stupid first world problems you're dealing with

  On 12/5/2021 at 3:51 AM, drillkicker said:

It's not doing anything to stop the voices though, it's just making me tired.  I think it's even making me more paranoid than i was before.

What do the voices say?  I imagine hearing voices would be quite unsettling.  I did not experience that, except on perhaps one occasion... which I'm not sure of.  (Met someone on a walk who seemed to have knowledge of my train of thought, and shared a brief exchange with them... but it may have been a hallucination.  Was a bit sleep deprived at the time.  To me they were as real as anything else I've experienced in my waking life, so... no idea what to make of that memory.)

  On 12/5/2021 at 12:09 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

What do the voices say?

Most of the time just random shit, like things people have said to me or random things ive heard or seen, but sometimes when im in a bad state the demon that lives in my shadow tells me that im dead and in hell and he owns my soul and if i dont do everything he tells me to then hes going to tell god about it and god will punish me even worse and i need to get far away from everybody and everything because nothing is real, its all fake and the world around me is designed to hurt me so the only thing i can do is act as unpredictably as possible in order to throw them off.

If you have ever seen welcome to the nhk its pretty much exactly like that.

public works right outside my window. they're digging up the road literally 3 meters away from me. 

  On 12/6/2021 at 10:16 AM, brian trageskin said:

public works right outside my window. they're digging up the road literally 3 meters away from me. 

embrace the jackhammering. see if you can figure out the timbre it produces, or if there are any hidden chord progressions in the dut-dut-dut-dut-dut.

or sounds like you need to jump to another air bnb. are you still doing that?

it was only a tiny portion of the road, it's not like they're doing the entire street, thank goodness. they just need to tar it now.

yeah i'm renting airbnbs again, not for much longer though as i'm running out of money.

These pills are giving me the cardiovascular endurance of Chris Christie

Lessons learned this week: if you’re caring for a dying friend who happen to be well known, prepare a press release beforehand, not while journalists are calling up when you haven't had the time yet to contact close ones, nevermind grieve or sleep in three days.

Ate two bags of microwave popcorn last night. Not the brightest move. Felt arterially heavy all day today. 

Discovered Live's Spectral Resonator plug-in creates latency on the autopan plug-in if it exists anywhere in the file (the resonator I mean).  So I had to export the chunks that needed it to wav, import those, and then get rid of the S Res plug.  Weird/annoying!  But also, neat that I discovered that on the first track where I ever used it.  Seems an unlikely discovery to ever make.  But WTF Ableton, make your plug-ins compatible with each other, I mean really.

Got melted cheese on my hand towel last night, from the nachos I made.  The towel was used as a pad so that I could sit with the nachos on my lap without taking them out of the pan (because that accelerates the cooling process tenfold, and room temp nachos are useless).  I think some cheese is permanently embedded in there.  Now I need a new hand cloth for company... which I will have on Saturday for the first time in a while.

  On 12/14/2021 at 1:26 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

Got melted cheese on my hand towel last night, from the nachos I made.  The towel was used as a pad so that I could sit with the nachos on my lap without taking them out of the pan (because that accelerates the cooling process tenfold, and room temp nachos are useless).  I think some cheese is permanently embedded in there.  Now I need a new hand cloth for company... which I will have on Saturday for the first time in a while.

That's called a cheese scrub. It's all the rage for exfoliating skin

  On 12/14/2021 at 2:01 AM, yekker said:

That's called a cheese scrub. It's all the rage for exfoliating skin

Good to know.  Stubble + cunnilingus is good for that too.  Was worried cheese towel might deter from that.  There should be an IDM sex column tho imho tbqh.

just cancelled my airbnb stay, 1 day in (i was supposed to stay for a month). problem with the electrical installation. 

i'm going to my mom's indefinitely as a result. thanks mom!

Oversalted my mung dal that ive been working on since last night 

I agreed to supervise college students writing exams today, which is currently happening.  Thought I might be sitting at a desk at the front of a classroom while a group of them do their thing, but turns out it's online exams, one student at a time.  I'm sitting in a bleak cubby hole of an office.  There's a web cam right on the student's face, along with a real time monitor of the exam they are writing, word for word.  I hear every exasperated sigh.  It's some spooky big brother shit, and I'm in the big bro position.  It's making me a little uncomfortable tbqh.  I can only imagine the effect a scenario like this has on the average anxiety ridden college student.  My main job is to say "OK" if they request a bathroom break and then make a note of the time and duration of the break.  That and scroll dank memes.  4.5 hours to go.

  On 12/17/2021 at 1:36 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

I agreed to supervise college students writing exams today, which is currently happening.  Thought I might be sitting at a desk at the front of a classroom while a group of them do their thing, but turns out it's online exams, one student at a time.  I'm sitting in a bleak cubby hole of an office.  There's a web cam right on the student's face, along with a real time monitor of the exam they are writing, word for word.  I hear every exasperated sigh.  It's some spooky big brother shit, and I'm in the big bro position.  It's making me a little uncomfortable tbqh.  I can only imagine the effect a scenario like this has on the average anxiety ridden college student.  My main job is to say "OK" if they request a bathroom break and then make a note of the time and duration of the break.  That and scroll dank memes.  4.5 hours to go.

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Damn, that sounds thrilling! I hope you're getting paid.

Yesterday night I was coming home from work and was waiting for my bus transfer and I decided to get a Slurpee at 7 11. It was already freezing out and I wasn't wearing enough warm clothes. Dumbest thing I've done in a while. It led to almost violent shivering but it felt amazing when I got back to my warm home 

Is someone also watching you? What I'm asking is, would anyone notice if you were wolfing out? Another fun game might be to see how much any student would be willing to pay for a bathroom break. If you get into trouble just tell them you're from the sociology department.

  On 12/17/2021 at 2:17 AM, yekker said:

Damn, that sounds thrilling! I hope you're getting paid.

$20/hour, which is better than an Amazon employee!

This poor guy... almost 3 hours in now.  The sighs are becoming more frequent.  All the Q/As look like variations on the same thing.  I can't imagine a lifetime of accounting.

  On 12/17/2021 at 2:25 AM, user said:

Is someone also watching you? 

The office door is open, but nobody's really checking in.  Debating whether to grab more coffee.

Oh shit he's giving prayer hands.

Met up with the woman I've been crushing on for several months.  I only see her once every month or so, so the crush is pretty useless.  This time she mentioned she's been seeing someone on the regular, but doesn't view them as a boyfriend.  This opened up a convo about each of our dating app sexual conquests, sort of.  I didn't have a whole lot to contribute.  I'm a bit drunk now, and can tell there's some kind of sad emotion bubbling away that I can't fully acknowledge.  She mentioned wanting to not let so much time pass before our next meetup.  I wish she were easier to read... really have no idea whether pursuing something more would have completely fucked our friendship up, or lead to some reciprocal romantic thing.  Heavy regret imminent?

Took a nice long shower, tidied up the kitchen a bit and went shopping. Return from store and I'm putting some stuff in the fridge. Last to go in are some cans of beer, the cardboard that they are in manifests a structural weakness and some cans fall on the floor. Of course one of them explodes and starts spraying fucking beer everywhere. My face is sticky, my floor is still sticky after several rounds of wiping and the soles of my shoes are sticky. This is the 6th or 7th goddamn can of beer that has exploded on me this year. I stopped buying Guinness for several months because I had 3 cans that started spraying after being slightly scratched or something while in my backpack and I noticed that the walls of the cans had become thinner, it seems they are back to normal now but now Heineken has decided to skimp on the packaging. Fucking fuckers.

I stopped taking risperidone and i feel really fucking weird.  Im still tired but my brain is frustrated at how tired i am.  I behaved dangerously today.  I feel bad about it.

  On 12/19/2021 at 6:05 AM, J3FF3R00 said:

she also ordered us a case (12 motherfucking bottles) of this artisanal fermented vinegar drink that we don’t fucking drink,

put them out the back door just on the ground. or put them in a pile on whatever she is going to sleep on. 

all sounds like shit man.. i hope you make it through the holidays OK.