I just came out

  On 11/13/2011 at 2:58 PM, rixxx said:

who on earth would seriously say all this stuff on watmm!?

Hey rixx: does your man wear clothes I can't afford?

  On 11/13/2011 at 9:06 PM, autopilot said:

There hasn't been a public airing of dirty laundry this entertaining since the Weed/Beneboi/Analogue Wings love triangle.

that was a bit more entertaining because it involved pictures

and by entertaining i mean oh god i wish i didn't see that oh god shit fuck

  On 11/13/2011 at 9:47 PM, acidphakist said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 2:58 PM, rixxx said:

who on earth would seriously say all this stuff on watmm!?

 

Hey rixx: does your man wear clothes I can't afford?

  On 11/13/2011 at 8:49 PM, disparaissant said:

but fuuuuuuck go get help. if you are literally pulling handfuls of aspiring out of her hands you don't need to "look into mental health coverage next week," you need help now. stop telling the internet how pathetic you are and fucking do something about it.

I'll be more specific:

On monday I will speak to the HR rep @ work about who I should speak with to get some help.

  On 11/13/2011 at 9:47 PM, acidphakist said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 2:58 PM, rixxx said:

who on earth would seriously say all this stuff on watmm!?

Hey rixx: does your man wear clothes I can't afford?

Sweetheart, anyone can wear clothes you can't afford with those shoes.

  On 11/13/2011 at 2:52 PM, Plum said:

dolly zoom lol

  On 11/13/2011 at 9:06 PM, autopilot said:

There hasn't been a public airing of dirty laundry this entertaining since the Weed/Beneboi/Analogue Wings love triangle.

  On 11/13/2011 at 7:19 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

This has been the most devastating thing I could have done to her

I have to say that this is so absolutely the wrong way to think about this. Sure, it'd be better if you'd known beforehand, and then you wouldn't have gone down this unfortunate road and got married and intertwined your lives - but this isn't malice, this isn't you choosing to be gay to spite her, you don't hate her, you don't want to ruin her life - dude, you've come to a fucking realisation about who you are. You are not to blame, she is not to blame, it's shit but goddamn, stop being so self-loathing. Feel proud that you've realised who you are, be civil and try to delicately remove yourself from your wife's life if that's what you want to do. Stop blaming, stop feeling sorry. There is no fault. You are who you are. Live your life as that.

well fucking said.

  On 11/14/2011 at 5:14 AM, kineaesth said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 7:19 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

This has been the most devastating thing I could have done to her

I have to say that this is so absolutely the wrong way to think about this. Sure, it'd be better if you'd known beforehand, and then you wouldn't have gone down this unfortunate road and got married and intertwined your lives - but this isn't malice, this isn't you choosing to be gay to spite her, you don't hate her, you don't want to ruin her life - dude, you've come to a fucking realisation about who you are. You are not to blame, she is not to blame, it's shit but goddamn, stop being so self-loathing. Feel proud that you've realised who you are, be civil and try to delicately remove yourself from your wife's life if that's what you want to do. Stop blaming, stop feeling sorry. There is no fault. You are who you are. Live your life as that.

quoting for NEWPAGE

  On 11/14/2011 at 5:14 AM, kineaesth said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 7:19 PM, OneToThirtySix said:

This has been the most devastating thing I could have done to her

I have to say that this is so absolutely the wrong way to think about this. Sure, it'd be better if you'd known beforehand, and then you wouldn't have gone down this unfortunate road and got married and intertwined your lives - but this isn't malice, this isn't you choosing to be gay to spite her, you don't hate her, you don't want to ruin her life - dude, you've come to a fucking realisation about who you are. You are not to blame, she is not to blame, it's shit but goddamn, stop being so self-loathing. Feel proud that you've realised who you are, be civil and try to delicately remove yourself from your wife's life if that's what you want to do. Stop blaming, stop feeling sorry. There is no fault. You are who you are. Live your life as that.

This is true, but the part about "it sucks" isn't over yet.

He still has an extraordinarily valid point.

You guys can still be best friends :)

yeah, you both don't have to go through this alone at least. you can still fulfill your husband/wife status by supporting each other. this also doesn't mean that you don't love each other, it's just that it turns out to be more like platonic love.

I could probably move on sooner, but for the moment, having her anguish paraded in front of me doesn't help my sense of guilt. We should be working on separating, but we're both afraid of it, like admitting defeat.

look, this wouldn't be hard at all if there wasn't love involved. i can see you guys are very, very close, and even if you're not meant to be sexual lovin' life partners, you obviously feel love for & about one another.

obviously there's a lot of guilt going around too. frankly 1236 i think that is the easy way out, and it's the same thing that made you unable to face up to who you are before: guilt for who you really are. fact is that you are that person and there's nothing wrong with it; it's incompatible with your previous life; that's ok; you are in the process of making your life actually liveable. also, no one else can actually make you feel guilty, if you accept who you are. i know that's tough but you gotta do it now, because what you do right now will shape the pattern of your whole new life. you have a great chance at accepting yourself totally. it's the only way you'll ever have a real relationship with anyone.

moon I don't know what you're feeling guilty about. this guy who cares for you went through hell being confused and hoping you could make him into something he's not. none of that is your fault. it sounds like you did the best you could and probably more. you have to accept yourself too, as a good person who tried to make something work against all odds. that is a great attribute and it will take you far in life. it won't work every time. it's just admirable that you tried.

in the scheme of things you guys caught this early. people have to do this same awful process with children involved and god knows what else. imagine the life of torture you would have created for yourselves if the lies went on forever. (could it have? was this inevitable? it happened so it doesn't matter.) it's gonna suck for a while, I think you both know that, but you both get a chance at a good, true life. the built-up pain of living the wrong life is coming out all at once now. just get through that, however you have to - together, separate, hopefully with as much help from friends family professionals whatever as possible - remember to ask for help in any way you can - and it will get easier. people you know - even people you don't - genuinely give a shit and want you to feel all right. just do whatever it takes to get through today, be honest, don't hurt anyone else or yourself, & give it a try. you'll make it. it was worth it to you to get this far.

  On 11/13/2011 at 8:49 PM, disparaissant said:

pulling handfuls of aspiring out of her hands

Aspiring what? Actress? Cock fighter?

  On 11/14/2011 at 2:24 AM, rixxx said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 9:47 PM, acidphakist said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 2:58 PM, rixxx said:

who on earth would seriously say all this stuff on watmm!?

Hey rixx: does your man wear clothes I can't afford?

 

 

Sweetheart, anyone can wear clothes you can't afford with those shoes.

It's true. The shoes do make the outfit.

  On 11/14/2011 at 2:51 PM, acidphakist said:

  On 11/13/2011 at 8:49 PM, disparaissant said:

pulling handfuls of aspiring out of her hands

 

 

Aspiring what? Actress? Cock fighter?

this was well thought out and worth a whole post to say

  On 11/14/2011 at 8:04 AM, OneToThirtySix said:

having her anguish paraded in front of me

Thanks for parading in front of us the fact that she's parading in front of you.

Jesus, I guess even homos need to learn how to be sensitive.

  On 11/14/2011 at 6:58 PM, baph said:

Jesus, I guess even homos need to learn how to be sensitive.

Isn't that weird, considering this forum?

watmmers pretend to be gay

usually

personally, I'm just wondering

  On 11/14/2011 at 9:39 AM, A/D said:

in the scheme of things you guys caught this early. people have to do this same awful process with children involved and god knows what else.

When I was five, in -93, my dad came out. Or rather, my older sister found magazines with pen markings in the m4m sections and everyone figured out what he'd been doing when he started going away all the time to bath houses and such.

Mom & dad had stuck together for more than 24 years (they were married for that long but they'd been together since high school), devout christians all their lives, 4 kids total. Among other things they'd taken my 3 older siblings, before i was born in the late 70s to mid 80's, to mission in liberia for 6 years. Lots and lots of history. The family was utterly ripped apart. My siblings were adults by this point (my sister already having a child and getting married by 18), and they were already moving out on their own, but I went with mom to live a very strange life. We moved around a fuckton and she was extremely lonely, until she found a new man by the time I was in the process of moving out on my own. She says things that imply I was the only reason she didn't break down completely, maybe even to the point of taking her own life. She also says she's forgiven him, like a good christian and all that, but she'll never really get over it. No one in the family will get over it. I'm not trying to guilt trip you here - this is b/c of the kids, the looong marriage and the christianity thing. My mom along with my oldest brother and him actually have a friendly and open level of contact these days.

My entire life has been defined by the aftermath of this clusterfuck in ways that have taken me a very long time to even begin to realize. I, being the most secular person in the family, have no problem with the fact that he realized he was gay. He picked one hell of a time to figure it out, but sometimes that's the way it is. I don't blame the divore, beause divorces happen. What I have a problem with is the fact that he never made his fullest effort to stay in my life, be a dad and all that, and that he makes excuses for not doing so, like blaming my mom. They tell me different stories to this day, all I know is he wasn't there and she did everything to take care of me, and if I had a kid I would go to the end of the earth to make sure I was part of his life. Moving around all the time and not having a male role model have been the worst parts. He went off to find himself and I only met him a handful of times until I was 18 and everyone suddenly thought I should visit and get to know him. It never really worked out between us for a number of reasons, and I recently decided it was not worth the effort and cut off contact.

Anyway. What I want to say is your soon to be ex-wife might never really forgive you for this, but that is not your concern. It's not your responsibility, you cannot sacrifice your life to make hers work. We have remarkable abilities to move on, she'll get over it and there are plenty of good men out there (for both of you, ha). My point is to reinforce what A/D said; you're dodging one whopper of a clusterfuck by making this happen now and not when you have kids or other tie-downs. You guys have alot of time ahead of you and you'll have normal lives after this.

/thread