stupid first world problems you're dealing with

I'm so fucking tired of life

  On 10/6/2021 at 2:54 AM, drillkicker said:

I'm so fucking tired of life

What do you mean?

All of my friends are depressed and I think it's making me depressed

Actually most of my friends who aren't depressed are assholes now and I don't like them anymore.  I feel like I'm losing friends faster than I'm making new ones and it feels lonely.

  On 10/8/2021 at 12:55 AM, drillkicker said:

All of my friends are depressed and I think it's making me depressed

hey tiger

Went to the hairdressers to get my pandemic man bun chopped off.  Had autistically prepared my social interaction.  "Man buns huh, they're just like a 21st century comb over etc".  Got there and the hairdresser had a man bun.  Sat in silence for 45 mins staring into the mirror, contemplating all my awful life decisions instead.

Quite good haircut though.

Im a very ridiculous person, please dont take anything i say seriously

Didn't buy the road tax vignette this year, so most of the time I was avoiding highways, or if I drove on highway, I picked days when the chance of running into patrols was minimal (calculated luck of some sorts). It worked for 10 months, but on friday my luck ran out, and now I have to pay the fine, which is higher than if I payed for the tax in the first place. So yeah, I'm a supreme idiot lol.

i'm still in a psychiatric unit and life is a lot harder without my phone, my glasses, my mp3 player. i got banned from a discord server for talking about what happened earlier this week, it's basically tw.

i'm here to chill out, i'm allowed to have my laptop when supervised. basking in good vibes wherever they come. no bawww intended.

I'm hearing voices in my head today.  Im going to try to get some medicine from my psychiatric clinic asap.

Insomnia the past 2 days, wake up at 3 am and can't return to sleep. Anxiety that's all fucking stupid and unfounded and I can tell myself that as a rational individual but no this primitive brian function takes over and like wtf.  Haven't really had to reckon w/ insomina over the past 12 years so I forgot how to deal lol

brian is a intentional misspelling of brain (I also enjoy it in reverse)

  On 10/5/2021 at 6:49 AM, frankbooth said:

I became a high school teacher as a second profession. No curriculum whatsoever was provided for me to instruct with. As the principal said upon hiring me, “You are the book.”  I tortured myself last year trying to figure out some half-assed lesson plans. Then within the last couple weeks, I practically feel like I’m having a manic episode because I finally have figured it out. I know what to teach, how to teach it, and may even enjoy doing this. But now I have way too much material to chop up and turn into something spectacular. It’s going to take me a full year to get all this together. I know it’s a test of patience and endurance, but damn I’ve already been going so hard for so long. Need a month off from the classroom just for curriculum building. Also need a vacation. And a massage. 

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Now I know why the new teachers always seemed to take 2 or 3 years to get a solid curriculum going that fit the time frame of the class. Seemed the first year or two of a new teacher was always "not enough learning" where we would get an assignment but get like... two or three classes to do them when we only needed 1 ,  or there would be way too much, a lot of unhelpful filler work which just wasted everyones time, and after a year or two the classes after us wouldn't have nearly as much as we had to do in the honors classes I took. 

I remember a history teacher's first year teaching she had us do a project like every month that would normally have been an end of year project, and would take up more time than the advanced math classes. Then two years down the road, the same teacher halved the number of assignments the class two years under me had to do, and they still complained that it was too much.

got back home tonight.  house smells funny. so i guess i'm nose blind to my house's normal smell. time to burn some incense.

checking the pile of mail on the floor there's my property tax which is $500 increase over last year. FU portland. 

  On 10/22/2021 at 7:10 AM, ignatius said:

checking the pile of mail on the floor there's my property tax which is $500 increase over last year. FU portland. 

online protest an option? they raise property taxes every year here in TX. there's a form I fill out online to protest it. usually they will knock it down some just by sending in the form. 

  On 10/22/2021 at 3:17 PM, zero said:

online protest an option? they raise property taxes every year here in TX. there's a form I fill out online to protest it. usually they will knock it down some just by sending in the form. 

if this is available in oregon i can't find it. oregon small state.. especially compared to texas. part of the problem in oregon is there is no sales tax of any kind. so any time they want to raise money they do w/bonds and levies as increases on property taxes. usually it's when one bond measure expires so they make a new one and property taxes will stay the same more or less. this is done via ballot measures "your taxes will not increase as this measure replaces an expiring measure" - yet my property taxes are about 2.5 times what they were in 2006 though i've not done shit to my house and the assessed value has only gone up $5000. 

I don’t know how to pronounce Mx.

The only time i feel normal is when im drunk.  I feel like im spiralling into insanity.  The entire time im sober im hearing chaotic noises in my head and im confused and unable to focus on anything and everything feels evil.  But if i get one martini in me it all goes away and i feel just like a completely normal person.  I love alcohol.

Maybe i should try microdosing alcohol throughout the day.  It seems healthier to keep a constant low alcohol/blood ratio throughout the day rather than binge drinking at night.

I'm engulfed by a society that measures success with how much money you make and what job you have.

It's all about money. How to make lots of it and to show that you have lots of it.

I just don't value money or material things enough to ever be a "winner" in this way of life that I currently find myself in.

I don't know that I'll ever have the courage to escape it either. I wonder just how much of a role women have to play into things having turned out this way.

Obviously basic evolutionary traits are definitely the likely cause of western society turning out this way. 

It's all very shallow, kind of sad, really. It's essentially a cycle of wanting to fuck as many women as possible and women wanting the shiniest things just to have life grow inside them for 9 months (and them not even knowing that is possibly the main reason for their 1000 pairs of shoes stash) and this resulting in making the dollar and the wanting of it ever more powerful.

I get that it all acts as the fuel to push innovation in almost all aspects of life, through competition and consumerism.

Keeping up the Joneses and all that.

There's barely any genuine people left.

Everyone just worships the dollar.

And those powerful enough to own people's time, becoming so perverse and deviant.

Such a dark world. 

All for what?

There's many like me, I'm sure, being made to feel like losers, which I admit I am (if we're talking about the game of worshiping money)

I'm almost fed up with it though.

Just want to make music all day.

It makes me happy, but not too happy either, which is a good thing. 

I don't like being so elevated moodwise that then it drops equally as dramatic.

  On 10/25/2021 at 10:57 AM, sine nomine said:

I just don't value money or material things enough to ever be a "winner" in this way of life that I currently find myself in.

  On 10/25/2021 at 10:57 AM, sine nomine said:

I'm engulfed by a society that measures success with how much money you make and what job you have.

It's all about money. How to make lots of it and to show that you have lots of it.

I just don't value money or material things enough to ever be a "winner" in this way of life that I currently find myself in.

I don't know that I'll ever have the courage to escape it either. I wonder just how much of a role women have to play into things having turned out this way.

Obviously basic evolutionary traits are definitely the likely cause if western society turning out this way. 

It's all very shallow, kind of sad, really. It's essentially a cycle of wanting to fuck as many woman as possible and woman wanting the shiniest things just to have life grow inside them for 9 months and this resulting in making the dollar and the wanting of it ever more powerful.

I get that it all acts as the fuel to push innovation in almost all aspects of life, through competition and consumerism.

Keeping up the Joneses and all that.

There's barely any genuine people left.

Everyone just worships the dollar.

And those powerful enough to own people's time, becoming so perverse and deviant.

Such a dark world. 

All for what?

There's many like me, I'm sure, being made to feel like losers, which I admit I am (if we're talking about the game of worshiping money)

I'm almost fed up with it though.

Just want to make music all day.

It makes me happy, but not too happy either, which is a good thing. 

I don't like being so elevated moodwise that then it drops equally as dramatic.

  Reveal hidden contents

I left work early today. I just couldn't be fucked.

 

 

 

 

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You should really watch this podcast. The guy was raised off the grid without electricity running water all that. He says at one point concerning people that say they are poor, if they live in a home with all the necessities, they are not poor. This guy was poor. Also he's a successful weightlifter and runs a successful company. 

I've been thinking about the same stuff in your post lately, who doesn't. It's best not to judge yourself and try and put yourself and your happiness first.

  On 10/25/2021 at 10:57 AM, sine nomine said:

I'm engulfed by a society that measures success with how much money you make and what job you have.

It's all about money. How to make lots of it and to show that you have lots of it.

I just don't value money or material things enough to ever be a "winner" in this way of life that I currently find myself in.

I don't know that I'll ever have the courage to escape it either. I wonder just how much of a role women have to play into things having turned out this way.

Obviously basic evolutionary traits are definitely the likely cause of western society turning out this way. 

It's all very shallow, kind of sad, really. It's essentially a cycle of wanting to fuck as many women as possible and women wanting the shiniest things just to have life grow inside them for 9 months (and them not even knowing that is possibly the main reason for their 1000 pairs of shoes stash) and this resulting in making the dollar and the wanting of it ever more powerful.

I get that it all acts as the fuel to push innovation in almost all aspects of life, through competition and consumerism.

Keeping up the Joneses and all that.

There's barely any genuine people left.

Everyone just worships the dollar.

And those powerful enough to own people's time, becoming so perverse and deviant.

Such a dark world. 

All for what?

There's many like me, I'm sure, being made to feel like losers, which I admit I am (if we're talking about the game of worshiping money)

I'm almost fed up with it though.

Just want to make music all day.

It makes me happy, but not too happy either, which is a good thing. 

I don't like being so elevated moodwise that then it drops equally as dramatic.

  Reveal hidden contents

I left work early today. I just couldn't be fucked.

 

 

 

 

Expand  

  On 10/25/2021 at 10:57 AM, sine nomine said:

I get that it all acts as the fuel to push innovation in almost all aspects of life, through competition and consumerism.

That's just a consumerist trope to keep the fire burning. Don't fall for it. People have been innovating for millennia without this capitalist crap. Humans are inherently creative, hence innovative.

Good old fashioned laziness has more to do with innovation than capitalism if I may be a bit far-reachingly-sarcastic here.

This is day two where I haven’t really had that much work coming in and I’m bored out of my mind. 

Someone ordered Chinese food to Hotel Zed, which I attempted to deliver.  Room 503 in a hotel with only 2 floors.  I went to reception and let them know I had an order for a room that probably doesn't exist.  It didn't.  So i phoned the customer, and turns out they ordered from a different city, to a different hotel that also started with a Z.  Amazing.  Now I have way too much of the whitest chinese food order in my fridge.  2 orders chow mein, 1 order fried rice, 1 order sweet 'n' sour pork, 1 order chop suey.  This is almost an exact repeat of the last chinese food order I got for free.  Why do most people order the blandest shit from chinese restaurants?  Will likely end up tossing half of it out.  Again.  Already got two crappy meals out of it, but god damn that's a lot of noodles.