Things people write on Facebook

LimpyLoo · October 7, 2013

Propa Nawty, wasn't he just signed to Warp?

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**MadameChaos** · October 7, 2013

please!

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Npoess · October 7, 2013

Pls don't post Danny Dyer ever again.

I die a little inside everytime I see his face.

Edited October 7, 2013 by Ceerial

October 7, 2013

lol. Someone somewhere probably posted that pic on Facebook some time? Doesn't make the horror any more acceptable really does it. I apologise. I went too far.

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**Leon Sumbitches** · October 8, 2013

On 10/7/2013 at 1:35 PM, MadameChaos said:

apparently Danny Dyer fucks donuts. NSFW

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Infuriatingly, I can't find a clip of the 'Danny Dyer's Chocolate Homunculus' scene from Peep Show. Somehow, it feels as though it would be appropriate right now.

usagi · October 14, 2013

*reactivates fb*

*skims newsfeed*

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MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping.

I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me.

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. (Editors' Note: LOL) My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late. If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

*deactivates*

**ambermonk** · October 14, 2013

On 10/7/2013 at 5:54 PM, LimpyLoo said:

Propa Nawty, wasn't he just signed to Warp?

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seriously though, I love you Warp and you will always be my favorite label but you sign some whack shit these days.

Man I hope you're wrong Limpy. If it's true, that's a huge disappointment they would sign that clown. Seems like Warp had much higher (or at least nerdier) standards back in 2001, but now I'm just sounding like an old fart.

**delet...** · October 14, 2013

Or a young wet marketing graduate intern fart.

**cruising for burgers** · October 14, 2013

**joshuatxuk** · October 15, 2013

So I was begrudgingly "suggested" to re-friend a distant relative who I had removed previously. Basically this was in the context of "I know she's a bit odd and you don't have to but it'd be nice, etc"

Well sure enough a flood of re-posts and re-shares and dubious political "articles" came in and before I clicked "hide all from [insert name here]" I gazed at this with a sense of bafflement and intrigue:

**ambermonk** · October 15, 2013

lol. Facebook has too much of those.

**xeQYcJWNBz** · October 15, 2013

from my "we have terraformed the entire planet" buddy

Quote

Its not the car that causes an accident. It is its driver!

It is not Islam that causes extremism.

It is her folower!

**MadameChaos** · October 15, 2013

Terpentintollwut · October 17, 2013

On 10/15/2013 at 5:22 AM, joshuatx said:

So I was begrudgingly "suggested" to re-friend a distant relative who I had removed previously. Basically this was in the context of "I know she's a bit odd and you don't have to but it'd be nice, etc"

Well sure enough a flood of re-posts and re-shares and dubious political "articles" came in and before I clicked "hide all from [insert name here]" I gazed at this with a sense of bafflement and intrigue:

Can you un-hide the posts and copy-paste some more...? Would appreciate it.

October 18, 2013

Facebook sucks. Well its not facebook, but the people who are using it as a never ending reposting machine and seeking for content the whole day and night. And with the success of smartphones it all got worse.

- Reposting small texts composed by bored unemployed people ("think about it... the nature... the evil capitalists... blah")

- Reposting pictures and videos which transport emotions !KITTEH!

- Reposting stuff to emphasize, they are on the right side, like "who has seen this child abuser"

"Reposting" means, it all has been posted 1000 times elsewhere in time and space. Some stuff I knew from usenet. Some stuff has been posted to company mail adresses. And so forth and so on.

It's sad to see close relatives are so very normal. I usually filter reposting people in my facebook. I mean, how can people have so much of a no life that they are seeking for funny videos the whole day? Its crap. They suck. I told them 1000 times I will not watch funny videos. Now it comes thru Whatsapp.

WTF

All the normal people they are so super cool on the interwebbs.

I prefer staying a strange guy outside the interwebbs :D

Edited October 18, 2013 by Guest

LimpyLoo · October 18, 2013

On 10/18/2013 at 7:37 AM, Wurstwasser said:

- Reposting small texts composed by bored unemployed people ("think about it... the nature... the evil capitalists... blah")

To be fair to those people: they are right and you look like bourgeoise scum for calling them 'bored unemployed people.'

**OneToThirtySix** · October 18, 2013

http://tokyodesu.com/2013/08/09/pictures-terrible-kanji-tattoos-with-their-english-translations/

October 19, 2013

On 10/18/2013 at 5:05 PM, LimpyLoo said:

On 10/18/2013 at 7:37 AM, Wurstwasser said:

- Reposting small texts composed by bored unemployed people ("think about it... the nature... the evil capitalists... blah")

To be fair to those people: they are right and you look like bourgeoise scum for calling them 'bored unemployed people.'

I hate seeing people sitting on their asses, wasting their time and telling the world how bad the world is while sinking deeper and deeper. Yes and btw from experience I am well aware about the automatism that makes you sink deeper and lacking drive. BUT I'm not the one easily makes 3rd parties responsible. First of all, everyone self is responsible for his/her fate.

What exactly do you mean with "scum" when you talk about human beings?

yshf · October 19, 2013

On 10/18/2013 at 8:25 PM, OneToThirtySix said:
http://tokyodesu.com/2013/08/09/pictures-terrible-kanji-tattoos-with-their-english-translations/

that is a lol

LimpyLoo · October 19, 2013

On 10/19/2013 at 9:48 AM, Wurstwasser said:
First of all, everyone self is responsible for his/her fate.

Why would someone believe such a silly notion?

Do you believe that the millions of people (many of which are children) that starve to death each year are just lazy? Explain to me how they fit into this equation.

This--for my money--is the most horrific, dehumanizing aspect of capitalistic society. It implies that everything is exactly as it should be, and everyone deserves what they have, shady CEO and homeless schizophrenic alike.

It is sociopathic.

Edited October 19, 2013 by LimpyLoo

LimpyLoo · October 19, 2013

(btw studies show that the more skewed things are in someone's favor the more fair they think the world is)

**gmanyo** · October 19, 2013

On 10/15/2013 at 5:22 AM, joshuatx said:

So I was begrudgingly "suggested" to re-friend a distant relative who I had removed previously. Basically this was in the context of "I know she's a bit odd and you don't have to but it'd be nice, etc"

Well sure enough a flood of re-posts and re-shares and dubious political "articles" came in and before I clicked "hide all from [insert name here]" I gazed at this with a sense of bafflement and intrigue:

this quote is incredible

Npoess · October 19, 2013

I'd like to mention something that I am incredibly annoyed by:

Fucking hashtags

Edited October 20, 2013 by Ceerial

October 19, 2013

#

**OneToThirtySix** · October 19, 2013

On 10/19/2013 at 4:44 PM, yshf said:

On 10/18/2013 at 8:25 PM, OneToThirtySix said:
http://tokyodesu.com/2013/08/09/pictures-terrible-kanji-tattoos-with-their-english-translations/

that is a lol

The food ones cracked me up.

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