Help, I Urgently Need Advice!

Okay watmm, it's time for you to shine like the batshit-crazy diamonds you all are...

I have summoned you here as I need help

there's this mega-cute girl coming back home for Christmas

and I need to politely stab her with my meat pencil

we have talked a bunch

and perhaps something might've happened

(perhaps a meat-pencil stabbing)

but then she moved to NY

she used to be obsessed with my old band...so there's that

she got kinda depressed a couple months ago

and we sorta fell off after that

anyhoo...i gotsta get all dup in them guts

(seriously though, please advise me on this pressing matter...cheers)

edit: I just realized she tagged me in her "home for xmas" FB post

did you forget how to have sex or what exactly do you need help with here?

  On 12/4/2015 at 9:42 PM, orangebattery said:

did you forget how to have sex or what exactly do you need help with here?

well definitely that too

but mostly how to talk to girls

(i've been spoken for the last 7 years)

Its disturbing that you keep calling it stabbing, one time its okay but man all of your sex things are about stabbing meat

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i dont have any advice cause im not an expert either but dont call it stabbing meat okay mr Beteman

good luck

haha sexual

Treat her like a human being?

Aproximately 2 days after you are sure she is back in town.

"Hey I hear you are back in town, we should grab a drink [possibly replace with another activity] sometime while you're back. I've love to hear how things are going in NY, I'm considering moving there next year [it is fine if this is not true]."

Don't take her to the local shit hole you hang at with your mates. Do something exciting / adventurous, this will create an association that you = fun [it is fine if this is not true].

Another game plan would be to get in touch before she gets here inquiring what she is up to while she is back.

  On 12/4/2015 at 9:46 PM, Deer said:

Its disturbing that you keep calling it stabbing, one time its okay but man all of your sex things are about stabbing meat

 

---

 

i dont have any advice cause im not an expert either but dont call it stabbing meat okay mr Beteman

 

good luck

you're right, of course

i was just trying to be funny

this is a problem too, be yourself, stop trying to impress, nobody cares, hopefully the real you is nice and kind thats probably what most girls want if they are not in it for the $$$ but who can blame them, would you rather work at mcdonalds.

you are not boring thats for sure, talk about the stuff you write about here

no don't

perfect advice, ch'all

that's exactly what i needed to hear

perfect advice, ch'all

that's exactly what i needed to hear

  On 12/4/2015 at 9:58 PM, juiceciuj said:

no don't

lol

I'm glad I could help.

  On 12/4/2015 at 10:00 PM, Friendly Foil said:

I'm glad I could help.

well thanx u watmm for helping me and my engorged genitals

alright so she tagged you in a fb post, which means she must at least somewhat remember you, that's half the battle right there. i suggest making up lies that your old band is back together or something and that you guys may have a pretty serious deal with Warp records in the works which includes a European tour. Chicks love Europe and she'll be really into that. casually mention that you can bring a guest along for the tour, and watch her eyes light up. You're guaranteed to get laid after this. When the time comes just say the deal fell through.

or you could just be yourself and let things take their course. if you guys already have history things will probably work out

Did you just ask dating advice on a obscure electronic music internet messageboard for IDM nerdz?

That might be the root of your problems, thinking to ask here first.

...This is why everyone non-registered hates WATMM outside of WATMM.

1. Be desperate for attention

2. Girl is coming over

3. Attention seeking is not attractive. She might be put off. What do?

4. Go to forum and make shitty bait thread

5. Fill emotional void with the guaranteed replies

and that's how you get laid

"meat-pencil stabbin"

jeez

you guys are depressing

i thought this thread would be fun

i somehow forgot that watmm was so cynical and sardonic

I've had lots of success in the past by involving alcohol.

The line "so what are you doing after this?" sometimes works if you're both pretty tanked.

I'm getting tired of all the trolling on this site.

  On 12/4/2015 at 10:16 PM, LimpyLoo said:

jeez

you guys are depressing

i thought this thread would be fun

i somehow forgot that watmm was so cynical and sardonic

good one

  On 12/4/2015 at 10:19 PM, Friendly Foil said:

I'm getting tired of all the trolling on this site.

I'm dead serious about that line, though. I've only had it work at last call, though.

I should try it at brunch next time.