loner thread

That's a good post, Godel.

If you hate everyone you probably just hate yourself, or are a sociopath

  On 3/8/2015 at 6:12 PM, Aphex said:

 

  On 3/8/2015 at 10:34 AM, hoggy said:

 

  On 3/8/2015 at 12:51 AM, Aphex said:

I'm a loner who very, very rarely leaves the house. I find social interaction usually tedious at best, so I tend to stay to a very small circle of friends. I'm usually perfectly fine with this lifestyle, but occasionally I get bouts of crushing loneliness and subsequent depression. It makes me a bit sad when I consider I'm very likely to be alone for the rest of my life, but when I compare that to the alternative (trying and failing absolutely miserably at tedious social interaction) it might be the best option. It certainly doesn't help that I find myself absolutely despising everyone around me whenever I go outside (despite my efforts not to).

I suppose that's the curse of being a socially inept, lonely misanthrope. I also recently discovered I have a genetic disposition to schizophrenia. The future's not looking bright.

 

About schizophrenia - I would avoid drugs and make sure you get regular healthy sleep

 

About misanthropy - nobody is perfect but give people a chance - what are the odds that you are the one cool person and everyone else in the world sucks?

 

The scary thing is I've been doing research into schizophrenia recently and I've related to many of the symptoms. I've been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome though, and they have a lot of related parts. The really spooky thing is the early delusions associated with schizophrenia and not Asperger's which I've been relating to. The fact I have a genetic disposition to the disease and I'm coming up with delusional symptoms that aren't involved in Asperger's Syndrome is worrying to say the least. Perhaps I'm simply a hypochondriac, but it's all fitting in a bit too well.

I don't take drugs but I am an insomniac, so I end up getting less than 5hrs of sleep on weekdays. I've tried many things to stop this, but I'm probably going to have to start taking sleeping drugs.

I'm trying to be less misanthropic and have that kind of viewpoint, but I always descend into visceral hatred for everyone around me in any social situation.

 

I'm very aware of scizophrenia. I think personally it's a lot more complicated than a genetic disposition. I think almost any emotion and thought can be changed with experience, so as a couch psychiatrist, I would say you're not destined to be schizophrenic. It could be a big blend of things you read online, your loneliness and experiences and the way you emotionally deal with things that enable various psychotic symptoms and also your interpretation of those symptoms. Even though it's not a straight choice, I do think awareness and a bit of luck with what environment and experiences you have and how you judge yourself and the circumstances can enable you to change.

I also think, in regards to misanthropy, that it's all about life altering experiences. You're not going to truly change in 5 minutes by trying to focus and see things differently, you have to allow yourself new experiences and over time your brain will adjust. I know from personal experience, it took many years to fundamentally alter my view on life and my emotions, and it happened without me even being aware.

All that said, I still find all this pretty hard, I'm more alone than I am social, but my final conclusion has come to me wanting to find the right balance. I don't think I'll ever be the A type person who is in contact with people 24/7, but I don't want to be completely isolated either. Every artist and maker has to spend time alone to think and imagine things not of the immediate reality and that's ok. The problem for me is timing and figuring out a good balance. I have a few friends that I talk to a few times a month, but my mood goes up and down and it's difficult to control my emotions sometimes, leading to awkward and/or annoying interactions, while other days I feel great and can have a lot of fun. If I am alone too long I feel a crushing loneliness and like I'm destined to die alone, but then a couple weeks later I feel great.

  On 5/4/2014 at 8:38 PM, A Reggae Lee Bowyer said:

You only have to take a moment to look around you in a bar or restaurant to realize that most people are being very antisocial. Staring into the iphone void. That always strikes me as very odd. Tons of people gathered together in a social setting but still very much alone. I don't socialize very much but when I do the phone goes in my pocket and stays there.

Never understood the cell phone thing, Ive experienced this behavior pretty much everywhere now. When you cant fill the voids of a conversation it's now normal to bust out your phone <_< I had begged my friend for months to come camp out in gifford pinchot national park.. that place is overwhelmingly beautiful imo, finally got him and his gf out there and as soon as we showed up and set up camp the phones and liquor came out. almost every time i hangout with people, if any they always turn to the cellphone if your not spewing out instajokes or trying to entertain them in some way. i dont hate people but if you can't share a moment of silence around someone and be comfortable, somethings wrong.

I have always lived in the country, away from noisy towns and people. Been quite lone all my life, but never really felt loneliness. I love it here. It's kind a sad that I have to leave this place. On September I'm moving in to city where I'm going to spend my next 5 years studying information technology. I'm not saying I'm scared to go there, more like nervous and curious at same time: to see how I fit in there. Will I make friends there?

Ooh boy. Just to think about those silly student parties makes me unease. They are arranging them in every school, also they are expecting everyone to participating in them. And I don't even like alcohol.

  On 3/9/2015 at 9:13 AM, kymppinetti said:

I have always lived in the country, away from noisy towns and people. Been quite lone all my life, but never really felt loneliness. I love it here. It's kind a sad that I have to leave this place. On September I'm moving in to city where I'm going to spend my next 5 years studying information technology. I'm not saying I'm scared to go there, more like nervous and curious at same time: to see how I fit in there. Will I make friends there?

 

Ooh boy. Just to think about those silly student parties makes me unease. They are arranging them in every school, also they are expecting everyone to participating in them. And I don't even like alcohol.

One thing I did promise myself when going to college was to go to college for college, and not for partying. I am not a party type and I totally felt the same in what you described, so often I would just decline going to them. Eventhough they seem to expect people to go, you shouldn't be forced to, so just back out of it if you aren't up for it. Don't worry about what people will think of that, you'll mostly grow apart after those 4 or 5 years anyway :)

  On 3/9/2015 at 9:35 AM, Fahz0r said:

 

  On 3/9/2015 at 9:13 AM, kymppinetti said:

I have always lived in the country, away from noisy towns and people. Been quite lone all my life, but never really felt loneliness. I love it here. It's kind a sad that I have to leave this place. On September I'm moving in to city where I'm going to spend my next 5 years studying information technology. I'm not saying I'm scared to go there, more like nervous and curious at same time: to see how I fit in there. Will I make friends there?

 

Ooh boy. Just to think about those silly student parties makes me unease. They are arranging them in every school, also they are expecting everyone to participating in them. And I don't even like alcohol.

One thing I did promise myself when going to college was to go to college for college, and not for partying. I am not a party type and I totally felt the same in what you described, so often I would just decline going to them. Eventhough they seem to expect people to go, you shouldn't be forced to, so just back out of it if you aren't up for it. Don't worry about what people will think of that, you'll mostly grow apart after those 4 or 5 years anyway :)

 

Thank you for your words, they really enlightenment me. I've been thinking that, should I say, option you made: that will I be myself in there and don't worry about fitting the scene. I know that is my only option now, because I can't force my nature to do otherwise. I wouldn't be true to myself.

Thanks again. :)

Student parties are fun though. Especially the ones during the first few weeks. It's not as if college is a question of either spending all your time getting drunk or spending all your time reading books. It's very much possible to strike a balance and you should at least consider giving it a chance. No one is arranging those parties to annoy you and intentionally trying not to fit in right from the start seems a bit silly, especially if you just moved to the city.

The worst thing that can happen is that it's boring as shit and you leave early. No big deal.

I always like or don't mind those self-compassion sorta tips, but only up until the point where they start mentioning talking to yourself in the mirror or stroking your own arm

  On 3/8/2015 at 7:19 PM, goDel said:

for all you people-haters, here's a paradoxical tip:

self-compassion

I lack self-compassion. And it is a problem. I have compassion for other people. Even if I don't like people as a whole. I don't know what the fuck.

  On 3/9/2015 at 10:55 AM, Friendly Foil said:

Student parties are fun though. Especially the ones during the first few weeks. It's not as if college is a question of either spending all your time getting drunk or spending all your time reading books. It's very much possible to strike a balance and you should at least consider giving it a chance. No one is arranging those parties to annoy you and intentionally trying not to fit in right from the start seems a bit silly, especially if you just moved to the city.

The worst thing that can happen is that it's boring as shit and you leave early. No big deal.

The ones I did go to were incredibly boring and awkward. You know which ones were fun though? The 3D printer builder gatherings lol (I'm a geek..)

  On 3/8/2015 at 8:31 PM, ThatSpanishGuy said:

If you hate everyone you probably just hate yourself, or are a sociopath

Now, that's not true. I feel compassion and guilt when violating my moral code, which means I'm almost certainly not a sociopath. That doesn't change the fact I have a hatred humans as a whole.

My guess is that it's the same sort of hatred one gets for a certain type of animal. If you hate bugs, you'll feel disgusted when around them and would rather not have them around. Imagine hating spiders, but then being forced to wade through a river of them daily. That would be distressing, unpleasant and would increase your hatred of spiders. I'm at the point where I'm trying to stop my hatred of spiders, but the mere fact I have to wade through them every day is just putting me back in square one.

It's not like I hate everyone either. There are a certain few people who are distinctly more tolerable than the rest, and that makes them fine (or even sometimes pleasant) to congregate with.

  On 3/8/2015 at 7:19 PM, goDel said:

for all you people-haters, here's a paradoxical tip:

I'm not particularly self-critical, if anything I'm self-neutral. The problem with this though is that it's predicated on the ability to just have your mind switch from "self-critical" to "self-compassion" by telling yourself that it's true. As far as I'm concerned my views of myself are based upon evidence of my previous activities, so telling myself that's "it's all good" would be a lie which I simply couldn't accept. Also:

  On 3/9/2015 at 11:39 AM, Berk said:

I always like or don't mind those self-compassion sorta tips, but only up until the point where they start mentioning talking to yourself in the mirror or stroking your own arm

  On 3/8/2015 at 9:14 PM, coax said:

 

 

I'm very aware of scizophrenia. I think personally it's a lot more complicated than a genetic disposition. I think almost any emotion and thought can be changed with experience, so as a couch psychiatrist, I would say you're not destined to be schizophrenic. It could be a big blend of things you read online, your loneliness and experiences and the way you emotionally deal with things that enable various psychotic symptoms and also your interpretation of those symptoms. Even though it's not a straight choice, I do think awareness and a bit of luck with what environment and experiences you have and how you judge yourself and the circumstances can enable you to change.

 

I hope you're right.

  Quote

 

I also think, in regards to misanthropy, that it's all about life altering experiences. You're not going to truly change in 5 minutes by trying to focus and see things differently, you have to allow yourself new experiences and over time your brain will adjust. I know from personal experience, it took many years to fundamentally alter my view on life and my emotions, and it happened without me even being aware.

The problem is that being stuck in an environment where I have to regularly associate with the most unpleasant specimens of humans I've ever met isn't helping. Perhaps it may improve once I leave and manage to get myself into a nicer place? I can only hope so.

  Quote

 

 

All that said, I still find all this pretty hard, I'm more alone than I am social, but my final conclusion has come to me wanting to find the right balance. I don't think I'll ever be the A type person who is in contact with people 24/7, but I don't want to be completely isolated either. Every artist and maker has to spend time alone to think and imagine things not of the immediate reality and that's ok. The problem for me is timing and figuring out a good balance. I have a few friends that I talk to a few times a month, but my mood goes up and down and it's difficult to control my emotions sometimes, leading to awkward and/or annoying interactions, while other days I feel great and can have a lot of fun. If I am alone too long I feel a crushing loneliness and like I'm destined to die alone, but then a couple weeks later I feel great.

I sort of sympathise. My personality goes through either apathy, anxiety or depression (mainly the former). Most days I'll be apathetic, but then something will happen (like an awkward social event or incident) that will just make me feel down for days.

  On 3/9/2015 at 9:13 AM, kymppinetti said:

Ooh boy. Just to think about those silly student parties makes me unease. They are arranging them in every school, also they are expecting everyone to participating in them. And I don't even like alcohol.

Student parties are pretty much the literal form of hell for me. I tried one last year (it was the friend of a friend's party and he basically dragged me there) and it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Obnoxious, loud, drunk imbeciles doing stupid things and saying stupid shit. After my friend got distracted by some obnoxious blonde bimbo I left as silently as possible. How people can like those events is beyond me.

- asshole shouldn't be ashammed that he is an asshole

- you can't even fart for your neighbor, each of us has to live his own life

- no one is responsible for your stress. You, you yourself create a fire under your ass! Why is no one just looks over the edge of his small, limited mind?

- even funnier than watching the monkeys at the zoo, is looking at the people running free

- everything in the world revolves around and fuckery and food

- You're annoying, because you believe that your body belongs to you. But it's just a smelly bag of meat, urine and shit

- You'll meet your true "I" only when you will be out of this stinking bag of meat and become one with the universe. To do this, you must first firmly sit on your ass

- What brings zen? Zen brings absolutely fucking nothing!

- You quit smoking? So what? Cat also does not smoke

- What are you clinging at? All that can be grasped is shit

- Looking wise and thus becoming a complete idiot is the fate of man

- Everyone is talking about his own opinion, but who cares? Shut your fucking mouth!

- Why is this terrible - to die as a pooch on the edge of the road? I worked throughout my life to eventually die as a mongrel. I squandered all my life in zazen ...

- What !? You are asking about the decision of the big issues of life and death for yourself? Who are interested in your life and your death? You do not care absolutely anyone! Ha, ha, ha ...

Kodo Sawaki June 16, 1880 - December 21, 1965

  On 3/9/2015 at 7:39 PM, Mag said:

You quit smoking? So what? Cat also does not smoke

oh my lol

damn Mag, that is beyond beautiful

  On 3/9/2015 at 7:39 PM, Mag said:

- asshole shouldn't be ashammed that he is an asshole

- you can't even fart for your neighbor, each of us has to live his own life

- no one is responsible for your stress. You, you yourself create a fire under your ass! Why is no one just looks over the edge of his small, limited mind?

- even funnier than watching the monkeys at the zoo, is looking at the people running free

- everything in the world revolves around and fuckery and food

- You're annoying, because you believe that your body belongs to you. But it's just a smelly bag of meat, urine and shit

- You'll meet your true "I" only when you will be out of this stinking bag of meat and become one with the universe. To do this, you must first firmly sit on your ass

- What brings zen? Zen brings absolutely fucking nothing!

- You quit smoking? So what? Cat also does not smoke

- What are you clinging at? All that can be grasped is shit

- Looking wise and thus becoming a complete idiot is the fate of man

- Everyone is talking about his own opinion, but who cares? Shut your fucking mouth!

- Why is this terrible - to die as a pooch on the edge of the road? I worked throughout my life to eventually die as a mongrel. I squandered all my life in zazen ...

- What !? You are asking about the decision of the big issues of life and death for yourself? Who are interested in your life and your death? You do not care absolutely anyone! Ha, ha, ha ...

 

Kodo Sawaki June 16, 1880 - December 21, 1965

All this makes sense, but it seems it might hinder one from functioning in modern Western society

  On 3/9/2015 at 10:20 AM, kymppinetti said:

 

  On 3/9/2015 at 9:35 AM, Fahz0r said:

 

  On 3/9/2015 at 9:13 AM, kymppinetti said:

I have always lived in the country, away from noisy towns and people. Been quite lone all my life, but never really felt loneliness. I love it here. It's kind a sad that I have to leave this place. On September I'm moving in to city where I'm going to spend my next 5 years studying information technology. I'm not saying I'm scared to go there, more like nervous and curious at same time: to see how I fit in there. Will I make friends there?

 

Ooh boy. Just to think about those silly student parties makes me unease. They are arranging them in every school, also they are expecting everyone to participating in them. And I don't even like alcohol.

One thing I did promise myself when going to college was to go to college for college, and not for partying. I am not a party type and I totally felt the same in what you described, so often I would just decline going to them. Eventhough they seem to expect people to go, you shouldn't be forced to, so just back out of it if you aren't up for it. Don't worry about what people will think of that, you'll mostly grow apart after those 4 or 5 years anyway :)

 

Thank you for your words, they really enlightenment me. I've been thinking that, should I say, option you made: that will I be myself in there and don't worry about fitting the scene. I know that is my only option now, because I can't force my nature to do otherwise. I wouldn't be true to myself.

 

Thanks again. :)

 

I don't usually do this kind of thing but the other day I went to the central library. In there me and this girl checked each other out. Then I went to Staples and she was in there too and we had a laugh about it. It was quite romantic. What I'm getting at is...being reclusive or whatever doesn't mean you'll be lonely...in fact partying lifestyle is so superficial that it's easy to feel lonely anyways. Just be yourself and do what you want to do because otherwise you'll likely end up mixing with types who will try to take advantage of what they might perceive as naivety,you being from the countryside. Hrmmm, yeah, be aware that city folk can be very manipulative and selfish...

^ Thank you for reading my post, and thank you for the tips you gave me. :D I'll be looking into those. And yeah you're right: now that I remember, back in the day, when I was in secondary school and alcohol was a new thing. It was the most lonely days of my life, even though I was really alone.

  On 3/9/2015 at 10:55 AM, Friendly Foil said:

Student parties are fun though. Especially the ones during the first few weeks. It's not as if college is a question of either spending all your time getting drunk or spending all your time reading books. It's very much possible to strike a balance and you should at least consider giving it a chance. No one is arranging those parties to annoy you and intentionally trying not to fit in right from the start seems a bit silly, especially if you just moved to the city.
The worst thing that can happen is that it's boring as shit and you leave early. No big deal.

I forget to mention that I've already been in that city once in a while. The city is not that unknown to me. In fact several guys have been moved to there too for studying, guys who I know from here. So there's going to be few friends already there. But of course I'm going to spend most of my time with 'new friends' at the school, cos I'll go there everyday lol. I try not to be prejudices, but as I've heard from the friends there, school life there is almost all about party hardies. And that what bugs me. But we'll see: I'm going to make my own conclusions. And I could participate one or two partys just to see what they're like.

Has anyone ever gotten so lonely that you agreed to date an escort/prostitute? How did that work out for you?

Why the facepalm? Have an experience to share? ;D

Very interested to hear about that experience

  On 3/11/2015 at 3:38 AM, goDel said:

Why the facepalm? Have an experience to share? ;D

Oh, it's nothing. Just met a girl online who seemed pretty cool, really fun to talk to. Agreed to meet her. Asked her to see Clark at the end of the month..... Eventually, she dropped the bombshell that sometimes when she needs extra money, she works for an escort service. You know, that's pretty common, right? I mean, beggars can't be choosers. That's what they say.....

Have you already paid a deposit?

  On 3/12/2015 at 2:57 AM, azatoth said:

Have you already paid a deposit?

Nope. I'm not sure she's charging me. But still, not sure I want to go out on a date with a girl who just sucked two cocks for lunch money.