hey i'm tired of being shy

one thing it took me a long time to learn is that when you're shy or depressed or have anxiety, talking to someone cold or joining in a conversation isnt as weird or uncomfortable as you imagine it is. if you just start talking you are often surprised at how people don't grimace and ask where the hell you come from.

then again, all my good friends here are NYC weirdos, high school homies, or girls i used to bang. my 2 good college friends left, and the rest are just aquaintances. weed/depression/breakcore = small man on campus.

  Beno said:

  ULCRESHXOBG said:

  xf said:

the suggestions here of making up a fake persona are bullshit; you'll end up unhappy (even if you're successful at pulling it off) - you'd have made friends with people who truly have nothing in common with you, and who are likely also fake as hell. be yourself, be respectful to others, but when it comes to others judging you, don't give a fuck. be geniune. i can assure you, you'll end up with far more satisfying friendships/relationships.

I completely agree with this.

 

African Americanh please, you tryin to play me?

thought you was a straight up black man, g

thought you talked in ebonics and that

beat you the fuck up then shoot you with my gat

see, you're overdoing it, it sounds completely fake.

African American, i don't give a fuck

i don't give a fuck im just a African American stayin hiiiigh

~spice 1

bitch, please

  xf said:

the suggestions here of making up a fake persona are bullshit; you'll end up unhappy (even if you're successful at pulling it off) - you'd have made friends with people who truly have nothing in common with you, and who are likely also fake as hell. be yourself, be respectful to others, but when it comes to others judging you, don't give a fuck. be geniune. i can assure you, you'll end up with far more satisfying friendships/relationships.

well that goes to prove the tv has rotten your mind with all the be yourself crap

what? how do you know what you're saying? have you tried it and ended up unhappy? I don't think so.

In reality, it's called roleplaying and it's an excersice psychologists often encourage doing, because when one is role playing you feel safe from whatever it is that makes you shy. and upon realizing that there's no real difference between the role and the "real" persona one gradually loses the fear as the persona gradually comes forward.

also, what makes you think you'll make friends who have nothing in common with you, most often your firends aren't the first people you meet.

but one is not suposed to explain all this to the patient because he'll get selfconcious even roleplaying.

SNAFU i guess.

What the hell is my personality at work supposed to be like? Im lost when I see those around me.

big boys don't cry big boys don't cry

if you're as funny in real life as you are on here then you're fucking sorted, although thanks to superlongcat and skyscraper poop then my mousewheel hates you.

my solution to shyness is beer but thats a rubbish method.

I'm funny behind a keyboard. It takes me a few minutes to think of something IRL.

There was an SNL skit a long time ago, I think the guest was the guy from Northern Exposure, and the skit was centered around time machines for people who take too long to come up with good jokes in social situations. So they're talking about people from Massachusetts, and the guy has nothing witty to say, until about 2 conversations later he blurts out something about "CLAM CHOWDAH CLAM CHOWDAH! HA HA HA HA HA." and his friends are all uncomfortable. So he discovers a time machine in the men's room that lets him travel 3 minutes ago and deliver his jokes on-time.

you have the potential, you probably just have some kind of nervous habit.. like, you go into shock when a situation presents itself (that's what i do), and then when the seizure wears off your brain starts working again - it's prolly not that it actually takes your brain time to come up with the stuff

  my usernames always really suck said:

I'm funny behind a keyboard. It takes me a few minutes to think of something IRL.

 

There was an SNL skit a long time ago, I think the guest was the guy from Northern Exposure, and the skit was centered around time machines for people who take too long to come up with good jokes in social situations. So they're talking about people from Massachusetts, and the guy has nothing witty to say, until about 2 conversations later he blurts out something about "CLAM CHOWDAH CLAM CHOWDAH! HA HA HA HA HA." and his friends are all uncomfortable. So he discovers a time machine in the men's room that lets him travel 3 minutes ago and deliver his jokes on-time.

lol I think Ive seen that. I wonder if thats on youtube. The technical term for that is "staircase wit" since you think of what to say once you've left.

I've always been very shy myself. When I started smoking weed I became MUCH more social for a few months, made a bunch of new friends.. but after a while it started to backfire and make me even more withdrawn.

It helps to make friends who you feel superior to. Seriously, you wont give a shit what they think. Or at least, people who don't intimidate you in any way.

Exercise helps a lot too; its good for you, makes you better-looking, gives you more energy and confidence. You can't really go wrong - might as well pick up a gym membership or some weights.

  my usernames always really suck said:

I'm funny behind a keyboard. It takes me a few minutes to think of something IRL.

 

There was an SNL skit a long time ago, I think the guest was the guy from Northern Exposure, and the skit was centered around time machines for people who take too long to come up with good jokes in social situations. So they're talking about people from Massachusetts, and the guy has nothing witty to say, until about 2 conversations later he blurts out something about "CLAM CHOWDAH CLAM CHOWDAH! HA HA HA HA HA." and his friends are all uncomfortable. So he discovers a time machine in the men's room that lets him travel 3 minutes ago and deliver his jokes on-time.

damn, I know how that is, except for me it's so bad I can't even think of the joke on internet forums in time.

I found this thread whilst searching the forum for the word "frottage". I was just wondering how My Usernames is doing these days?

he fucked off when joyrex said 'if you dont like it then quit ffs' about 2 years ago. i imagine hes still a virgin.

  messiaen said:

he fucked off when joyrex said 'if you dont like it then quit ffs' about 2 years ago. i imagine hes still a virgin.

lol

i dunno, getting away from watmm probably helped that at least a little...

i wish i was shy like before,,

curse you god, for this wonderful life and pile of money.

  my usernames always really suck said:

So I'm tired of being cooped up in the house all day and literally not getting sunlight for weeks upon weeks. I went through my second half of highschool and all 7 years of college without friends or real-life contacts other than classmates and occasional tabletop RPGing with other equally inept people.

 

Assuming there's some modicum of benefit in meeting people and making friends, where would I go in a town like mine (tons of homeless people, rednecks and a meth epidemic, and only downtown clubs are of people who think they're punk along with grungies who still think it's 1990) and how would I make interesting conversation that doesn't involve my nerdy banter, obsession with porn, and videogame fanboyism (which are three things that bore everyone to death)?

 

Is faking interest in other people an inevitability in this "social" thing you people do?

well it works at werk ... don't know if i'd bother the rest of the time ... but i can see how it would be usefull cause knowing one person helps you to slut around through different groupings of people until you eventually find those that are into the same shit as you ... and marginally more intresting verbally than the usual mundane platitude spitters and infantile scene sitters ... one encounters ..

well that's my theory ... as i really can't be bothered to put it into action ... mostly cause i don't like lying mostly to myself about situations .. "yeah it's great here" .. which would kinda dry up the social circle part of the masterplan to find decent people .. (although shake flood situation with alcohol and that can change .. but that's when you really find people you don't need to know more quickly than you'd care to remember) ...

hrmm ... i'm certainly not shy though ... mr. gregarious right here ... but what's the point if you're not really getting anything back out of the deal .. really ... it's like brick laying .. working hard to make sure you line the blocks up nice and neatly ... only trowellling just enough morter to make the blocks stick perfectly .. then never getting to stand back away from the wall for a just while to appreciating your effort ...

meh ... so at home i sit ... occassionally getting drunk and posting here .. hehe ... and what is wrong with that ... naught i tellz ya ..

  my usernames always really suck said:

Um okay so let's pretend I find a place full of people. There's a few large groups of people talking to each other who seem to all know each other, a few small groups of people talking to each other who also seem to all know each other, and a few couples.

 

Which should I approach?

 

And then any of them'll notice an unknown face among their ranks and they ask "who the hell are you? get out of our business" or whatever normally happens?

Sounds like what's holding you back is that you've put WAY too much thought into what you're going to try to do. All you can do is be yourself. If you try to be something you're not anybody worth meeting will pick up on the fakeness you put forward and rightly blow you off. Obviously getting drunk helps break the ice. As long as you don't start feeling too comfortable and watch the needle skip off the record once you start singing the virtues of pro wrestling to a group of people staring at you like you just put a hatchet to their mother.

I've been to many parties where there was one person that was extremely quiet and reserved. Nobody resented them for being so, but nobody went out of their way to pull them out of their shell either. If the moment anybody chats you up and you launch into a tirade about your love for porn and video games, they'll probably realize why you've been so quiet up to that point if you get my drift. The only way you'll be told to get fucked by somebody for making conversation is if either if you're desperately forcing yourself into a discussion in a rude manner out of fear of being felt left out of it. Unless the people are just plain assholes anyway.

Kind of the same way that naturally shy guys don't go out of their way to pretend to be extroverted just to get women to like them. it never works that way without backfiring. Shy guys just attract women who like guys that are shy by being themselves.

  Capsaicin said:

  messiaen said:

he fucked off when joyrex said 'if you dont like it then quit ffs' about 2 years ago. i imagine hes still a virgin.

lol

booo! he was a funny bastard, one of the few whose posts i'd bother to look out for. hope he's doing something awesome now, i liked his style.

  my usernames always really suck said:

Is faking interest in other people an inevitability in this "social" thing you people do?

yes, although genuine interest is better

if you really want friends why wouldn't you be interested them?

also:

don't bring up the fact that your trying to make freinds

cuz it's weird

i can't make friends cuz i'm a twat