a private chat with her. i'd tell her she's been treating me with great disrespect, that she wouldn't like to be treated that way herself, that i like her and have respect for her but that she's making it really hard for me to still have respect for her. i'd tell her that her daughter's child, her daughter's home, are also my child and my home, that i'm an adult, that she is one too, therefore she needs to act like one. finally, i'd tell her i won't take crap from her ever again, and that since i trust she will change her behaviour, i consider the incident closed. end of discussion. if she shows resistance, i'd tell her this isn't a request, this is how it's gonna be from now on, and that if she refuses then i've lost all my respect for her. 

  On 5/25/2021 at 1:46 PM, hello spiral said:

I'm glad I took the high road and just didn't respond, but BOY did I wanna go off on this fucking idiot.

I left her my number on a dating site months ago. I assumed she wasn't interested. Then she suddenly messages me out of the blue "hey it's xxxx from dating site, how's your day going?"

So we did the getting to know you thing for a week and a half, sending each other several paragraphs daily.

When I suggested we meet for a drink, I get hit with that...

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Yeah, that's dumb.  She's definitely into you but is too "responsible" to do anything more than texting.  What a loser.

  On 5/25/2021 at 5:58 AM, J3FF3R00 said:

I’ve considered this and I usually try this strategy but it is really really really really difficult to on this trip because she has insulted my dead father twice… once in front of other family members at a dinner table, after which I humbly said “my dad wasn’t all bad and I loved him”. Following that (which happened after the cucumber incident, for the record), things progressively got worse, I assume primarily because I challenged her by standing up for myself when I got my feelings hurt. Given that, it feels like I have been killing her with kindness by being passively agreeable… to no avail, obviously. 

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  On 5/25/2021 at 1:49 PM, brian trageskin said:

i'd have a private chat with her. i'd tell her she's been treating me with great disrespect, that she wouldn't like to be treated that way herself, that i like her and have respect for her but that she's making it really hard for me to still have respect for her. i'd tell her that her daughter's child, her daughter's home, are also my child and my home, that i'm an adult, that she is one too, therefore she needs to act like one. finally, i'd tell her i won't take crap from her ever again, and that since i trust she will change her behaviour, i consider the incident closed. end of discussion. if she shows resistance, i'd tell her this isn't a request, this is how it's gonna be from now on, and that if she refuses then i've lost all my respect for her. 

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that should work. just as long as he says all this using a thick New York accent. then stares at her threateningly, like so:

I share my office with the wife of the boss who doesn't do any work, but is still employed (because she's the wife). Our offices are actually on the ground floor of a house in which she lives with the boss and the kids. Anyway, she regularly comes down to sit at her PC to look at Facebook and Instagram. She's actually an OK person, but I can't stand that she comes in also when she's visibly sick, like, you don't actually work, wtf did you just come down to cough and sniffle for 4 hours? Can't you be upstairs on your living room computer? Especially in these times! Makes me bitter towards her. Oh and every 2-3 weeks she comes down in the morning drunk as fuck, probably from a solo allnighter (she otherwise comes down at around 1pm when she wakes up). Not really a valid first world problem, but I'm tired of wondering if I'll get sick because of her (I already got influenza once).

I missed my fucking fedex delivery yet again, and yet again they are making it impossible for me to get it from them.  I'm going to be spending the rest of my day paying penance for missing my delivery because they want to abuse their power over my package as much as they can.  They keep telling me the seller won't let me take my package without a signature, even though the seller denies he ever specified this.  I'm about to go out of state for a week and I might not even be able to get this before I leave.  I've had it with buying shit online.  Fun fact, FedEx is actually short for Fedifragous Excrement, and personally I'm Fed up with their Explanations.

girl asks me out on a date to a bar and im like nah i cant drink on antidepressants and she's like ohh ur on antidepressants so im like yeah then she straight up ghosts me

  On 5/26/2021 at 12:37 AM, milkface said:

girl asks me out on a date to a bar and im like nah i cant drink on antidepressants and she's like ohh ur on antidepressants so im like yeah then she straight up ghosts me

that sucks.. and she's totally missing out on this potential situation... there are plenty of "not gonna ghost you because of your meds" fish in the sea.  

fwiw a friend sent me a message about setting me up w/one of his coworkers.. asked if i was dating.. i gave a short answer and long answer. short answer was "sure".. long answer was more complicated about health stuff and how my summer will be due to various treatments i have to endure for the next 2 months followed by a procedure... didn't hear back from him. oh well. i awkwarded the fuck out of that situation. 

Someone I matched with on tinder a long time ago that I've since become friends with just proposed a trip to Barcelona for a festival that sounds particularly awesome.  Not really an FWP... I'm just taken aback, and that will be a crazy amount of money.  But I can't say I'm not tempted.  

  On 5/26/2021 at 12:37 AM, milkface said:

girl asks me out on a date to a bar and im like nah i cant drink on antidepressants and she's like ohh ur on antidepressants so im like yeah then she straight up ghosts me

What a bitch

  On 5/26/2021 at 12:58 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

Someone I matched with on tinder a long time ago that I've since become friends with just proposed a trip to Barcelona for a festival that sounds particularly awesome.  Not really an FWP... I'm just taken aback, and that will be a crazy amount of money.  But I can't say I'm not tempted.  

Do it

  On 5/26/2021 at 12:58 AM, Himelstein said:

What a bitch

we fucked before this potential first date so i reckon she was probably looking for something casual and me telling her probably made her think this whole situation was gonna be too much of a handful and just dipped lol im not really that bothered i just found it rude

  On 5/26/2021 at 12:48 AM, ignatius said:

that sucks.. and she's totally missing out on this potential situation... there are plenty of "not gonna ghost you because of your meds" fish in the sea.  

fwiw a friend sent me a message about setting me up w/one of his coworkers.. asked if i was dating.. i gave a short answer and long answer. short answer was "sure".. long answer was more complicated about health stuff and how my summer will be due to various treatments i have to endure for the next 2 months followed by a procedure... didn't hear back from him. oh well. i awkwarded the fuck out of that situation. 

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I sincerely hope that you are ok, man

  On 5/26/2021 at 12:58 AM, Himelstein said:

Do it

lol I think we are... she's serious, I said okay.  This is so unexpected.  If I do end up actually becoming romantically involved with someone else, I could see it presenting a problem.

  On 5/26/2021 at 1:11 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

lol I think we are... she's serious, I said okay.  This is so unexpected.  If I do end up actually becoming romantically involved with someone else, I could see it presenting a problem.

After all the pandemic bs, everyone deserves some happiness tho. R u coming out of a recent serious relationship?

  On 5/26/2021 at 1:04 AM, Himelstein said:

I sincerely hope that you are ok, man

thanks. i'm ok. just more maintenance than anticipated so.. fun summer shenanigans.  

  On 5/26/2021 at 1:25 AM, Himelstein said:

After all the pandemic bs, everyone deserves some happiness tho. R u coming out of a recent serious relationship?

No.  I was in one for about 3 months last year, ended in June.  Last relationship before that was almost 5 years ago, which lasted 10 years-ish.  Damn...

It's kind of nuts that she likes me enough at this point to consider planning a trip a year down the road that's going to cost us at least a couple grand a piece.  Pretty cool though!  It's very out of character for me to say yes to something like this, but I'm sick of not taking any chances and missing out on all the fun.

  On 5/26/2021 at 1:33 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

No.  I was in one for about 3 months last year, ended in June.  Last relationship before that was almost 5 years ago, which lasted 10 years-ish.  Damn...

Yeah, I can see “gettin back on the horse” as being something rough. And certainly going across the world with someone is a big step haha, but fuck it- maybe you’ll fall in love and live happily ever after?

  On 5/26/2021 at 1:36 AM, Himelstein said:

Yeah, I can see “gettin back on the horse” as being something rough. And certainly going across the world with someone is a big step haha, but fuck it- maybe you’ll fall in love and live happily ever after?

Haha, well, it's a year down the road.  So I'd think if we were to "get together" it would happen somewhere in that time frame.  Maybe it will!  I've gotten the impression that she wants to be friends only, but who knows.  She's providing glitch art for one of my music videos.

Just got a morning invite to do shrooms with one of the women I met from the apps.  Most of my shroom experiences have been a trip to hell and back, but I said yes.  Going over in an hour or so.  Weird times ahead...

  On 5/29/2021 at 6:46 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

Just got a morning invite to do shrooms with one of the women I met from the apps.  Most of my shroom experiences have been a trip to hell and back, but I said yes.  Going over in an hour or so.  Weird times ahead...

AMA psychedelic edition.

Me first. Can you feel the sky?

lol I wish I had done that instead of spiralling into my horrifying mental vortex of unsettling truths.  But the stars embedded upon the fabric above her bed appeared to pulsate in the most delightful way.  It was still a painful journey, but the madness was more controlled.  It was like a more mature take on the usual internal crisis.  There were dogs to help mitigate the anguish.  Also it was really fun/hilarious for maybe half an hour before the spiral.  Anyway, I survived.  There were some insights to take away from it.   Nothing I wasn't already kind of aware of, but it helped crystalize them a little more, for better or worse.

Also FWP: this salted black porter I bought is fucking awful, and her fridge did a piss poor job of keeping them cool.  I abstained from having any while I was there, because I realized I wanted to be able to drive home after my high wore off.

  On 5/31/2021 at 5:05 AM, toaoaoad said:

Anybody else having an issue with youtube + adblock, where the ad gets blocked but the video won't load either? It just jams up, and refreshing won't fix it either. It seems to be happening more and more all the time. I'm using safari. It's driving me nuts... would probably waste less time just watching the ads. But I can't let them win. 

I'm having a thing where the ads aren't being blocked anymore and my ad blocking app wants me to pay now. Fuck that. I'm using chrome..