loner thread

  On 5/1/2014 at 7:59 PM, joshuatx said:

Is there a term for the specific strain of introvertism where you just need a lot of time to spend alone, but not necessarily adverse to friendship, social interaction, or close personal relationships?

I don't know if there's a name for it but it seems to be a fairly common human condition. I think for me, during the working day, i'm around a lot of extroverts and different characters, and over time you're subjected to these people so regularly it can start to grind you down. So having a little 'me' time is vital in order to stay sane.

The whole reason of "WATMM" is a place anyway to introvert yourself. You don't see people lining up to dance and socialise on the Tuss or hope that BOC tours in major stadiums lol. It's a personal experience.

  On 5/1/2014 at 4:17 PM, flim said:

 

  On 5/1/2014 at 7:03 AM, doublename said:

Do we have siblings in this thread? I don't, but I find people who do can't understand how I'm happy to spend so much time alone.

 

I have 3 brothers and a sister. They are all older and I've only lived with one of them. He is a loner and a bit of an asshole, so that didn't solve the loneliness problem. My family doesn't talk to me unless they want something, so I never get any calls or visits.

 

I have one sibling, but we live over 1500 miles apart. He is also on WATMM.

  On 5/1/2014 at 7:59 PM, joshuatx said:

Is there a term for the specific strain of introvertism where you just need a lot of time to spend alone, but not necessarily adverse to friendship, social interaction, or close personal relationships? Thats seems like a trait a lot us on WATMM would have, and it's certainly not one shared by everyone. Some people I know can't spend anytime alone, including on their computers or phones, without freaking out.

I think it just comes under solitude, which is usually attached to negative connotations (loneliness), but can refer to an intended and/or personally-deemed beneficial state (e.g. spiritual retreat).

Most of my hobbies preclude social interaction in order to be successful so I have always enjoyed my own company primarily. I have a small number of what I'd consider close friends who I really enjoy hanging around with because there is a mutual understanding that has been forged over the years.

I have a high personal standard for how I present myself to others both physically and verbally and when I am unable to meet that standard it upsets me. For this reason I loathe running into people unexpectedly (eg: supermarket encounters) because I may be unprepared and taken aback.

I wouldn't worry much about it or didn't use to until about a year ago, but I've been getting something like a panic attack a few times when in huge crowds.

It's not like I'm freaking out and start screaming, but it's happened to me three times now that, like a switch, an enjoyable evening with friends and many other people in public places turned into the one of the most stressful situations I've ever experienced, within just a few minutes.

It's like all of a sudden the energy that I built up for 'dealing with' big crowds (I enjoy it in the beginning though) is used up, and I need to leave within minutes, leave behind my girlfriend or close friends with just a “Yeah, I gotta go now, no time to say goodbye properly, see you“.

This is starting to bother me since I feel like I cannot rely on my body to have fun throughout the evening like I used to. People get on my nerves more easily than they used to, too.

I'm a very lonely person.

No friends, just sounds, me and myself.

I do crave social interaction most of the time, but only with good friends so I feel comfortable.

When I don't see anybody for a whole day I get stuck in my head and feel like I'm not a 'part' of everything around me, it's pretty weird. I get lethargic and sleepy at worst.

I also can't really do homework or that kinda stuff when I'm not surrounded by friends for a chat and some coffee.

I'm an introvert though, and it takes a long time before I start to like somebody. I used to dislike most people and think they were kinda fake, but I've read a book that changed my vision on this a bit. It stated that perhaps it is human nature to perceive people that are different from us as fake, while we could of course be very wrong. Knowing that is one thing though, applying it is another.

  On 5/1/2014 at 7:59 PM, joshuatx said:

Is there a term for the specific strain of introvertism where you just need a lot of time to spend alone, but not necessarily adverse to friendship, social interaction, or close personal relationships? Thats seems like a trait a lot us on WATMM would have, and it's certainly not one shared by everyone. Some people I know can't spend anytime alone, including on their computers or phones, without freaking out.

i can never put my finger on it, but i have a huge capacity for coping with my own company, but i work better (alone or in a group) when there's a sense of being a part of something bigger, despite being better at achieving personal identity in what i work on when it's done alone and not diluted or altered by other's contributions. my degree eduction fell apart in it's second half because i wasn't around like-minded people, where as i had been - even if working on personal projects in a shared space - in the first half of it.

i'm not incapable of social interaction, i thrive on it, but don't seek it actively and don't need to turn it on or show it off. people are often surprised that someone who is predominantly quiet & seemingly alone can switch into something more vocal and commanding of a certain amount of attention without tipping into needy too often, as they think people capable of being quiet & alone are neither typically interested in others or capable of anything different. they then seem to think you're muddled or crazy in some way, or you are one thing to some and something else to others.

neither entirely an introvert or extrovert, just a mix that doesn't suit a modern need to state one or the other is to be labelled negative for clarities sake if not considered typically or very visibly productive / part of a clearly bigger picture - as soon as a variety is spotted, the battle to figure out what i would accept was just a mixed personality begins. the variety of opinions about me causes me doubts or thoughts of how others either intentionally simply others or themselves comes into play.

You only have to take a moment to look around you in a bar or restaurant to realize that most people are being very antisocial. Staring into the iphone void. That always strikes me as very odd. Tons of people gathered together in a social setting but still very much alone. I don't socialize very much but when I do the phone goes in my pocket and stays there.

Tonight I just walked around the city by myself and went into a clothing store to try on clothes. But it was an Urban Outfitters so the pants were all super tight by default which, even on my impeccably sculpted thighs and buttocks made me look like a fucking weenie. I saw someone younger looking than me buy a fake Biggie tour t-shirt. So I fled the scene and went to a burger place which was insanely busy. I waited to be seated for over 30 minutes and stuck around because the hostesses and waitresses were all ridiculously hot and italian or something and wearing tight shirts and yoga pants. I was very pleased until one guy behind me in line asked me if I was just waiting by myself and I said yeah, and asked if I wanted to just share a table since the tables take up at least two spots in line anyway.

For some reason, it didn't matter to me at the time and I just agreed to that. But I didn't feel like talking to this dude at all despite his insistent attempts at conversation or southern hospitality I assumed from his drawl. After a short and abrupt conversation about southern BBQ, I just ate my burger in silence. But since I was blocking out someone sitting directly across from me, I was intensely focused on this fucking lush burger. Which was medium rare, had sharp melted cheddar jack cheese, pico de gallo, and guacamole. The flavor took me out of that restaurant and that situation so that it wasn't before long that a few more spare words were exchanged and the dude paid and left quickly.

I think my cold, icy demeanor freaked him out a bit and he thought he unwittingly sat down with a serial killer or something. Anyway, I hope he regretted sitting down with me and attempting conversation because other people might not handle it as well as I did. What a fucking piece of shit.

I really hate big social gatherings, big weddings, new years eve parties or birthdays etc. I'd rather just be alone watching paint dry lol, I dunno I just find the whole charade boring and fake. Everyone pretending to be everyones best mate, big bullshit pouring out of peoples mouths. Fuck off and die.

I love spending days alone, I've traveled alone a fair bit so I know I'm very comfortable with my own company. It's a good thing. Sometimes at work I just hate almost everyone around me, there's one lad (he's in a doom metal band) who's sound as a pound, I can talk to him about all kinds of interesting shit (music, art, politics, traveling, etc etc) but the rest of them? Heheh, if it aint football, how many cans of shite lager you drank last night or how many fights you had growing up? Then forget about it. Most of the stuff I find interesting I just keep to myself. They probably think I'm a faggot but seeing as I weigh 17 stone with no fat, they keep their mouth's shut heh heh

I suppose the key is finding in the real world people who are interested in similar things to you. I've done that (to a small degree) and enjoy having a pub yarn and a beer with them. If I hadn't found them I'd probably be a bit weirder. Social media is something I'm really not interested in, I'd reactivate it if I went traveling again though.

  On 5/1/2014 at 4:09 PM, ThatSpanishGuy said:

Social interactions with people I'm not fully comfortable with stresses me the fuck out. I almost always assume everyone hates me from the start

 

Will that look good on my résumé?

I want to be honest with people and just open interviews with "I'm super awkward and will probably hate being around everyone here in a way that makes them uncomfortable" and see if anyone's ever okay with that.

People are terrifying. You can never predict what they're going to do or say and then you have to respond to them and they're going to make a big deal if it's too far from what you're supposed to say and oh god this sounds pathological now that I type it out.

Life's tuff yo

As I grey up I found I started to resent the needyness of social circles [although this may have been the post-rave group of wastemen I knew]. I've always been happy solo, I make my decisions quickly, I don't rely on other people's help, self taught in most things.

Now, at 30, I have 10 gazlillion less friends than I did and I'm finding my life slimlined and efficient in comparison.

I know there are people that think my outlook is negative so I mainly keep my mouth shut about all the things I worked out taking acid :D

Personally I think being reliant on the people around you is negative in so many ways but happy if that's just me and this is the only time you'll hear me say it, go loners.

P.S. I love hanging out with friends or new groups of people big or small but I don't feel a need to do it much, like to live alone, like to find out answers to questions myself, even if that's the hard way.

Don't hate me, I don't hate you even if I like my space.

Still think the title reads "stoner thread"

LOL

epic fail godel. Epic fail!!!!

sup thread, bout time showed up. i also enjoy myself.

  On 5/6/2014 at 2:29 AM, No Don't :( said:

 

  On 5/1/2014 at 4:09 PM, ThatSpanishGuy said:

Social interactions with people I'm not fully comfortable with stresses me the fuck out. I almost always assume everyone hates me from the start

 

Will that look good on my résumé?

I want to be honest with people and just open interviews with "I'm super awkward and will probably hate being around everyone here in a way that makes them uncomfortable" and see if anyone's ever okay with that.

 

People are terrifying. You can never predict what they're going to do or say and then you have to respond to them and they're going to make a big deal if it's too far from what you're supposed to say and oh god this sounds pathological now that I type it out.

One year later: Lonerism is beginning to take its toll. I can feel my mortality more than ever. 30 is on the horizon. About to text some ladies I haven't seen in 2-5 years. I can't remember the last time I cried. I'll probably meet one of them for coffee and remember why I became a borderline hermit in the first place.

  On 3/2/2015 at 5:20 AM, doublename said:

One year later: Lonerism is beginning to take its toll. I can feel my mortality more than ever. 30 is on the horizon. About to text some ladies I haven't seen in 2-5 years. I can't remember the last time I cried. I'll probably meet one of them for coffee and remember why I became a borderline hermit in the first place.

Already there. If I were you though I might also try to reconnect with some old male friends. It might make the ladies feel weird if you were only interested in hanging out with them. It's good to have some balance.

My loner situation is probably unique. Never dated anyone in my life, but that doesn't bother me anymore. All I'm really focused on is how I can make life better for myself, and at the same time how I can have a positive impact on the people around me. Still wondering what kind of legacy I should leave when my time is up.

  On 5/1/2014 at 4:28 AM, ambermonk said:

Sometimes I wonder if WATMM is an introvert haven. We're alone, yet we're not alone. Or some shit.

This old McGriff(?) shop is very apt

Extroverts tend to be pretty annoying to be honest.

for the most part of my life i had plenty of "friends" but since i moved to Lisbon (40km from my birth city) 5 years ago i lost contact with most of them.
i tried to keep contact but i started feeling crappy because there wasn't any feedback, i mean, people contacting me back... some friends married and some had sons and daughters and these friends didn't even share the news with me.
so yeah, 27 years full of "shitty" friends after all, and the last 6 or 7 I've been a loner, there's not one day i don't think about this, it really weights on my mind, oh well... at the same time i feel a better person, more conscious of myself and more self-critic which is leading me in a good path i think.

oh, girls, since i broke up with my girlfriend last year i haven't had any contact with girls, i dunno, there's something i need to fix about my way around this, i'm feeling a bit lost, i don't feel any confidence in myself, and i do not know how to overcome this.
i thought it might get better with school running well and learning stuff i love but these things only make me confident and happy for 2 or 3 days tops then it all just go away...

edit: i do not think i am anti-social at all, maybe a bit of a, huummm, sociopath? i tend to "chameleon" myself depending on what people i'm having contact, but i don't do this on purpose, i'm trying to avoid it, but i have a bit of difficult being honest, most of the time i tend to offend people unintentionally.