Autechre Funny Autechre Stories

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy0Dhj7dwYg

that was the start of my funny storaey.

Actually, I have AE to thank for helping get rid of a rather horrid person who's been bothering us at work for quite some time.

He's an old burnout sort, very pushy and time-consuming. We've been trying to get rid of him in a subtle way, because telling him he's a bigoted crackpot would likely only result in hysterical drama.

This guy once claimed that Albert Einstein plagiarized the theory of relativity because "that's what Jews do." He believes that the Zionist Occupation Government is secretly guiding world affairs.* Yes, he's that obnoxious.

Anyhow, he complained because we were once playing Zappa. The next time, he complained because we were playing Art Blakey. I swear, there's no pleasing some people. Thursday, he came in and we were listening to the last track on Move of Ten. He looked around and said, "what the f__k is this?"

Me: "Mittens!"

Him: "No, seriously. Every time I come in here, you're playing some kind of f__ked up music."

Me: "Waffles!"

Him: "No, I...I mean, what the f__k? Are you high?"

Me: "Sir, I'll thank you not to swear. There's women present!"

Him: "Then stop f__king with me."

Me: "The End Times are coming. Why worry?"

Him: "No they aren't..."

Me: "You told me they were. That's why you said you were building a bunker."

Him: "Yeah, but..."

Me: "We could share the bunker and listen to this. Maybe we could cuddle."

Him: "No! I just don't want to listen to music that makes me feel like..."

Me: "So cuddling is out?"

Him: "F__K YOU!"

I haven't seen him since then. Cep puiqMX is now my favorite piece of music ever.

* This comment so amused a Jewish employee that he made up an imaginary flow-chart showing the extent of the "conspiracy." Apparently, all the governments of the world are in thrall to Jackie Mason.

I was blasting Cep puixMX reeeeeallly fucking loud when one of my roommates comes home (a girl, who listens to radio pop music). It was during one of those huge screaming descending notes and she said it sounded like the soundtrack to the coming apocalypse.

  On 7/5/2010 at 2:52 AM, vproc said:

  On 7/1/2010 at 5:18 PM, crono3 said:

I was in class yesterday and the professor was telling us about these assignments we have to do where we review experimental design/graphic kinda work and he's going through a list of things we should check out and I thought I was hallucinating (it's a 4 hour class) when I saw the GANTZ GRAF video on the REQUIRED VIEWING list!!?? He spelled it wrong (ganz graf ), but still.. awesome! I was going crazy on the inside! Also says we're going to view it in class... can't wait for that.

 

" 'Ganz' Graf" makes me think someone should mash up a movie starring Bruno Ganz, like Downfall, with the Gantz Graf music video.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Not really, though

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r51EPkzNxC8

Yet another Gantz, it's a pretty good anime series too

Playing Draft 7.30 and Quaristice in the back at restaraunt I used to work for one day, one of the cooler guys who worked out on the line would come in the back and go up front again while setting up for the day. He came in every so often between orders in the slower early morning as the albums progressed on play. Each time he'd pause and listen for a minute and make a really perplexed face... his comment at first was "Whoa... what is this?" then eventually to "Things don't normally make these sounds", "Are they sampling a train?" and "What is this now, that's kinda creepy" ... He listened to some electronic music before but never really anything even half as experimental as Autechre. I think he kinda dug it, but still didn't really understand it fully.

  On 7/21/2010 at 8:55 PM, ghOsty said:

"Things don't normally make these sounds"

I don't think I've ever heard a more succinct appraisal of Autechre's music!

  On 7/1/2010 at 5:18 PM, crono3 said:

I was in class yesterday and the professor was telling us about these assignments we have to do where we review experimental design/graphic kinda work and he's going through a list of things we should check out and I thought I was hallucinating (it's a 4 hour class) when I saw the GANTZ GRAF video on the REQUIRED VIEWING list!!?? He spelled it wrong (ganz graf ), but still.. awesome! I was going crazy on the inside! Also says we're going to view it in class... can't wait for that.

well that sounds nice. I can forgive him the ganz graf typo, but... David Cronneberg? NEVER.

Autechre dream.

Gary Lineker and Mark Lawrenson are in the Match Of The Day studio, they've just finished Goal Of The Month. Lineker turns from camera to Lawrenson,

"Tough game for Liverpool this weekend then Mark, I bet you were on the edge of your seat"

"I was" says Lawrenson, "but I wasn't at the game..."

Camera zooms in on Lawrenson (looking particularly orange this week). He smiles a big white-toothed smile. The light sparkles off his chompers.

Camera fades to black. Lawrenson's teeth are barely visable. Camera fades back. His face comes back into picture. Same smile, but his eyes are saucers - he is obviously totally mashed-up.

Camera pans back. Lawrenson is sitting alone, grinning, in the royal box of a darkened theatre.

It goes pitch black.

"Now this is what it's all about" he sneers, "AUTECHRE!!"

A massive bassline fires up. Strobe lighting dancing across his now manically smiling face.

Scattershot snares and hats echo around the theatre accompanied by green lazer bursts

"COME ON!!!" he screams, punching a tightly clenched fist into the air.

Camera pans back and across the stage. In amongst the darkness you can make out 2 blurry figures hunched over a couple of laptops.

I wake up.

The thing that really freaked me out, the thing that popped into my head the moment I woke up. He called them "Au-tek-ruh". Not "Aut-tek-er"

What a twat, I thought.

  On 7/7/2010 at 2:48 PM, cuntainer said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy0Dhj7dwYg

 

that was the start of my funny storaey.

i like maynards "WTF" comment when the other dude finished talking about AE's vid!

so nth dafuseder.b, ipacial section, and bine walk into a bar

the barman says 'dbnsclho,chdbdbdDBDB DB DB DB DB DB DB DB db db db db db db dbnsclho,chdbdbd'

autechre tracks go 'wot, r u takin the piss blud?'

  On 7/21/2010 at 7:12 PM, AJW said:

  On 7/5/2010 at 2:52 AM, vproc said:

  On 7/1/2010 at 5:18 PM, crono3 said:

I was in class yesterday and the professor was telling us about these assignments we have to do where we review experimental design/graphic kinda work and he's going through a list of things we should check out and I thought I was hallucinating (it's a 4 hour class) when I saw the GANTZ GRAF video on the REQUIRED VIEWING list!!?? He spelled it wrong (ganz graf ), but still.. awesome! I was going crazy on the inside! Also says we're going to view it in class... can't wait for that.

 

" 'Ganz' Graf" makes me think someone should mash up a movie starring Bruno Ganz, like Downfall, with the Gantz Graf music video.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Not really, though

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r51EPkzNxC8

 

Yet another Gantz, it's a pretty good anime series too

my friend told me to watch gantz, and i'm pretty emotional, when i watch stuff i get pretty involved emotionally, and gantz fucking destroyed my spirit.

every fucking character died man, every one. god that killed me.

  On 7/22/2010 at 2:17 PM, asymmetrical head said:

  On 7/7/2010 at 2:48 PM, cuntainer said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy0Dhj7dwYg

 

that was the start of my funny storaey.

 

i like maynards "WTF" comment when the other dude finished talking about AE's vid!

danny carey, and yeah he waffled on quite a bit, and too bad he said the clip was made by chris cunningham, oh well...

  On 7/1/2010 at 5:18 PM, crono3 said:

I was in class yesterday and the professor was telling us about these assignments we have to do where we review experimental design/graphic kinda work and he's going through a list of things we should check out and I thought I was hallucinating (it's a 4 hour class) when I saw the GANTZ GRAF video on the REQUIRED VIEWING list!!?? He spelled it wrong (ganz graf ), but still.. awesome! I was going crazy on the inside! Also says we're going to view it in class... can't wait for that.

holy fuck where do you go to school?

Probably not funny to anyone but me, but anyway;

I was playing Arch Carrier (Atolyth Remix) and my sister was like "O.o....are you making those weird noises?" I responded yes (it's easier than trying to explain that it was music to my sister - a paramore fan). A bit later she realised it wasn't me and proceeded to tell me, In a very matter-of-fact way (the way only 13 year old girls can) that "the ting doesn't fit, and is out of time. And it isn't really music. Someone obviously got a machine and bashed some keys. It doesn't even have guitar or piano or singing"

Olol.

i showed a couple of my mates some autechre a couple of nights ago, we were having joints in my room and watching youtube shit, then finally when no one could think of anything i was like..

how about we start off with windowlicker, that'll make them laugh, then i can move on to autechre, but i wont dive straight into gantz graf, i'll put on the dropp video that's on youtube, that's pretty cool..

and sure enough one of them was like, that was pretty sick, and the other was like "cusi cusi", and so then i was like, now you gotta watch this video, and bam, busted on gantz graf and they watched the whole thing, and again, that was pretty cool, cusi cusi...

there's no funny story, i was just pumped to be able to share.

i was driving to work on thursday and saw one of my coworkers about a half mile away from work. i decided to see if she wanted a ride and she said yeah. we talked a little on the way to work with the plc ccc playing in the background. she stopped mid sentence and was like "this sounds really familiar?" i was like "really? where do you think you heard this from?" then she asked what it was, i answered her and she was like "AUTECHRE... THAT'S WHAT IT IS! my boyfriend listens to them!" then i was like... "well your BF has good taste!"... she seemed to talk to me more since that day... i probably went up a few notches in her "cool-o-meter" or something.

My most recent funny autechre story:

I looked in music library and just scrolled through, reading the track titles. Then I just started cracking up laughing for like 2 minutes. I mean wtf autechre.

If you think that's funny, you should try listening to those tracks. I mean, like, wtf?

(I mean that seriously, without meaning to disparage the music. I love autechre. But sometimes you gotta laugh at it)

rude

ftfy

  On 8/7/2010 at 6:07 PM, asymmetrical head said:

i was driving to work on thursday and saw one of my coworkers about a half mile away from work. i decided to see if she wanted a ride and she said yeah. we talked a little on the way to work with the plc ccc playing in the background. she stopped mid sentence and was like "this sounds really familiar?" i was like "really? where do you think you heard this from?" then she asked what it was, i answered her and she was like "AUTECHRE... THAT'S WHAT IT IS! my boyfriend listens to them!" then i was like... "well your BF has good taste!"... she seemed to talk to me more since that day... i probably went up a few notches in her friend-zone-o-meter or something.

Relatively sarcastic obnoxious friend was at my house the other week.

When he walked in I was playing IO.

(him) "Jasper... Jasper this is actually terrible. Like... Actually... This is just bad."

(me) "Man listen to the subtleties, what a fucking atmosphere, eh?"

(him) "They obviously had no idea what they were doing. I can tell. They're horrible musicians."

(same friend who won't listen to My Bloody Valentine because "they don't sing, they just go meeeehhhehehhh")

(lame story i know - thats pretty much the extent of my Autechre experiences with others)

  On 7/31/2010 at 11:23 PM, mrguy said:

A bit later she realised it wasn't me and proceeded to tell me, In a very matter-of-fact way (the way only 13 year old girls can) that "the ting doesn't fit, and is out of time. And it isn't really music. Someone obviously got a machine and bashed some keys. It doesn't even have guitar or piano or singing"

funny how it's only three years ago but still, this doesn't happened anymore, does it?

Now you only get "This is shit, is it dubstep?" vs "Hey, if you stuff like this, you're gonna LOVE that dubstep cd I just bought, here, I'll send you his discography!" - kinda longing for the good ol' days of mere ignorance.

  On 8/7/2010 at 6:07 PM, asymmetrical head said:

i was driving to work on thursday and saw one of my coworkers about a half mile away from work. i decided to see if she wanted a ride and she said yeah. we talked a little on the way to work with the plc ccc playing in the background. she stopped mid sentence and was like "this sounds really familiar?" i was like "really? where do you think you heard this from?" then she asked what it was, i answered her and she was like "AUTECHRE... THAT'S WHAT IT IS! my boyfriend listens to them!" then i was like... "well your BF has good taste!"... she seemed to talk to me more since that day... i probably went up a few notches in her "cool-o-meter" or something.

Soo ... are you dating her yet?

I have two anecdotes of oral discussion of Autechre.

Years ago I've been discussing music with my co-worker after finding out that he's familiar with Aphex twins and stuff. I would go like, do you know Autechre, and he's got no clue, i go, you must check Autechre, it's wikkid, A-U-T-E-C-H-R-E, man. I'll start describing it, he jots it down, and then asks me if i knew about that video he saw, with industrial shit object moving and morphing, and i'm like, Gantz Graf? Where shit moves and morphs like that (pantomiming video)? He's like yeah totally dude, and i go like, this is Autechre, man! He jots it down. Next day he tells me how he asked his girlfriend about Autechre and she replied "have you forgotten that we've already listened to Autechre together, they're the pioneers of IDM, you stupid".

Then there was this guy who was selling off his entire vinyl collection because of existential porblems. I'm not interested. He appeals to me by PM, telling his life story and how he owes me shits in music listening. He wanted to give me his Oversteps copy in honour, which was the latest release back then. I go like, nah man, i don't like this record all that much and have no record player.

There was this one time Ae was all like...

one time there was a man and he had a door so the door went *knock knock* and the man opened so it was the autechres