stupid first world problems you're dealing with

  On 9/22/2021 at 1:50 AM, ignatius said:

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

if you google 'mental health resources' and include the name of your city or county you'll find some options that might start you on the path to finding help regardless of your insurance situation

Ok I can try that tomorrow.  Unfortunately I live in a city that's filled with homeless schizos so it makes me feel like it's a pretty hopeless situation.

  On 9/22/2021 at 1:43 AM, drillkicker said:

I've been concerned that I might have schizophrenia but my health insurance doesn't cover psychotherapy.  I really want someone to tell me with certainty that I don't have it.

Why do you think you might have schizophrenia?

(And fwiw, lack of 'self-insight'(i.e. not realizing you're ill) is one of the hallmarks of psychosis, so you're likely not currently psychotic.)

  On 9/22/2021 at 2:14 AM, drillkicker said:

Ok I can try that tomorrow.  Unfortunately I live in a city that's filled with homeless schizos so it makes me feel like it's a pretty hopeless situation.

a lot of homeless people don't seek help. some do. but often many exist outside the system other than charitable organizations. so, existence of homeless people w/mental health problems doesn't mean there's no help available. someone cogent and who has his/her shit together will have a better time finding local help than someone committed to existing outside the available help. not sure i expressed that well enough.. basically, you seem to have enough of your shit together to be able to express yourself and take action to resolve problems/concerns.. so that alone gives you a leg up. 

  On 9/22/2021 at 3:04 AM, LimpyLoo said:

Why do you think you might have schizophrenia?

(And fwiw, lack of 'self-insight'(i.e. not realizing you're ill) is one of the hallmarks of psychosis, so you're likely not currently psychotic.)

 

 

I know I'm not psychotic right now but I have been multiple times in the past and felt very near to another episode yesterday.  I'm still really bummed out about it.  I've talked about it with people before and they told me to go to a therapist but I hate institutions and have problems trusting people who are inside them.

I've been starting to get over that fear lately which is why I'm trying to find services.

  On 9/22/2021 at 3:36 AM, drillkicker said:

I know I'm not psychotic right now but I have been multiple times in the past and felt very near to another episode yesterday.  I'm still really bummed out about it.  I've talked about it with people before and they told me to go to a therapist but I hate institutions and have problems trusting people who are inside them.

"you have to surrender to win" is one of the common refrains when seeking help. easier said than done. hopefully you meet someone in this process who inspires trust. 

  On 9/22/2021 at 3:36 AM, drillkicker said:

I know I'm not psychotic right now but I have been multiple times in the past and felt very near to another episode yesterday.  I'm still really bummed out about it.  I've talked about it with people before and they told me to go to a therapist but I hate institutions and have problems trusting people who are inside them.

I've been starting to get over that fear lately which is why I'm trying to find services.

I totally feel you on being weary of psychiatrists and hospitals and the like...

but if it weren't for psychiatrists and anti-psychotics I would be like (once-again-)homeless or dead or something in that ballpark.

One thing you can do on your own--in the meantime--is work on reducing stress and anxiety, as that's usually what precipitated the whole spiraling-into-full-on-psychosis thing.

Fucking corny as it sounds, if you can manage a few minutes here and there of deep, slow breathing to sorta reset stress/anxiety back to zero-ish...it's so fucking corny but it's kinda low-key magic.

  On 9/22/2021 at 4:18 AM, LimpyLoo said:

I totally feel you on being weary of psychiatrists and hospitals and the like...

but if it weren't for psychiatrists and anti-psychotics I would be like (once-again-)homeless or dead or something in that ballpark.

One thing you can do on your own--in the meantime--is work on reducing stress and anxiety, as that's usually what precipitated the whole spiraling-into-full-on-psychosis thing.

Fucking corny as it sounds, if you can manage a few minutes here and there of deep, slow breathing to sorta reset stress/anxiety back to zero-ish...it's so fucking corny but it's kinda low-key magic.

Expand  

I've just been using cigarettes.  The stress of moving is what put me in that state yesterday.  Usually what happens is a bunch of stress builds up and then one tiny miniscule thing happens that shatters everything and the world goes completely evil all at once.

The Cadbury's Flake Bar Fail Saga continues. Not only was the drink a disaster (congealed flavorless muck) but now the remnants of the last two bars, which we decided to bring along on a beach picnic, were upon opening, immediately taken by the wind and now lie strewn o'er yonder the salty reaches 

On a lighter note, Cheeto's Cheddar Jalapeño Crunchies are the bomb. 

Dogshit. Everywhere.

Gotta continuously scan the sidewalk. Oh and all the dogshit always has a footprint in it, and like a trail from when it was stepped in for like another half-block.

I called the city health services and they said that my insurance does cover therapy so I'm setting up an appointment.

  On 9/22/2021 at 11:34 PM, drillkicker said:

I called the city health services and they said that my insurance does cover therapy so I'm setting up an appointment.

Awesome! 

Whenever I walk across town to my appointment i'm all like singing "gettin' my brain fixed, i'm gettin' my brain fixed" and like fist-pumping and high-fiving passers-by and people in cars are shouting "hey, you going to get your brain fixed?" and I'm like "I certainly am!" and then suddenly there's a marching band behind me playing a brass-band arrangement of "(I'm Getting My) Brain Fixed" by Rogers/Hammerstein from their hit musical I'm Getting My Brain Fixed!...

(Well not exactly, but I do really like going!)

People who use the technique argue that EMDR can weaken the effect of negative emotions. Before and after each EMDR treatment, your therapist will ask you to rate your level of distress. The hope is that your disturbing memories will become less disabling.Although most research into EMDR has examined its use in people with PTSD, EMDR is sometimes used experimentally to treat many other psychological problems. They include: Panic attacks Eating disorders Addictions Anxiety, such as discomfort with public speaking... 

  On 9/23/2021 at 5:43 AM, _vow_of_silence_ said:

People who use the technique argue that EMDR can weaken the effect of negative emotions. Before and after each EMDR treatment, your therapist will ask you to rate your level of distress. The hope is that your disturbing memories will become less disabling.Although most research into EMDR has examined its use in people with PTSD, EMDR is sometimes used experimentally to treat many other psychological problems. They include: Panic attacks Eating disorders Addictions Anxiety, such as discomfort with public speaking... 

this would trigger my vertigo disease so fast. 

  On 9/23/2021 at 6:51 AM, ignatius said:

this would trigger my vertigo disease so fast. 

Ménière's, positional or something else?

  On 9/23/2021 at 7:32 AM, dcom said:

Ménière's, positional or something else?

meniere's. i get all the fun stuff. not as severe as a lot of people. pretty manageable so far and it's been years. now and then the universe does put the whammy on me though. it's wack. 

my brain... i was sure i typed either "vertigo" or "meniere's disease" in that reply up there.. but i guess my brain split the difference in that reply. 

  On 9/23/2021 at 8:07 AM, ignatius said:

meniere's. i get all the fun stuff.

That's what I've got, too. Left ear only - although it's already burned itself out (by destroying things in the inner ear) so that I have nothing but noise and tinnitus in that ear, making me half-deaf for all intents and purposes. The vertigo attacks used to be REALLY harsh with quick onset (although I didn't have tumarkin attacks, the extremely fast ones basically rendering you unconscious for a brief period of time, really dangerous), I would have to crawl to the bathroom to vomit, then sweat, shiver, and suffer on the bathroom floor until I was able to crawl back to bed; in the worst period I was taking days off work almost weekly because of the recurring attacks which could continue for 2-3 days - at least I could lie on the sofa, keep my head static and watch TV, but mostly I just slept. Betahistine (Betaserc) did nothing for me, prochlorperazine (Stemetil, Compazine) helped occasionally when an attack was on. I got it from my mother (who has it in both ears), whose right ear was operated on through the mastoid bone behind the ear and a shunt installed in the saccus endolymphaticus to drain it of excess fluid (one of the reasons for the vertigo attacks) - she has hearing aids in both ears, and I should go and get one, too, just to see if I can get rudimentary stereo hearing back. The probability of genetic transmission is about 10-15 %, so I'm a bit concerned I'll pass it on to my progeny.

  On 9/23/2021 at 8:19 AM, dcom said:

That's what I've got, too.

oh jeez. that sucks. it's such a weird thing. i've been lucky. i have tinnitus that comes and goes.. mostly right ear. sometimes get weird scratching noises and shit like that. thumping sounds now and then. no hearing loss. i do get the spins sometimes.. just momentary and randomly. other times i get super brain fog and big hollow feeling in my right ear.. like one ear is out of phase or something. and i get head pressure and eye pressure. it's strange. i get nystagmus sometimes w/the left/right rapid eye movement. sometimes it's all sudden onset brain fog and the wobbles. then sometimes i get the feeling like someone shoved me or the feeling you get after you spin around a bunch of times or get off a merry go round...

there's lot's of triggers for me. all the usuals.. too much of anything (sugar/caffeine etc) + stress and dehydration is gonna be a bad time. 

a friend of mine has hearing aids. he's had hearing issues his entire life and didn't hear in stereo until a few years ago. he once posted  along thing about all his frustration and anxiety and suffering from dealing with his hearing loss and hearing aids.. then one day he basically emptied his bank account and bought the best hearing aids they make and that helped a lot once he got them dialed in. there's a bunch of settings and eq stuff and compression you can set and all controlled by an app on his phone.  he said the shitty ones aren't worth it because of how they handle depth. he said he'd be talking to someone inside his house and a truck would drive by and the compression algorithm would boost the truck to same level as the conversation he was having. 

and somehow he makes music and DJs and has for years. the brain can adapt if you give it time.  find a good audiologist and check out some hearing aids. or one hearing aid.. stereo is pretty nice. 

oh, none of the various treatments did anything for me either. most effective thing for me is regulating diet, sleep, stress, hydration. i do take a valium now and then as a bandaid when i'm having a more severe attack. it helps. 

Honestly questioning myself intensely about going to a therapist.  How can I be confident that the reality they want to keep me in is even real?  It's probably just a repressive delusion that's intended to keep me in a state of submission in order to be more conducive to capitalistic subjectivation.  Why the fuck would I go to these people for help?

As soon as you submit yourself for "treatment" you're fucked for life.

  On 9/23/2021 at 6:25 PM, drillkicker said:

Honestly questioning myself intensely about going to a therapist.  How can I be confident that the reality they want to keep me in is even real?  It's probably just a repressive delusion that's intended to keep me in a state of submission in order to be more conducive to capitalistic subjectivation.  Why the fuck would I go to these people for help?

As soon as you submit yourself for "treatment" you're fucked for life.

I can't speak for every therapist in every healthcare system in every country of the world, but generally: therapists don't traffic in Reality or Worldview, at least not directly. 

When you walks into a therapist's office--from all that i've seen--the therapist will ask you what your goals are in coming to therapy, and if you don't yet have tangible goals, they will 'put a pin in it', and part of continued therapy will be creating such tangible goals. (Fwiw, one of subgoals in therapy is to not replay in my head over and over every little micro-mistake I make on a day-to-day basis, not to self-sabotage at every opportunity, not to spend my life looking backwards instead of forwards, stuff like that).

Now, therapists will ask you about your week, recent life events, stuff like that. They are.(among other things) ooking for opportunities to grow that you might not be aware of. If they notice that you (e.g.) always expect the worse, you constantly insult yourself, you're stuck in self-defeating loops, certain topics are a source of pain/anxiety...

Anyway, therapists are kinda 'open source': you can ask them 'meta' questions like "what do you do when patients come in with chronic anxiety?" or  "What does a 'healthy mind' look like in psychoherapy?" or literally like "what did you write down?" or "so do you think i'm overly neurotic in such and such a way?"

Unless you live in a Kafka story or like a Charlie Kaufman story, they will tell you that stuff.

The people I know who went to therapists for their problems ended up with a laundry list of drug prescriptions that they didn't necessarily need.  It makes me think that they're just trying to make money for pharmaceutical companies, just like regular doctors.

Every person I've found who I'm attracted to and who reciprocated the sentiment just wasn't right.  What gives?

blaaerg

also from the memes thread.. so relevant to me. i'd add "i don't care" 

After getting all that firewood into the pen, me an my sister were fooling around with the wheelbarrow. Then I climbed into the wheelbarrow and she "drove" me around the yard, but left me on an incline, so when I tried to get out, the wheelbarrow tipped over and I rolled out, but I landed at a weird angle just below my neck and now my muscles hurt like shit when I tilt my head upwards. So I'm walking around slouched, and turning around with the whole body like some hunchback of Notre Damme. Sucks being old.

It snowed all day yesterday and caused a bunch of tree branches to either sag or break off.

Snow in late October/early November I can understand, but this much snow in September? Bollocks.

Bought a new lappy for making music and started reorganizing my little studio set up.

Two years ago. Laptop gets used for browsing, no music software installed, synths and gear is in disarray.