Being socially awkward and uncomfortable

I was supposed to go to my brother's gig tonight; he's in a jazz band and I take photos for him and others every now and then. The nightlife in my city is pretty rough, so I know that's a strong factor right off the bat for feeling pretty uncomfortable (read unsafe). I was probably at this club for about two minutes before I had to leave - I couldn't deal with the amount of people there, what I'm supposed to do there. I just left, said I had to catch a train. Ugh

 

People, how do you do it?

I too have a similar thing with being in Birmingham, England. I can't stand it. Probably has to do with living my teenage years there, or something. I get on edge any time I'm there. It's definitely worse at night.

 

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:11 PM, verticalhold said:

I was supposed to go to my brother's gig tonight; he's in a jazz band

 

lol

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

 

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:25 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

 

Interesting...so you're better with parties....the ones that you find easier to cope with, are they parties that have a large percentage of attendees that are people you already know and are familiar with? Does partaking of substances help ease you into it at all?

I hide away from people in the "band room" between sets. You could probably ask your bro if it's cool for you to escape there next time. Most small-medium sized venues have a back room like that. Small dive bars might, sometimes.

 

Seems like being there to photograph can be a good excuse to zone people out and avoid socializing.

 

Over the last number of years I've dealt with social awkwardness by talking to just about anybody I come across in public. Waiting in line for food or in a store or in some customer lounge for the car shop I'll try to talk to somebody near me. Things like that. There hasn't been anything I found that makes me feel comfortable being in crowded places though. Other than leaving them or trying to find the most quiet part of the building and staying around it. Even walking around a crowded city makes me feel claustrophobic.

 

The hardest thing for me is to motivate myself to get out of the door in the first place.

 

If it's the constant conversation drone noise bothering you maybe you could wear ear plugs.

I went to this feminist art exhibit the other day; it was in an abandoned workshop in a bad part of town, they were playing Black Sabbath, and everyone there looked really odd. The art there featured paintings of men being speared by naked women and lying in pools of blood, and goat-headed naked women with tar coming out of their vaginas. At some point people formed a circle around a piece of perfomance art where a young guy was in his underwear sitting on a chair and getting a shave from one of the artists. I felt like I was suddenly in a Lars Von Trier film.

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:11 PM, verticalhold said:

I was supposed to go to my brother's gig tonight; he's in a jazz band and I take photos for him and others every now and then. The nightlife in my city is pretty rough, so I know that's a strong factor right off the bat for feeling pretty uncomfortable (read unsafe). I was probably at this club for about two minutes before I had to leave - I couldn't deal with the amount of people there, what I'm supposed to do there. I just left, said I had to catch a train. Ugh

 

People, how do you do it?

 

I drink beer, talk to the people I'm with. Listen to the music, stroke my chin. But mostly I drink beer.

Edited March 16, 2012 by Gocab

large congregations of humans is a horrible thing, i try to avoid those when possible.

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:25 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

 

...the ones that you find easier to cope with, are they parties that have a large percentage of attendees that are people you already know and are familiar with? Does partaking of substances help ease you into it at all?

 

Yeah, even having just two people I know there changes things completely, but usually I'll just pace and fidget if there aren't. And yeah having booze helps immensely!

 

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, couch said:

Seems like being there to photograph can be a good excuse to zone people out and avoid socializing.

 

 

true but that isn't getting me very far, I think I want to socialize

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, couch said:

 

The hardest thing for me is to motivate myself to get out of the door in the first place.

 

 

yes this precisely

 

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:35 PM, Gocab said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:11 PM, verticalhold said:

I was supposed to go to my brother's gig tonight; he's in a jazz band and I take photos for him and others every now and then. The nightlife in my city is pretty rough, so I know that's a strong factor right off the bat for feeling pretty uncomfortable (read unsafe). I was probably at this club for about two minutes before I had to leave - I couldn't deal with the amount of people there, what I'm supposed to do there. I just left, said I had to catch a train. Ugh

 

People, how do you do it?

 

I drink beer, talk to the people I'm with. Listen to the music, stroke my chin. But mostly I drink beer.

 

... take a shit, make origami, check that email I didn't get

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:35 PM, kokeboka said:

I went to this feminist art exhibit the other day; it was in an abandoned workshop in a bad part of town, they were playing Black Sabbath, and everyone there looked really odd. The art there featured paintings of men being speared by naked women and lying in pools of blood, and goat-headed naked women with tar coming out of their vaginas. At some point people formed a circle around a piece of perfomance art where a young guy was in his underwear sitting on a chair and getting a shave from one of the artists. I felt like I was suddenly in a Lars Von Trier film.

 

this sounds like a good night out.

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:43 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:25 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

 

...the ones that you find easier to cope with, are they parties that have a large percentage of attendees that are people you already know and are familiar with? Does partaking of substances help ease you into it at all?

 

Yeah, even having just two people I know there changes things completely, but usually I'll just pace and fidget if there aren't. And yeah having booze helps immensely!

 

Ok, so it seems that you don't necessarily have a main issue with being in a large group of people you already know, and it helps if you drink.

 

So what is it about groups of unknowns? Are you concerned about what they're thinking about you?

oh, ok. alcohol is a fine crutch for the socially awkward if you ask me.

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:46 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:43 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:25 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

 

...the ones that you find easier to cope with, are they parties that have a large percentage of attendees that are people you already know and are familiar with? Does partaking of substances help ease you into it at all?

 

Yeah, even having just two people I know there changes things completely, but usually I'll just pace and fidget if there aren't. And yeah having booze helps immensely!

 

Ok, so it seems that you don't necessarily have a main issue with being in a large group of people you already know, and it helps if you drink.

 

So what is it about groups of unknowns? Are you concerned about what they're thinking about you?

 

no not really.

 

I think part of it is that I'm judgemental, and when I see guys dressed like guidos and girls who wear a 2-foot sheet of vinyl and call it a dress, sloshing about and arguing about who said what to who's other half, puffed chests, shouting to try to have a conversation <--- these things don't really fit with what I want in a social situation, really. I'd like to be able to approach someone and just have a conversation but it's a fucking battleground out there

WATMM!

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, couch said:

If it's the constant conversation drone noise bothering you maybe you could wear ear plugs.

 

i hate that! it's the cocktail party effect

booze

 

but i often work within massive crowds of people so i can't get awkward about it

 

i do get awkward within small groups of people (between 3 and er.. 20?) when there's nothing to do but talk.

Alcohol will get you so far, but to really be confident and less socially awkward I firmly believe you need to embrace hate. Recognise that everyone around you is an idiot who hasn't yet realised that they are being graced with your presence. You're above them, and this place, and every thought in your head is far interesting and considered than anything any of them could muster or regurgitate.

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:54 PM, iep said:

WATMM!

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, couch said:

If it's the constant conversation drone noise bothering you maybe you could wear ear plugs.

 

i hate that! it's the cocktail party effect

Yeh and I have a high frequency hearing loss which makes it more or less impossible to understand people in a situation like that. I'll miss syllables in speech that are in those higher frequencies. So I have to piece together like a puzzle what they are saying with the words I did hear.

Personaly i have just decided to try to be socially awkwardd and comfortable..

i am who i am and im shy & don't want to talk so im not going to feel bad about it.

 

Being in a lorge crowd can be very different though. I just try and avoid these situations.

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:54 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:46 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:43 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:25 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

 

...the ones that you find easier to cope with, are they parties that have a large percentage of attendees that are people you already know and are familiar with? Does partaking of substances help ease you into it at all?

 

Yeah, even having just two people I know there changes things completely, but usually I'll just pace and fidget if there aren't. And yeah having booze helps immensely!

 

Ok, so it seems that you don't necessarily have a main issue with being in a large group of people you already know, and it helps if you drink.

 

So what is it about groups of unknowns? Are you concerned about what they're thinking about you?

 

no not really.

 

I think part of it is that I'm judgemental, and when I see guys dressed like guidos and girls who wear a 2-foot sheet of vinyl and call it a dress, sloshing about and arguing about who said what to who's other half, puffed chests, shouting to try to have a conversation <--- these things don't really fit with what I want in a social situation, really. I'd like to be able to approach someone and just have a conversation but it's a fucking battleground out there

 

ahhh I see, we're whittling it down now.

 

Seriously, are those kinds of people turning up to gigs like you mentioned? I can definitely understand the anxiety of feeling completely unable to interact with people when thems the breaks.

 

I think it's difficult to break away from if you're continually encountering these kinds of situations. Do you feel the need to have to socialise with strangers if you're in a big group of people?

LOL, if you're not a guido-douche and you're surrounded by guido-douches, then don't worry, man.

I thought this thread would be about Most IDM 2012 nominations

  On 3/16/2012 at 4:03 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:54 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:46 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:43 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:29 PM, oscillik said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:25 PM, verticalhold said:

  On 3/16/2012 at 3:13 PM, oscillik said:

Do you ever have this kind of reaction when you're somewhere else?

 

 

 

I'm a bit better with parties, but pretty much yes

 

...the ones that you find easier to cope with, are they parties that have a large percentage of attendees that are people you already know and are familiar with? Does partaking of substances help ease you into it at all?

 

Yeah, even having just two people I know there changes things completely, but usually I'll just pace and fidget if there aren't. And yeah having booze helps immensely!

 

Ok, so it seems that you don't necessarily have a main issue with being in a large group of people you already know, and it helps if you drink.

 

So what is it about groups of unknowns? Are you concerned about what they're thinking about you?

 

no not really.

 

I think part of it is that I'm judgemental, and when I see guys dressed like guidos and girls who wear a 2-foot sheet of vinyl and call it a dress, sloshing about and arguing about who said what to who's other half, puffed chests, shouting to try to have a conversation <--- these things don't really fit with what I want in a social situation, really. I'd like to be able to approach someone and just have a conversation but it's a fucking battleground out there

 

ahhh I see, we're whittling it down now.

 

Seriously, are those kinds of people turning up to gigs like you mentioned? I can definitely understand the anxiety of feeling completely unable to interact with people when thems the breaks.

 

I think it's difficult to break away from if you're continually encountering these kinds of situations. Do you feel the need to have to socialise with strangers if you're in a big group of people?

 

to be fair this club was more at the extreme end of the scale, it's the kind of place that'll play house music 6 nights a week and for Fridays put on some Putamayo cd with a house beat and call it a funk night. In short, I'm better in dirty bars and rock gigs - but still, I'm never really comfortable

 

The only other place I socialize and where there's a lot of people is at uni, and that's easier because people are always kind of on the move from place to place

I'm a bit better with panties.

I've been to my share of gigs with tons of that specific social archetype you mentioned yelling at each other, and in that sort of situation I often wander around the venue to absorb the scene. Depending on my mood it either makes me feel kind of sad about the human condition or really entertained by it. If you just wander about the place as though you have an important destination for the whole night, that can alleviate the awkwardness. I tend to feel more awkward in situations where it's a little more intimate between myself and people I don't know that well. Unless I'm drunk.